From illness to vibrant health!

[Mountain-Sage]

Here I am. Up and ready!

My name is Gabriel, and I've been struggling with an illness since multiple years now. In the last year, the condition got worse pretty fast, and started a search for rejuvenation, for a return to health! The thing is, regardless of the changes I've implemented in my life (Yoga regularly, exercises, organic food, detox products...), the illness did not change, and kept its course on getting worse. It had some changes on how I feel, and it really did help me, but have not yet done what I'm searching for, which is a complete resolve of it. It's now been a year at least that I haven't woke up without pain in the body and a desire to be pain-free, along with an underlying frustration.

 

I make this journal now called ''From illness to vibrant health'' so anyone who is having such an issue can see and relate to, since what has kept me motivated the most all along, is to see videos and hear stories of people like me and even worst, getting back to health at some point, and so, I know that no condition is too strong for us to get back to health.

My condition is a strong pain in the lower back, that actually feel like my sacrum is being broken apart, along with gut pain like my intestine are inflamed in my lower belly and sometime stomach acid reflux, along with sometime when my energy simply drop for no reason, or well, for good reasons... I don't sleep very well since this pain is always at the forefront of my awareness and taking a lot of attention.

From all that I've tried until now, I already learned a lot from this pain, it has changed my attitude a lot toward life, has forced me to become dedicated, to give up my attachment to comfort and continue to do so, forced me to deal with what is not my desire to deal with and find creative ways to make it joyful (which is possible). The main thing I've learned is not to address an illness from a single point of view or angle. To try to solve it on the physical level only doesn't work, only on the spiritual level doesn't work either, or emotional or mental.

So that is where I am now, I am ready to take charge of this illness from all angles. I don't know if it will work, since I have a history of a year and more of anything not working and it is getting worse, but I'm not year without the confidence of keeping up and the knowing that things can turn around, even tho I don't know how.

 

My intentions are

• To eat as healthy as I know my body needs it, with complete honesty about it (including the refusal to eat what isn't what I need in the company of others. I had the issue of it being a question of respect, but really, it's not respectful to eat something that brings pain in my body for the sake of respecting others.)
• To exercises, Yoga and pranayama. (I found that pranayam seems to be helping a lot this condition, I cannot tell why or how, but the effect of health improvement seems to be the highest with pranayama.) (I will share the pranayama that I am doing later on.)
• To dig every day in the feeling related to the pain and bring on the virtues that make those heavy feeling obsolete. (For example, I found that this condition brought a lot of despair, which led me to find that I thought it was arrogant to be confident about such issues, I am in the transformative process of it and feel way better just to be in a state of confidence about it. We know that confidence is not rigidity, as I thought, but it's standing for who you are, and flexibility is still implied in being confident).
• To keep on with my life. With my passion. (I am very highly passionate people, when I'm in my genius zone, I think of great transformative ideas, and those days, in a very rational way. This illness has been the block for taking the next step since a very long time, the ''excuse'' I use. Although it is a very good excuse, I choose not to use it as one anymore, and so, will share here the initiatives I took despite being in pain.)

The last point is perhaps one of my main fears - Since pain is greatly present, it feels irresponsible to take actions in the direction of my passion and ambitions in life, it feels like I have to heal myself first, and everyone around me, family and friends, are agreeing on that... The thing is, I don't heal, and I stay home or go to the coffee shop reading, thinking and researching, while going forward feel as if it will never happen if I keep this way. So, perhaps the most ''dangerous'' or ''courageous'' and also ''crazy'' thing to do, is to move on despite it. If my body breaks apart in the process, it will be more satisfying than having stayed home for another year in hope in healing that never come. I don't even know if going forward will be a catalyst for healing, but staying in my routine won't for sure.

 

My life situation - I'm now living in my parents’ house, I'm 24, and have no job. It seems like a slacker scenario, but I've lived at other places, have travels solo by backpacking and have had jobs of 40 hours a week working in an office already. I've now settled in parents’ house in search of health, using my money for everything I can find related to health, I've focused on this quite a lot, I could even say that my life is turning around this at least 80% now.

