Leo, did you see this coming?

[kieranperez]

@Leo Gura, when you were at your game design job in Boston and having that mid life crisis that you talked about in other places and also when you were first conceiving Actualized.org did you really think that this was actually possible for you? Not the success of having 800k subs or the following that you have now but the big picture understanding, the growth that you’ve gotten, the insights and awakenings, the self mastery you’ve been gaining over the years, etc. I’m not asking, is this work worth it. But do you think you could’ve predicted the kinda growth you’ve gotten to now back when you were 23/24? I don’t mean visualizing and believing it was possible. I don’t mean predicting you’d be this cool dude on YouTube. I mean, when you were contemplating your life, your potential, or whatever it is you contemplated when you were my age (23 going on 24), do you think you could’ve predicted this kinda personal growth, consciousness, understanding to the degree that you feel?

I’m just curious because this really is coming up for me when I really contemplate my death deep, get in touch with my intuition, and really feel what I ultimately want out of my life, which is - really feeling like a lot of this is fantasy. At the end of the day I don’t want to just run off into a cave and be some hermit. Nor do I want to keep living in a damn city where I live now (San Francisco). I do intuit this kinda blend between a Sat Yoga ashram/institute/community (btw, would you consider that a cult with all the doomsday stuff?), Peter Ralston, Om Swami, and you kinda blended into all 1 life purpose and I couldn’t fit my vision when I visualize it and feel it because that’s talking such a drastic change of becoming this spiritual master/mystic with high level big picture understanding and all this other stuff but when I think about it I look in the mirror, my bank account, my rapid ADHD monkey mind in my 20 min sits of trying to build concentration, my depresssion, life history, etc. and I’m like “this is a fucking pipe dream.” The extrodinary self mastery I’d need to not even reach what I even want spiritually but also to not turn into a cult leader and run stuff and also to just turn my life around now I’m like “this feels like a fantasy.” Yes in the abstract I see that it can be done (like that whole Ralston story in your interview with him buying a toaster) but I feel like this vision is crazy. In yet, when I intuit my life and I feel my ever bearing death just from the reality that this limited perspective (aka “my life”) will end and now that I’m getting older and I’m having that feeling of ‘holy fuck, those last 2 weeks flew by,’ and ‘good God, that was 4 years ago already...’ I just feel like this is what I’m supposed to do. What the hell else am I going to do?

I guess I could just use your thoughts on this. I feel like I haven’t been able to get this handled with myself, the life purpose course, or even other enlightened people I’ve met. I’ve met some at my work that I’ve talked to, at the Zen center I live near, and other places. I mean, going from a place of total self deception, no skills or money, a desire for an adventure (external and internal), a desire to connect deeply in solitude and silence, ADHD, some debt of $15k-25k, no car, car insurance you wouldn’t even pay able to pay because of such a bad driving record, victim mindset, depression, and the whole works... is vision REALLY enough? Not in that, will some magic LoA save me. But is a strong powerful vision TRULY enough?

 

[herghly]

Hey man, it feels like you ask very similar questions almost every week.

Is it possible? Maybe

Have people come from situations worse than yours and achieved material success? YES

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, kieranperez said:

do you think you could’ve predicted this kinda personal growth, consciousness, understanding to the degree that you feel?

Not in the slightest.

But I did have a powerful vision for my life, I was very ambitious, and I was following my heart. Which is really all that matters.

You are young. You've got many years to put all of those things in place. Obviously don't waste time sitting around on your ass, but don't panic either.

Right now what you're missing is hope and faith in your vision.

Vision is useless if you don't have rock-solid faith in it. You need to train yourself to believe in it. Visualize it every day with a hopeful vibe. Do not visualize it pessimistically, negatively, full of fear. That is terrible. That is counter-productive.

Holding a big vision is not easy. It is scary. Your mind will not believe it is possible. I used all sorts of mind programming techniques to reinforce my vision and overcome various doubts. But the most important thing is HEART! You must have HEART! That is what carries you through everything. Your life purpose must be non-negotiable. You are doing it no matter what. There should be no option for failure because you already know there is nothing else you'd rather do.

There will hundreds of doubts in this journey. You have to really cultivate hope. Not in luck, but in your hard work. Your vision will get actualized through honest labor.

