On the verge of suicide. Nothing to lose anymore. What do I do?

[lmfao]

@Manjushri go to a psychiatrist and psychologist man. I've been really suicidal before as well, to the point where I've frantically researches for hours on the Internet how to kill myself. I've been on antidepressants for over a year now. You said that medical professionals in Serbia aren't great, but I would assume that they are compotent enough to have basic psychiatrists who give you the correct antidepressant. When I was THAT low I absolutely needed antidepressants and I'm thankful for them. 

I know people on this forum give antidepressants a bad rep but honestly they are needed sometimes. Anyone who has gotten themselves lost truly deep into the pits of suffering and sadness recognises this. 

I remember just having the words "I want to kill myself" repeated to myself over and over in my mind in an out of control neurotic frenzy. If you're looking for motivation, put a positive spin on the phrase "I want to kill myself". You can forget killing your ego or whatever, I tried to spin that phrase into "I want to change myself". When I was low, at least some self actualization must come before super serious self transcendence work. 

Edited January 21, 2019 by lmfao

[AhamBrahmasmi]

Imagine all of us in this chat care for you and are standing with you will help you and will never leave you. Make a vision of this. 

[Manjushri]

@ajasatya @ajasatya I have horrible insomnia which landed me to be labeled as an attention seeking psychotic person . I have serious cognitive impairment from not sleeping. Stage blue parent thinks that medication is going to solve everything and that I think I'm too smart for doctors. Too many bad habits. No fixed daily schedule because It's all chaos! 

[ajasatya]

@Manjushri i asked you what is your schedule like and you said that there's no schedule. tell us at least what you did yesterday and today.

how do you deal with the small details of life? i am sure that you are more than just a "sleep depraved person". tell us everything that makes you suffer besides your sleeping issues and their consequences.

[clouffy]

@Manjushri i think on the brink of death also lies the largest life force. as you are 'hanging on to dear life' while you are struggling in deep state of darkness, that's when you discover you are given a great force, even if you didn't ask for it. the willingness to 'struggle' and the immense effort it must have taken for you to post your thoughts on the forum is perhaps, a sign of that. hold on to that and it will lead you to somewhere