 

So that's it. Writing this very post while my belly is inflamed and my back is feeling broken, and will post how things are turning around, I will post here every week until my health is vibrant, will post every initiative I took, what work, what didn't, why it did or not (if I understand why) and give advice for your own journey to health be as fast and complete as it can be.

 

May you be blessed with health, joy and love. 

Gabriel

[Tistepiste]

I will be following this! I wish you the very best an sincerely hope this will work out as you wish!! 

LOTS of luck, it won't be easy. And most importantly of all: don't give up! 

[Mountain-Sage]

Here I am, a week later.

 

I discover a lot of things regarding health, and the most important I have seen, and it's not new from this week, it's just becoming more and more evidence for me, is that, the most important thing if you want health in life, or actually, anything, is not the diet you have, but the attitude you cultivate.

This illness is also a gift since it put me in a place where I have to surrender a lot of things. For example, what I have noticed this week ''giving up'' within myself, is the desire to get rid of the illness, this is perhaps one of the hardest things, but in another way, happens naturally as you bath in the pain of the illness, at one point, there is a giving up, but a healthy one. 

I surprised myself of being able to welcome a great load of pain, where my organs were being inflamed, getting from my belly to my throat and then to my head, it was awful. What happened inside that I gave up is the unconscious tendency of making it ''about me''. This is very important, listen. I had the tendency that in those moments when the pain gets worse than myself blame would rise up proportionally, because for me, it was an evidence that I was doing something wrong, that I was not taking care of my health the way I was supposed to, disregarding the fact that I was doing everything I could in terms of actions. And so, I simply sat with my pain and remained with it, and found that in the volcano of pain, I could find myself comfortable, to the point where my desire for it to disappear was no longer there. I laughed and felt like a warrior, one who can simply be on the war zone and still be peaceful inside, since he doesn't see himself as a failure, but as the warrior he really is, and that the scars are part of what it means to be a warrior, and are more of a sign of success than anything else.

I also started to feel patient, meaning that the feeling I had meant this ''Health will happen when it is meant to, and if it's not there right now, it's not meant to, my part is to take responsibility when it is needed, to take care of my body, and for the rest, no matter how I feel, I can be at peace now, it will happen in time''. People don't tend to think that patience is something courageous, they tend to think of the reverse somehow, but patience is courageous, since it is not seeking something else and again something else, but is able to just stay here and strong enough to trust in himself and in life.

 

Regarding the intention that I've set, I followed them all.

• I ate as healthy as I could, organic fruits and veggies, some vegan meals and just paying attention to what my body is liking more and what not, following this. I also made researches and I am planning to do a gallbladder flush or detox, the one in the book ''the amazing liver and gallbladder flush'', I will explain what happened next week.

• I did exercises, but not a lot, my body has been kind of weak, some day, I had to sleep way more than normal, and still felt down, but I did my best to do it regularly. I did yoga every day and some simple kundalini exercises. I did pranayama, which I love and feel are very helpful for general health here are the exercises I did:

Wim Hof Method: 

 

 

Pranayam Kapalabhati

 

 

 

Kundalini Yoga: (This is more energizing and powerful than it seems, I might start reading more on kundalini yoga)

 

 

And traditional yoga, which I did in variations from YouTube videos.

• I have started to visualize myself healthy and doing affirmations to keep myself on the direction of full health, I consider this is also playing a key role in getting back in health, because if you don't keep track of where you're going, you might fall again on ''trying to get ut of illness'', which is more of a self-blame action oriented, when if you follow your vision, you feel more free and don't try to ''get out'' of something but ''go forward to'' something, which is a different dynamic.

 

Regarding the emotional work, finding what shadow aspect might be related to it, I had some experiences and am more and more convinced of what I have heard that the root cause of an illness is emotion. In some meditation, I could connect with my pain on an emotional level, and it felt like great sadness and great fear, I tho surrendered, like I talked above, my need for it to be ''solved'', and so, it was not so aggressive on making it ''solved'' and am trusting that the moment it has to come out, it will. Interesting enough, when I connect with those emotions, the pain is moving in my body and get to places it had not gone before, and sometimes, can even make me feel like I'm going to throw up, but it feels like it really is something that want to come out. The emotion follows the body movement and pain. Something I don't yet understand, but is just letting it show how it is, it might become clearer as I go, and will keep you in touch regarding this emotional aspect.

