Eager to evolve - Getting my shit handled journal

[flowboy]

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you!

 

Going to bed at 7 pm was great.

 

My friend said that physical stress and mental stress take from the same source. So it's not weird to need 9 or 10 hours of sleep.

So it wouldn't be a bad idea to go to bed at 8, or even 7, if I can.

[flowboy]

03/01

What went well:

• Spent 7 full hours cleaning out junk in my inbox that had been weighing on my mind.
• Now that I've removed the grocery shopping break, I can just go on untinterrupted and have most of the day's work done by 1pm, which is nice
• Energy is back. Got up at 5:15 without much resistance

What went poorly:

• The year has barely started and I'm already a week behind schedule. Serves me right for planning everything back to back without any breathing room.

How will I prevent that from now on:

• Tomorrow I will reschedule my year, this time with breathing room.
• I came up with a solution for the tasks that come up unexpectedly: I write them directly into an urgent/important matrix, and keep that separate from my monthly schedule. I no longer mix miscellaneous crap tasks with those that belong to projects that help me towards my goal. They come together only at the moment of scheduling the day. We'll see how that goes.

[flowboy]

04/01

What went well:

• Woke up naturally before 5am
• Spent 8 hours cleaning out my digital inbox, and finished right on time
• Experimented with answering texts during gym time, in between sets. Seems to combine well.

What went poorly:

• Did not reschedule year like I said yesterday I would. Will do that tomorrow
• Went running late, ha ha. That caused me to not shave or shower, in order to still start on time
• Spent a lot of time on meal prep during work hours. I felt like I needed to be eating constantly

How will I prevent that from now on:

• Put my running clothes next to my bed as part of evening routine! (I spent quite some time collecting them)
• Never miss a dishwashing. If the kitchen is clean, I have enough time to meal prep during the evening.

[flowboy]

Small changes in regimen

I decided I will go running in the morning 3 days a week, instead of the 6 I'm doing now.

For the past month I've worked out twice a day on th, fr, sat. First the running, later the lifting.

And while I can do it, working out 9 times a week is a big time investment. Skipping the run on gym days gives me an extra half hour of productive time, and additionally, it gives me the satisfaction of starting work before 6am!

 

I'm moving meditation to the evening, on those days. Reason being that I do not feel like the meditations of the past month have been of good quality. I was usually in a rush because there wasn't enough time left after the workout. And also I just did not feel sharp enough to meditate well.

If I do it in the evenings before bed, I get the additional benefit of it calming me down for a better sleep.

Edited January 4, 2020 by flowboy

[Bill W]

If you have given up smoking and alcohol that is massive. Huge achievement. Alcohol consumption is heavily normalised but if you can do with out it why not. You save money, cut calories, alcohol is a depressant and you reduce the risk of mouth cancers. Sorry to be grim. I am biased as a recovering alcoholic. The alleged health benefits of alcohol can be achieved by other means. 

Smoking. Benefits of stopping need no further explaining!!! 

[flowboy]

{ Still | Again } Overflowing with ToDo's

This really is a huge cause of stress that has not left me alone since my teens.

I always have carried a huge list of tasks, the stress of which has weighed me down. And understandably, that stress has also caused me to escape into excessive TV consumption. For months, even years.

Root problem: I feel I need to do things as thoroughly and completely as I can possibly imagine, or else I'm a failure who can't keep up.

That tends to mean: all the 'nice to haves' and side tracks just get piled on to the big priority list. To me, it's beautiful to have the complete project done, as I perfectly envisioned it.

Since I've been blessed with creativity and my mind is constantly generating 'nice-to-haves', you can see how this is a problem.

This also translates to responsibilities to others: I tend to come with lots of nice ideas (let's get a video camera! Let's organize a workshop! Let's offer to edit people out of videos, even though that will take somebody hours), and then since no one else offers, I make myself responsible for it all.

Meanwhile my thought process is: jeez these people are lame and unimaginative, look how cool it would be, we definitely have to do this!

I do at this moment not consider the cost of my perfectionism: tasks that sit on my todo list for months and stress me out, while I have no time to do them. After several months I might decide to get to it. By that time it's usually expired, someone else has taken care of it or no one expects it anymore. Still, it cost me stress for all that time.

