A colorful journey

[Marinus]

Habits streaks

Edited March 17, 2019 by Marinus

[Marinus]

Habits streaks week 12

[Marinus]

Week 12

The last weeks I didn't comment on my posts, but now I will. Tomorrow I will upload my Habit streaks for this week. 

Daygame

Finally I see some growth in this work. It's feels I'm not on a plateau anymore with my attraction skills for now. A visual representation of numbers:

Daygame insights:

The more approaches a day, the more I get into the flow, the more chance of getting a number, the more fun.

• I take it with a grain of salt for now, because I can only speak for 2 instances. In week 9 en 13 I did 10+ approaches a day and I got 3 numbers in that time. The difference between 9 en 13 is my skill level. 3 out of 4 girls in week 13 replied at least once. One girl seems to be really into me and we chatted yesterday for the whole evening. She agreed to see me again, so hopefully she will be my first date. This week I noticed a shift in my conversation style. I was more playful, funny and creative and less serious and logic. Also credits to the Belgium pua's for inspiration.

My success rate is higher if doing solo Daygame.

•  This week I did 20 approaches. 10 yesterday and the other 10 spread over 4 days! A wing and I went to do approaches with a "stick" method. We gave each other 2 euros and if we saw someone to approach we needed to otherwise we would lose our 2 euros. It does work, but it's a external motivator. When I'm alone I have no distractions except my own thoughts.

Daygame is similar to cold showers. 

• I'm talking about the psychological challenge. I do cold showers for +- 2 years now and a couple months ago I got the ability to just do it, without resistance. I'm not immune to resistance, but I discovered that it is easier to flip the switch and do it. It still sucks and it's very uncomfortable, but now I can just do it. I expect the same from Daygame. I have to be patient and struggle a lot to get this ability.

Text game isn't as difficult as I thought.

• I noticed my skill to be good enough, because the initial interaction went well. To me this opens a door to creativity and texting isn't to hard. I just need to avoid bad texting and focus more on infield game.

Age is a big barrier.

• I'm 22 and most girls I meet are older then me. It's difficult to guess, because in Antwerp we have so much diversity. I really don't mind, but my smv can turn girls off. I want to make up for it with game. One girl flaked, probably because of a 7 year age gap. One rejected me, because of a 7 year age gap. I got tips for fellow pua's who are older and more experienced then me. One thing to say is ''So you prefer sugar daddies?''. The girl I text with is almost 3 years older and I tried this on her, but I also said that 25 is a beautiful age. My impression was doubt, but also insecurity about her own age compared to mine. She said that I didn't have my life together (I see this as a judgement, because she doesn't know all the self-development work that is internal, but I also agree with her). I took the frame by saying ''Life is about the journey, not the destination. '', this was the right move.

[Marinus]

Habits streaks

it starts to get a bit messy with all the streaks relapsing. This week I watched a lot of films en series +- 8 hours, maybe more. Also I made a mistake in the previous streaks with exercise.  I also come close to almost 6 months of nofap.

[Marinus]

Habits streaks week 14

I keep making mistakes, last week was week 13.

 

For now this will be my last "habit streak post". I will think of another way to post on here. The streaks are getting messy and chaotic to me. I also discovered that there is milk powder in my muesli bars, so my vegan day were vegetarian day. I felt sad about it for a moment.

Day Game 

I suffer a lot from approach anxiety. I decide to do practice drills. I want to approach Day game the smart way, by recording my voice, reflection and a system to reduce my anxiety by approaching. I finally achieved the set goal of at least 30 approaches. I did 32. 10 drills, 10 warm ups and 12 approaches. I classify these differently, because the goals aren't the same. Warm ups are to prepare for the ''real approaches''. Practice drills are similar to warm ups, but here the focus lies on handling my anxiety and training nonverbal skills. This is my tool to deal with the anxiety:

 

[Marinus]

Day Game Week 15

So I made some huge progress already with game. My mindset changed thx to some silly exercises. I did 10 drills and I even got 2 numbers which I didn't expect at all. This way I will keep progress of my development for the current week:

Green means that I made improvement.

