People are boring, not all of them but a large majority

[George Fil]

Their car, their house, what their children do, gossip, fashion, their  and political opinions (actually saying what their dad is saying). And do not make me start with the travel hype thing, so overrated.

I am not an introverted special snowflake. I have friends and we have very good communication.

But now that I moved to another country and I am trying to make new ones or chat with my colleagues, i find them extremely basic and boring. And I am living in Amsterdam, one of the most alive Green cities in Europe.

I can see that not connecting with people makes me sad in a way. I can not even express fully myself in my colleagues. The other day said that travel hype is overrated and an escape to your problems, they were shocked. I was not trying to insult them, it is just what I believe. 

It feels like sabotaging myself and seems that I am missing something.

Edited January 25, 2019 by George Fil

[okulele]

Oh, come on...

You are on a giant ball of something whirling thorough space. You explore this place. You meat a funny thing with strange limbs, running around and trying to figure out what the hell it is doing here. And there is actually many, many of these! Each looks different. Each makes different facial expressions. Each talks different. Each reacts differently to you. You have the freedom to experiment, to question them, to be with them in a myriad of ways!. ... and so on and so on. And you say it is boring? Look again! Your worldview is boring, not them!

[George Fil]

@okulele Like reality is that simple... I am not bored my self, I say I want to connect with them but they seem so shallow and living by default. 

They may talk and look different, but they say the same things! Like they are copies

[Knock]

The topics of conversation are contextual to the environment and level of comfortability.

Know this rule first: The topic of conversation will always drop down to the lowest common denominator in groups of people.

This is because people want to be all inclusive in their conversations, so when you find you are talking with a larger group of people, the conversations will be very 'shallow' and 'superficial' to appeal to all peoples interest. For example, if there are a 3 green people talking, and 2 orange people come and join the conversation, then the conversation will drop down to orange.

If you want deep conversation, you may need to find some green or higher people, and either talk to them 1-on-1 or in small groups (and only if they are comfortable discussing these conversations, which may take some time).

Also, don't be a downer in conversation. Bring the joy instead. If someone loves travelling and it inspires them, don't be like "You know, you are just running away from your insecurities and wasting your money". Instead, approach with curiosity "cool, what draws you to travel there? What did you get out of your last trip, it sounded awesome." etc.

If you are not interested at all in what they are talking about, try to steer the conversation to your interests. There are always people interested in personal development of all kinds, be it career progression, hobbies, spirituality, sports, fitness & health, etc. 

[Rebec]

@George Fil I think you're confusing living in a Green city and expect (a majority of) Green people. 

Our culture (yes, I'm living in the same country) is just as materialistic, driven by consumerism and is full of bullsh*t as any other country. Offcourse we have made some more progress on some levels and that moved us into green. 

This path is a lonely one. Allthough more and more people are taking it, prepare for lonely times. Or talking to deaf ears. I have tried to promote veganism to collegues, o boy... that didn't go well. Same as minimalism, religions world wide and like you traveling abroad. My collegues aren't there yet. And that's fine. Every stage has its purpose. Grass doesn't grow faster when you pull it. It needs sunlight. So be a shining sun, and people will ask you when they are ready for growth.

If you want to connect expand your search beyond the borders of a country; online forums, going to green / yellow events or retreats, do some green / yellow activity. But even then, the path is lonely. Prepare yourself for some serious loneliness. 

Best of luck on your journey ?

[George Fil]

31 minutes ago, Knock said:

Also, don't be a downer in conversation. Bring the joy instead. If someone loves travelling and it inspires them, don't be like "You know, you are just running away from your insecurities and wasting your money". Instead, approach with curiosity "cool, what draws you to travel there? What did you get out of your last trip, it sounded awesome." etc.

If you are not interested at all in what they are talking about, try to steer the conversation to your interests. There are always people interested in personal development of all kinds, be it career progression, hobbies, spirituality, sports, fitness & health, etc. 

@Knock Most of the times, i am not interested at all to their sayings. They speak about things that I have done 10 years ago or speak about basic stuff food and travel insta stories. In the end, i just express myself, i am not trying to bring them down, it just for me travelling is overrated. It is my opinion like everyone says his own opinion if asked, i do not see why to hid my words.

I am not saying that I am the correct one and my opinion is the best and all others are false.

But you are right when in smaller group with respectable people there have been nice conversations.

 

[George Fil]

6 minutes ago, Rebec said:

This path is a lonely one. Allthough more and more people are taking it, prepare for lonely times. Or talking to deaf ears. I have tried to promote veganism to collegues, o boy...

