Please read the TL ; DR . Need immediate help it's already getting out of hand!

[Manjushri]

 

TL ; DR a bit crazy. need help before i ruin my body / land in a mental hospital.

I'll write a bit more when I rest , I'm tired. Wrote this 2h ago.                        

I'll solve the psychological part of it after i solve the physiology. Am I deficient in some minerals? 

I'm behaving very erratically, low attention span, i'm starting to lose motivation. it's really hard to write this for me but then I have the will and the energy for other things. 

Yeah entirely nuts what do I do lol to solve this.  (i aslo have a fever prolly psychogenic thats not going away otherwise i'd exercise and live life normally)

mental hygiene advice?

I'm going for a walk to refresh my mind b (i just lost the will to write it down)

i'm tired but i need to take care of my mental health so i can't just stay home with myself need ah ave some fun too.

 

 

 

Long story short, doing vipassana so this might be a spiritual problem too.

I lived a pretty monk-mode life without stimulating myself with technology,music etc. abstaining from basically everything. taking biohacking to the max you know.

that kinda fkd up my body.

then i went and fucked a girl and generally enjoyed my "actualization gains" for the first time in a long long time and got in a big ego trip, realised how actually "awesome" i am (imagine lifting for 2 years and then seeing yourself in the mirror for the first time) so my ego pretty much fuckingj umped straight through the roof. i'm too motivated , inspired etc. couldn't sleep that night.

im also inspired about life in general, meditation practice etc. new years was around i was planning my life visualising and i never fucking do that i just live in recluse getting enlightened so my system is not used to this much stimulation.

and now my dopamine or whatever is just racing the entire time, i want to fuck , i want to do this and i want to do that.

im taking sleeping pills to fix my sleep , eating well and hydrating myself and seeing improvement, 

 but how do i not fuck this up and land me in a mental hospital?

also im getting a grasp of the first layer of emptiness and the matrix so im having a tough time keeping myself ALIVE lol.

but yeah its a really dangerous situation because it's like i'm doing cocaine and NOT CRASHING.

but yeah i'm acting kinda crazy not mindful at all,

 

Can't even focus to write. send help hahahahahhahahaha!!! funny but really serious I don't want to fuck myself up and it's already getting late!!!!!~!~!!!!!!!!!!

[Manjushri]

I'll try to fix my sleep and diet and energy and everything and write down everything. Don't know what I'm doing at all. Really weird. Need to fix physiology but need to rest but need to get out of the house to feel a bit normal but my fv isnt letting me do things as i would usually. breeding ground for insanity send help

[How to be wise]

@Manjushri is it really true that you are fucking up?

Needing more sleep and energy than you have is a delusional idea.

Stop scaring yourself by telling yourself that you’re not ok physically. You are.

You don’t need sleeping pills to force yourself to bed. Just let the sleep happen.

Feeling tired all the time is fine. Whosoever said that it wasn’t.

[Manjushri]

How can I sleep when there's so much suffering in the world?

[Aquarius]

There's always been suffering in the world, it's only natural. I assume you read too many news or watched too many politics. I honestly don't even watch tv anymore, nor do I read things that I know aren't beneficial for my mental well-being. I would definitely recommend getting your blood tested and visiting a dietetitian. It can only help. Or simply take multi-vitamin supplements twice a year.

If you wish to reduce suffering in the world, get yourself together first. We can do small acts of kindness with great love, you don't have to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you have genuine friends to talk with? 

Edited January 5, 2019 by Aquarius
grammar

[Gabriel Antonio]

You need therapy, a support network, and very likely medication.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Gabriel Antonio