Books/practises For Understanding Family Issues?

[Lyn]

Hey pals! I know this is a common problem most people face. I go to school in a different country but for summers I go back home and see my parents, but there is always tension and fights between all 3 of us, and then I go back to school leaving an even worse impression than before.

So although I love them incredibly, even seeing pictures of my parents gives me anxiety at this point. I'm intent on changing this completely. Now with a month left until I go back home again, I'm eager to have a deeper understanding of the psychology behind why we have tension the way we do and how I can go about correcting it.

Would anyone recommend some books to read that would help me understand this situation, possibly see it from my family's perspective better, etc? Any books on relationships (including familial/platonic) or just understanding others' psychology in general and how to interact with them so they are comfortable and can empathize with me as well, etc. I have The Four Love Languages on my to-read list already

And simply any other seminars to listen to or affirmations or activities that can help me (and perhaps anyone else with similar issues) out!

Thank you guys!

[JevinR]

I'm thinking getting to the core of their problems and fixing it/them

Edited April 14, 2016 by JevinR

[Lyn]

@JevinR it's not a specific tangible problem like I said, it's just a sense of tension from years of building up. This is not a problem I can tackle so easily like 1+1, and I think reading about psychology like this will give me a better understanding on how to approach the problems.

But I've found some books by Thich Naht Hanh mignt help me out so I'm reading them now.

[Nathalie]

@Lyn I think your intention is already so lovely and it's the best imaginable starting point for  a good relationship (with whom ever).

The difficult point is often when one comes back home from time to time, everybody has to climatize anew because a lot of habits have to be modified.. And often everybody wants to defend his opinion because of course everybody knows better and is right .. So a big purpose but a good one (I think) would be if you could stay very present, not willing to protect your own opinions but willing to see and understand other perspectives, asking questions instead of "knowing answers".

On the one hand it's seems so easy but on the other it's a big deal, so you can give yourself breaks, like concentrate yourself on your breath, on your body, go out for a walk, try to be humorous even if you use to find it serious..

Avoid to become personally, but point to  what you feel and understand not how "they" are

And above all, I wouldn't take those arguments so seriously either.. It's ok, you can relaxe, everybody has the right to feel what he feels when he feels it, don't you think so?

Always harmony is borring..

Do you know Ram Das? He said once:

"If you think you're enlightened go spend a week with your family."

I Mean, it's difficult for almost everyone of us..

It's always so challenging.. I think it too and I can be a little more relaxed by contemplating the whole time with my "loved ones" as a part of an internal (and maybe eternal) learn process.. I then look at the feelings which arise.. and I welcome them.. anyhow