Why do people feel the need to share every experience they have?

[Ampresus]

At some degree this can really annoy me. For example when classmates come to me saying: "Hey man yesterday I had [insert negative situation], it was awful man!" Like dude... I don't care. Seriously I don't. No one does, including me. I mostly stopped sharing these kinds of things because I know how annoying it can be. Of course close friends and family are a different story, but even then I can still get annoyed by it. Why do people feel the need to share this stuff with me? Most people's life situations just aren't interesting for me.

This also happens when I try to get into a girl. You know, trying to socialize with her and stuff. Before I know it, she shares stuff that I personally find really unnecessary to hear. Like what she ate yesterday or what happened when she went out with a friend of hers.

I might sounds incredibly stupid, that is why I wanted to post this. I want to hear the different perspectives you guys have on this. Is it just that people are social beings, therefore they can annoy me like that with no problem?

[bejapuskas]

@Ampresus Why should I be bothered by this problem of yours?

[Leon_Mao]

People tend to bond over suffering is why people talk about their bad experiences; boot camp is a good example of this on one extreme. In terms of just random stuff like what happened like what the girl ate, people aren't good at small talk and more than likely she wanted to try to bond with you on some level. Also bejapuskas has a point, you should examine why you posted this in the first place it might be good place start in getting first person experience of why. On a scientific/evolutionary note it may be that our ancestor's survived longer by communicating troubles and thus preventing others from dying, thus those who are wired to talk more about problems lived longer and reproduced. It could also be more cultural than specifically biological, but could have a similar origin.

Edited January 17, 2019 by Leon_Mao
I didn't like the way I worded the first sentence.

[Virtually]

Being frustrated because of what people told me might be the reason I was shy. I was afraid that what I said would annoy the person I was having a conversation with. And that used to be a problem of mine for quite some time.

Potentially you can talk about anything without being frustrated. From what I've observed, the core issue is that there is something that you and the other person should be talking about. It's ok if you want to lead the conversation towards topics that are more interesting to you, but it may be that the root of the problem is that you are judging the experience as negative in some way (you say it's irrelevant), and that is preventing you from just talking to another person. In other words it seems like you consider these topics as irrelevant and so they shouldn't exist

In reality, what happens in most people's everyday lives is not that "interesting". They just don't let that be an obstacle to socializing. Why would they? The two reasons I think of are fear, and the desire to be considerate

And finally, if you are interested in reframing these situations, there is an idea I got from the school of life that can be helpful. The gist of it is that small talk can be an opportunity, or an introduction to talking about deeper topics (if that's what you are concerned about).

Here is the link

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/what-to-do-at-parties-if-you-hate-small-talk/

[Forestluv]

For attention, to feel important, to feel loved, for human connection etc.

[lmfao]

@Ampresus

Quote

Why do people feel the need to share every experience they have?

Two things come to mind from reading your question. I can semi resonate with what you typed. I have shared my negative experiences with people before, telling them annoying shit that's happened to me and I think its a natural thing people do. From a psychoanalytical perspective, which I agree with, I think its fuelled by the subconscious motivation to have other people join in on your outrage or to have other people help you in some way. You can't believe that some negative events transpired, you're pissed and maybe it is partially because of your subconscious sense of self-importance that you want to tell the world that such and such negative things have happened to you. It's a need to announce things to the world, because its unacceptable that these transgressions against your ego have transpired. 

What I typed above is only partially explanatory for some situations and not all. @Leon_Mao made a good point. I believe there's also a degree of introversion vs extraversion going on here and theres also the fact that you don't like small talk. I think the introversion vs extraversion dichotomy goes deeper than simply liking or disliking small talk and even if there are correlations, but those correlations aren't causal imo. Some introverts will bore me to death with small talks, other extraverts will engage me with their motor mouth if they're talking about subjects I care about. 

I'm yet to figure it out for myself, but some people love and some people hate small talk. I personally see this trait as something which is linked to the Intuitive vs Sensory dichotomy within the MBTI model of personality. 

 

And on a separate note, I'm not too sure what to make of introversion vs extraversion when I think about different states of mindfulness ive been in. Even if im in a higher state of mindfulness after meditating, im still introverted but slightly less so. A few of the patterns of behaviour associated with introversion are also patterns which I adopt if im depressed and feeling volatile in mood. 

[Jack River]

Seems to come from a place of isolation/alienation. Thought entering into the psychological field trying to create an opposite out of that state of isolation/alienation. 

Edited January 17, 2019 by Jack River

[Eric Tarpall]

People are afraid of being alone that's why they find bullshit reasons to talk to you. 

[bejapuskas]

@lmfao  This extraversion vs. introversion problem is interesting... Many people mistake extraversin for neediness to be around people and introversion for social anxiety, which is obviously unhealthy. I think of all people as ambiverts (can be both), because most of the time, it is about whether the other person is giving you space in the conversation and also another big aspect is whether you can actually be honest in the conversation and express yourself. In bigger groups, you cannot really express yourself that much and you have to be careful about what you say a bit more... But this doesn't apply to everyone obviously, it's just my perspective  

[lmfao]

@bejapuskas

33 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@lmfao   Many people mistake extraversin for neediness to be around people and introversion for social anxiety, which is obviously unhealthy.

Yeah true. 

There's a reason people mix up these different things, because it's true that neediness can disguised as extraversion and its also true that social anxiety can be disguised as introversion. I find it hard to tell the difference sometimes.

