Fear of success due to shit i've done in the (even recent) past

[Recursoinominado]

Ok, i am kind of stuck with this one and it is a BIG one blocking me from following my life purpose. BASICALLY, i want to be some kind of life/spiritual coach/teacher like @Leo Gura giving insights to people to free themselves of their mental prison and unleash their full potential in life. For this, i will have to expose myself massively like he does with social media, sites, programs, YouTube channel and stuff like that, fully putting myself out there and this scares the shit out of me because of "mistakes" i've done in the past, not to get into too many details but let's say i was a huge asshole with lots of people, an abusive boyfriend and i get a giant fear of getting exposed like i see so many great people getting for shit they have done years ago and ruining their career and respect. I regret a LOT of things, maybe i am being too hard on myself for i hadn't the awareness i have now, i am working on self-forgiveness in order to give myself permission to be happy and successful, but right now i feel like a spiritual impostor. That being said, i think that my biggest problem isn't only about self-forgiveness (or is it?) but  that if i ever get exposed, most people don't give a fuck about forgiveness and won't think twice at condemning someone for life because of the mistakes one made in the past and i saw great people going down for this. 

Recently here in Brazil a spiritual guru (probably enlightened for real) got exposed for having sexual relations with his devotees years ago and went from God on earth to scum in a matter of days, losing almost everything he worked on building his entire life and the most loving people turned into vengeful devils in the blink of an eye. This scared the shit out of me. 

As a side note, my own mother is capable of doing such things as she is mentally ill (hard drug addictions), trapping herself in a rut of self-harm due to her inability to forgive herself for the mistake she made in her life (and they are quite abundant) which led her to an hellish downward spiral, i am talking about extreme low vibrations and capable of the most hideous acts. I am not even mad, she is a quite sad case at this point as she looks like a person that got possessed by the devil BUT she IS capable of trying to bring me down (and she proved this recently). I even kind of fear for my safety living in the same city as hers, i plan to move because of this but she can travel just to fuck with me as i will be exposed in social media.

Now the solution i thought about: basically to remedy this i think i need to be painfully honest and authentic with my audience, being upfront about my past mistakes without entering in many details but making clear that i am not some kind of perfect love and light being, or maybe i am but let's say that a lot of my past actions didn't come from this higher-self but now i am aware of it a realized i needed to let that shit go in order to give myself permission to shine and help other people, especially people that are in the place i once was. Maybe i inspire people to forgive themselves but i may be super innocent and idyllic here. 

Maybe this is a specific case or maybe this is so deep that it is universal as i am sure everyone has something they deeply regret about. Would love some insights on this one 

Edited January 20, 2019 by Recursoinominado

[creede]

The only thing to do is to be truthful about who you were in your past and how the work you've done has changed your life. Then you are not at risk of being exposed because you have told all about yourself and you are also showing that the work truly works. You can even hashtag your stuff with all of the crappy attributes you used to have to draw in the crowd who is secretly trying to change their behavior too.

[Hansu]

9 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

basically to remedy this i think i need to be painfully honest and authentic with my audience, being upfront about my past mistakes without entering in many details but making clear that i am not some kind of perfect love and light being

 

Naah dont do that. You'll lose the respect of 99% of people who watch your content.

I don't want to be negative nancy here but people are assholes. If you show signs of weakness, they stop following you. People dont listen to your teaching, they listen to your character. Even such things as influencing other people to bettering their lives comes not from your teachings, but themselves thinking they want to use your teachings. Some people even start thinking that they came up with your teachings all themselves

Be like Leo. He shows his humane side now and then, but as a whole his character is like superhuman, superachieving man. If you listen to his little glimpses of humanity he gives every now and then, you realize that he is pretty much just like us with same faults and every day obstacles he has on his journey. Despite this, the character he displays is so strong that you can dig all his faults out and you will still think of him as superhuman being with infinite wisdom and silly stuff like that.

If you give out your faults and be honest with people, they will only see your faults and not the wisdom you teach. I know, it sucks but what you gonna do? Ignore this fact and start up a Youtube channel that fails before its even up?

