I'm going to need a bigger boat

[Mada_]

It was huge, it was everywhere, it was nothing. The ego backlash was fucking hard, but everything feels different the observer can still be observed. Everything became less serious and there was this slight tinge of insanity.

 As I'm writing this I'm thinking maybe the ego backlash wasn't as hard as i thought it was and i just went full circle, which is a kind of brilliant mindfuck and feels like a profound cosmic joke. Yes it is so empty, like magically empty. 

I am writing this because it felt like i was "high cosciousness" before, and now i wouldn't even call myself enlightened and emptiness is consuming everything i thought i was. And i want to share how humbling to the ego that experience is, because i literally can't imagine the sheer fucking cosmic floatitude the people who are much older than me and much more disciplined. But this shit is fucking worth it, it's magically empty. 

 

 

But anywAy - could someone who's obviously further than me share some insight on the feeling of insanity stuff? 

[cetus]

On 1/17/2019 at 7:05 AM, Mada_ said:

But anywAy - could someone who's obviously further than me share some insight on the feeling of insanity stuff? 

@Mada_ That's the collapse of the conceptual mind that feels like insanity (from the perspective of the ego). There will be more to go but the first time is the most ground shaking/eye opening just because it's so different. It all goes with the territory.

[purerogue]

14 hours ago, Mada_ said:

It was huge, it was everywhere, it was nothing. The ego backlash was fucking hard, but everything feels different the observer can still be observed. Everything became less serious and there was this slight tinge of insanity.

 As I'm writing this I'm thinking maybe the ego backlash wasn't as hard as i thought it was and i just went full circle, which is a kind of brilliant mindfuck and feels like a profound cosmic joke. Yes it is so empty, like magically empty. 

I am writing this because it felt like i was "high cosciousness" before, and now i wouldn't even call myself enlightened and emptiness is consuming everything i thought i was. And i want to share how humbling to the ego that experience is, because i literally can't imagine the sheer fucking cosmic floatitude the people who are much older than me and much more disciplined. But this shit is fucking worth it, it's magically empty. 

 

 

But anywAy - could someone who's obviously further than me share some insight on the feeling of insanity stuff? 

I had my fare share fun with loops, but they seem nothing after  you realize that what you write now is senseless, that every thing that you think you know, you only think that you know, which leads to  everything that I think and understand being a lie and not hold anything logical , as logic itself is a lie. 

[Leo Gura]

@Mada_ When all of reality collapses, yes, it will feel like you're going insane because you are unable to distinguish between real and unreal any more.

Most of what you used to think of as "reality" was just a thought-based fantasy. Including your own birth and the existence of other people.

Hang in there. These kind of insights can be rough. Truth requires acclimation.

[Nahm]

@Mada_ Awesome. Did you experience the misery / falsity get highly concentrated in the center of your brain and shrivel up into an intolerable single point, and then disappear, followed by the ‘rewiring’? Sound like the precursor.