Or I might decide to do a cleanup and reorder my tasks. I might divide them into poorly-defined projects (July 2019) and stash them away neatly. Or I might pile them all together again, and sort them by urgency and importance (January 2020)

I feel better for some time, but the volume of work is the same, and the root problem hasn't been solved.

67 todo's in the matrix, NOT counting planned projects!

That means about 14 full days of stuff, most of which has nothing to do with my life purpose.

 

Still, looking at them and imagining striking any of them, seems impossible. It's like throwing away a perfectly good chance at feeling good about myself for completing something.

It's like crossing things out is admitting that I'm a failure who can't keep up with the world.

Jesus.

I keep bashing my head against the wall here. I have to do something.

Edited January 5, 2020 by flowboy

[flowboy]

I am angry with myself for not doing what I promised completely and thorougly

1. Is it true? No
2.  
3. What happens when you believe the thought? My breathing becomes shallower, I feel tightness in my chest and a sense of haste and pressure
4. Who would you be without the thought? I'd be more relaxed, forgiving and compassionate towards myself, and in that way inspire others to also be more relaxed and less hard on themselves

I am doing what I promised completely and thoroughly

• The database project at work, I did exactly what I said I would do, no matter how complicated it turned out
• I promised I would organize the workshop and I made it happen
• I promised I would post something on the prayer board, and I did

I am not doing what I promised incompletely and halfway

• The workshop I did completely, even bought the gift
• The database project I did completely
• The time I researched the SEO stuff, did that completely as well

I am doing what I didn't promise completely and thoroughly

• Shit, that's true. The SEO stuff, no one asked for it. I put it on the agenda myself.
• The workshop. I didn't promise anyone that I would do it. It was just a nice idea.
• The database thing at work: my boss didn't ask for that! It was a complicated job and I created it, because I convinced everyone it was necessary!

 

I want myself to finish what I promised. I want to do it completely and thoroughly as I can imagine.

1. Is it true? No
2.  
3. What happens when you believe the thought? I feel proud, like I'm better than everyone else because I do these awesome things that others don't want to spend energy on. [Interesting...didn't know my pride was that involved]
4. Who would you be without the thought? I wouldn't feel superior to other people, because I too wouldn't spend energy on most ideas, however awesome. I'd feel similar to other people in that I'd do what I can without overstraining myself

I want to do what I promised as incompletely and superficially as I can imagine

Actually, yes that makes sense. Usually what I can imagine goes way deeper than what anyone else would. So my incomplete will be more than sufficient.

I do not want to do what I promised as completely and thoroughly as I can imagine

No, I don't!!! That takes ages! It's basically infinite, my fantasy, so I'd be busy forever.

• I don't want to copy MJ DeMarco's mindset stuff as completely as I can imagine.
• I don't want to buy all the music from the workshop that I have no use for
• I don't want to make a facebook group and stay in touch with people whom I really have little in common with.
• I don't want to organize a meetup.

I should finish every end. I should do things in a perfect manner. I should always keep my word.

1. Is it true? No
2.  
3. What happens when you believe the thought? I feel tightness. I feel stressed. I hold my breath. I feel obligated.
4. Who would you be without the thought? I'd have not such unrealistic expectations of myself. I'd be relaxed, knowing how much effort is too much. Being completely at ease with doing something in a loose and imperfect way, when it is not essential.

I shouldn't do things in a perfect manner.

That's right, I should not! Perfect means way too good for most things. People tend to wonder why I work so hard at something unimportant.

Actually, I even hide how hard I work, because I'm ashamed that I can't give up perfection.

I should do things in an imperfect manner.

True. Most things should be dealt with as quickly and efficiently as possible. Doing all the niceties and extra ideas that come with it, may feel nice, but actually it is stealing time from myself.

Other people shouldn't do things in a perfect manner

Hmm, come to think of it, no one should waste their time like this! Executing all your nice ideas is insane, you'll never get anywhere. I don't wish this upon other people either. I don't want people to add on all this extra stuff I'm not going to use! Even though to them that made it perfect, to me it is just spam I'll have to throw away, and even feel guilty about!

I need to be perfectly accountable to everyone I promised things to. I need to execute on all my responsibilities perfectly.

