Struggling to accept Spirituality as Real

[MM1988]

So ive been at it for over a year now but there are still some times when I just go "What the fuck am I doing here?" and it feels like its all not real or it doesnt work for me. And all these people talking about these experiences are deluded. 

How do you handle this, its not really ego backslash right? Because on Ego backlash you still know its real and its working because you wouldnt backlash. What are you gonna do, just keep going and hope for a sign from god ?

For example Ive been doing daily kriya for some months now and I still dont feel any energy moving in my spine or anything remotely like that. All that happened really is what you expect happens if you stretch and hold your breath. How do I even know if I made progress in yoga?

Edited January 13, 2019 by MM1988

[Nahm]

What do you mean by real?

[Forestluv]

Being comes prior to proof.

The first time I saw the Grand Canyon, my mind and body was overwhelmed in awe. Awareness was present, yet there were no thoughts. The brain’s thinking software was temporarily short-curcuited by something so majestic beyond comprehension. 

After about 30 seconds, the brain’s software repaired itself and thinking synapses were back online firing again. . . “How did the Grand Canyon arise? Was it shaped over millions of years? Did an entity help guide that process? What might that entity be and how could we perform tests to prove such an entity is real? And who would decide which tests, data and conclusions are true?”

After a few minutes of this, my girlfriend turned to me and said “We’ve traveled a really long way to see the Grand Canyon. Can we just sit here for a bit and appreciate it?”

The mind relaxed and there was being-ness within what IS, withought thought impulses trying to figure out what IS is. 

[Barna]

The main thing that keeps me on the spiritual path are these questions:

What am I gonna be when I won't have a body?

How am I gonna live when I won't have a brain to think with? 

These are questions related to my mortality. And I don't even have to believe in an afterlife for these questions to be effective. Because if there's nothing after death then from the perspective of the nothingness it doesn't even matter that I "wasted" my whole life with meditating on these questions.

[Anton Rogachevski]

@MM1988

By real I assume you mean "Is it worthwhile?" - To that I would totally say yes. Also it appears your expectations of "How is it gonna be?" might be a bit exaggerated. There's not gonna be a mystical light shining out of nowhere, spirituality is being very honest about your direct experience and not confusing stories for reality.

You are welcome to read more if you like: https://antonsjournal.home.blog/2019/01/01/existence-explained/

Also spirituality is a "hoax":

https://antonsjournal.home.blog/2019/01/13/the-meta-lesson-in-being-a-seeker/

[Leo Gura]

@MM1988 Like I said before, the problem is you have not had your first serious mystical experience, so you are doubtful.

The solution is to have it.

This can be done easily with 1 hour using psychedelics. Which is precisely why they are such an important tool. Advanced practitions do not need psychedelics because they are aleady had many mystical experiences and are fully bought in. Newbies need psychedelics to show them what they are missing, what it would take them 10 years of harcore practice to glimpse.

Psychedelics are the scientific way of finding God. They are totally empircal and easily replicatable. Clinically proven beyond any placebo or doubt. That's what makes them such useful tool. Never before in human history has there such an easy route to spirituality for newbies as with today's modern psychedelics.

This issue of doubting mysticism is utterly unneccessary in today's age. You might as well be doubting kangroos. If you doubt so much, why not just go to the zoo and pet a kangroo? It costs $30 and takes 1 hr.

[Shadowraix]

@Leo Gura I completely agree with this but there is still a hurdle of people just shrugging it off as an experience. 'oh it's just a drug it's not real' They won't delve deeper unless they see the flaws in this thinking. Many people go their whole lives shrugging it off even if they have an ego death like experience. The mentality runs deep.

[Forestluv]

@Shadowraix I've noticed minds tend to recontextualize their post-egoic mystical psychedelic experience very differently, depending on their baseline level of consciousness. To a Blue level mind, the experience may verify the existence of their anthropomorphic god, e.g. visions of Jesus and everything in the bible is literally true. To a hardcore Orange level mind, the experience may be contextualized as an irrational woo-woo induced mental state. 

In general, my sense is that psychedelics are not an effective tool until one's baseline development has reached upper-orange or green. I think the OP has reached this level of maturity.