On the verge of suicide. Nothing to lose anymore. What do I do?

[Manjushri]

I'll listen to your guys' advice. I fucked up my life too much. Only when you lose everything are you free to do anything. What's that anything? I am desperate for advice.

[ajasatya]

17 minutes ago, Manjushri said:

I fucked up my life too much.

first, stop repeating this dogma to yourself over and over. have you cut your arms and your legs off? have you lost your breathing capacity? are you breathing with the help of machines? have you lost your stomach and have your intestines stopped working? i don't think so.

if you can eat, breathe, piss and poop regulardly, you have everything you need for a fresh start.

post your daily schedule here, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. then be ready for a few tweaks. change one thing at a time and be patient. the process of reconstruction will probably take longer than 1 year.

[Manjushri]

@ajasatya I have horrible insomnia which landed me to be labeled as an attention seeking psychotic person . I have serious cognitive impairment from not sleeping. Stage blue parent thinks that medication is going to solve everything and that I think I'm too smart for doctors. Too many bad habits. I'll post my sleep schedule soon need to rest a bit.

[Salvijus]

I swear to god.... Please listen. There's a meditation called shambhavi mahamudra from Sadhguru. I had problema falling asleep and it was the worst most annoying thing in my life. Now I fall asleep in 2-3min everyday. Had 0complains about my sleep ever since I started this meditation. Now i enjoy sleep

The answer to your problem is right there in your face. I'm making this so simple for you to understand. Please.... Make yourself happy.

Edited January 21, 2019 by Salvijus

[Elisabeth]

I am not sure what to say, could Teal Swan help you? 

[Manjushri]

@ajasatya I don't have a daily schedule it's all chaos from now on 

[ajasatya]

Just now, Manjushri said:

@ajasatya I don't have a daily schedule it's all chaos from now on 

good realization. what are your obligations, then? are you a student? do you have a job?

[pointessa]

@Manjushri  Here is a simple suggestion. Get a piece of paper and write down every problem in you life that is causing you discomfort  on a list.

Review each problem and ask yourself if there is anything you can do about this now or in the near future. If there is something you can do write that problem on another list. If you can't do anything about it, leave it off your 2nd list. Now you will have a list with the problems you can do something about, It is time to prioritize those problems in the order of importance. You can make a detailed list of steps if needed about how you will approach each problem you can do something about. Now for the problems you can do nothing about, let them go. They are making you anxious and all the worry in the world will not change that.

If you feel too overwhelmed to do this whole process immediately, do what you can.

Please promise me that you won't hurt yourself. I know what feeling suicidal feels like. In fact, I once attempted suicide and believe me, if you are not successful, it will make everything more difficult. If you need to talk to someone you can PM me.

[Manjushri]

I'm unable to think atm from all the havoc I made to let go of my emotions. Delved deep into my unconscious and realised my family doesn't love me and I treat myself awfully because of their projections. Now I'm unable to sleep from the situation I put myself in and I behave like a retard because of the cognitive impairment. I'm really harsh on myself, like 0 self love, while they think I'm an attention seeker and selfish. Hmm... 

[Manjushri]

@Manjushri the situation is really urgent because I'm slipping deeper and deeper into not communicating and just letting the bullshit unfold and making my situation worse and worse...

[Manjushri]

Mental health professionals here in Serbia aren't really good. Can't just let myself in their hands. Already too late, I've slipped too much. Can't even make a proper post here on actualized. 0 self love and 0 self respect

[pointessa]

@Manjushri  How do you know your family doesn't love you? My parents never said they loved me, never hugged me or complimented me but they showed their love in other ways. They did the best they can. Maybe you should try to forget about the problems in your thinking at look at the external word until you feel more stable. Honestly, things will change, you won't feel this way forever.

Edited January 21, 2019 by pointessa

[Manjushri]

@pointessa not a matter of feelings anymore I'm fighting for dear life here

[Manjushri]

In my internal world everybody loved eachother but actually on the outside I'm an outcast. It's a self fulfilling prophecy because when you get a diagnosis of a mental disorder everything you do is observed through that diagnosis.

[Manjushri]

@Manjushri which makes me behave like a retard. which hurts my ego because I'm not like this usually which triggers this and that awful situation. My ego died and now it's adopted a new one because of the unhealthy environment it was in while shattering of my ego was happening

[Manjushri]

@ajasatya student but can't study . I think now is better if I try and muscle up my focus and body and sleep and get everything in order because exams can wait and later I can prolly study better. Nevertheless I need to get started doing things but for that I need to fix my sleep that's number one. Number two is my reaction to stress because my body is entirely confused having felt some stress. I used meditation to numb myself actually

[pointessa]

Manjushri, you have given yourself very good advice. Sleep is a very good idea.

[ajasatya]

@Manjushri working out is a great idea. if you really visit your physical limits, you should be tired enough for good nights of sleep.

[AhamBrahmasmi]

I guess you can pronounce sanskrit. Chant Vishnusahasranam slowly focusing on the sounds you make. Be loud enough. Take at least 40 min to go through all the verses. No mumble rap. Without making meaning of it. Just like leo asks you to stare at your hand in the actuality video.

sanskrit is a language which was made with very high consciousness. So it has strong vibrations And Vishnusahasranamam has mystical effects.

try for 1 month

pronounciation is key. Listen from YouTube.

Edited January 21, 2019 by AhamBrahmasmi

[AhamBrahmasmi]

I guess you can pronounce sanskrit. Chant Vishnusahasranam slowly focusing on the sounds you make. Be loud enough. Take at least 40 min to go through all the verses. No mumble rap. Without making meaning of it. Just like leo asks you to stare at your hand in the actuality video.

sanskrit is a language which was made with very high consciousness. And Vishnusahasranamam has mystical effects.

try for 1 month

pronounciation is key. 

Edited January 21, 2019 by AhamBrahmasmi