1. Is it true? Yes
2. Can I absolutely know it's true? No
3. What happens when I believe the thought? Tightness in my chest. Sense of pride. I feel my chest muscles tight up, and it seems to be connected to my sense of manliness.
4. Who would you be without the thought?  I would be actually more accountable! Because when I get stuck, I wouldn't hide, stress out, and break communication. I would be a person who is okay with disappointing people, and telling them something is not going to happen. Because he cares about his own sanity, and knows others do, too.

I don't need to be perfectly accountable to everyone I promised things to.

No one can tell the future, and miscalculations are bound to happen. Therefore, the expectation to be able to execute perfectly on all my promises is crazy.

Besides, I care about being dependable. Sometimes that means having to reneg on some things, so I can keep up the others. In the end, I care more about being dependable towards myself, than towards others. If I have to choose.

I need to be perfectly accountable to no one I didn't promise anything to

Come to think of it, I didn't promise anything! I simply talked about things that would be nice. Suggested some outcomes.

• I "promised" somebody video material, and there is now a problem with it. But: I didn't actually promise that there would be videos. I merely said that I would share what I could!

Flowboy is messy, flowboy is a failure, flowboy is a loser, flowboy is a liar, flowboy is independable, flowboy is flaky, flowboy is destined for failure, flowboy hasn't got what it takes, flowboy is unsuccessful, flowboy is a dreamer, flowboy is an asshole, flowboy betrays people, flowboy is untrustworthy, flowboy is a secondhand citizen, flowboy is weak.

1. Is it true? No
2.  
3. What happens when I believe the thought?  I feel shame, I retreat in myself. I hide from my feelings of failure, by trying to figure out how to do everything perfectly. I make crazy plans.
4. Who would you be without the thought? I'd be more open. Less closed down. More accessible to people and less in my head, because I wouldn't be obsessing over all the things I still have to do perfectly!

Flowboy is organized

Well yes, he is. Everything has a place. He keeps a calendar and a schedule. He plans his meals and his weeks. He keeps a list of tasks. He categorizes his notes neatly.

Flowboy is a winner

I won the fight with societal conditioning. I gave an amazing speech at my first attempt. I "won" my perfect job. I won over my shoulder injuries by taking appropriate measures and not quitting, and am now stronger than ever.

Flowboy is dependable

Actually yes. When I do (actually) promise to do something, in a firm commitment, you can bet it's on my mind all the time and it will get done. My commitments for the men's group for example.

flowboy is strong

Flowboy has the discipline to do things few others would. He won't violate his principles, which is strong. He is also physically strong, and getting stronger every day.

flowboy is loyal to people

Flowboy goes to great lengths to be loyal to people. He won't talk negatively about people, and is aware of what they expect from him.

I never want Flowboy to leave a project unfinished again.

1. Is it true? No!!! I want flowboy to leave many projects unfinished, so he can focus on the important things!
2.  
3. What happens when I believe the thought?  I feel like I'm drowning. trying and fighting to stay with my head above water, and inevitably sinking
4. Who would you be without the thought? I would be okay with not finishing things. I would be aware that to finish the important things, I have to abandon most other things that seem so nice. I would be happy that I let go of most projects and leave most responsibilities in an incomplete state, because I'd know that that's what enabled me to put all effort in what matters. I would be relaxed instead of always stressed and preoccupied. Sometimes I'd be sad that I didn't execute on this or that nice idea, but then I'd remember that that is the reason I'd still have my sanity. I'd remember this stress, emotional labour and crying, and know that finishing every nice idea is never worth it.

I am willing to experience Flowboy leaving a project unfinished again.

I look forward to myself leaving a project unfinished again.

Yes, I do! Please, let me abandon more stuff! Let me abandon the nicest ideas, please. It makes room for the stuff that matters. I look forward to leaving many, many projects unfinished in the future! I'm happy thinking about all the "promises" I will reneg on, knowing that it is essential for my freedom!

 

[flowboy]

It's not enough just to to do it anymore... I want to do it AND know why.

I've designed routines that contain the steps towards my goals. I can execute them mindlessly. But I had not considered one thing.

It's easy to forget WHY.

And there is efficiency to be gained there.

Go running in the morning because discipline. But... wouldn't I run faster and enjoy it more, if I were thinking about a vision of myself being lean and fast?

Go to work because I enjoy it, but wouldn't I enjoy it more if I had a clear image in mind of the sort of employee I want to be and the goals I want to reach there?

Meditate because habit. But wouldn't I meditate better if I remembered why, remembered every time how it helps me be more aware, compassionate and intuitive?