[Marinus]

Best possible self

I also am going to visualize everyday for at least 2 weeks. This is an assignment from college, but also a great practice for self-development:

My best possible self

The best possible self is someone who is a self-actualized person. This vision for my future is expected to be realized at the age of 40-45. I will have created my own business that will serve people around the world with the goal to raise their levels of consciousness by coaching through a virtual reality medium. The business will be successful and it will generate enough money to be financially free . The resources I will get from my work will be spend on creating the world a better place and also to maximize the well being of loved ones. At this point I will be in search of enlightenment to transcend my best possible self. At this point I will be a spiritual teacher to people around the world. I'll be reaching them through a virtual reality medium. I will use  my experience and knowledge to mindfully raise a child.

 

Personal domain

Think of goals you would like to attain on the personal level (e.g. physical and psychological skills and developments).

• Self-actualized
  • Self-acceptance
  • Non-judgmental
  • Detachment from material things
  • Deep self-knowledge
• Physically in peak condition for my age
  • Martial arts
  • Serious yoga
• Being a lifelong learner
  • Having a huge amount of wisdom
• A spiritual leader to people around the world
  • Having a realistic understanding of reality
• Transcended lower conscious values

 

Professional domain

Think of goals you would like to attain on the professional/work related level (e.g. position, accomplishments, level of expertise, but also occupation and skills, etc.).

• Spiral wizard
  • Leading people to raise their levels of consciousness and making the world a better place
• Having my own (coaching)  business
  • Travelling around the world
  • Virtual reality business to connect with people (a new idea! this will become more common in the future I think)
• Financially free
  • Not having to worry about paying bills
• Mastered my field of expertise
• Working on a new and bigger life purpose

 

Relational domain

Think of goals you would like to attain on the relational level (e.g. relations and contacts with loved ones, friends, colleagues, but also joint activities etc. in your social life).

• Giving more love than I receive
  • Supporting my mother so she can enjoy her retirement
• Having an intimate and deep romantic relationship grounded in strong principles
  • Spending quality time to nurture my relationship
  • Being a father of one child
    • Being a mentor to my child, but letting him/her free in his/her own self-development
• Having a group of self-actualized friends to spend time and to share knowledge with
• Having mentored someone

 

[Marinus]

The End of NOFAP

I decide to stop this journey. I won't be a fapstronaut and that is okay. The reason for stopping is because it doesn't serve me any more to the contrary it became counter productive. In my almost 3 years of meditation I learned some things about thoughts. One of those things is obsession. Whenever I'm obsessed I can't stop thinking, normally it is hard to quiet the mind, but when thoughts are obsessive the feel invincible. My obsession when meditating is sex and girls. 

I believe that life needs balance. Sexuality is a need that needs expression. When you do nofap you suppress your sexuality, it doesn't flow. In my experience nofap is the opposite of masturbation addiction. Both are extremes and mess up sexuality. One is overindulgent, the other total absence. If your diet is unbalanced you either eat to many or to little. Too much sleep makes your body weak and to less sleep makes you too tired. The last months I thought about this and I knew this wasn't the case in my reality. 

Sadhguru thought me that the best way to know what is right for your body is to listen to what it communicates, so today I did. My orgasm was the fastest ever, under 10 seconds and it lasted longer then it used to. Today I did it 4 times and all those times the amount getting out was a lot. I felt free from the pressure I created myself. 

Until today my streak was 191 days, which is outstanding in my opinion.  One of my values is Health & Balance and if I do nofap I won't be embodying this value. This also means that I won't be fapping everyday. I lived half a year without masturbation, I'm sure I can find balance now. To every one who reads this, I don't mean to discourage you. This is my personal experience, maybe it's different to you. If you want to do nofap, do it, but if you feel like your sexuality gets out of balance reflect on it and maybe you come to the same conclusion is mine.

 

[Marinus]

New project!

I struggle with doing personal development work, because I feel very disconnected from people. One think I really like is teaching people things I learned and understand, so here is my first attempt at contributing something to the world:

This was fun to do, maybe this can be a source of motivation to work more on myself. 

[Marinus]

New project! Update

It's fun to do and now I invested in a microphone, so the audio down below is of higher quality, but the video is still filmed with my crappy phone. I'm proud of my creative thumbnails, I think those look attractive, simple and creative.

 

Day Game

Yesterday I did 13 approaches! the last month I didn't do a lot. Two weeks ago I went out and did night game for the first time and I danced with one of the hottest girls their, it was great!

