Feeling deep fear about pursuing life purpose

[hikmatshiraliyev]

Hi everyone.

I study dentistry about 3.5 years, but i do not feel any desire to learn dentistry. My father wanted me to become a dentist, because he was a dentist. Unfortunately, hi died at 2013. After 2 years i passed exam and started studying at college. 

I have not access to Leo's Life Purpose course yet. But i feel that, when i play my electric guitar, improvising solos, i feel alive. I do not feel how time passed. But i feel fear deeply. There are some reasons:

1. I have really strong negative motivation about money. I think that if i quit college and pursue music, i will not be able to even pay the bills. I can be a music teacher but that is not what i want.

2. My mom. She wants me to become a doctor. When i say i don't wanna be, she feels so bad. We live together, so i feel very bad too. I love her, don't wanna make her sad. 

3. Sometimes i feel good about dentistry, sometimes feel so bad. When i feel that " I can learn these stuff and make good money, then i can pursue music" feeling, i feel great. It is an outer motivation, it passes quickly. And there will be lots of lost years if i pursue dentistry.

So, i don't know what to do. Leo, i am waiting for your answer too. 

Thank you.

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

i will not be able to even pay the bills.

That's true. Which means you'll have to get some kind of job to support yourself while you work on what you really want.

The good news is that you live in the age of the internet, and a lot of what you need to do can be done from your cell phone and your room.

19 minutes ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

2. My mom. She wants me to become a doctor. When i say i don't wanna be, she feels so bad. We live together, so i feel very bad too. I love her, don't wanna make her sad. 

And what about what you want? Where's your voice?

I know this sounds harsh but forget about her. It's not her life and it's not her job as a parent to tell you what to do.

If she doesn't like it, she'll have to deal with it.

24 minutes ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

3. Sometimes i feel good about dentistry, sometimes feel so bad. When i feel that " I can learn these stuff and make good money, then i can pursue music" feeling, i feel great. It is an outer motivation, it passes quickly. And there will be lots of lost years if i pursue dentistry.

It sounds like you're justifying pursuing dentistry, even though that's not what you want.

You're young and you have no one to support financially. Personally, I'd bite the bullet, quit dentistry, get a job and spend my free time pursuing what you feel more passionate about.