Getting Off Forum Before I Lose It

[kieranperez]

I think it’s time I depart from this forum. I’m using this platform as a crutch and I know there are genuine users on here that in a sense serve a support system but I don’t think it’s enough for me personally. I feel like I’m getting to a point mentally, emotionally, and in my utter just self-hatred and my life as a whole where I feel like I’m going down a path that might leading towards somewhere bad (I don’t want to say suicide because I thought I was personally past this in my life and thought I was done with but I feel like this might go there unless something changes) and I really don’t want my life to go that way. I don’t want to die this way and I feel like I don’t get the help or support system I need and I feel awful writing the same damn long posts just basically crying out for help. My life has no direction at all, I’m at home still, haven’t dated for almost 3 years, have like no friends anymore, live in a city I’m losing my mind in, and can’t stand waking up in the morning knowing from the moment I open my eyes that it makes no difference whether or not I get up because I have nothing going for me and nothing I really feel like I can actually do or any support system I can rely on as a bar to climb up a long staircase. I thought my life was going to be more than this and I’m afraid I’m going to waste my life and I feel like this forum is just becoming a place where I waste my time on because deep down I know I’m not strong enough or capable of getting a single dream, ambition, anything of mine actually accomplished anymore. I hope my comments and posts on here have helped at least some of you. I don’t know what I’m going to do, where or who I can go to for help, how I’m going to turn this around, who I can actually talk to, where I’m going to turn this around to, what I actually want. I don’t want to blame parents, teachers, whoever because really at this point my life has just been built on an extremely dysfunctional and rotten foundation. For those who actually have given supportive words of encouragement, thank you. It has meant something but it’s hard for it to make an impact just from the fact that it’s just more stuff over the screen and no one in my actual life.

Lastly, thanks @Leo Gura. I’ll still watch the videos.

[undeather]

You, my friend, need to get your life in order before doing more of the deeper stuff. This sounds like real depression to me and this forum is definitely not the right place to treat that. There seem to be a lot of unmet needs in your life like basic friendship, realatioship, sex etc. - so in my opinion, those are things you have to solve first. I was at a similar point once. Go visit a psychotherapist/psychoanalys if you are not already doing that. If needed, you can take an antidepressive drug to get over this depressive episode. A lot of people, especially on this forum, will tell you SSRI's are bullshit and maybe you have this opinion too but this is such an one-sided view of that matter and ignores all the good things it can do for people. Get better, wish you all the best!

[now is forever]

@kieranperez ok - i guess you need to do the step by step work now. do that by facing me - we are on eye height, i‘ve been there.

so are you taking any nootropics? why, for what, or why not? did you try rhodiola? i‘d do that for a starter!

do you have someone to talk to like a therapist, who can be a helping guide if you don’t see the person as a god or a devil above you? (seeing that person as a coach more than a doctor)

you need to leave that city - isn’t it obvious? find a city where you can afford a flat, and find a job there! or an education that offers shelter!

stop with these long posts then! ask simple questions, how to questions. when you start walking it’s step by step.

start doing lists, priority lists, find out what steps you need to reach your goals.

start walking man, you can do it! 

send you a lot of love, i know you can do it - you will find your way out of that pit and if you have to crawl in the beginning!

metamorphosis is a reboot from the start - you need to set up everything manually again. you always start with the start.

you start now - sit down with a pen and a paper plan it out. thats how every genius starts to plan his life, with the basics.

planing - research - planing - action

Edited January 18, 2019 by now is forever
if there is nothing you can hold on to at least you have a pen.

[NoSelfSelf]

You learned all this stuff,and dont even know what will make you happy fullfiled and you know nothing can get you that from the outside world i think you have to have paradigm shift that only happiness will come from inside and you heared it probably million times alredy but you are not getting it from inside and not from the outside(because you are concious) that created all sorts of mess and confusion...

[Rilles]

Try LiveCoach app.

[Leo Gura]

@kieranperez Look, man, just start doing the practices. Start doing the exercises. Start building one habit at a time.

You need to find ways to take the stuff I've talked about and exercise it every day. It's not rocket science. There are so many ways to exercise the theory.

[Toby]

What you write is classic "Dark Night" stuff imo. You intuitively know that nothing outside is gonna make you happy but a rest of egoic pattern still cling to this idea. Your situation is actually ideal to go deeper. This is the "limbo zone"...

 

[MisterMan]

Hey bro. There is this bloke. Trevor Ilsley. He's awesome. You should check him out. He does skype sessions aswell. If you like his content and are interested you can hit him up

 

 

 

Edited January 18, 2019 by MisterMan

[Enizeo]

4 hours ago, kieranperez said:

can’t stand waking up in the morning knowing from the moment I open my eyes that it makes no difference whether or not I get up

Isn't that amazing? Nothing to do, no pressure. Now you can just build something. Just for fun. Try some meditation maybe, maybe some yoga, maybe even some psychedelics. Sit in a park. Go to a bar, not to pick up girls, just be there. Try some sport you've never tried (can recommend climbing, it's sick!). EDIT: Or go to a concert! One of my favourite things to do.

Nothing to loose, it didn't make a difference if you got up or not in the first place.

And if you don't feel like getting up, just don't. Watch some Netflix or something. Drop your expectations of what your life should look like.

