Confession: I have a terrible work ethic

[Hardkill]

Guys, I've lately been feeling so guilty and disappointed in myself about my poor work ethic overall. Now, don't get me wrong. I've actually have worked very hard if not extremely hard on my hobbies including studying sciences, psychology, fitness/nutrition, doing weight training, running, practicing my martial arts, learning and practicing my social and seduction skills, etc. for several years. I also, graduated with an undergrad degree in Fine Arts from UCLA and I am currently studying for my Master's degree in Teaching. However, when it comes to actually working on studying for school or working on the job, I have perhaps the crappiest work ethic ever. The thing is that I always have gotten a lot of help from my mom with school and still kinda do to this day (I know it's super lame). Also, I've always worked for my dad at home part-time primarily on renovating our house, which we are trying to sell sometime this year. Yet, most of time when I work for him, I take too many breaks and I often procrastinate on a specific task that I've been assigned to work on. My parents, of course, have now been getting really fed up with me being such a lazy slacker.

I know this all so lame and pathetic of me and my parents have arguably spoiled me still to this day. However, the reason I often avoid working hard enough is because every time I do put in about a normal 6-8 hours of work on my job and/or schoolwork per day, I end up feeling so down and stressed out about my life and other stuff that's on my mind. For instance, if I am working on sanding a big floor for hours on a given day, I end up feeling so emotionally exhausted over stuff how my life is not going the way I want with my profession, where I live, my social life, my performance in the weight training gym, my running, my flexibility, my martial arts, my life purpose, etc. I also, have been used to watching a lot of vids on youtube on my phone or on the computer during my work hours a lot instead of continuing to do what I am supposed to be doing on my job. 

Btw, I have been diagnosed with ADD (predominantly inattentive) and mild to moderate clinical depression. I've taken psychiatric meds for these disorders for pretty much half of life, if not a bit longer than that. Obviously, it's still not enough.

I really wish I knew how to change my work ethic without getting so stressed out and depressed about my life. I was able to get by with this lack of solid work ethic during my 20s, but I am in my 30s now and I now feel like I've really gotten to a point in my life where I really don't know what I am going to do with the rest of my life if I can't ever get a hold of it. Not to mention, that I am even sure if I ever learn to live completely independent from my parents. Please help me out here. I really feel like a loser.

[ajasatya]

@Hardkill a loser is someone who has a commitment to errors.

you've already aknowledged your flaws. how come you're a loser? it just doesn't make sense to me.

start facing your responsibility bit by bit. visit the discomfort zone gradually and eventualy you'll become able to handle all of it. it's a matter of practice. take your time. you have some decades to conquer it.

[Key Elements]

@Hardkill this is for you and anyone interested in making it in this area. Think deeply on this. Write a book (or make a product) of your interest and try to market and sell it via entrepreneurship. Do an excellent job in the end. This process will take you places. Take it step by step.

[Hardkill]

16 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Hardkill a loser is someone who has a commitment to errors.

you've already aknowledged your flaws. how come you're a loser? it just doesn't make sense to me.

start facing your responsibility bit by bit. visit the discomfort zone gradually and eventualy you'll become able to handle all of it. it's a matter of practice. take your time. you have some decades to conquer it.

Well, I'll try that. However, I don't know how I will be able to handle the times when I get so down and so preoccupied about other things in my life while I am working. I get so easily distracted by all of these thoughts and feelings.

[Hardkill]

9 hours ago, Key Elements said:

@Hardkill this is for you and anyone interested in making it in this area. Think deeply on this. Write a book (or make a product) of your interest and try to market and sell it via entrepreneurship. Do an excellent job in the end. This process will take you places. Take it step by step.

Sounds like an interesting idea. However, what are the chances that this will ever become lucrative for me?

[Key Elements]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

Sounds like an interesting idea. However, what are the chances that this will ever become lucrative for me?

It will not be lucrative for anyone if the person doesn't plan, learn to make wise decisions, and take baby steps toward it.

Here's a little hint:

I know it's not going to be easy, but learn what is entrepreneurship step-by-step. What does it mean to create a product, market it, and sell it to generate passive income?

Unfortunately, most ppl in the world, will not even get past this point--only 10-20% will actually achieve this. It's not because they're not smart. It's because they're not open-minded or wanting to become well-rounded enough to try it. Keep trying this and find out. It can lead you to a career of your interest too.