 

[Marinus]

Day Game and You Tube

So I haven't done much day game, I'm starting to see that chasing girls is shallow and it will only fulfill surface level needs. Since starting my YouTube channel it feels like I finally have some form of purpose in life. I hope that YouTube will become a new passion or even my life purpose. In the end it's just a medium for the influence I want to have on people's lives.

 

Fighting addiction

I think I finally find the guts to drop my film/anime/series/entertaining You Tube addiction, It takes away so much time! I stubble upon Leo's "Why you should quit tv" again and decided to drop it. I had excuses to watch it (really stupid ones) and one of them keeps the cycle alive and that is feeling bored/urges. So now I am very aware of the withdraw symptoms and it suuuuuucks! I just need to push through. When this day is over I survived 4 days of no tv.

[Marinus]

Yeey I haven't watched for four days, but currently I feel so bored and everything seems so bland, the withdrawal symptoms are strong. 

[Marinus]

Almost 2 weeks clean. I feel so bored and I notice myself using my phone more. My desire for human contact, intimacy, sex and friendship have increased a lot more.

[Marinus]

I was clean for 3 weeks and then I messed up and watched a film. This day I'm clean again and I'm going to start over with my 30 day challenge, it's quite hard. Since stopping watching films etc. I notice getting more addicted to my phone (social media), porn and masturbation. These things all have the same in common:

• stress
• boredom
• dopamine release
• accessibility
• cravings
• waste of time 

 I wonder what happens if I stop using social media, porn and t simultaneously.  

I never tried that, maybe I need to go beast mode on this. All of these things and gaming which I don't do anymore have been my most destructive habits. 

[Marinus]

Social media is a tricky one. Whatsapp it's only purpose is contact with people. Others like facebook and instagram I use mainly for other things like checking if I received updates. Also dating apps I consider also as a waste of time and it's the same as social media.

The only benefit of social media I can exploit is posting my videos on it.

[RendHeaven]

You're really freaking cool, dude

We share a lot of values in common. Just found this journal, read the whole thing.

Rooting for you! I've subbed to your YouTube.

[Marinus]

@RendHeaven Thx a lot! Interesting that we share similar values. My channel also like a motivator to pursuit self actualization, now I have people who I can help and that's also the best way to help myself. 

[RendHeaven]

On 4/9/2019 at 2:22 PM, Marinus said:

Personal domain

• Self-actualized
  • Self-acceptance
  • Non-judgmental
  • Detachment from material things
  • Deep self-knowledge
• Physically in peak condition for my age
  • Martial arts
  • Serious yoga
• Being a lifelong learner
  • Having a huge amount of wisdom
• A spiritual leader to people around the world
  • Having a realistic understanding of reality
• Transcended lower conscious values

 

Professional domain

• Spiral wizard
  • Leading people to raise their levels of consciousness and making the world a better place
• Having my own (coaching)  business
  • Travelling around the world
  • Virtual reality business to connect with people
• Financially free
  • Not having to worry about paying bills
• Mastered my field of expertise
• Working on a new and bigger life purpose

 

Relational domain

• Giving more love than I receive
  • Supporting my mother so she can enjoy her retirement
• Having an intimate and deep romantic relationship grounded in strong principles
  • Spending quality time to nurture my relationship
  • Being a father of one child
    • Being a mentor to my child, but letting him/her free in his/her own self-development
• Having a group of self-actualized friends to spend time and to share knowledge with
• Having mentored someone

 

I really liked this part about your "best self."

I have a very similar imagination of my potential as well. I've highlighted the overlaps in red.

Love the term "spiral wizard" by the way 

[Marinus]

@RendHeaven This is one of the positive psychology exercises that I'll make a video about . This is in my opinion the most valuable exercise. A spiral wizard is someone who understands the spiral and a combination of stage yellow and turquois. 

[Marinus]

Today I feel so BORED omg this so dreadful. I feel the urge to watch films and it's so strong and tempting. I feel like a hardcore addict. How boring life can feel without tv. Tv gives meaning to my life.

These are thoughts I have to face today, I don't have any motivation to do something else, but I'm still trying to do something else. Studying went well. I studied for 100 minutes today (still counting) and this is a lot for me. The quality of studying is 4 times higher then it used to be thanks to binaural beats and the porodomo technique.