[flowboy]

So a short summary of what's been going on, is that about 10 days ago I had sex with an incredibly hot model chick. It derailed me significantly and triggered some hedonistic ego backlash. I've been eating family-size tubs of ice cream, drinking whiskey and smoking/vaping/eating weed for the past 10 days. I did not meditate or meal prep in the evening. Instead, I felt so addicted that I kept trying to meet up with the girl again, which didn't work, and then I turned to substances.

Until today.

Yesterday I deemed it necessary to throw out all my liquor and weed. If I have it in the house, I touch it.

What am I running from? There's a part of me that is panicking, because I'm about to become successful. I can feel it in my bones, I know it. And an old part of my ego is screaming: "That's NOT who you are! Go back to your hedonistic loser ways at once!"

It's fine. Getting back on the horse is easy now, I can do it in a day. Having processes in place is great.

Went to the gym. The weed has made me slow, but I pushed through. Feeling slowly becoming more positive and strong.

Luckily I'm also dating a woman who resonates with my ambitious side, and is not into drugs at all. So I can enjoy her company without getting derailed. She's really cool.

 

25/01

What went well:

• Made slow but steady progress in learning how to do accounting for my business. Even though I was in such an addicted state, it was hard to sit still and not masturbate, haha, but I kept at it.

What went poorly:

• Yesterday I was high on weed and I watched Netflix until 1am. Because of that, when I woke up at 5am, I realised that there was no way I could work like this, and chose to sleep in until 9. So the netflix and weed binge cost me half a productive day.

How will I prevent that from now on:

• I will keep in mind that bingewatching or hanging out past 8 directly cuts into the time I spend on my goal. Bingewatching till eleven costs me 3 hours of productive time, which is more important to me. So when I'm tempted to not stick to my bedtime, I will remember the shitty feeling of having missed out on the most important part of the day: a productive morning.

[flowboy]

27/01

What went well:

• Finished the business administration for the quarter. Haven't made a dime yet but here I am processing every fucking bank transaction and invoice by hand haha. It's going to be easier and more automated in the future, but first I needed to understand what actually was happening.
• Had good workout session. Feel strong, forceful, powerful, masculine, energetic!

What went poorly:

• Overslept a bit because I forgot to set an alarm. But actually, still got up at 5:45

How will I prevent that from now on:

• I added 'set the alarm' to my daily routine

 

[flowboy]

Slow, painful epiphany

My sex drive is enjoyable, but exercising it is sort of a bottomless pit. I never feel satisfied for more than 15 minutes. Never!

All these years, I projected that there would be some light at the end of the tunnel: a certain number of sexual partners that would make me feel satisfied. I basically reasoned: because I'm always horny, that makes my goal in life to have sex as often as possible

Every time I feel attracted to someone, and this restless energy and horniness come up, I would think that that meant that there is something wrong.

I feel like I desperately need to fuck someone. Or something. Therefore, I'm not getting enough and my life is lacking. It needs to be fixed.

I'm now realising that as long as I'm healthy, I will feel sexually dissatisfied to some extent.

It's a part of being a healthy, masculine man. Always feeling that I could fuck more.

This is something that comes up for me because I practice what others might call 'NoFap'. I imagine if you jerk yourself to Jesus every day, it is less of an issue that interferes with your day, because your life force is regularly emptied into a tissue.

But see, I like being full-on.

 

And actually, to have so much sex that I'd be satisfied, would get in the way of creative expression. I'd seriously get nothing done.

And I value creative expression. It's more important to me than getting laid, if I have to choose.

So, with my set of values being as it is, I am choosing to consciously endure near-constant horniness.

 

Time to unwire this belief that horniness means that I need something. That I should do something about it. That something is wrong.

It means that I'm alive, that's all.

 

I cannot tell you how profound it is for me personally to wrap my mind around it.

I'm aware of how obvious it is logically, but that's not the point.

For some reason, I've clung to the idea that I must have sex as much as possible, and this is the most important thing above all. That probably started in my teens, as an extrapolation from my sense of lack at that time.

 

Time to let it go.

