Afraid to fall asleep leading to insomnia? Sleep = complete loss of control?

[Manjushri]

I'm a control freak. Afraid of existence. Now I'm afraid to fall asleep because that would equal death. Things are happening all the time and my body is still here when I'm sleeping and it's scary. I still exist when I go to sleep. I want to be awake the entire time and just observe everything. . . 

I got ambien, I didn't sleep for 3 days so I'm retarded. I'll fix my bullshit tomorrow. 

[Nahm]

@Manjushri Make an appointment & go see your dr. Do what they suggest as far as therapy etc. Take any help available to you. 

[AhamBrahmasmi]

This poem has deep spiritual meaning. I have experienced similar days. We are there for you brother. I will be posting under your posts regularly. I personally care. We WILL be liberated. 

Serene, I fold my hands and wait, 
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea; 
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate, 
For lo! my own shall come to me. 

I stay my haste, I make delays, 
For what avails this eager pace? 
I stand amid the eternal ways, 
And what is mine shall know my face. 

Asleep, awake, by night or day, 
The friends I seek are seeking me; 
No wind can drive my bark astray, 
Nor change the tide of destiny. 

What matter if I stand alone? 
I wait with joy the coming years; 
My heart shall reap where it hath sown, 
And garner up its fruit of tears. 

The waters know their own and draw 
The brook that springs in yonder height; 
So flows the good with equal law 
Unto the soul of pure delight. 

The stars come nightly to the sky; 
The tidal wave unto the sea; 
Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor high, 
Can keep my own away from me.

by John Burroughs