36 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@lmfao. I think of all people as ambiverts (can be both), because most of the time, it is about whether the other person is giving you space in the conversation and also another big aspect is whether you can actually be honest in the conversation and express yourself. In bigger groups, you cannot really express yourself that much and you have to be careful about what you say a bit more

Yeah, introversion can sometimes be a function of feeling uncomfortable with the group of people you're with. Someone who feels like they don't fit in anywhere and feels isolated from the world will act a bit more introverted than they might otherwise be.

I'm just talking from experience here. In the past I've been with groups of people who I really don't fit in with and I can pick up on the fact that 99% of the things I say won't be on their wavelength, so I remain silent. And something I've noticed is that if you're silent and don't give away too much about yourself to other people they'll project a lot false ideas and beliefs about you so it's important to put yourself out there to the world. 

[RichardY]

From Psyhcological Types C.G Jung. The introvert is skewed heavily towards subjectivism. (Cogito ergo cogito) "I think therefore I think". The Extrovert to Objectivism (Est ergo Est) It is therefore it is, (A is A)

---------------------------

Unconscious vanity; some equate vanity to pride, but the authors I agree with, in part; Thomas Aquinas  and Nietzsche equate it to a lack of pride and to envy.           

 

 

[lmfao]

@RichardY regarding your signature, do you dislike "Plato (Ideal forms), John Stuart Mill (Utilitarianism), William James (Pragmatism)" 

[RichardY]

@lmfao More of a process of elimination. And Geiger counter.

I had listened to the early Socratic dialogues on Audible, but disliked the later ones done by Plato, the language was a lot more flowery. I started reading "The Republic" but stopped after a few pages, as his logic totally contradicted the idea of having a state. As for the ideal forms, I think the idea was not developed sufficiently, having form but no substance to it, there's no means for any interaction, it would be like sticking clipart drawing into a document. It's not something I know a lot about, Leibniz seems to have used some of Plato's idea but given form substance and explained things as part of a larger being.

I consider utilitarianism to be Evil. It subordinates everything to man and makes him a facsimile.

------------ John Stuart Mill on Liberty

He who lets the world, or his own portion of it, choose his plan of life for him, has no need of any other faculty than the ape-like one of imitation. He who chooses his plan for himself, employs all his faculties. He must use observation to see, reasoning and judgment to foresee, activity to gather materials for decision, discrimination to decide, and when he has decided, firmness and self-control to hold to his deliberate decision. And these qualities he requires and exercises exactly in proportion as the part of his conduct which he determines according to his own judgment and feelings is a large one. It is possible that he might be guided in some good path, and kept out of harm's way, without any of these things. But what will be his comparative worth as a human being? It really is of importance, not only what men do, but also what manner of men they are that do it. Among the works of man, which human life is rightly employed in perfecting and beautifying, the first in importance surely is man himself. 

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Pragmatism also Evil. If 5 people agree to rob from 1 person for the greater good, I still consider it wrong. As a offshoot of pragmatism I consider democracy evil. Pragmatism though can be a seductive excuse or expedient, still evil.

Ultimately though I'm willing to entertain the possibility there is no evil, I've only found that theism supports the idea of evil. Kant's Categorical imperative falls short.

[Shadowraix]

It emotionally helps me process things that happen to me. And there's the bonding aspect. 

Some might find it annoying but plenty are listeners. I know sharing helps me and I desire to help people so I'm actually grateful whenever people share with me because I get to help them. 

Stranger or not I love to be able to listen. You can learn a lot if you really pay attention to how they live. 

[Charlotte]

Ego loves to talk about negative experiences. Telling everybody around them continues to feed ego by recurring thoughts of negativity. Understand they literally cannot help it as it's a negative thought feeding loop.

[Shadowraix]

58 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Ego loves to talk about negative experiences. Telling everybody around them continues to feed ego by recurring thoughts of negativity. Understand they literally cannot help it as it's a negative thought feeding loop.

OPs problem extends beyond negativity but seems to be more of the topic of 'over-sharing' getting told things he doesn't find interesting.

[Charlotte]

@Shadowraix That's why understanding the mechanics of the issue would transcend the 'issue' altogether. 

[Anton Rogachevski]

@Ampresus

Isn't that what you are doing right now?

Sharing experiences is the most human thing to do. There's a deep need to be seen, and if one doesn't have it, he starves. We are a social animal.

[Consept]

I heard somewhere that 90% of your conversations during the day are completely unnecessary, not sure how that's calculated but just from experience most conversations are small talk and are not really needed. 

I was with my family for dinner recently and there was a kid (my mum's friend's son) of about 4, and he was typical of that age, annoying, noisy, can't sit still. But I noticed he would actually try and talk to people, he would say stuff that's only relevant to him, but you could see it was a way of doing what the adults are doing and engaging with others. Obviously he has terrible social skills but the intention was to connect he just didn't know how exactly. 

I think a lot of adults are like that as well, essentially they want to connect but they don't really know how, and they're too worried about getting attention. Connecting with someone means finding a common ground between you. If I'm trying to talk to someone I usually think of what they could be interested in, I'm aware that I'm not that interesting so I wouldn't really talk about me but not everyone is aware of this lol. The book 'how to win friends' really helped me and I think it should be a must read for everyone 

[bejapuskas]

@Consept  Don't read that book to much though, there are certain people, who would just completely crush your hand when you give them a handshake and use your name in every sentence they say, you probably know what I mean