 

[flowboy]

28/01

Tasks processed off the list: 3

What went well:

• Made a lot of progress planning my vacations for this year. The options drive me crazy, and there is guilt because it's not important.
• Had a good workout, and a more efficient one: started alternating pairs of exercises in the same place. It saves much time.
• Was awake and not sleepy well before the alarm went off!
• Had not forgotten to set the loud alarm, but did not need it
• Nice mutually inspiring conversation with friend today. We motivate each other. It's awesome.
• The extremely hot girl I slept with awhile ago, apparently did not lose her interest in meeting me, despite my awkward attempts at conversation. She's just a poor communicator (like me, haha) so you never know from a text. But when do you ever. I'm going to meet her again, even though it's a risk to my discipline because she triggers my hedonism.
  Let me live a little, guys. I deserve it.

What went poorly:

• Went to gym half hour late, because working on something. Decided to finish workout anyway and get groceries, which made me 45 minutes late for my last work session.
• Got groceries by hand. I want to have them delivered, shopping is a waste of time

How will I prevent that from now on:

• The consistent tightness in the gym workout schedule is fixed by combining the pairs of exercises, as I mentioned. Beside that, I will just practice even stricter punctuality.

Edited January 28, 2020 by flowboy

[flowboy]

Thoughts upon seeing hot girl

Do I want to fuck her?

> YESSS

Do I want to fuck her more than I want to be successful?

> Aaaahhh...crap. Why'd you have to put it like that! NO!

 

[flowboy]

As much as I'd like things to be different, I do not have time to have sex with everybody.

Some day I'm going to die. (I'm assuming - thanks Leo) and I am going to accomplish some stuff before that.

[flowboy]

I was about to masturbate and cum, but then I stopped.

I sat down, just meditated and I noticed a strong desire to create.

 

Create, create, create.

 

Solve the money problem and then keep creating. Forever. One idea after another.

Getting over the addiction to sex and masturbation is worth it, for the sake of creativity.

Edited February 8, 2020 by flowboy

[flowboy]

So I decided to move to a big city, and am overall feeling very certain and positive about that decision.

However there is some serious fear coming up. It was hard to work today, because of this pit of panic in my stomach. The fear is mostly about ending up homeless and broke, having found a job but no house. I would hate to have a job I can't even make it to. Or spend all my free hours travelling back and forth, feeling completely trapped.

Then there's the negotiating salary part, which I thought I was good at...until the pressure was put on me. Now there's a recruiter pressuring me to sign with them, and I wanna cave sooo bad, but I also have an experienced friend advising me to not take their first offer.

I can barely think straight, with the homelessness worries and everything. I even felt sick to my stomach, just out of stress and fear.

Now don't get me wrong: I take all of this as a very good sign!

A sign that I'm doing something substantial. Allowing the fear to be there. Daring to live in an uncomfortable state.

It also makes me feel alive. And I know that it's good for my growth. And tolerating this state, even making it my new normal, would contribute to my success, I think.

However: last night I woke up at 4:00 for no fucking reason at all. Feeling pretty stressed, like it was time to do something. This has not happened to me since ever, I only heard about other people experiencing this stress symptom.

Gotta learn to relax. Meditate, even when (my mental projections say) the walls are crumbling and the ground is collapsing under me.

If I don't relax, I won't make it.

[flowboy]

Today, I was able to listen to a coworker give a rant about Steve Jobs that I heavily disagreed with... without correcting him once!

I could just feel the disagreement building up, say "Mhm" and take it in a direction I liked better!

 

I will call this progress.

[flowboy]

Musings on LSD about Rules and being Controlling

Context: I was tripping on 1p-LSD with 2 friends.

At some point I decided to accept the offer to smoke weed. I noticed how it took away from clarity, and brought about a doubtful state of mind.

So I decided: okay, no more weed.

Then my attention went to this pattern of neurotically making a rule, as a response to noticing some adverse affects.

I wrote down the following:

Controlling!!!

No this, No that.

It's a tradeoff, to not have to feel into every moment what is right.

instead the rule corrupts you:

"if we go against our gut now, we can get pleasure."

So then later we create a rule: no chocolate.

But that's still a deal with the devil!!

A deal to not have to feel.

I think I was on point there. What I meant is that sticking to rules is not a solution to the problem of choosing pleasure over health. It only seems that way. Actually, what happens is that the promise of pleasure 'corrupts' my decision making when I do it: I smoke something, or eat excessive chocolate, while actually feeling in my gut that I shouldn't. Then to counter that, there is the neurotic impulse to make a 'no more' rule that I always have to stick to. This provides a false sense of security. Actually, this is just as corrupt of a situation, because now I have committed to listen to the rule instead of listen to my gut.

