Giving Up The Breath

[ivankiss]

I had a little experiment today. During this experiment I received a download, if you will. I wish to share it with you here and create some understanding for myself as well as those who might resonate with the information being shared.

If you are an individual that gets upset or uncomfortable about topics such as "death" and "non-existence", I suggest you skip this one.

The content of this post may be viewed as "extreme","nonsensical" or even "suicidal"; depending on the individual's current stage of development and their level of understanding.

Ever experienced thought trying to use breath against you? Ever observed a concept trying to mimic something actual and use it...against itself?  It's rather funny. 

Thoughts fighting thoughts with more thoughts seems to be a common occurence. I mean; just look around you. You can see walking opinions and beliefs. All claiming their own is the ultimate one. All defending themselves by discrediting other opinions, beliefs. It' almost as if a beleif is unable to believe in anything outside of itself. Nor can a strong opinion accept new ones. Flexibility seems to be a rare occurence these days, wouldn't you say? 

As soon as one opens up a bit and progresses to a new level it baracades itself there. And continues being close-minded on that level. It's hilarious.

It's all about survival, isn't it? It is humanity's greatest concern. The biggest fear of them all is that of not surviving. I came to a conclusion that all questions stem from this one core fear.

Have a thought about it. If you were to truly know yourself as infinite; would there be any need for a question to arise? 

The first question; the mother of all questions was existential in it's nature. 

"What am I?"

"What am I doing here?"

"Where did this all come from?"

"What does it mean?"

"Where does it go?"

You can feel into it, can't you?

The journey of one's is about answering those deeply rooted questions. It is what evolution is all about.

It is all about remembering, if you will. Remembering our true nature. Our essence.

Remembering that we are the infinite creator. That we give meaning to the stone that does not move. We create that which we experience. Here and now, for all eternity.

The burden of the responsibility that comes with this notion, after a long sleep, can be heavy. It varies from person to person, from story to story; I suppose. 

Everything you have experienced and ever will experience is 100% your responsibility. Every moment of your lifetime. That might be a though pill to swallow for some. I beleive the question "Is there free will" has a lot to do with this. 

Yes, there is. If you feel like there is no such thing; you are using your free will to create an experience of no free will. Of course your creation will obey you. What you believe in, you will experience. It can be no other way.

I like to think of myself as an artist and um...an explorer of counsciousness. Infinity.

I fear no illusion anymore. I am illusion. I am a breathing paradox, so to speak. 

Illusion cannot define itself with more illusion. It has nothing else to compare itself to. One's truth is the only truth; as long as it ends the cycle of questioning and suffering; grounds one in eternal love and unity. Peace.

           

                    As I was lying in my bed in a state of total surrender, I noticed thoughts starting to fight for attention. There were times when I would try to fight them off or chase them away...But not anymore. I let them be. They are my creation. They are a nescessary part of it. Without them, silence would become meaningless. I have this cool new perspective; thoughts are my daily newspaper! If I feel like reading in the morning, I do. If not, I put the newspaper away for later. After all; my day is not dependant on the newspaper, is it now? Haha. Thoughts are where they belong; doing what they're designed for. 

However, from time to time, when I read too much of the newspaper, it tries to turn itself against me. It tries to convince me to believe in something other than what is. 

And there is this sneaky vibe to that. As if it's all for my safety. I can now see through the disguise though.

These were the thoughts that were surrounding my bed today:

"You really think you can claim to be immortal, now out of the sudden?"

"How can you know that? How can you confirm that if you were to have a heart attack right now, you would survive?"

"Where is your evidence? What if infinity is an idea, a concept? What if now is an idea?"

"What if the breath is not real? It seems like you're holding onto it with your every strength left."

"You are confusing your ego with Oneness. It has outgrown everybody else's. There is no such thing as The One. There is only a giant ego that spreads onto everything it sees." 

"You are not The Creator. You are insane. Who could ever clame such a thing? What gives you the right to call yourself a God?"