This is it for this week. I will do another post next week. I don't feel like I've been healed, but surely feel like I am aligned with health way more than I was, and feel like this is coming.

By the way, on the next post, I will be 25, since I am turning 25 tomorrow (15 January). 

Note added: Another important aspect that is game changer. Stay motivated and inspired on other things than the problem you are in, else you day will end up turning around your problem. I read about subjects that I love, inspire myself in new cooking recipes and everything that spice my passion, this way, I am driven toward life. Keep an eye forward, not too much on the problem, just enough for the problem to have what you need to solve it, the rest, forward  .

Have a wonderful day and be blessed with vitality, joy and love. May this post be a corridor for you to find health on your side also.

I love you.

 

Edited January 14, 2019 by Mountain-Sage
Litle note to add (Note added:)

[Mountain-Sage]

Alright so.

Right now, I cannot tell about my health really, simply because, I did a liver & Gallbladder flush. I've read a book called ''The amazing liver and gallbladder flush'' and seen recommendations for overall health benefits of doing this, so I chose to give it a try. I did it last night, and did not sleep the whole night because of the full moon, and it was harsh for the liver, I can still feel it being sensible. It was also harsh for the intestine, since you pass stuff through it that burns, it made me feel nauseous a bit. I did not have much stone, but has some grains and things. For now, I feel fatigued and cannot really tell if it uplifted me haha.

 

I've had an appointment with a naturopath today also, it happens that a lot of stuff was today, and so, was surprised to the kind of question and the kind of encounter it was. She asked more questions about emotional stuff than physical, which is good to me. She had a little instrument to measure the vibration that my body emits. I asked if emotions were related to the body and organs, she said yes, without doubt or anything, to her, it was plain fact xD. She gave me something to drink for energy, since I'm fairly low generally and gave me two things that help with the guild and rigidity, I thought this is interesting (to drink).

 

My lower back pain might be related to my fear to move forward and simply dare make big move toward what I authentically desire. It might not tho, I let the space for it to be it or not, there might be more factors involved. I so have the intention of being really clear of what it is that I want, on the heart level, and to let my old desires go, the revisit them with fresh eyes and to make the move.

 

I keep on doing pranayama, yoga and some exercises. They bring a lot of freshness and wellness, but seems not to go to the core of specific issues.

One thing that still makes me feel weird about this pain is that, sometimes, I'm sat and my lower spine feels like it's going to break apart (literally crack deeply and move in weird fashion) and other times, it feels strong and untouched. That, I don't yet understand. It feels inflamed when it feels wrong, and it doesn't feel inflamed when it's all good. I haven't seen what makes it one way or the other, for the moment, it seems random.

 

The main thing about this thread I believe is that, yes I go through healing modalities, through lifestyle changes and try things and all, but the fundamental of it, is how I change from within and cultivate values through it. This is perhaps the most important of it all. That's what I've learned most important of this health issue, and consider will always prioritize values over anything, since every problem, every issue, is an opportunity for our value system to become more radiant and strong.

So have I healed anything? Well, no. But it's OK. I keep on.

 

See you next week, my friends. Be blessed with absolute health.

[Mountain-Sage]

Hello.

 

So, this journey is interesting, although painful yet.

One of the main points is, illness makes you feel like you are losing everything so you can be ready to disown your limiting ideas and get ready to things you would not have considered otherwise, and I don't mean it in a desperate way, like ''help me, I'll do everything!'', but more like, the reverse of this. Getting into your integrity to the highest extent, you also start to be more open to people and let your true self be seen easier, since death is closer, less is meant to be maintained, less self-image to be preserved.

 

I've stumbled upon a book called ''Why people don't heal, and how they can - Caroline Miss'', and I consider, everyone having an illness would read this, and trust me, I've had a load of read to search for health yet, if you yourself are suffering from an illness, you should buy it, if you have a friend or family member suffering from illness, consider making a gift of it, they will benefit greatly. Caroline has been in the healing community for very long, and you can see through the book that she had a very genuine desire to make people get better, and so, questioned what everyone assumed was the right approach, and she got to core things that determined when someone was aligned with getting better or not, she also speaks about the chakras, if you never studied it, she is making it clear and don't elaborate too much, but says what is important, and make some links with other religions.

