Why do I run away from inquiring and sitting down?

[Pouya]

I use every trick that I know to ignore self-inquiry.

I haven't been inquiring for almost 2 months. 

All I do is avoiding.

[Tistepiste]

@Pouya The ego

[Pouya]

@Tistepiste That's me. Now what?

Let go? How?

Be? How?

There is no how, just being? 

The point is I do whatever I can to avoid it. I've done 2 or 3 sessions the last 2 months, but they were less than 10 minutes, with no focus and just clockwatching.

[Tistepiste]

@Pouya Well, I am in kind of the same situation right now. I am trying to make meditation a daily practice but I feel like I lack motivation to do it.
 

Maybe you don't see the real benefit of doing it? You need some instant gratification? The results aren't pleasing so you see no reason to continue doing it?
I guess what only helps is to be aware of this and ignore your mind's tricks to confuse you and distract you.
If it really doesn't work maybe it's too soon for you and you are forcing yourself too much.

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by Tistepiste

[Telepresent]

@Pouya I suggest maybe shaking up your methodology, see if that helps.  If you're sitting and thinking, maybe try writing.  If you've been writing longhand, maybe try typing.  Sitting still?  Do it walking.  Or, just accept that it doesn't want to happen and give up on it.  If you really want to come back, you will.  I've quit so many times I can't count, and I always come back

[Rilles]

Because youve never been taught to do self-reflection ever. Your body and mind are not even remotely used to it, you have to DRILL that habit into your life until its natural.

[Pouya]

@Tistepiste I've been satisfied with my results. The problem is I don't want to do it anymore. I lack the patience to sit down and observe. I've got hundred things to do instead of meditating and I use them to avoid it.

Last time I had a profound experience that taught me many things. After that I can't even sit for 10 minutes.

[ajasatya]

16 minutes ago, Pouya said:

Why do I run away from inquiring and sitting down?

because you're not suffering enough.

[molosku]

@ajasatya +1

 

[Forestluv]

I’ve found self inquiry to be a relatively advanced practice that needs a baseline level of mind relaxation. It’s just not effective with a busy mind.

I would work on establishing a consistent basic meditation practice. Once the mind can consistently settle down, then add in self inquiry.

[Pouya]

3 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

because you're not suffering enough.

Suffering?

What about picking a knife and wounding my arms? What about slapping myself or hitting my head to a wall?

What about sitting still so much that the boredom slowly burns me?

 

Maybe I need a zen master with a stick.

[Rilles]

@Pouya Do you enjoy self-inquiry? Why do you want to force yourself to do it?

[Pouya]

@Rilles I have a deep moralization that if I dont know the truth, my life does not matter what ever I do.

And I loved it until 2 months ago and now I ignore it.

[Tistepiste]

You can easily generalize that question though.
 

Why do anything?
Why study (if you're a student)?
Why go outside and sport?

Because of motivation.
I guess you just lack motivation

[Rilles]

4 minutes ago, Pouya said:

@Rilles I have a deep moralization that if I dont know the truth, my life does not matter what ever I do.

And I loved it until 2 months ago and now I ignore it.

No wonder you dont want to do it. Do it because you are curious about the truth, because you love the exploration. What did you like about it?

[Pouya]

@Rilles the new feeling of seeing everything in a new way. I like questioning a lot.

Maybe transition to a writing-contemplation.

I can lack the motivation because I no longer like sitting down and doing nothing. I don't had the patience anymore.

[SoonHei]

43 minutes ago, Pouya said:

I use every trick that I know to ignore self-inquiry.

I haven't been inquiring for almost 2 months. 

All I do is avoiding.

let's inquire right now in 2 steps.

 

Q1. WHO knows this story of Pouya? 
       -then you give me your answer

2. the ONE who sees your answer (to Q1) is who YOU are.

 

YOU can never be contained in the answer - provided that the answer is phenomenal (object - thought/words)

YOU can only be recognized by YOURSELF

 

NOTE!
{YOU, ONE, WHO} as used above are not referring to  @Pouya

They are referring to YOU - your true silent & still eternal self.

 

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by SoonHei
clarity and format

[Rilles]

18 minutes ago, Pouya said:

@Rilles the new feeling of seeing everything in a new way. I like questioning a lot.

Maybe transition to a writing-contemplation.

I can lack the motivation because I no longer like sitting down and doing nothing. I don't had the patience anymore.

Start doing it when you feel like it again. No rush. 

[Psyche_92]

52 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Fear.

 

This.

[Pouya]

@Psyche_92 @Etherial Cat  Fear of myself? fear of sitting down and doing nothing? why would I be afraid of doing nothing and just inquiring?