And remember, a big vision requires lots of patience. You don't need to be Buddha by next month. Recalibrate your exceptions and split your vision up into smaller chunks, so you are not evaluating your progress based on whether you are like Ralston or Buddha. That may not happen for 40 years. And that's okay, you don't need that to enjoy your life.

[CreamCat]

That was a good motivational speech.

[CreamCat]

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I used all sorts of mind programming techniques to reinforce my vision and overcome various doubts. But the most important thing is HEART! You must have HEART!

Such techniques as visualization, meditation, and positive affirmation? What is heart?

[Rilles]

6 minutes ago, CreamCat said:

That was a good motivational speech.

Yeah, I want to screenshot that, I have low self-esteem at the moment

[Dan Arnautu]

@kieranperez Bro, just wanted you to know that I really appreciate the brutal wincerity, vulnerability and honesty from your post. 

I don't comment a lot here, Kieran, but you really struck me with this. 

Not many people are able to put their heart on their sleeve like that. Keep your heart pure, your head up high and your intentions genuine. You will get where you need to go if you keep this attitude.

Don't beat yourself up so much. 

If you want to accelerate your journey though, the best, easiest and most impactful way would be to start documenting your journey. Just flip the camera and start talking. Nothing fancy.

A lot of people can relate with your struggle. Your built up influence through pure relatibility could maybe get you out of San Francisco eventually. It will also play as therapy through self-expression for you, and you too will see that people can empathize and that you are not alone in this. 

 

[kieranperez]

@Leo Gura thank you. Honestly that really does solidify this whole confusing thing in my mind. I really do lack faith but I know my heart is pure in its intentions and desires when I really connect with the innevitability of my own death. I’ve really gotten so used to quitting, giving up, setting my expectations lower, and the disappointment that came with never being good enough in my older passions (sports - basketball and running) that I acclimitized to that disappointment even though I wanted more (not success but just progress and really just a break from all the failures and disappointments). I do have low self-esteem but honestly I do see a way out of this and I do trust what you’re saying. 

What gives me hope is when I do feel my upcoming death and I do feel what I want super deep that I do actually cry from my vision. So I think I need to anchor that in along with the work. Really trusting myself and in my capacties is going to be a big challenge but I definitely see my core issue and I see that it is changeable. I’m going to start doing Nathaniel Branden’s sentence completions and really anchor this is into my mind and get to work on all the stuff related to my actual purpose. 

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You don't need to be Buddha by next month. Recalibrate your exceptions and split your vision up into smaller chunks, so you are not evaluating your progress based on whether you are like Ralston or Buddha.

Can’t tell you how much I do that almost unconsciously. Really needed that reminder. 

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That may not happen for 40 years. And that's okay, you don't need that to enjoy your life.

This is why I love this site. Thank you for being honest about this reality. Needed that other reminded to. I get so caught up on, ‘I still feel anger, sadness, etc. so I still can’t enjoy my life.’ Like, I can’t enjoy my life until my farts don’t stink and I become some “purified perfect person” and I’ve see and discovered a bunch of deep stuff.

Thank you. You had a video once where you talked about how important you deem it to be in being honest about not only this spiritual work but success, relationships, anything and being honest about expectations and I wish you got more credit for that. I’m glad there’s someone who can be fucking real about this work not sugarcoat it all. Your genuiness will always be appreciated on my end. Feel better btw with sinus infection and rash.

@Dan Arnautu not going to lie. That really brought a smile on my end. Really, thank you. I don’t think I allow myself to recognize the strength in my vulnerability and self expression. All of what you said really did mean something. Thank you ❤️

[Shin]

Life in a nutshell:

 

 

[kieranperez]

I guess I just don’t really see where to start though either with this life purpose in terms of scaling all the way back from the vision itself. I don’t know if starting some other business that’s unrelated to my life purpose is what’s necessary or what. I’m really driven by scarcity right now. I’m in a city I just can not afford to live in either. Rooms here are like $1200 and what not and the pressure and downright misery I feel from being at home with my dad I feel like I really don’t have a future. This might tie with the faith part but when it comes to ideas as to what I do tangibly starting tomorrow and what I build and what not, that’s where I feel dead. I mean man, if I started earning money doing something and I had a healthy place where I lived on my own, man I feel like I’d be in such a better place mentally and my own development. In my mind it’s like, become a programmer or something like that where I could get another job and then transition out of that in a few years or start some other business that’ll be low cost that’ll give me the funding and freedom to start the next thing or something. The tangible action stuff is where I feel dead... as said and pathetic as it is to say. 