 

I can also recommend thinking about @now is forever 's questions. If you feel like it.

Edited January 18, 2019 by Enizeo
Added concerts

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, kieranperez said:

 I feel like I don’t get the help or support system I need.

When you trying to leave the existing support system, in this case leave your parents support, it's very important that you have the balance to do it. Simply dropping all the support without bringing a certain balance within yourself, you'll simply go crazy. And that's what is happening to you right now i believe.

Quote

 deep down I know I’m not strong enough or capable of getting a single dream, ambition, anything of mine actually accomplished anymore.  I don’t know what I’m going to do

Look. You already know what is your problem. The way you're right now is not fit to do anything. All you have to do is to bring balance and a clear mind. After that, living without any support will not mean anything, you'll be at comple balance whatever life throws at you.  but you need to invest some time and effort to it. This balance won't come from nowhere. 

I'm not talking about 12year enlightenment practice. I'm talking about a very simple thing witch you neglected all your life - balance. 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 18, 2019 by Salvijus

[The Don]

Hello.

Thank you for sharing your opinion with us.

I would recommend you a book called "Meditations" written by Marcus Aurelius.

It will help you, believe me.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Toby yeah thats exactly what it is i was stuck in the limbo i didnt know it has a name cool..

[Odysseus]

You have a vision. The foundation is laid. It's your responsibility to create meaning. Fight for it. 

[TheAvatarState]

Wanna know why you feel stuck? Because you know that you fundamentally can't find happiness out THERE in the world, and yet you're insisting on relying on others to guide you and do the work for you. "If only I get the help and support I need, I'll make it." You understand deep down that this is a dead-end street, and that's why you're depressed, with seemingly no hope. This is all self-inflicted, and yes, that's a bitter pill. 

At some point, you're going to have to admit that no one else has the ability to set you straight. Not that they won't, or that they're lazy and selfish, but that they CAN'T. You couldn't pay someone else enough money to do it, because it's not actually possible! You have to admit that you have deep systemic psychological issues, and no matter how much outside "help" you attain (mere baindaids), you will remain wounded until you fix your issues from the inside out. It's imperative that you take full 100% responsibility for you life during this stage. There can't even be a slight whiff of victim mentality if you're to become your greatest version. 

Now, if you want specific guidance on how to do this, then you're at the right place (I have a hunch you know what you should be doing though). You're just going to have to be proactive and specific, leading with purpose. If you decide that you want a better life, then the universe will be absolutely certain in giving that. 

[ajasatya]

@kieranperez thank you for your time here. i really hope that you do what said that you want to do.

stand up, open your chest and walk as a real man!

[alankrillin]

You would think people on a actualized forum would become completely different over years, go from your average salary to riches or be enlightened enough not to want to spend their lives talking about enlightenment on a forum. 

If anything this forum proves to me people can't change. 

They constantly in a state of wanting to change, and in constant mental masturbation. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

11 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I think it’s time I depart from this forum. I’m using this platform as a crutch and I know there are genuine users on here that in a sense serve a support system but I don’t think it’s enough for me personally. I feel like I’m getting to a point mentally, emotionally, and in my utter just self-hatred and my life as a whole where I feel like I’m going down a path that might leading towards somewhere bad

In just the short time that I've been here I've come to appreciate your expression of being.

I suspect you of being a Mercury (thyroid) body or essence type. Mercurials, it has been said, have a more difficult time in working on themselves than most of the other essence types. I'm not going to say the result of the difficulty because this note could then take on a seemingly harsh tone. Which is definitely not needed now. But the cause of this hypothetical specific difficulty is that Mercury types are the quickest thinkers and the most perceptive of all the types. They see all the little details that others overlook. That's both the blessing and the curse of it,,,,,

Good luck to you but please feel free enough inside yourself to change your mind and start posting as usual,,,, tomorrow or next week, next month or perhaps even later today. Metanoia is reversal or putting on a new mind or transformative change of heart. 

Freedom to spontaneously pick up and use the crutch again if needed without excessive inner considering. Good luck,,,

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, alankrillin said:

If anything this forum proves to me people can't change. 

People here grow and change a lot. People outgrow this forum and go off on their own. Which is exactly as it should be.

Don't create false limiting beliefs like that. I get messages, comments, and emails from people on a daily basis with stories of who much they've grown or changed.

Most people are never going to write a detailed public report of how much they changed.

[Shin]

3 hours ago, alankrillin said:

You would think people on a actualized forum would become completely different over years, go from your average salary to riches or be enlightened enough not to want to spend their lives talking about enlightenment on a forum. 

If anything this forum proves to me people can't change. 

They constantly in a state of wanting to change, and in constant mental masturbation. 

 

 

The people who actually have changed and have a good life just don't see the point to brag about it.

There is nothing to complain about ...

[Leo Gura]

@kieranperez You are being way too harsh on yourself. Go watch some Matt Kahn videos and practice some self-love and self-acceptance. You cannot change your life from a position of self-flagellation and self-hatred. Well, you can, but it's gonna be very ugly.

Being harsh with yourself just tends to heap ego on top of ego, problem on top of problem.

Slow down, collect yourself, find peace in the now, and slowly begin the process of assembling your life, brick by brick. All the resources you need are basically available these days online.