 

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@Recursoinominado I can totally understand where you’re coming from. Have you started your YouTube channel yet? And you just need to stop caring what people will think of you. Some people are going to love you. Some will hate you. Some will just be neutral with you. I will say keep making content and see how thing will go from there.

Edited February 14, 2019 by ExodiaGearCEO

[flowboy]

On 1/20/2019 at 11:20 PM, Recursoinominado said:

i want to be some kind of life/spiritual coach/teacher like @Leo Gura

Why you? Your phrasing suggests that you being a spiritual teacher is the most important, and getting your message across comes second place.

Otherwise, if your reputation is really that messed up, and all you want is to help people with your wisdom, here's a simple fix: hire a person to do all the speaking on video, and you yourself can be the content writer. Problem solved?

[billiesimon]

On 20/1/2019 at 11:20 PM, Recursoinominado said:

Ok, i am kind of stuck with this one and it is a BIG one blocking me from following my life purpose. BASICALLY, i want to be some kind of life/spiritual coach/teacher like @Leo Gura giving insights to people to free themselves of their mental prison and unleash their full potential in life. For this, i will have to expose myself massively like he does with social media, sites, programs, YouTube channel and stuff like that, fully putting myself out there and this scares the shit out of me because of "mistakes" i've done in the past, not to get into too many details but let's say i was a huge asshole with lots of people, an abusive boyfriend and i get a giant fear of getting exposed like i see so many great people getting for shit they have done years ago and ruining their career and respect. I regret a LOT of things, maybe i am being too hard on myself for i hadn't the awareness i have now, i am working on self-forgiveness in order to give myself permission to be happy and successful, but right now i feel like a spiritual impostor. That being said, i think that my biggest problem isn't only about self-forgiveness (or is it?) but  that if i ever get exposed, most people don't give a fuck about forgiveness and won't think twice at condemning someone for life because of the mistakes one made in the past and i saw great people going down for this. 

Recently here in Brazil a spiritual guru (probably enlightened for real) got exposed for having sexual relations with his devotees years ago and went from God on earth to scum in a matter of days, losing almost everything he worked on building his entire life and the most loving people turned into vengeful devils in the blink of an eye. This scared the shit out of me. 

As a side note, my own mother is capable of doing such things as she is mentally ill (hard drug addictions), trapping herself in a rut of self-harm due to her inability to forgive herself for the mistake she made in her life (and they are quite abundant) which led her to an hellish downward spiral, i am talking about extreme low vibrations and capable of the most hideous acts. I am not even mad, she is a quite sad case at this point as she looks like a person that got possessed by the devil BUT she IS capable of trying to bring me down (and she proved this recently). I even kind of fear for my safety living in the same city as hers, i plan to move because of this but she can travel just to fuck with me as i will be exposed in social media.

Now the solution i thought about: basically to remedy this i think i need to be painfully honest and authentic with my audience, being upfront about my past mistakes without entering in many details but making clear that i am not some kind of perfect love and light being, or maybe i am but let's say that a lot of my past actions didn't come from this higher-self but now i am aware of it a realized i needed to let that shit go in order to give myself permission to shine and help other people, especially people that are in the place i once was. Maybe i inspire people to forgive themselves but i may be super innocent and idyllic here. 

Maybe this is a specific case or maybe this is so deep that it is universal as i am sure everyone has something they deeply regret about. Would love some insights on this one 

Julien Blanc has undergone what you are describing. And he received this only because at the time he was being an asshole on youtube and social media. Now he's better than ever and doing self help like a champ.

The other people you see on the media are being attacked by stage green ideologues, because they are republicans or controversial figures who preach different values. 

 

If you keep a clean and peaceful online persona nobody is going to attack you. Especially if you are helping people to become more spiritual. Stay out of politics and out of controversial topics like religion and sex, and you will be untouched.

