Life purpose struggles

[Paulus Amadeus]

Hi Guys, 

I’ve been actively pursuing my life purpose for some time now. Already learned quiet a bit, but I’m still pretty far away from my goal it seems. I have a lot of fear comming up, and I also have a lot of greed and egotism coming up. I guess this is al part of the work, and I’m definitely growing, but it’s all just so damn hard. I feel really bad not only for myself, but also for all the people in the world who Will have to go through this in order to Get a fulfilling carreer. I’m such a privileged motherfucker but still it’s so so challenging for me. And the crazy part is that it’s all in my head! I’m not hungry or sick or lonely or anything, but still it feels like a giant weird battle. I feel very alive, which is nice, but also often doubtful overwhelmed and scared. Life seems so brutally hard sometimes, especially if I look at other people in tougher situations.

it often seems to me that the world is just hurt people fucking each other over. I’ve gotten pretty good at not judging racists etc, but now the world seems just like this big unnecessary clusterfuck sometimes. If, as Leo says, everything is truly happening in the best way possible, that would be a Nice dicovery!

Anyway, just a little rant from someone who can Get pretty overwhelmed by the world and his own mind. Would love for someone to also do a mini-rant here, it’s nice to relate to people who are going through similar things.

 

[okulele]

here goes my minirant:

I though I had my LP figured out! Oh boy, I knew what I wanted and I knew I could get it. What a feeling! I will conquer the world with my excellence!

But, of course, life happens. It seems that my meditation, inquiry and overall spiritual pursuit got the better of me and started destroying everything I held dear and precious. Realizing that my LP was really just another grasping for happiness "out there" was a big hit. I was not about to take this! After all, the concept of 'my life must have a meaning, I must be special, mediocrity is bad, I HAVE TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN' was sacred and true for me! Oh well, quite soon I found out, that you don't really argue with life. It will have it's way anyway. I gave up. No LP for me. In fact, nothing for me. I will be a dirty, homeless moron, if that is what life wants of me...

Fortunately, it seems like life doesn't want me to be a dirty, homeless moron. I am doing very well, and in fact something like an LP is turning up spontaneously by itself! Events seem to magically occur in a strangely non-random fashion and it seems that life is leading me somewhere. I am glad to be here to watch this chaotic pattern of my Life Purpose unfold.

@Paulus Amadeus Thanks

[Equanimitize]

Anything worth its weight, is going to cost something.

Would you want it any other way? 

For the trees to grow high, the roots have to be deep. Get used to being in the mud, that's where you fortify yourself and get all the nutrients to confront the beautiful hazards of life that will inevitably show up.

Stay on your path, you'll be fine. 

[Paulus Amadeus]

@okulele, ah such an interesting reply! Thank you!! I really relate to how you talk about what you thought when you were pursuing your original life purpose. I have these thoughts all the time too. Very interesting how it all turned out for you eh, I'm really happy for you!

 

@Equanimitize, thank you man!  Of course I know these things, but it's really nice to hear them from someone else too. Thanks!!! 

[Equanimitize]

I know you know these things, just sending some positive energy your way. I go through the same stuff myself.