[kieranperez]

Scratch the last comment by me. Having a strong ego backlash right now and feeling super defeated and pessimistic and severely depressed. This life purpose and vision is really hard for me to hold and contain as it’s so far beyond me currently. 

[Leo Gura]

@kieranperez It sounds to me like you need to focus on handling some of your basic survival needs. Learn to survive in the world a bit more so that you develop a knack for success and getting stuff done. As you meet those lower level needs, you'll be ready to move up into higher needs.

A skyscraper must be built on a solid foundation. Don't worry about spending a few years learning how to do business. Business is important to learn. Practical skills are important to learn. You want to handle all of your survival needs so that then you have lots of free time to delve into spirituality, art, etc. It's kinda hard to do art when you can't pay your bills.

Learning to get practical stuff done is part of your developmental growth. I had to learn a lot of practical stuff before I could get Actualized.org off the ground. Actualized.org runs due to practical know-how, not airy-fairy spiritual ideas.

Go learn to be a programmer or whatever you need to move you along towards your dreams. I learned lots of scripting and programming because it is so useful.

[Bluebird]

Quote

become a programmer or something like that where I could get another job and then transition out of that in a few years or start some other business that’ll be low cost that’ll give me the funding and freedom to start the next thing or something

@kieranperez This is exactly what I did. Only I started my own web development business which gave me a more or less passive income, and has given me a great base. It took 2-3 years to get off to where it is now (though I didn't push it hard) and you can easily learn web design and development in 6 months to a year.

As Leo said, programming and scripting (and design / internet marketing) are super useful skills to have for any business. So maybe that is exactly what you need. By programming skills have also led to job offers building out a network of other entrepreneurs. Is this what I want to do with my life? Fuck no.

But it has allowed me to move out about 4 months ago and live very comfortably on my own which has compounded my growth.

Find what works for you, but I can definitely testify that web development works, it's a highly demanded skill. You probably know family and friends or they know someone who will need a website. It's pretty easy to get a business like this off the ground if you are good at what you do and willing to work cheap at a startup.

I'd be happy to help you and point you in the right direction if you are interested. Or feel free to find your own way or do your own thing, whatever works for you.

[CreamCat]

21 minutes ago, Bluebird said:

@kieranperez This is exactly what I did. Only I started my own web development business which gave me a more or less passive income, and has given me a great base. It took 2-3 years to get off to where it is now (though I didn't push it hard) and you can easily learn web design and development in 6 months to a year.

As Leo said, programming and scripting (and design / internet marketing) are super useful skills to have for any business. So maybe that is exactly what you need. By programming skills have also led to job offers building out a network of other entrepreneurs. Is this what I want to do with my life? Fuck no.

But it has allowed me to move out about 4 months ago and live very comfortably on my own which has compounded my growth.

Find what works for you, but I can definitely testify that web development works, it's a highly demanded skill. You probably know family and friends or they know someone who will need a website. It's pretty easy to get a business like this off the ground if you are good at what you do and willing to work cheap at a startup.

I'd be happy to help you and point you in the right direction if you are interested. Or feel free to find your own way or do your own thing, whatever works for you.

Did you quit development? What do you do to make money now?

[Bluebird]

@CreamCat I still do it, just not actively, if something comes in it comes in, otherwise not. I still have enough recurring revenue to almost cover my costs. Then I've got some (not much) income from my life purpose. 

I have enough savings now to basically cover the next 5 - 10 years of my life living comfortably (not excessively) assuming I make nothing during that period (which isn't the plan).

I'm undertaking a massive shift towards stronger enlightenment work, emotional mastery (personal development) and also firmed up my life purpose so now going to orient myself towards that.