___

Maybe what I just said is skipping steps for you. I honestly don't know. Do this too in the meantime:

You might want to see what career of your interest is in the job market so you could start working and becoming independent. Did you ever go to your university and receive career counselling? That may help open your options. However, in the end, you got to learn to make your own decisions.

[Krzysztof]

So from what I've heard people with ADD are terrible at focusing on tasks they hate, but they are excellent on working on stuff they love. Which i think you prove by talking about your hard work with regards to your hobbies. I guess the key for you may be to try and make money from what you love. Can you tutor people on science? Can you become a personal trainer? Can you instruct people on martial arts?

[Hardkill]

Guys, this all sounds good, but even if I do find some hobby or something I am passionate about that would give me the best shot to or even perhaps a guarantee to make me good money, I don’t even know if I’ll even be able to have the mental stamina or willpower to follow through with it enough. 

I mean how can I expect to ever independently run a business or independently make my own through tutoring or what have you, if I am still such a dysfunctional worker? 

Also, what will I do when I have really bad meltdowns in the future over failing something constantly especially when to come business related work?

I am not trying to say that you guys are wrong, but I still don’t know how I am ever going to get myself together as a functional independent adult? 

Also, I forgot to mention that unfortunately I can’t afford at this point in time to pay for a qualified therapist or coach whom I can see like every week or month to help me out with this situation.

Edited January 12, 2019 by Hardkill

[Krzysztof]

@Hardkill

14 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I mean how can I expect to ever independently run a business or independently make my own through tutoring or what have you, if I am still such a dysfunctional worker? 

Hold on, the dysfunction comes from not being happy with where your life is heading, right? If you work on what you like it looks to me like your thoughts about your life going in the wrong direction may be very reduced. Do you feel the same way?

Also, maybe a different kind of work may work better for you? For example if you need to work with people directly, this will usually give you much less opportunities for getting distracted or letting your mind drift in unpleasant directions. Work in solitude (like the sanding thing) seems to be a bad choice for your tendencies. Cause a) you can actually check your phone and b) there is no pressure comming from in-person contact or work with time constraints.

What kind of activities make your mind go quiet?

[TheAvatarState]

@Hardkill I feel you, cause my parents also babied me too much in my schooling, and while I was grateful for their help especially in my writing classes, it did NOT do me any favors overall. I think it would be mature of you to have a discussion with your parents about this, to really sit down with them and lay it out from a broad, high-level perspective. Know that your parents really mean the best for you, but they probably don't have the strength (because you'll always be their baby) or insight to understand the harm that they're doing. Do not shame them in any way, just tell them that in order for you to grow as a person, that you need to do things yourself. There's nothing wrong with a little help here or there, but you and your parents need to come to an understanding that this type of crutch is really harming both parties. Believe it or not, they will actually deeply appreciate this kind of talk!

Also, let me share something that will be a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. You are stuck in a rut BECAUSE of your negative self talk. Really try to appreciate this cycle, and you will be able to transcend it and grow immensely.

On ‎1‎/‎10‎/‎2019 at 11:56 PM, Hardkill said:

I really feel like a loser.

This right here. You have wrongly labeled yourself, and that is contributing to your lazy work ethic because you'll unconsciously put yourself at the effective operating level of what you perceive a loser to be. A loser doesn't have a good work ethic. So how can you expect to have a good work ethic while thinking of yourself as a loser? Do you see how this works? You are trapping yourself, my friend.

And I have good news for, you can un-trap yourself today. Literally right now. The key to overcoming this is through the present moment, which is a conscious practice that you'll have to develop at all times until it becomes habit. Accept your entire being exactly as you are now. All of your flaws and insecurities, everything that has happened to you has put you in this beautiful position to enact great change. Great things await you if you practice this, but it won't be easy and will take a lot of maturity and strength. I believe in you!  

[Hardkill]

6 hours ago, Krzysztof said:

@Hardkill

Hold on, the dysfunction comes from not being happy with where your life is heading, right? If you work on what you like it looks to me like your thoughts about your life going in the wrong direction may be very reduced. Do you feel the same way?

Also, maybe a different kind of work may work better for you? For example if you need to work with people directly, this will usually give you much less opportunities for getting distracted or letting your mind drift in unpleasant directions. Work in solitude (like the sanding thing) seems to be a bad choice for your tendencies. Cause a) you can actually check your phone and b) there is no pressure comming from in-person contact or work with time constraints.

