I'm loosing my mind

[bejapuskas]

Hey everyone,

I was about to share this experience with you for a long time now, but I thought that it will just disappear after a while... It hasn't actually  I saw Charlotte's thread on how she's confused with this work too and then Leo came and fucked her mind even more, so I got inspired to actually go for it.  

About 2 weeks ago I had a dream (similarly to Charlotte), where I was in a school shooting and I died in that dream. After that I woke up and had this kind of realization, that the clock is ticking and I have to do something, so I did some yoga, meditation, breathing and then went to contemplate my death.

When I did that, I actually had this altered state of consciousness and all the barriers between me and other people mainly started to collapse and the self was fading away, but it wasn't Enlightenment, probably just some footprints of the Ox. But it actually meant a lot to me, because when you realize, that everyone is also you, you kind of want to become more empathetic, inspiring, kind, loving etc...

So I was trying to embody this insight as well as I can, it's going well, I have like no ego-backlashes what so ever, my happiness levels are through the roof, my meditation practice is better than ever, but still, there is this one thing - using my mind is just beginning to fail me, because I notice, that when I'm trying to think about something, I trap myself in these infinite cycles of meaningless ideas and then I have to get out.

What do you think is the way for me to bring this work onto the next level? Obviously, I will stay consistent in my practices, but this conceptual understanding is not sufficient for me now. This doesn't mean that I will abandon it, it's actually the opposite, but whether I go to watch Leo's videos or read some good book, it's all just ideas, that aren't really getting me anywhere. I was thinking about psychedelics or going on a retreat, but my parents wouldn't let me do it just now.

Any ideas?  

[Zigzag Idiot]

@bejapuskas Abandoning concepts can be sticky business. We can't escape the mind with the mind.

Everyone just needs their space sometimes to let things unfold and work themselves out,,,

Leo wasn't fucking with her mind.

Charlotte's just fine.

[Nahm]

@bejapuskas What you’re doing is ‘working’, and the ego says let’s do something else then.

[bejapuskas]

@Zigzag Idiot  Maybe I exaggerated it a bit  

@Nahm  So you think just keep doing the things that I'm doing (because it's going well) and not focus on upgrading it for a while?

[TheAvatarState]

@bejapuskas practice present, conscious awareness THROUGHOUT the entire day, that will be the next level. Bring the light of awareness into every task, even the most mundane, and then your life will blossom. Ego and concepts cannot survive in this brilliant light. ?

Edited January 20, 2019 by TheAvatarState

[bejapuskas]

@TheAvatarState Thank you! ? I basically posted this, so that I can get feedback from more experienced people than me, to see if they can spot some „devilry“ in this. I can see now, that it is probably just turning into another distraction, as @Nahm pointed out. I will just follow my intuition  Gotta go for a walk.

[TheAvatarState]

45 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Gotta go for a walk.

Undoubtedly the best decision you'll make today ??‍♂️⛰

[bejapuskas]

@TheAvatarState Yes it was, Eckhart Tolle is the man!