Does Monogamy Work?

[Consept]

Just interested in what people think. There's a divorce rate of over 50% now in the US and UK (not sure the stats of other countries) and from an anecdotal perspective there's not many relationships I know where the people involved seem happy, it either feels like they're trying to convince themselves of it or they've just given up and are just going along with it cos they're scared to break up. I'm talking about long term relationships or marriages btw obviously the first year or so is usually smooth. 

I've heard genetically that we're disposed to be attached for 3 years or so which is enough time to procreate and start raising the child. 

Also if you think about it, we're in one of the first generations to be very strict about monogamy in terms of cheating, most generations before us it wasn't really a big deal and was one of those things where it was kind of accepted but not spoken about. 

https://youtu.be/w8SOQEitsJI

 

Anyway check out the video and let me know what you think, I'm not really for or against either just think it's an interesting topic 

Edited April 14, 2016 by Consept
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[Clay]

I think monogamy works, but it's not for everyone. The 50% divorce rate is also a scary statistic, but your chances of becoming a divorcee can be reduced if you wait a long time before you get married—at least 5 - 10 years of serious dating before you decide to tie the knot. There's pros and cons to monogamous relationships as well as being single (or polyamorous). Personally, I'm still on the fence as to which path I want to go down myself.

Edited April 14, 2016 by Clay Curl

[Natasha]

Steve Santagati, author of The MANual, a self-proclaimed bad boy, and an expert on relationships, answers the question if men can be monogamous, with yes and no

 

 

Edited April 14, 2016 by Natasha

[Cuzzo]

First off id like to say that I really value your posts OP. You're very insightful. 

 

Secondly I still dont know how I feel about monogamy. I've seen so many 'serious' relationships that are a complete sham. 

 

Im 23 and young as hell. So I don't want to make any rash assumptions. But i know a girl I fell for not only had a boyfriend without telling me, but she continued to pull that shit on me even after I found out. Now she is engaged to him...id hate to be that guy 

 

 

 

[Flower]

@Consept  I think monogamy works, but people see relationships as something to gain from, and the concept of love has just been reduced to mere politics between husband and wife, and when any one party feels it no longer gets enough benefit from the cohabitation or 'marriage' people can no longer hold it together because it is based on an impermenent thing. Like when our happiness depends on a person or situation, we will likely not be happy for too long since the object of our dependence is in nature ever-changing and temporary. Monogamy I think works, with or without marriage so long as the foundation on which it is based is not a transient or fleeting set of emotion/ideas/politics etc.. rather based on love in it's truest form.

 

But when we are not even able to love ourselves in the real way, how can we love another unconditionally and with the permanence that true love affords. 

Edited April 14, 2016 by Flower

[clytaemnestra]

Depends what do you mean when you say monogamy. If it is in a sexual or emotional context.

In sexual context, I don't think that monogamy works. I'm young as hell also so my opinion maybe is not relevant at all, but I can't imagine myself being intimate with just one person for years. I mean it becomes too boring, I assume. But I'm not against swingers, threesome and another things, as for the sex goes. And I'm against cheating. 

Women generally cheat because they need an attention and emotional connection, and that's a thing you can't solve so easy. I that context, I really don't know what would I do if I'd find myself in a situation where I don't receive enough attention by my husband let's say and I meet someone who is in love with me and gives me what I need. I really don't know, reminds me of the movie 'Unfaithful' with Richard Gere.  

[DJ]

I believe it can work if both people want that. The problem lies when one or both people arent completly honest with their feelings/desires with the other person.  

[reez]

@Consept Yes I believe monogamy work. But in today's society you settle with getting a partner. And when that partner is not the "perfect" you'll end up dissatisfied and the relationship will break. Both partners have to be happy for a marriage to be happy, and if one partner Can't satisfy the other person's need (sexual, psychological) the marriage most likely won't be happy.

I loved reading "The Way of the Superior Man" - David Deida, aswell as "The 3% Man" - Corey Wayne, where I think both books gave a quite good picture of how to satisfy the other partner if you are the masculine part in the relationship.

Wayne's books is free to get on his website ( understandingrelationships.com )