 

I still have episodes of strong physical pain, and when I say strong, it's that there is not much way to do other things when it's there, sleeping included... I had an episode while with a friend, it's difficult to simply listen, but I say all that for a reason, what is the strength in this kind of situation, and I know, this might not be what we want to hear, is to remain in our integrity, to remain aligned, which means, not to go in despair, which is the main difficulty dealing with illness I think, or any heavy emotion. I've been surprised how I can remain aligned while in pain, which feels like I'm still in the place within me to live a full life, but on the physical level, am in pain, that felt weird to see that I could remain good emotionally with the degree of pain I've been in, and it feels good to know I'm able to do that, and that helps me remain aligned with healing, since negative emotions like despair, will make me neglect myself and go in addictions that I know.

 

I keep on the physical wellness, I try different practices, some kundalini yoga, that I like, and tai chi a bit. If the condition that you're in allowing you to do something and take care of yourself, don't pass aside the opportunity, don't wait that you cannot, it really helps, body movement helps, eating well helps. This is tho not the main thing I believe, at least not for me. I believe the main thing is more holistic, and I've also come to understand that, it might be that, in a way that I don't understand, this pain might be here to bring forth my strength, which it does well. This is perhaps the aspect related to faith that this thing is here to help me, and I believe, I don't have to know if this is true or not, because the truth is, it keeps me aligned :).

 

So my advice to anyone who is dealing with illness.

- Don't make it the center of your life, keep on studying what inspires you, keep on doing things you love. (I don't mean to hide it, but try not to make it your ''identity'', but you can say that you are going through it, just don't use it to gain something from others by it, else you are saying subconsciously that you need this illness to get what you want.

- know that the illness doesn't mean anything negative about you, the deeper the pain, the greater of a warrior and a deserve for honor and dignity, not the reverse learned by society saying ''the deeper the disability, the less value for work and money to make...''

- Keep doing your art as much as you can.

- keep bringing positive changes to your lifestyle (perhaps even more)

- Most important, keep growing as a being and align with more value within yourself, use this illness to help you, just as I'm doing, because if you succeed or not in the end doesn't matter, but what you'll remember is whether you've done all you could or not.

 

May you be blessed with bliss, joy and fulfillment.

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Interesting report. Being in so much physical pain must make life extra-challenging (hard mode)...

Here’s my two cents: set realistic expectations, and don’t be so rigid about discipline.

A common mistake in self-development is trying to change too much, too fast. Try to focus on one specific thing at a time — such as eating better, or fixing your sleep schedule, etc... 

Good luck ? 

Btw - Nice images! 

[Mountain-Sage]

Hello Gabriel Antonio.

Your response makes much sense to me. This is something I actually struggle much, to make one step at a time, I kind of what to make all the changes at once, but what pushes me is the pain present with me about all the time. it feels like the pain is continually saying to me, ''what are you doing, help me.'' But I can't do it all the time, this provoques some upsurge of emotions by time, since I feel like I'm not doing what I have to, when if I look at my actions, I really am doing what I have to. I took charge of my nutrition, I'm doing exercised and actually subscribed at the gym this week.

I'm visualizing, praying, reading, everything... I would take it easy and let it come my way by itself if it was not to a continual pain with me.

I have days where I meditate and go inward for hours and hours, hoping to alleviate the pain, sometime diving within it and feeling emotions and stuff moving, but I kind of am aggressive in my approach, I am seeing this tendency of mine, but find it difficult to go smoothly, because it's like saying ''relax'' when it's your very clothes that are on fire.

It built a lot of resilience of mind for sure, since I keep track of being as most as I can equanimous (no anger against the pain, simply aligned). But it's hard.

Thank you for this advice, which is not the first time I get, and find it very relevant, just am struggling in the application of it.

Do you think you would have advises for the application of going more slow and trusting in the process?

Thank you.

And yes indeed, the images are well beautiful.  

Edited February 4, 2019 by Mountain-Sage

[Mountain-Sage]

Week 5!

 

Hello.

Here I am.

OK. Physically, there is no improvement.

This journey ends up being an inner one, completely!

When I think there is something outside to be done, I'm always misleading, because only the right inner environment can make something happen.

