The need to be loved

[isabel]

@How to be wise oh lol! never heard of her, I don't get out much...

[Forestluv]

39 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

I take it English is not your first language? Because your grammar is terrible.

Just a reminder for us all: please refrain from personal grammar policing. The forum contains members from all over the world. For many users, English is their second or third language. Criticizing anothers’ grammar at a personal level can be perceived as unwelcoming to our users that speak English as a second language. 

Yet if someone wants help with their grammar, by all means help them.

[EvilAngel]

@Serotoninluv I apologise.

I just find it frustrating when I can't differentiate between whether I am misunderstanding someone's explanation of a concept or whether they are simply not able to express what they mean due to language difficulties. 

Edited January 21, 2019 by EvilAngel

[Forestluv]

@EvilAngel No worries. I know that wasn’t your intention. It’s a good reminder for the forum. 

I didn’t get in tune with this until I started learning Spanish and lived in South America. It’s really hard to learn a foreign language and interact with native speakers. And English is much harder to wtite than Spanish. I’m so impressed with people that learn English as a second language.

[EvilAngel]

@Serotoninluv I am also impressed with people who learn English as a second language. I am personally too lazy to learn another language fluently, taking for granted that English is so widespread and relying on it to communicate with everyone.

[Jack River]

23 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

@Serotoninluv I apologise.

I just find it frustrating when I can't differentiate between whether I am misunderstanding someone's explanation of a concept or whether they are simply not able to express what they mean due to language difficulties. 

What I communicate is often misunderstood. Feel free to point out any grammatical errors though. I would like to improve in that field. 

 

Edited January 21, 2019 by Jack River

[NoSelfSelf]

@Jack River then you are agreeing that hes self decieving himself and you are helping him decieving himself

[EvilAngel]

@Jack River Those two sentences were perfect. I suspect I was probably just confused by the concepts you were expressing rather than there being major grammatical errors. After all, everyone has a different way of expressing themselves through text. I prefer a straightforward approach. But it is hard for two human beings who have known each other all their lives to communicate effectively, let alone two strangers who are sending words on a screen and attempting somehow to connect with someone they don't know and can't see. 

[Jack River]

If he stays with what-is(psychologically) is he deceiving himself?

Which means not reacting/resisting the reality of what is the case in him or her self. 

This doesn’t imply accepting or condemning what-is. 

It means he/she is actually open to change.

Please, I know it’s perhaps a bit confusing, but explore into it yourself. There is beauty to be found in this. 

Edited January 21, 2019 by Jack River

[Jack River]

2 minutes ago, EvilAngel said:

@Jack River Those two sentences were perfect. I suspect I was probably just confused by the concepts you were expressing rather than there being major grammatical errors. After all, everyone has a different way of expressing themselves through text. I prefer a straightforward approach. But it is hard for two human beings who have known each other all their lives to communicate effectively, let alone two strangers who are sending words on a screen and attempting somehow to connect with someone they don't know and can't see. 

Ok dude  

Communication can be tough with this stuff. 

We may commune soon enough. ?

Edited January 21, 2019 by Jack River

[NoSelfSelf]

@Jack River first queastion..yes...not resisting but becoming more concious what is actually better more concious option...we came into mental masturbation teritory....wanting others to make you happy is miserable life there is no way around this....

[Jack River]

2 hours ago, Jack River said:

Dependence is isolation/alienation  

Aloneness is relationship/communion

@EvilAngel  I would just sit on this for an while. It’s something you may appreciate to see on your own. I did.

[Jack River]

39 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Jack River first queastion..yes...not resisting but becoming more concious what is actually better more concious option...we came into mental masturbation teritory....wanting others to make you happy is miserable life there is no way around this....

I don’t see what I have posted as being mental masterbation.

It is a tremendous insight to see the fact that psychologically my accumulated preferences/options in which i act on, move away from the fact, are what actually sustains the very fact.

The fact is what is relevant. The fact stands alone. If it doesn’t, there will be distortion. 

To superimpose what should or should not be, in regards to ourselves, is to impose on oneself duality/conflict/contradiction. In that state we very subtly say we shouldn’t depend on others, yet remain to do so anyway. But we are not honest that we do so. We are then living in a falsity. 

My point is simply that thought will always move away from the fact (psychological dependence) to an abstraction (no-dependence) , yet that original fact inevitably remains. 

The mind in this case has created an opposite  out of its own opposite. To react to dependence by creating and pursuing non-dependence, you will see remains dependence.

This is still a conditioned action. Dependence and conditions go together...

Dependence has no opposite. 

Do you see what I mean my dude. Just wanted to explain a little more

Edited January 21, 2019 by Jack River

[TriteNTrue]

@EvilAngel

How about bringing yourself a cup of tea and telling yourself a joke.  

You're already aware of the areas where you look externally for satisfaction. Now turn inwards and develop some self dependence. Who knows, you might be the funniest person you know if you tried to amuse yourself. 

[Jack River]

Can there be a modified progression from dependence to non-dependence psychologically? 

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

I agree with @ajasatya. 

3 hours ago, EvilAngel said:

No I am simply recognising that company is a basic human need.

You're right. We are social creatures. Connecting with others and physical touch are indeed human needs. There's a very good book about this subject, which helped me a lot. It's called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable.

[lmfao]

@EvilAngel Using this version of Maslows hierarchy posted on this forum a while ago, I think that it takes someone advanced to truly evolve past the need for companionship. But if companionship isn't available to you, why become miserable due to it? Just get what good company you can, and if you cant just accept whatever your situation may be in. 

[TheAvatarState]

6 hours ago, EvilAngel said:

An infant who is not cradled and shown sufficient attention will die.

Leo has acknowledged this fact, as it's true that a child not given enough love while growing up will become severely disfunctional. Apes who are taken away from their mother and later reintroduced will be shunned, as they can't function in the group. However, this doesn't really say anything about happiness. I have known a few mentally retarded kids who are extremely happy most of the time. They're happy because they're probably not thinking about social crutches and how others perceive them... They're in the now. 

What this does tell us is that social interaction and love from others is necessary to develop social skills... Well, duh! Just like you rely on a piano to learn piano. But happiness as a qualitatively different thing... It is not reliant or dependant on any outside factors. Ironically, your belief that it does will lead to unhappiness.  Happiness is the degree to which you can love and accept the present moment. 

Edited January 22, 2019 by TheAvatarState

[Joseph Maynor]

You can love yourself.  You have to love and care for yourself.  You are a best friend to yourself in the first instance before any other relationship.  

Edited January 23, 2019 by Joseph Maynor