"My" Ego is Always Trying To be Certain, Please Help

[SQAAD]

Hello everyone , i hope you are doing ok. So i have been doing a lot of "self" actualization the last couple of years of my life thanks to actualized.org and all this beautiful content.

One NEUROTIC problem , the biggest problem of my life actually that has PERSISTED still since early in my childhoold is my NEED for CERTAINTY.

My Mind Gets STUCK easily on concepts and ideas DISTURBING  me A LOT when i am meditating, self-inquiring and etc.

For example i may be having a mystical experience while meditating and right after a while my MIND devalues the experience and brings to mind all the opposing scientific arguments like that consciousness is just an emergent property of nervous system and etc. This  makes me wanna stop all spiritual practice even though it benefits me tremendously! 

These kind of concepts don't allow me fully to experience the magic of these spiritual practices. Sometimes i will have breakthoughs with self inquiry only to doubt myself few moments after. Social conditioning has affected me a lot and my mind always tends to believe the worst possible scenario.

 

Thank you.

[Aakash]

 

[TheAvatarState]

You have identified a problem that only you can fix. You're getting in your own way.

Get off the forum for now and help yourself!

[Jack River]

Fosho. 

Resistance to uncertainty is the birth of ego-centric activity (conflcit/image projection). 

Edited January 23, 2019 by Jack River

[Aakash]

@SQAAD also if you want a lesson in neurones, nurones don't give rise to consciousness lol, they are simply the mechanism in which your body send action potentials (electrical) signals around the body to complete an action of anything. they don't give rise to consciousness, more they are in consciousness instead, see leo's video what is consciousness 

 

[Nahm]

Keep calming the mind in meditation, and keep self inquiring, watch videos by a handful of teachers for different techniques, approaches, tips & perspectives. There is a sensible reason you can’t find certainty, and why people use the word ‘absolute’.  Checking out some videos on qm’s & specifically superposition might connect some dots & aid in calming the mind too. 

3 hours ago, SQAAD said:

MIND devalues the experience and brings to mind all the opposing scientific arguments like that consciousness is just an emergent property of nervous system

When this arises just inquire,  ‘what is aware of this?’, ‘what is aware of the science?’ ‘What is aware of these thoughts about science?’, and whatever answers arise, ask, ‘what is aware of that?’’ 

Also look to direct experience; There is awareness of thoughts, but notice you can’t think awareness.  

3 hours ago, SQAAD said:

These kind of concepts don't allow me fully to experience the magic of these spiritual practices

Notice that too is a concept. You don’t have to believe that one anymore than the others it references. Careful looking for magic. Ordinary reality as it is will blow your mind just fine.

3 hours ago, SQAAD said:

Social conditioning has affected me a lot and my mind always tends to believe the worst possible scenario.

Take ownership of this. No one picks your perspective for you. No one ever did. There are as many positive examples in and of society. It might have to do with what you’re putting in front of you. The mind likes to condemn violence and play GTA 5 later that night. That kind of thing. Any time you notice you feel someone or something has “affected” you, turn the attention to inquiry into the aspect of you which is bothered. Ask, why does this bother me? Does it make sense for me to be bothered by simply observing? Am I doing that? Am I adding meaning which then makes it relative to “me”? It could turn out to be that conditioning is itself the worst possible scenario. 

(Speculating)...there might be some uncertainty from childhood, which was identified with and therefore not as easy to ‘see’ and let go of. Weird how what holds us back can be so difficult to release. Counter intuitive might be the way to go. 

4 hours ago, SQAAD said:

Sometimes i will have breakthoughs with self inquiry only to doubt myself few moments after.

Simply inquire again. It will be less needed, and quicker / more effective the more it’s done. 

4 hours ago, SQAAD said:

This  makes me wanna stop all spiritual practice even though it benefits me tremendously! 

Given the majority of people are held back back by unwillingness to experience all of their emotions, I hope you feel good about the work you’re doing. 

Keep at it, sounds like you’re doing great!

[Jack River]

A mind conditioned to seek certainty inherently fixes its own state of uncertainty.

The beauty of this statement will naturally be dismissed.

Can we be aware of that as well?..as that dismissal is yet another manifestation of this pattern of seeking certainty. 

It doesn’t take habits to see this. If we are really on a precipice and at the end of the line, so to speak, we then may see this fact that the more certainty is pursued, the more we push certainty away in time(future). A mind conditioned to seeking is simply conditioned to seek. The more it seeks, the more it feels a sense of lack(uncertain-insecure). 

Then we remain in a constant state of grasping for & and after the things of thought. Never ending conflict/suffering. 

Edited January 24, 2019 by Jack River

[SQAAD]

@Nahm Thank you!

[Nahm]

@SQAAD ??

[Shin]

Your mind that is constantly seeking meanings,  rationalizations and certainty isn't really the problem.

Those are symptoms.

 

As an ego you identify with thoughts/dogmas (religious or scientific) and opinions.

In truth you don't have to pick a definite side, you can just observe all of this completely neutrally.

You will still have thoughts/dogmas and opinion, but you won't identify by taking a stance internally on them.

You will know they are relative and not true in their essence.

 

Which means you will be able to live a life with no certainty about anything in the end, which is why highly conscious people are so peaceful.

They don't see the mind stuff as real, but they use it as a tool to express their relative view/stance.

 

In time thoughts/dogmas and opinions will greatly diminish in volume, this is a side effect of seeing the mind for what it is, a perception, rather than yourself.

Chasing a blank mind isn't what you should focus on if you want peace of mind, but clarity over it, seeing it from a distance so to speak.

You could have a very blank mind most of the time, but when shit goes haywire, you would still suffer, because identification to the mind would still be there.

 

This won't probably make a lot of sense for you now, but if you keep looking at your mind as an external perception, as a visual/sound imagery, you will ?

 

Edited January 24, 2019 by Shin

[OneWithAll]

You are not submitting to the bliss of nothingness. While you still have thoughts, you are not Being.