I'm discovering things about myself, the still are hard to change, but at the same time, thank you for putting me against a wall illness, since I wonder if I would make the step otherwise.

I keep on doing what I have to outwardly, taking care of myself, and if you say, it's about both worlds, taking care of yourself physically, taking care of yourself inwardly, but the truth is, you won't take care of yourself outwardly if you don't inwardly, the expression of your outside care comes from an inner change first. Every attribute, every value that you give energy to, find expression in the world. When you are more committed inside, boom, physical expression of your commitment find expression. When you are giving more energy to your listening and deeper hearing, you end up hearing more outside. Whatever happens start inside. And so, this search has become a complete inner one.

I have meditated yesterday and the day before, I did the meditation in the video I will share below.

This has led me to very intriguing discoveries, I would have difficulties explaining, but I think I could cure myself by this technique, I think I could make myself throw up the illness or transform it somehow, since I had experiences that made some movement within it, that's difficult to explain what it is, since I don't understand it, but my intuition and curiosity makes me want to go deeper. Doubt creeps up also since how crazy is that, no one would agree with me in the everyday world ''oh yeah, have an illness, meditate and focus on your feelings, and let them be as they are and go deeper'' xD. They all say the same thing, have you gone to the doctor? Outside this question, they cannot help. Nothing against them, I love them, but I am also dedicated to finding the solution.

I have to admit that aside my insecurity concerning this issue, all the benefits of it are very appreciative. I can be in the presence of pretty much anyone and feel socially free to be myself, to a great extent. I am also very centered, since all this pain made me find equanimity in the midst of fire.

 

I named it tho, I am insecure about it, I don't trust a lot that things will happen, but this statement change from ''I am completely trusting and committed'' to ''It won't happen, I don't want to do it anymore''. I believe this is because my trust is still based on perceived result, and so, if I see little improvement, I get excited, and if I see worsening, I get insecure. And so, I have to ground my trust in something other than perceived result. I have to be ''unconditionally committed'' or ''unconditionally trusting''. I know it won't happen tomorrow, but that's the direction!

 

Here is the meditation, really interesting and powerful one.

So. Here I am. I will be glad to express my healing to all of you, and how it transformed me.

I will keep on this tread until full vitality is back, or death! (Meaning that if there are no more thread and no conclusion, hmm, light a candle I guess hahaha.  )

If you want to contribute and say something, or have wonderful replies, or simple words of support, they are appreciated, and if you only read this post, I love you.

 

May you be blessed with joy.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Thank you for having the courage and the security within yourself to say I Love You to everyone. Men for the most part are shut off from their feelings and the ability to express themselves that way. And it's a poorer world because of it.

Edited February 5, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[Mountain-Sage]

You're right, I even think that there might be a compensation in the self-help community to become greater in achieving things to compensate from the simplicity of having an intimate moment of simply saying how we feel to someone.

Funny enough, I wrote to a friend about 30 min ago and I just sent him a message of appreciation that he is in my life, but it was written with no ''vulgar'' language, plain ''thank you for being in my life, you are a wonderful person and I want you to know it'', and he replied that he was wondering what kind of film maker told me to write that. I know he took it, he is very open, but he still has this little ''fear of intimacy''. What I wanted to say about this is, I also had the thought of where it might come from, and it is that in our history, people who spoke such a loving word were very often people who said those things to get something from us, saying very loving words by hope you won't get away and will be there forever... So we kind of see too loving words as ''hooks'' or ''danger sign of over attachment'', when in fact, that can be honest love, simply.

I would say, let's not wait for others to feel ready for honesty and intimacy, let's express it and show the people that it's safe to be open.

So, may all be blessed with an open heart I love you. 

[creede]

@Mountain-Sage  Gabriel, your journal entries have moved me very deeply. First off I want to say that you may very well be the healthiest person I have ever encountered. Your true health cannot be disguised by your so called bodily issues... the nature of your soul is radiating through your posts.

It seems that your soul has chosen a challenging journey in this lifetime and rather than turning your back from what is occurring and falling into addictions or self sabotage or victim-hood you have chosen to turn into the flames.

When you said in your post that you are a warrior I hope that the feeling of all of life was pulsing through you as you wrote it... it is in me now I as I acknowledge you as a warrior. You are absolutely a warrior and braver than most.