What kind of activities make your mind go quiet?

Hmm, maybe going in the "right direction" would make things feel a lot less like grueling work. 

Sometimes working out or practicing martial arts helps to quiet my mind. 

However, I have to get this Master's degree in teaching. I already had to withdraw from an OT program from another university and I just recently turned 31 and my really really want to stop supporting me as soon as possible and I want to stop them supporting as much as possible. So what can I do to tolerate the workload I will have to deal with for the rest of the program that I am in.

Edited January 13, 2019 by Hardkill

[Krzysztof]

@Hardkill why do you have to finish your master? Do you plan any career out of it?

[Hardkill]

2 hours ago, Krzysztof said:

@Hardkill why do you have to finish your master? Do you plan any career out of it?

Yes, I absolutely plan to be a teacher for a while.

[Krzysztof]

Do you think you will have problems with your work ethic while working as a teacher?

[Hardkill]

13 hours ago, Krzysztof said:

Do you think you will have problems with your work ethic while working as a teacher?

I don’t know, man. See, this is the problem I have. I fear that I may be too lazy for that. However, I have to get this in order to start making a decent amount of money and leave my parents’ home for good. Again, I am no longer in my 20s. 

[Hardkill]

I am having a hard time still with motivating myself with work harding at my job and being independent. I tried already for a couple of days in a row including getting up by myself early in the morning without my parents waking me up, managing my schedule for the day, starting my schoolwork and job work, and I was able to do pretty all of that by myself. However, it felt very exhausting and overwhelming and made me feel so depressed because I felt like I was a victim of all of the responsibilities I had to take care of all by myself. How can I deal with the painful stresses of doing all of this myself every single day?

Edited January 30, 2019 by Hardkill

[BjarkeT]

seems like this is the solution.

[pointessa]

Hardkill, here is the elephant in the room that no one has addressed. You are in your 30's, I suspect you still live with your parents or they pay your expenses if you don't. Your mom is still helping you with your homework and your parents have created "jobs" for you, as a reason to continue to support you and you don't  take that very seriously and according to you, you take advantage of that.

I would be blown away if you did have a good work ethic, with your parents enabling you to be dependent on them. You have never had to work in the real world where you perform or your let go. Your family dynamics are very out of balance. Why your parents wish to keep you as dependent as a high school kid and why you continue to play that role you will have to figure out. The other side of the coin is, why have you allowed them to do so? No wonder you feel anxious about doing a decent days work, it has never been required of you. Your parents allow you to slack off and the worse consequence you get is a little disapproval from them.In fact, I would be concerned for you even if you were a high school kid with that kind of relationship with your parents. You are in your 30's, your not a kid, your a middle aged man. Have you considered striking out on your own? I doubt your parents can continue finding odd jobs to support you for the rest of your life. Have you considered that?

Edited February 1, 2019 by pointessa

[Hardkill]

On 1/31/2019 at 3:26 AM, BjarkeT said:

seems like this is the solution.

This video sounds all good, but I've already tried what he said before and it hasn't been enough. I can't always find something to like about a grind I am in. In fact, when it comes to deadlines and time management, I rarely can ever enjoy the grind I am in.

 

[Hardkill]

On 2/1/2019 at 7:09 AM, pointessa said:

Hardkill, here is the elephant in the room that no one has addressed. You are in your 30's, I suspect you still live with your parents or they pay your expenses if you don't. Your mom is still helping you with your homework and your parents have created "jobs" for you, as a reason to continue to support you and you don't  take that very seriously and according to you, you take advantage of that.

I would be blown away if you did have a good work ethic, with your parents enabling you to be dependent on them. You have never had to work in the real world where you perform or your let go. Your family dynamics are very out of balance. Why your parents wish to keep you as dependent as a high school kid and why you continue to play that role you will have to figure out. The other side of the coin is, why have you allowed them to do so? No wonder you feel anxious about doing a decent days work, it has never been required of you. Your parents allow you to slack off and the worse consequence you get is a little disapproval from them.In fact, I would be concerned for you even if you were a high school kid with that kind of relationship with your parents. You are in your 30's, your not a kid, your a middle aged man. Have you considered striking out on your own? I doubt your parents can continue finding odd jobs to support you for the rest of your life. Have you considered that?

I can't just leave my home, man. Where the hell am I supposed to go? I don't even know how I will be able to make enough time to work on getting even a basic job that pays adequately.