Frustrated when girlfriend doesn't want sex

[Elisabeth]

4 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

@MsNobody @Etherial Cat @Emerald @LordFall 

You guys should all try this out with your partners. 

It looks awkward and unnatural in the video but it's very simple and effective in practice.

I highly recommend it.

 

Uuu, nice catch of a video  

I'd add that arousal/orgasm is not exactly a goal of this practice. It is meditation. 

I've done this in a (perhaps slightly less threatening) way, where the man doesn't touch the clit directly, instead he slowly circles with his finger around the inner labia, touching the whole outer genital area. It is a beautiful experience and it does have the potential to heighten sensitivity. 

You can also reverse gender roles (though I'm not sure about the exact instruction for the touch), preferably not right away, it should be a nice experience for men too. 

Of course, what you need is both people to be willing and able to stay in meditation. 

Edited January 26, 2019 by Elisabeth

[F A B]

Ladies, give "The way of a superior man" to your partners!

[student]

@Emerald sounds like you're more of a "turquoise" on this matter. The problem isn't sex, the act itself. It is just a means. You mustn't focus on the body, but on the soul, on the "unknown" of the other. Your should let yourself sink in your emotions and let them guide you. Body is on the secondary plane. If you focus on it you get distracted, you're not seeing your partner, the other. You are focused on the material. The body will die in the end, it is just an appearance. What you crave is the other, the unknown. The touch of the other, but not the physical sensation, but the intention of the other, the inner of the other.

It's like meditation. Once you focus on the body, you distance yourself from your partner. But you must focus on his soul. You must discover what that means.

Do not get complacent. If you feel something isn't right, if your intuition says "not right", then it is not right. You must change something. the way you're looking at things, the way you're "touching" them etc.

If you're doing meditation, "consciousness" work, then nothing will stay the same. You must accept change. Accept a new way of being.

[Adam M]

@NoSelfSelf hes got videos and book list recommendations...and you have a source of infinite info on your fingertips

[Wisebaxter]

Turn the tables on her dude and let her come to you. You may come across as more desirable that way. Of course, try not to fake it. Get into the mindset that sex is just sex and don't think about it so much. Meditation should help with this. 

Edited January 27, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

@Emerald This may sound a bit crass, but do you also feel indifferent to a guy going down on you, like the pleasure really isn't that great? Most girls I know get much more of a kick out of this than the sex itself. Sometimes if a guy refuses to do this at all, does it half heartedly or without skill, this can be a huge factor when it comes to actual penetration. 

Edited January 28, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Yes, of course we've taken some time to discuss this point. Implementing a change which is rooted in how someone built himself over decades is not going away in a heartbeat. But overall, the situation is not that bad. The sex is sometimes good, but sometimes its not.  Let's say that I am complaining that I'm longing for something different, more aware and conscious.

When you say “this point”, is that point the sex, or the “more aware and conscious”? 

What would he say about you, about this?

 

“Implementing a change which is rooted in how someone built himself over decades is not going away in a heartbeat.”

Well...that sort of implies that the relationship won’t be “better” until decades are undone. But really, happiness is what is wanted, and the thinking is that it will be here after the change is complete. But I find that’s not really the case. An analogy that comes to mind....

Imagine you’re you and him are in the car on your way to pick up groceries. Then imagine you guys are on your way to Disneyworld. Same people in the same car, same car ride, yet, where you’re headed makes all the difference in terms of how you feel. I find a relationship to be like this, as far as happiness. So, if you guys can talk about awareness / consciousness, without anger or even if you can continue to communicate in spite of / after the anger subsides, then maybe  there is a place reached where big changes haven’t transpired yet, but you’re both happy because of where you’re going together now, which in this analogy I’m realizing is the Disneyworld of sex. 

[Nahm]

@Etherial Cat What if the sex was the product of the communication? What if the point was the communication, and you guys were self discovering together? Venturing into awareness and consciousness individually of course, together? I’m just suggesting that leads to the greatest sex ever. 

This is why it’s so important to shine the awareness on what he would say about you. Not important to say here or to me, just very important for you. 

[Nahm]

@Etherial Cat

In communication, we are only capable of being 100% full of shit. There is no exception. 

He can’t drop your shell, you can’t drop his. But when you drop yours, and he drops his, that is “without armor”, or “actual nakedness” (vulnerability), thus allowing actual sex (intimacy). Pretty sure that’s the satisfaction you desire.           Your shell is ‘what he needs to do’, his shell is ‘what she needs to do’ ( “to accommodate me” ). The shells are based on, and were put on , in the past, sometimes unknowingly and therefore, not by choice. But make no mistake, the shells are kept on by choice. They are dropped by choice too. 

You and he are in the car. That is what is. Where you are going is what sets the mood.