I studied from a book called A Course in Miracles, and I believe in Miracles. The book explains them like this: A miracle is a correction. It does not create, nor really change at all. It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false... I believe that this is exactly what is happening for you. You are turning toward life rather than retreating, even when there is a sensation of radical pain, and seeing that it is an inside job and fearlessly turning inward.

https://acourseinmiraclesnow.com/a-course-in-miracles-workbook-13-what-is-a-miracle/  Here's the link to the whole passage about miracles

I am proud of you, your task does not appear to be an easy one, but I sense your absolute commitment. from my soul to yours I want to repeat this, your absolute health radiates from these posts... carry on.

All of my Love

chelsea

 

 

[Mountain-Sage]

@creede Thank you very much, it is very appreciated receiving such a wonderful message.

Yes, I already know a course in miracles and am sometimes reading the lessons, I just did today, funny enough.

It is indeed not easy and right now, it seems even worse than it was, in body terms.

 

I sure never give up, in fact, giving up no longer is in my mind.

I sure sometime victimize myself, I'm not sure it would be possible not to victimize ''at all'', in this kind of situation.

The main issue is the powerlessness feeling that it brings, but I find myself more interested to discover more about what is happening.

I would sure love that people don't have to go through such difficulties for them to grow haha.

If I had to give advice to someone regarding an illness, I would say something that seems not nice to hear, but it would be, ''choose to be here''.

The illness is making you desire to be anywhere else but here, this provoque anxiety, fear, restlessness and everything else than ease.

When you choose to be here, your illness does not disappear, in fact, you might feel it even more, and the more you're here, the more you feel its presence, but at a certain point, a space where you can be here in its presence and be less and less moved by it arises.

I could not even promise healing from this, since the approach from the consciousness point of view, desiring to heal is ''not wanting to be here''.

I would also say, do what is helping your health even when you feel you cannot do it. Again, counterintuitive a lot, it takes will, cause it can, at time, feel like your health practices are completely obsolete and won't work, the feeling really makes it appear as real, if you keep acting on your health habit in those moments, it will be very helpful, even tho it's when it's the most difficult.

 

So yeah, difficult time reveals the one in you able to face a difficult time, simple xD. It also strip off all parts who are ''unable'' to face it, one by one.

The thing I'm most grateful about this condition is the authenticity and ease of life it provides, since death becomes your teacher of every day.

 

Those last two weeks, I've added to my habits chi-gong and sexual transmutation. Yet, it has not brought health, but it has brought energy and vitality, which make me able to go through days without falling apart as I did before. I am more and more disciplined about eating habit, since now the consequences of bad eating are apparent and bad... I don't miss eating food that is not good for me, I have now cultivated a taste for good food, and will stay with it after my recovery . (Also started fermenting food, I like it.)

 

So to end, I will update next week, but in summary, physically, this time was the most challenging, but I simply keep on, trust that it's all orchestrated for the highest good, no matter what happens.

 

May all be blessed with fulfillment.

[Mountain-Sage]

Here I am, still alive haha!

 

So, here is what's new.

I fell on A spiritual teacher named ''Byron Katie'', her work, actually called ''the work'', touched me deeply, and lighted up something also, a powerful one.

I can share what it consists of, cause it's so simple.

Four questions:

1: Is it true?

2: are you absolutely sure it's true?

3: how does that though / belief makes you feel?

4: Who would you be without the thought?

++: Turn the through around (ex: ''This guy always does idiot things when I'm here'' would be ''I always do stupid things when he's here'') which is a way to recognize how a tough affects us in a mirror effect. When you see someone closed minded, guess who is becoming closed minded is his presence? (meditate on that  )

The thing is, this is already what I was doing, or what I was trying to do, which is to free myself from limiting, though, because when in such a path, you come to recognize that it is primordial to do so, since your belief affects your perception, so affecting your reality and actions, and dictating your life. If, for example, I am ill, but believe ''No one can help me'', a simple belief like this one, seeming inoffensive, is very powerful. I will listen to people advice while throwing them in my mind trash, because my perception will be altered to believe what I'm hearing cannot help. Those beliefs are very disempowering.

