I can try and stay positive...

[EvilAngel]

But in reality, it never lasts for very long. Is it my genes? my brain chemistry? My attitude? My life situation? My personality?

Maybe a combination of them all, but all I know is that I can't maintain a consistent level of happiness. I'm sick of waking up and dreading the day ahead. I'm sick of trying so hard to improve my life and getting NOWHERE....life shouldn't be this way. Should I take the easy way out and start my antidepressants again? That would be a failure in of itself. But it looks like the only option...

[Jack River]

10 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

But in reality, it never lasts for very long. Is it my genes? my brain chemistry? My attitude? My life situation? My personality?

Maybe a combination of them all, but all I know is that I can't maintain a consistent level of happiness. I'm sick of waking up and dreading the day ahead. I'm sick of trying so hard to improve my life and getting NOWHERE....life shouldn't be this way. Should I take the easy way out and start my antidepressants again? That would be a failure in of itself. But it looks like the only option...

Conforming to standards of “positive” and avoiding “the negative” is all part of this resistance to what-is. 

You seem to be noticing discontent with life and that is not a bad thing. The question is do you want to quickly find an answer to this discontent, or do you want to stay with that discontent long enough to understand it? 

[EvilAngel]

@Jack River There is no answer. It is the way my life has been since I was a teenager. I had an enlightenment experience, but even that didn't last. I get fleeting glimpses of happiness, then plunge into depression again. 

[Jack River]

1 minute ago, EvilAngel said:

@Jack River There is no answer. It is the way my life has been since I was a teenager. I had an enlightenment experience, but even that didn't last. I get fleeting glimpses of happiness, then plunge into depression again. 

Whether there is an answer or not is not the point as of now. 

Do you understand the problem? Or have you  atleast gone into a little? 

Edited January 21, 2019 by Jack River

[EvilAngel]

1 minute ago, Jack River said:

Whether there is an answer or not is not the point as of now. 

Do you understand the problem? Or have you  atleast gone into a little? 

I've got to be honest with you mate, you're not a very good teacher if that's what you're trying to be...

I understand the problem, yes! The problem is that I am mentally ill, and it is impossible for me to be consistently happy! There's nothing I can do about it!!!!!

[Zigzag Idiot]

It happens to everyone. To put it in first person- 

1 my mind has me instead of me having and using the mind. 

2 What I resist,,,persists

3 I can never go directly for happiness or maintain happiness. I can only process the shadow, as I'm able to and sit with negativity that arises, just observing it. Then always return to the practices that help quieten the mind.

Trying to produce or force happiness is really just a form of repression.

Cultivating inner quiet. Sitting with and observing negativity without expressing it. Forgiving oneself and letting go of self criticism when it shows up. Then happiness can come upon us. But we can't really go straight after it as a goal.

 

[Jack River]

8 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

I've got to be honest with you mate, you're not a very good teacher if that's what you're trying to be...

I understand the problem, yes! The problem is that I am mentally ill, and it is impossible for me to be consistently happy! There's nothing I can do about it!!!!!

I’ll be mentally ill with you?

and there is nothing I can do about it is not a bad stance to take either dude.

but if you really saw that, would there be conflict?