Funny little thoughts. I would actually buy into these in my past. I would fight thoughts with more thoughts. Try to exlain the unexplainable. Sometimes I'd feel like my hearth was about to be attacked, indeed. These existential mind-fuck questions can be extremely overhwelming. But not today. I was focused on my breath. I was breathing extremely deeply. Loud it was as well.

So what did I do during this ego backlash, or whatever you wanna call it...?

I did what I feared. I stared death into it's eyes. I was standing my ground. Silently, still in a state of total surrender.

Thoughts were getting louder, mainly trying to use breath against me and make me beleive that it does not exist. And that I'd very much die for real if I was to stop breathing.

So I did just that. I stoped breathing completely. 

I sensed panic/survival mode, but after a few moments the pulse started slowing down. I was becoming more comfortable. The body got all tickly.

Thoughts started sounding like an echo, like they were slowly but surely running out of arguments. Until they faded out completely.

And there it was. Pure awareness. Ta-daa! Unburdened of all thoughts. Unburdened of all need to identify with anything. It simply is. Undefined and eternal. 

The creator reveled itself. It was now. Silent and breathless. Life still was. Birds were singing their songs. The small city noise was in the background. Pleasant temperture. Occasional wind; blowing through the window. All now. All here. Simultaniously. All changing eternally within the endless continuum. All One. All illusory. All The Creator. 

A beautiful panorama speading directly in front of you. It is there for YOU to see it. To notice it. To merge with it. To love it.

It's just hard to see it over ragging thoughts and beleifs; or so it seems.

The breath came back with no rush. For how long was it away? Forever. There was no one there who would need it. It came back at it's own will.

The body accepted it effortlessly. The union was gentle, like there was no experience of absence. Like it never really happened.

Is breath a concept? Is now a concept? Is death really a story?

Who knows? I have no need to answear such questions. All I seem to be interested in is gazing at the Art. Creating it; adding to it. Expressing it further. This beautiful panorama seems to have all the answears. It does not even bother to use any explanations. It just is and it is obvious what it is.

Clearly this experience cannot be compared to jumping of a bridge or anything; that does not interest me. I push my boundaries in a natural, respectfull manner.

I am not suicidal in any way. Just interested in exploring and facing my own fears.

Do I still fear death? Do I believe in it?

I do not wish to declare that I am invincible and no bullet can harm me. A bus could still run me over and the experience of that would be very real, probably.

All I can do is rely on my awareness. Be here and now. Not feed fear with paranoia. 

Here and now everything seems to be perfect. No thoughts about it. And it seems infinite indeed. 

Liberation is your birthright.

Love.

Edited January 7, 2019 by ivankiss

[Enizeo]

Interesting, thanks for sharing!

[Barna]

This is beautiful. Let me know when you start to teach. 

[Anton Rogachevski]

@ivankiss

You are loved dear Ivan!

Wow! This goes very deep.

I'm truly inspired my friend. Thank you for sharing and adding light and love to this community, I really appreciate that.

Also it's a great exercise! Stop breathe and let it come back naturally. Simple and amazing pranayama! (It's actually similar to an exercise I used to do, and now neglected. So thank you for reminding me.)

Cheers

*saved for re read when I'm more alert.

Edited January 7, 2019 by Anton Rogachevski

[Antonius]

Very inspiring to watch someone's process of awakening, thanks for sharing!

[ivankiss]

Thank you peeps!

I am glad to see resonance here. 

@Anton Rogachevski I am very humbled. Thank you for expressing love so freely. We need a lot of that now. 

The exercise is great! I plan on repeating it soon; minus the ego backlash haha.

Thanks fo reaching out.

Cheers, brother!

@Barna For now my "teachings" come in a form of sound. Music. 

I feel like reaching out to others in that way.

However I have been also noticing the calling to write a book about these topics. That might open a whole new branch of opportunities. I guess I would be interested in some gatherings, retreats. I like talking about Oneness and spreading light from this point of view.

If and when it happens, be sure to be informed 

Much love.