Military - Matrix - Cult - Stage Tourquise and Yellow

[ValiantSalvatore]

Hey,

 

I watched the OSHO documentary, but it is quite odd. Why so many people are going nuts at the college campuses, it is as if there is a hyperspace universe, that only a few people can sense, and therefore do not have the capability, to overthrow their emotional tantrums, at lower stages?

 

I tried testing sound I heard my name like a billion times as if someone would have talked to me. Either in a Ken Wilber, Shinzen Young, Ken Wilber, Leo's voice and other teachers, also it feels as if I am stuck in a matrix. 

 

The American military here flew a lot of planes over to Germany or vice-versa? the last couple of hours over the last couple of days and at the same time, yet feels as if more and more people are becoming more and more not developed?

 

What is all this crazy making about? I stopped listening to the radio for at least 1-2 years and sometimes listen to a cd etc, yet it feels as if they are mixing together sounds for what? In order to stop feeling the burden of desire or excellence social class etc.

I was quite pissed and could not deal over the weekend with my failures in meditation and during the home practice programme I tended to curse. Now, what are all of these commercials and people about running/walking around screaming bullshit?

 

I listened to the sounds of the world and hear my name. What is this? 

 

 

I keep up with all of this crazy content that is being posted, yet there are no relationships from where I am operating from. I argued with my mom just to make a scene because I felt it was the right thing to do. I have no idea, anymore what is happening.

 

It feels as if the people want to say their Name

 

I have no idea what social is anymore, it is as if it is a pattern of behavior, yet there is no real code in order to relate, yet sometimes it just happens like. Here:

I have no idea anymore what is real and what is not when I listen to all of this I am trying to work out my purpose and my life purpose and my inner shadow, yet I can't and feel. I tend to think existentially, what is constantly perceive as if there is some sort of political debate, and there are gods? Like what is happening, I was acting at home because I was so pissed that all of these masters talk about the same thing and I was all about intelligence. More intelligence. What is intelligence, manipulation etc? I can't understand, how I am in the world. I have no idea what is happening, after this change of the year, I can't understand all these changes.

 

My meditations are clear, yet my social skills are 0.1. It feels as if I can't deal with humans anymore. I want to join IG. It seems as if the conversation with Peter Ralston via video, was one of the most enjoying things, I have ever experienced, yet my thoughts were steadily predicting, his body language etc.

 

 

My meditations are moving into an enlightenment experience? But, I can't tell it feels as if my reality disappears and that I can see through reality as if it does not exist anymore. It is somehow can an intention even be true? Can my thought be true? Can an Lsd experience be true? What is all that about this stuff, I hear Leo's voice and now what I hear Leo talk, yet how does this change anything, in a paradoxical thing, it has practical consequences. It seems as if everyone wants to believe simply? Instead of working? What is this society even? All they do is what? What do I do? I can't relate anymore, for now. I have troubles going into my shadow, after some LSD experience, I feel they want to win the cup. It is as if my whole knowledge is evaporating, my intuition is not there. I can't tell what is this guessing game? It is as if I am turning anti-social. I liked and trusted Leo so much, it is as if I have to join a cult or a workshop and experience what is it. What is all this crazy making? I simply had a purpose during a meditation retreat, and now what? I am scared of dying. I swear to god. Yet, I keep hearing ravens, and thinking about symbols and meaning and all of that and trying to let go of all of it would be great, yet it seems like I am addicted to meditation and being inside a cult.

It is as if I there are gods but I don't see them and the whole bar of what I mulled over in what I conceived as some sort of truth, but I was so spoiled listening to videos not working out, and writing 9284028340982904382034098030924802 words in my journal, but I lied, I cheated. When I meet a monk and he was blind we did kinhin and I never thought that he can't see, I assumed that he can see. Like there are superpowers, but why? Does this core exist? 

 

 

I can't belief that enlightenment is turning into a competition, I wanted to use enlightenment ultimately, but what does an absolute beginner know, yet my thoughts are so retarded, how does that even connect, and all of this map making seeming to be unrelated to something? I can't believe that I feel like I am in a cult, and that it is great ! I have no idea, yet there are not many cults and teams around that want to work together, nobody wants to be competitive and abuse. Yet, everything that I was retracting seemed to, so before I was never dedicated to something, but I was quite dedicated from meditation and loved the increase in happiness, yet I can not talk with anyone about this, it is so difficult to relate, there is so much book knowledge around this. Yet, I still yearn for intelligence, but I can't understand, how frequency distorts and creates reality. First language, the culture, now sound, even touch. 

 

I can't tell anymore if I am having deja-vus over deja-vus or actually retracing something of importance. It is if I have started a game with others I can't end.

What are all these clicks sounds about? My head is hurting, and I can't again. Seem to trust anything besides, my inner experience. I most likely had two kenshos during the last retreat, yet I can't seem to trust my hearing perception anymore because everyone wants to be anonymous.  Like what is all of this about, I keep seeing white waves of steam or light when I focus my attention so much, yet I can't relax.

 

What does a shift from stage yellow to turquoise entail, I know that I seem to be so disconnected? My shadow larger than I assumed, and I keep failing and failing but I still move forward, but all of these weird vipassana noises my body makes or whatever that is, is odd. 

[purerogue]

intelligence is just concept, it holds no value outside of our relative world, so to say intelligence is made up and does hold no truth.

 

[Anton Rogachevski]

47 minutes ago, purerogue said:

intelligence is just concept, it holds no value outside of our relative world, so to say intelligence is made up and does hold no truth.

 

I suggest you to go deeper my friend. That's quite a rash assumtion about the nature of reality. How do you know?

[purerogue]

7 minutes ago, Anton Rogachevski said:

I suggest you to go deeper my friend. That's quite a rash assumtion about the nature of reality. How do you know?

I will no worries, I saw how it happens by becoming aware of how awareness makes up my reality.

You are k with people making assumptions just from non dual experiences about this reality being a play?Without really having any valid reason to say that it is a play rather than fact that things happen by them self, well I give you one more reason , just with real reason behind it, but I do not say that it is play, I do not know it, I just know that it is as it is. 

 

[Anton Rogachevski]

@purerogue

This might help your contemplation:

 

[purerogue]

6 minutes ago, Anton Rogachevski said:

@purerogue

This might help your contemplation:

 

Thanks for your concerns, but infinite knowledge is not your egos concern.  

[ValiantSalvatore]

@purerogue Then what is intelligence, just my brain or the feeling of a thought running through my skull? I wanted to have an experience of self-design one, where I could see that intelligence is a fabrication of intelligence. Sure, ego and concepts are part of intelligence and ego. But what do you think about this?

[luckieluuke]

@ValiantSalvatore Sorry your post is to random to follow easily enough. Seems you have alot of chaos in your head. Maybe stop thinking and practice letting go and love and focus on incorporation of your experiences.
Happy hunting!

[purerogue]

8 hours ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

@purerogue Then what is intelligence, just my brain or the feeling of a thought running through my skull? I wanted to have an experience of self-design one, where I could see that intelligence is a fabrication of intelligence. Sure, ego and concepts are part of intelligence and ego. But what do you think about this?

There is just that what is, you could say that there is infinite knowledge, infinite concepts, intelligence is something  human mind will call logical, but there is nothing really logical outside of our own experience, 2+2 could be =1 and could believe it is completely logical, imagine that you write fantasy story, world, everything in that world will be logical for them , but not for us, because you made the story, if that makes any sense to you.