@Rebec Hoi Rebec, can not relate more... Their judgemental eyes when I eat my Vegan food in the lunch break and I am not the Vegan that preaches and tries to get everyone vegan, but when they ask me why I became Vegan and I answer about the animal cruelty factory everybody goes silent.. They even have burger days that i just go and eat salad, i am not preaching, i accept them for their level of consciousness.

I am feeling so lonely tho 

[lmfao]

@George Fil some of the people with whom I have very close relationships with, family members, can be very boring to talk to. Anytime a discussion point about politics, philosophy or society comes up in conversation they just constantly have a black and white lens from which to view things. There's nothing fun or nuanced about a moraliser who can't see shades of gray. There's always the label of what's good or what's bad present. 

I have one family member who will always say that "out of principle" such and such is right/wrong. Very absolutist ways of looking at the world. People who don't see relativity or subjectivity bore the hell out of me. 

Edited January 25, 2019 by lmfao

[Wyze]

@George Fil I travel alot. I think its one of the least boring thing to do. It allows me to speak to so many different people, and talk about topics I could never talk about at home.

I think that's your issue: your dismissive rather than curious.

[7thLetter]

@George Fil I can relate.

Mainly I view most people as boring because they don't understand or know about the things that I know of. The things I study, do, and find interest in are probably so out of the ordinary that no one could relate. Therefore making other people boring to me.

I guess I basically judge people for their level of understanding with these topics. Also I could sort of get a feel of how psychologically developed a person's mind is within a few conversations and asking several questions. If they're always complaining and talking shit then I back away and don't want to engage in conversation with that person. If its a potential business partner and I ask them what have they done to help themselves in the past and what businesses have they tried in the past, what experiences they have, and they say nothing then that person doesn't do anything but talk. If they have stupid beliefs about money like "earning money from investments isn't hard earned money" then I jump off a cliff, dive deep under water, wrestle with the sharks, eat some sea urchins, and run the F away from that person.

And that's why its important to work on your self-acceptance and be comfortable being alone because there will be a lot of lonely times while you search for people who actually do match you, or even if you don't search at all that's fine too.

[bejapuskas]

@George Fil Don't you see the love, beauty and intelligence in everything around? Maybe you are just too worried about yourself.

[Zizzero]

12 hours ago, George Fil said:

Their car, their house, what their children do, gossip, fashion, their  and political opinions (actually saying what their dad is saying). And do not make me start with the travel hype thing, so overrated.

I am not an introverted special snowflake. I have friends and we have very good communication.

But now that I moved to another country and I am trying to make new ones or chat with my colleagues, i find them extremely basic and boring. And I am living in Amsterdam, one of the most alive Green cities in Europe.

I can see that not connecting with people makes me sad in a way. I can not even express fully myself in my colleagues. The other day said that travel hype is overrated and an escape to your problems, they were shocked. I was not trying to insult them, it is just what I believe. 

It feels like sabotaging myself and seems that I am missing something.

This might not be a direct answer to what you wrote, but it made me remember what two pickup artists that I met once told me. So this post is more a practical answer than me stating my opinion on your claim that people are boring. Interestingly the two pickup artists don't know each other and couldn't be more different personality wise and therefore it is unsurprising that their advice was different.

1) The first one said that if you find someone uninteresting, then that is your fault. It is not their job to entertain you. Ultimately, you should be able to entertain yourself. When you have a problem with people being boring, then that is because you meet them with the completely wrong mindset; you are asking the question: "how can they entertain me?" which basically means: "what can they do for me?". People usually aren't interesting when they talk to someone who isn't interesting either. If you were having a good time yourself, you wouldn't care if the people around you had anything interesting to share. It is your job when talking to someone to draw them into your reality and if you create a conversation that isn't boring for them, they wont be boring. So, stop waiting for other people to entertain you and take responsibility; ask "how can I make this more interesting?" instead of "why aren't they making it more interesting?"

2) The second one told me this after he had met a lot of girls in a very short amount of time and I believe he came up with this after he had like seven dates within one week. He realized after date four or five that people (or in his case girls) are boring. They are boring because they are all the same; they talk the same, they all dress the same, they watch the same shows, listen to the same music, like the same things. If you date one girl, there's no need to get to know a different one because 90% of what she says or does is the same between seemingly all of them. So, he didn't really want to go to the next date that he scheduled just to meet another replica of girl number one.
The thing he told me which made him enjoying dates again was a technique that the PUA community calls "statement of intent". The idea is: when you meet someone you make a statement why you like them. This thing you like should be something that sets them apart from other people and is something you could see yourself liking about them.
For example; let's say I met a girl who at the first glance seemed very basic and boring; no idea why this would be a person worth getting to know, but when she laughs there's always some weird, but funny snorting sound she makes. The statement of intent would now be that I actively tell myself that I like this girl/am interested in this girl because I like the way she laughs. And really phrase this statement of intent in your head. Make a firm decision that you like this person because of something. Now, again; this something doesn't have to be something spectacular like "has won a nobel prize". It can be a small, objectivly insignificant thing that you might not even know whether you actually like it. It can be a physical feature, the way they carry themselves like "he wears socks that don't match which is odd", an interest like "she listens to similar music as I do", something they do/did like traveling (but instead of everyone else who travels to South America or Australia, they went to Antarctica) or if you can't find anything just the fact that they are open enough to talk to you. It just needs to fulfill two criteria: a) it sets them apart from other people and b) you could see yourself liking this about this person.
The idea is that being interested is less something that just occurs, but rather an active decision someone makes.