Now start your project 

[Emerald]

On 1/20/2019 at 5:20 PM, Recursoinominado said:

Ok, i am kind of stuck with this one and it is a BIG one blocking me from following my life purpose. BASICALLY, i want to be some kind of life/spiritual coach/teacher like @Leo Gura giving insights to people to free themselves of their mental prison and unleash their full potential in life. For this, i will have to expose myself massively like he does with social media, sites, programs, YouTube channel and stuff like that, fully putting myself out there and this scares the shit out of me because of "mistakes" i've done in the past, not to get into too many details but let's say i was a huge asshole with lots of people, an abusive boyfriend and i get a giant fear of getting exposed like i see so many great people getting for shit they have done years ago and ruining their career and respect. I regret a LOT of things, maybe i am being too hard on myself for i hadn't the awareness i have now, i am working on self-forgiveness in order to give myself permission to be happy and successful, but right now i feel like a spiritual impostor. That being said, i think that my biggest problem isn't only about self-forgiveness (or is it?) but  that if i ever get exposed, most people don't give a fuck about forgiveness and won't think twice at condemning someone for life because of the mistakes one made in the past and i saw great people going down for this. 

Recently here in Brazil a spiritual guru (probably enlightened for real) got exposed for having sexual relations with his devotees years ago and went from God on earth to scum in a matter of days, losing almost everything he worked on building his entire life and the most loving people turned into vengeful devils in the blink of an eye. This scared the shit out of me. 

As a side note, my own mother is capable of doing such things as she is mentally ill (hard drug addictions), trapping herself in a rut of self-harm due to her inability to forgive herself for the mistake she made in her life (and they are quite abundant) which led her to an hellish downward spiral, i am talking about extreme low vibrations and capable of the most hideous acts. I am not even mad, she is a quite sad case at this point as she looks like a person that got possessed by the devil BUT she IS capable of trying to bring me down (and she proved this recently). I even kind of fear for my safety living in the same city as hers, i plan to move because of this but she can travel just to fuck with me as i will be exposed in social media.

Now the solution i thought about: basically to remedy this i think i need to be painfully honest and authentic with my audience, being upfront about my past mistakes without entering in many details but making clear that i am not some kind of perfect love and light being, or maybe i am but let's say that a lot of my past actions didn't come from this higher-self but now i am aware of it a realized i needed to let that shit go in order to give myself permission to shine and help other people, especially people that are in the place i once was. Maybe i inspire people to forgive themselves but i may be super innocent and idyllic here. 

Maybe this is a specific case or maybe this is so deep that it is universal as i am sure everyone has something they deeply regret about. Would love some insights on this one 

I think it's a good idea to be forthcoming with your audience. As a spiritual YouTuber, I've done a lot the same for myself. I still keep a certain degree of discretion if the situation involves other people that wouldn't want to have me talk about it. But otherwise, I'm quite open about my shortcomings.

Now, if you're going to talk about spiritual concepts, you also should talk a lot of emotions and psychological things. And you can weave in that information about yourself about how you used to be and what patterns you would get into and how you transcended those issues and/or integrated your shadows. 

But if you're stills struggling with something as serious as being abusive or something like that, then I recommend holding off on doing it until you can grow past those tendencies genuinely. And once you can genuinely grow past those tendencies, then you'll have a lot of useful insights to impart to others who are struggling with the same patterns of behavior which will make your content a cut above most others who are just parroting learned insights. 

[Karla]

@Recursoinominado I agree with Emerald in that you want to fully work through anything you are still accepting about your past.

Based on your post, something makes me feel like you are focusing a lot on yourself.

When I have this hang up, it's helpful to remember the why.

You may want to remember the reasons WHY you want to contribute your life lessons, then your contribution automatically becomes less about you and more about who you are helping.

This can be quite liberating... 

[LittleMaslow]

Every person will give you different advice/perspective and this is mine: Own it. Be honest and authentic.

There might be people who are disgusted by you because of your past and leave shitty youtube comments and call you a hypocrite — who cares? Conversely, there might be people who resonate with you and your past because they may be in a similar spot right now and are looking for guidance and a model for who they could become if they really commit to bettering themselves. Those are the kinds of people you might not be able to reach if you were to keep everything hush hush and those kinds of people are the ones who most need someone to turn to. Your responsibility, though, is to do your damnest to develop yourself so that your teachings are pure so that you aren't the blind leading the blind. Blessings