I basically lucked into this though, there was strategy no doubt, but I'm fortunate to have stumbled into the path I took and it's set me up to be where I am now. I don't have to worry about money. Of course even with my savings, I did, only by doing the work and getting the money have I seen it's really not where any fulfilment lies. It's helped me transition to stage green as I neglected many other aspects of my life these past few years including love, relationships, spirituality.

But I'm in a transition phase away from web/app development as a business, and more to web/app development in service of my life purpose. Even that will only be a part, primarily I believe writing is a medium I want to explore much more.

Don't mean to hijack the thread. Just saying programming is definitely a worthwhile stepping stone and will be an in-demand skill for a long time, can easily start a business or get a low or high paying job. You may even learn to love it, as I did.

But I'm starting to fall out of love with it. It was a necesarry stepping stone to fully embody my personal development and also now my life purpose.

[CreamCat]

@Bluebird Is your life purpose about meditation and enlightenment?

[Bluebird]

@CreamCat Nope

[Tetcher]

@kieranperez are you using psychedelics ? You keep posting those threads that display ill being, impotency and confusion. Psychedelics or random practices keep energizing this pattern and you may end up crazy, broken down or who knows how it ends. A woman plucked her eyes after some drugs, a man cut his manhood etc. Someone on this forum manifested schizophrenia after 3months of breath watching according to him. So random practices in random environment can also do damage.

Also beware of actualized.org, Leo makes videos going in all directions, there is no master plan in his teachings, whatever idea he has in current timeframe he makes a video about it, depending on who you are it may confuse you tremendously which seems to be the case.

You need to stabilize your state, quite psychedelics and join an ashram for few months at least. You can volunteer in Sadhguru's ashram for instance but also any place you resonate with that will give you guidance and context.

 

[kieranperez]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@kieranperez It sounds to me like you need to focus on handling some of your basic survival needs. Learn to survive in the world a bit more so that you develop a knack for success and getting stuff done. As you meet those lower level needs, you'll be ready to move up into higher needs.

A skyscraper must be built on a solid foundation. Don't worry about spending a few years learning how to do business. Business is important to learn. Practical skills are important to learn. You want to handle all of your survival needs so that then you have lots of free time to delve into spirituality, art, etc. It's kinda hard to do art when you can't pay your bills.

Learning to get practical stuff done is part of your developmental growth. I had to learn a lot of practical stuff before I could get Actualized.org off the ground. Actualized.org runs due to practical know-how, not airy-fairy spiritual ideas.

Go learn to be a programmer or whatever you need to move you along towards your dreams. I learned lots of scripting and programming because it is so useful.

I literally felt a weight get off my chest reading this because I feel like I’m cheating myself if I go off and do something else. I have this vision of doing all this stuff like doing hardcore monkstyle meditation in a few years from now and go all Buddha and what not and pull that kinda combo off like I listed above (I don’t really like going into details because then most people read that as if I just want to copy other people and do what they did) and I look at like Sadhguru and sometimes think ‘how could I do that, become that, realize that on a much smaller scale?’ Then the whole money part of course creeps in and not having even gone up the maslows pyramid. I’m so good at thinking abstractly (although to me it seems perfectly concrete as far as I’m concerned) and I’m having more random mystical altered experiences every week with no history of psychedelics.

I’m rambling a bit I know but I do agree that just having the financial barings I need will give me a huge weight lifted off and more leverage maneuver and make decisions. I thought about learning business and entrepreneurship but I think it’s wise for me to be honest with myself that that might be too much too soon and programming and web development might be a strong enough dose of challenge for me to reasonably get the change and leverage I’m looking for at this stage in my life. Where I’m at with my emotional development and self esteem and outside relationships, I think starting a business is just too much for my to handle right now. I think greater choices and clarity will come once I start moving farther up Maslows pyramid.

The transition from being a 23 year old who hasn’t satisfied and integrated his lower to needs to pulling an Om Swami, Ralston, Buddha, etc. is a gap that I need to really strategize towards. 

Edited January 16, 2019 by kieranperez

[Socrates]

@Leo Gura Where do I find some good resources for getting my hands wet with business before I start my LP business?

I am looking into e-commerce, SEO, affiliate marketing, some basic coding, and social media advertising to get into business.

Do you suggest anything else?

Pls don't tell me if that is what want to do with my life, it is not but I'd rather make some money while learning how business works than working at McDonald's.