If you meet people with a mindset of "they need to prove to me that they aren't boring", they will appear boring.
Hope I could help. 

[bejapuskas]

@Zizzero That seems solid  

[Rebec]

11 hours ago, George Fil said:

I am feeling so lonely tho

@George Fil There is this quote from Adyashanti;

Make no mistake about it – enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.

The bigger Yang gets, the bigger Yin gets (and vice versa). The more you see the truth, the more loneliness there is. Accept what is, accept the loneliness.

[George Fil]

@Zizzero I do not talk about entertainment but about connection. I do not feel bored, I say THEY appear boring cause they all talk the same. I can even put a quiz and already guessing their answers. How can someone engage when they are so predictable?

To me what PUA guys are saying is use tricks to distract yourself from the ugly truth. 

[Pilgrim]

29 minutes ago, George Fil said:

I do not talk about entertainment but about connection. I do not feel bored, I say THEY appear boring cause they all talk the same. I can even put a quiz and already guessing their answers. How can someone engage when they are so predictable?

To me what PUA guys are saying is use tricks to distract yourself from the ugly truth. 

I feel you.. and I think connection is crucial in life, there is no going around this. To me it just seems that you have outgrown this kind of environment and you could make yourself fit in if you wanted to, but you don't feel like you belong. The key is to keep looking for other people, you cannot expect to randomly meet these kind of people on the street or in bars or at your job (could coincidently happen when you're lucky, but likely it's not). Just follow your passions, do what you really enjoy and engage in those activities. You definitely have to move towards this direction in your new city and slowly you will meet the people where you feel you belong. Patience :), these people are out there, but they are rare and harder to find. Without taking action you are leaving it to pure chance to meet them. 

Edited January 26, 2019 by Pilgrim

[Zizzero]

1 hour ago, George Fil said:

@Zizzero I do not talk about entertainment but about connection. I do not feel bored, I say THEY appear boring cause they all talk the same. I can even put a quiz and already guessing their answers. How can someone engage when they are so predictable?

To me what PUA guys are saying is use tricks to distract yourself from the ugly truth. 

Not sure if I understand your posts correctly. Which one is it:

a) You could connect with other people if you wanted to, but you don't want to connect with those people

b) You want to connect with those people, but you can't

 

If it's "b)": use the statement of intent as proposed by me in my previous post.

But if I understand correctly, it's "a)". In that case: get off your high horse. Sorry to break it to you then, but you are a snowflake. You think you are so good and other people just can't live up. I believe your problem will be solved as soon as you stop looking down on people and you stop judging them for how boring and non-actualized they are.

[Shin]

Nothing is boring when you stop expecting the external world to satisfy you ?

Edited January 26, 2019 by Shin

[George Fil]

@Shin oh foolish, me wanting to experience deep relationships, when a solitude in a cave can give all that... and I say wanting not needing. I do not need them, but I enjoy the relationship with people that they have something to say. Since when connecting with other people is a false expectation? 

@Zizzero Lets pretend then, that they are interesting. Lets brainwash ourselves with these techniques, that their honey moon to Paris and their ugly kids, are worthy to talk about every day. Instead of acknowledging that all these people doing and saying the same things! I am not on my high horse, I  am not saying I am better than them, but I am different in my own way. Maybe for them my life is boring meditating and stuff.

[Truth Addict]

@George Fil

The solution is very simple: always lower your expectations.

You're probably at a higher stage than others in your social circle, I'd guess at a transition between green and yellow, but mostly yellow.

The gap between you and others will grow even bigger, until you reach the highest levels on the spiral, and then it will go full-circle, and you will be able to enjoy the dumbest, stupidest, and most boring interactions with people.

But until then, keep this in mind: "the price of Truth is everything." and obviously, you've chosen Truth over illusion. So here goes.

Edited January 26, 2019 by Truth Addict