Why do I run away from inquiring and sitting down?

[cetus]

@Pouya Most likely you can't sit because your ego got you into enlightenment for all the wrong reasons in the first place. It discovered something new called enlightenment and thought to itself "That sounds like something cool. I don't have enlightenment so I need to have some of that or else I'm missing out." Then you had one profound experience which pleased the ego enough so it doesn't want to do it anymore. It would rather be doing something else to hold it's intrest. You gotta get that under control or else you'll spend the rest of your life chasing after one thing to another for what the ego desires.

[Pouya]

@cetus56 I've never thought of this. This can be actually true.

The experience was very satisfying and maybe I won't want anymore.

Honestly, my reasons were not about curiosity, I wanted lasting peace and happiness.

 

[cetus]

2 hours ago, Pouya said:

@cetus56 I've never thought of this. This can be actually true.

The experience was very satisfying and maybe I won't want anymore.

Honestly, my reasons were not about curiosity, I wanted lasting peace and happiness.

 

@Pouya Contentment is what you get. Acceptance of what is exactly as it is. But that only comes when the ego is silent. When it stops preferring to have that over this. As is with the case of you watching the clock and spending the time thinking of all the other things you could be doing instead of practice (what is). You say you want lasting peace and happiness but remember this, it is not the world that changes but your view of it.

[Arthur]

59 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I’ve found self inquiry to be a relatively advanced practice that needs a baseline level of mind relaxation. It’s just not effective with a busy mind.

I would work on establishing a consistent basic meditation practice. Once the mind can consistently settle down, then add in self inquiry.

^ This ^  

I think you should start with a regular meditation habit. Once your mind starts to exhaust itself with other ideas and thoughts, it might naturally start the self-inquiry process. Don't force yourself to do it right now, that is what causing the ego-backlash.

Start with meditation and it will gradually turn into self-inquiry. I do one-hour meditation/self-inquiry, it goes kinda like this:
random thought, random thought, self-inquiry insight, random thought, random thought ... 

Probably 90% meditation and 10% self-inquiry, but even only that 10% gives you powerful insights.

[Psyche_92]

16 minutes ago, Pouya said:

Fear of myself? fear of sitting down and doing nothing? why would I be afraid of doing nothing and just inquiring?

Because that's when all the shit can rise up that you have repressed.

[Pouya]

@Serotoninluv @Arthur @Etherial Cat

Thank you

I will.

[Psyche_92]

5 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

On point. 

I'm dealing with that at the moment. Its hell of painful .  

 

Sure thing. It's the same for me at the moment. The thing is though, if you sit through some of those episodes, you become more confident and less fearful about facing another one.

[peanutspathtotruth]

5 minutes ago, Psyche_92 said:

Sure thing. It's the same for me at the moment. The thing is though, if you sit through some of those episodes, you become more confident and less fearful about facing another one.

Exactly  It's well worth

[Sahil Pandit]

@Pouya Because who willingly faces their own death? 

[Shin]

Because it will kill you ?

[purerogue]

Just now, Shin said:

Because it will kill you ?

That sure is going to help!

It will not kill you.

[SoonHei]

12 minutes ago, Shin said:

Because it will kill you ?

it will show YOU that you are the Author who, right up until this moment, had made the mistake of thinking he was the fictional character he gave life to himself.

yes... it will kill your idea of a real character which you think exists and replace it with it's truth - that it was always just a fictional character - KNOWN by YOU and also misidentified as yourself by YOU

Edited January 7, 2019 by SoonHei
clarity and format

[VictorB02]

@Pouya You may just not be at the right place in your life to have a serious inquiry habit. 

Many times I have tried to introduce new habits into my routine and I can't get them to stick because it just isn't the right time. 

Try building up to it, as others have said, you will most likely need to have a developed mind to the point where you can even sit for that long without losing focus. I find that starting small and building up over long periods of time is what is best to introduce a new habit

[Shin]

40 minutes ago, purerogue said:

That sure is going to help!

It will not kill you.

On a certain point of view it does ?

More on the next episode ?

[Nahm]

@Pouya

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves – Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the glory that is within us. It is not within some of us, it is in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson.

 

[Arhattobe]

Pretty sure our deepest fear is that there is something wrong with us, existence or both. We fear both, see both as wrong and unworthy. 

[ShugendoRa]

Self inquiry is easy you can do it while you do stuff. It's like contemplation but it's kind of like contemplating about contemplating. It's the most egotistical form of meditation because you focus on "you" for how long you can. Start with 5 min then 10 then 15 then see how you feel after. Just slow down and don't try too hard. 

[Bluff]

you know why.

[SoonHei]

@Nahm love it

[Pouya]

@VictorB02 Yes. I'll be doing that.