So I'm no better off neurotically sticking to rules, than indulging in whatever addiction I'm trying to get away from.

Because the rules only strengthen the habit of ignoring my gut feeling. Maybe in some moments it makes sense to have a bit of chocolate. If I feel that it is right, I should trust that feeling.

 

Of course there is the argument that you need shortcuts to not expend all your mental energy on little decisions like that.

But I would argue that positive habits do most of that work. The habit of eating vegetables. The habit of only buying things that I believe are good for me.

Those are different from rules: I am only allowed to buy what is on the healthy list. I am only allowed to eat vegetables.

Same intended outcome, different energy behind it.

I think it is possible to feel into a moment when it is right to eat some sweets, and then also detect when it is becoming addictive behaviour, or turning into a habit and stopping it. Using gut feeling.

[flowboy]

On 25-1-2020 at 5:25 PM, flowboy said:

It's fine. Getting back on the horse is easy now, I can do it in a day. Having processes in place is great.

Oh man, I could use some of that right now.

I have let the stress of contract negotiations and planning a move derail my routines. And now, I suffer.

My expectations of where I'll be working and living in the next few months have changed on an almost daily basis, for a few weeks now.

It's driving me nuts. But I'm going to stop letting it drive me nuts.

No amount of uncertainty is an excuse to let go of the discipline to follow a plan.

The discipline and workflow that I've been building, was really the most important thing I have.

I need to get it back.

Currently I'm in a terribly addicted state. Need to have constant voices playing (podcasts on youtube) to feel remotely sane and calm. When my own thoughts are so frantic, it's a relief to follow along with somebody else's.

I'm checking my phone in the midst of sentences, hoping that one tiny dopamine hit of someone messaging me will somehow be my salvation.

I'm listening to a podcast that I'm interested in, then all of the sudden I will start reading something and try to do both. It makes no sense.

At work, I'm gorging on coffee, depending on that frantic buzz to make me productive, after which I go way overboard and spend a lot of time crashing and recuperating.

At home, I'm washing half a dish, see some dust on the floor and start to pick it up. I'm desperate for quick wins, boosts of accomplishment. But my energy is not directed at one particular thing.

 

Losing focus is really the equivalent of tapping out. When circumstances stress you out so much that you'll betray your plan instead of adapt it, the circumstances have won and you have lost.

So get back up. Stick to the plan. As long as you're faithful to your own plan, you're still on track to win.

 

Talking to myself here guys.

 

Therefore, I have decided to not leave my desk the rest of the day, until 10:00.

I have made food for after. I have put bottles of water here.

I will only leave my desk to go pee, and for the one walking break I will do outside at 16:45pm.

[flowboy]

Getting up at 6am

So, I actually got some things done!

It was quite gruelling to sit there and do admin stuff from this state that I'm in, which I described earlier. My body is contorting and twitching, I'm having all sorts of nervous tics. But I'm sitting here.

Doing admin stuff.

As well as made a new daily/weekly schedule that I believe in.

I also decided to start getting up at 6:00 am

Getting up at 7 I really have come to detest. No time in the morning. I'm barely awake and already I have to rush off to work.

I loved having time to do a run and meditation in the morning, and check on the status of my website.

It gave me a sense of control.

Later I can bring it back to 5am. Hopefully soon. I liked it.

 

That also means that I'm not going to keep sitting at my desk until 10:00, but stop at 9

 

 

Still suffering from an ever-growing todo list.

I'm noticing that it's a systemic issue with me: I generate many many ideas, branches and details when I'm working on something. All of those feel important, while most are not. And then when I'm done with the task, all the related stuff is still there, so I'm never really done.

Next to my ever-growing to-do list in an eisenhower matrix, I have a Kanban board with about 30 projects, which are also todo-lists.

This is crazy. Almost all of those should be either archived or deleted.

Might be the P in my myers-briggs (I'm speculating, haven't actually tested). Very inclined to perceive related things, not very inclined to tie up loose ends.

My filesystem is fairly tidy, but has a huge amount of files hidden away from many years ago. This is also starting to bother me.

I wonder how much time it will cost to go through it. Maybe I should just delete that stuff blind.