A problem with opening up and connecting with people

[Conceptually-made]

For a while now i didn’t  create any meaningful connections or relationships with people. I feel somewhat different and awkward opposed to other individuals in our society. Although I don’t have any problems with talking to people i have a real problem with creating a true conversation where a person truly meets me and real connections are made. I had many great opportunities to create a relationship with a woman but my inability to open up was holding me back. I don’t know what to do. Although i am aware of this situation it is not easy to fix it. I feel like my personality is not really developed enough. I am well educated in subjects of spirituality and nonduality but I am having a problem with including this in my personality since it could really weird people out. I am 17 years old 

[Maya_0]

The key is that you want to stay true and honest with the other person about who you are as a person. You need to find confidence to express who you already are. Otherwise, you'll just be creating a facade of yourself in order to make connections that you think will get the other person to like you. The truth is that they will like you less if you're coming from a place of neediness, of needing to make a connection with them.

You're right that people who aren't into spirituality/non-duality think those topics are weird. But let them think that! If they think that, that only says something about them, not you. Don't force things to work out the way you want it. Connect with other people who are interested in spirituality so there is a better chance of forming a genuine connection. 

[Leo Gura]

@Conceptually-made Given your age I would attribute this mostly to lack of experience. Socialization is a skill set. Being intimate with women is a skill set. You need many hours of practice to get good at it, especially if you're shy, awkward, under-socialized, autistic, or very introverted.

Put yourself into a lot more social situations/relationships and practice being very authentic, vulnerable, and intimate. Not sexually, but conversationally, emotionally, etc.

Do not confuse sex for intimacy.

A little game you could play with yourself is to try to see how fast you can get real intimate with a total stranger. Like, walk up to a random person at a Starbucks and try to get intimate with them within 15 minutes of conversation. The trick is to do it without creeping them out. The first few times you try it you will come across weird and creepy. But through experience you will learn how to make it feel natural and positive for the both of you.

Oh, and BTW, the whole trick to sleeping with women quickly is building intimacy quickly. You can do it within 1 hour of meeting her through lots of training. There are many tricks to speed this along, like being fully present, having very strong eye contact, speaking slowly, smiling, being warm and friendly, and touching her body frequently in a non-creepy manner.

It's amazing when done right. But requires enormous practice unless you're "a natural." Which obviously you aren't otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation.

[Brenzo2]

It might help in the moment to experiment with breaking down the conceptual distinctions between what you consider opening up and being closed.

Edited January 13, 2019 by Brenzo2
S

[How to be wise]

@Conceptually-made why do you think that you need to connect to people?

Are you feeling lonely? Or are you feeling that you are weird?

[Conceptually-made]

@Maya_0 @Leo Gura @Brenzo2  Thankyou all!

@How to be wise I don’t feel lonely or even awkward but i feel different.  Becausa i am young i feel like i should be connecting with people more. But I don’t want to isolate myself because of being different and since true spirituality is very rare in todays society and especially with people my age i find it hard to really connect with others. But i guess the problem is more in me lacking social skill and authenticity.

[How to be wise]

@Conceptually-made why do you think you should be doing anything. Notice that this is the source of your suffering: “I should be doing this.” Who would you be without this lie? Free to do what you want to do.

Secondly, is it true that you are different? Where is your proof? Is it in ‘actuality’ or just a concept in your mind? Notice that in your direct experience, there is zero proof that you are weird. The only proof is in your mind, maybe as a memory. 

Close your eyes, and go back to a time where you thought you were weird. Be in that time and place. Now, just in that moment, is it true that you are weird. Just that moment. Meditate on this until you get an answer.

[Conceptually-made]

36 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

Is it in ‘actuality’ or just a concept in your mind?

Fair point

37 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

why do you think you should be doing anything.

It is not like i am suffering because i am beating myself for not being social. But i do recognize that a change in my view on humans and realtionships must occur. Since i have been quite isolated for a while and i was rationalizing my situation by saying that i don’t want to create relationships and interactions with people who aren’t into spirituality or aren’t as open minded...  But you still have a point since if I would’ve been let go to a significant degree i wouldn’t have these problems.

[How to be wise]

@Conceptually-made “it must occur” is that really true? Again, is the proof in ‘actuality’ or just a concept in your mind. I would suggest that you meditate on this.