 

The light that has been awakened by what I came through is a strong distinction between what is real and what is a thought or a belief. Now only that, but that this very statement is not useful that much, but that working on looking at one belief at a time and questioning its reality is where the importance lies.

I'm coming to recognize that I have a lot of limitations to transcend (this is a belief too  ).

 

When you see your condition with clear enough eyes, you can be in pain with no suffering, you can even laugh in gratitude.

I'm coming to think that I might have to go to the doctor again, but this time, I will go with a different pair of eyes, one that does not resent the doctor like I did, and do not think he will only do me harm... Yes, I thought that. I wanted so much to heal with my own mind, to heal by myself, but there is a rigidity in that, that makes me feel isolated. This ''I'll do it by myself'' is closing me from the world. It's not that all people who are ill should go to the doctor, everyone has its path, and can listen within to know what's demanded from them at the moment. This was asked from me, but I was arrogant, I still am, I am just opening to being helped by others, it feels light, it feels free, it remembers me that people are here to help, this is true.

 

My condition is varying a lot, from almost no pain, to condition that are kind of all over the body, it's weird and difficult to know.

I don't know what I have, that's for sure haha...

It feels like I'm on the right path, and funny enough, when the belief that I'm not coming, it's an opportunity to question it, to see it's reality.

I commanded two books by Katie, even tho they turn around those 4 questions. I love to bath in her stillness through her words.

For anyone who is ready for unraveling their beliefs, even the strong ones, and ready to undertake a journey where they embrace that only they will go through it, which is required for a work like this, Go for the work of Katie. The power will be given in a pure and simple way, right into your hand, and you just have to walk it, see where it takes you.

 

I am on this road. You will have the news about it, joy on you! haha.

 

Right now, I'm in a Starbucks coffee, reading ''a mind at home with itself, by Byron Katie'' and writing to you guys.

I'm in pain right now, just saying, so I can say I'm not in one article in the future .

I sure hope that this story I'm writing will become a road for some to go through their struggle and unravel them to their authenticity.

We all go through difficulties, and difficulties are difficult for all, no matter how the outside look. Our belief can overpower us so much that someone that seems externally to have everything can be in suffering, because true liberation is within, suffering too.

 

Let's walk this road together. We sure are completely alone in this walk, but let's walk it together anyway.

 

Be blessed with truth.

 

 

Edited February 26, 2019 by Mountain-Sage
Little add on (Meditate on that :) )

[Mountain-Sage]

Hello there.

 

I feel like life has brought me to that point where, I am in front of a cliff, and it's saying jump. No explanation, no further information.

It's so uncertain that I don't even know what jump means, but since that well is there, I guess putting my feet forward is the move demanded.

I cannot even say there is trust, there is frustration, fear, anger and all those, but there is no other way, and I've played with it enough.

My plan is only trying to deal with the well, so no plan.

Will life catch me? The question is irrelevant, it would make me desire to know before going.

Now what is important is the next step.

Will I fall, we'll see, at that point, it's more important for me to do it without knowing, to the point where if it doesn't happen, I won't have the regret of having stayed before the cliff, I'll have jumped it!

The best description I can tell you of that cliff, in more concrete terms, is to follow what I invite to be true, and to let all else ideas aside. Whatever people might say, even my closest friends might think it's insensible, or whatever they might say, which is a good reminder that it's my journey.

People can guide you to the best of their ability, but can't tell you what to do, it's imprisoning when we think they can, cause we then want them to.

Where is it that I'll be going? I don't know, but I will. It's nonsensical, but I have to do it. Everyone tells you have to be prepared before moving, that's why they can't understand.

 

This little text represents the inner field I find myself in. I get frustrated at life when in fact, it's a frustration against myself for not moving forward. I would love life to show me, but I guess life wants me to be courageous, and she knows it would be too easy if I would know, and so, here you are, go!

 

I keep on all the practices to maintain and regain health. Every day I add a little something to my health way of being, I'm doing at least 2 hours for sure of ki gongs, yoga, pranayama and other exercises. Organic food and all. But all this is only maintaining me. There is something deeper in me calling me.

 

I will tell you later on what happened. Did that will swallow me xD. We'll see. My courage is there, the next step is all that is required.

 

See ya!

 

Be blessed with love.