January - The Hero meets the Blacksmith

[Ferdi Le]

The idea of having a crystal clear vision and a sense of purpose in life is a very popular one and also highly advocated by Leo. However, since my self-actualization journey I never really created a tangible, and clear vision. I build habits, did research, retreats, psychedelics, meditation etc. etc. but never created my personal vision/ big picture. 

This is important for me because you can not only utilize such a vision foe motivation but also use it as a "constitution" in order to judge things in life. 

• Should I do this?
• Should I spend time with that person?
• Should I go to this college?
• Should I eat that thing?
• Should I watch this video?

One can answer all those questions with the simple question: "Which decision brings me closer to my vision?"

I am also aware that, eventually, I will have to drop even the most authentic vision but I shouldnt be a zen-devil and destroy the boat before I crossed the river.

The change in my mind

In the last couple of weeks, the intent of creating a vision grew stronger and stronger. All the difficulties I faced in the past (when doing the Life Purpose Course for instance) just seem not nearly as difficult compared to the tremendous impact a vision can have for my life. So I feel more and more ready to battle this task and I think Feburary and March will be the time! What do I plan to do:

• Getting clear about the vision I have for my career, the field where I can create massive value, the field where working will not feel like drudgery because the work is so aligned with my personal interests. The field where I can actually help people and give my creativity to solve one of mankinds present problems (and there a many )
• Also creating a short term vision (2019) for how I want to progress on my personal journey
• Deciding how every month of 2019 will fit into those plans! Having a clear intention for all those months

So what is the intention for January? Like the title says, the hero meets the blacksmith and gets the last weapons for creating his vision! What are those?

• Studying hard for my college exams! College will be a important thing to question in Feburary and March because it takes so much time and focus, and everything that takes so much focus should be ultra aligned! But in order to fairly judge my current major I need to perform good because if I fail at the exams I will automatically feel negative about it
• Setting up my mental infrastructure (my self-esteem)
  • In order to create a powerful vision, I will have to be in a state of high confidence in myself and feel creative and visionary. This is only possible if I have a good January, otherwise I will simply not feel creative enough! What has to happen?
    • I will learn from my biggest lesson in 2018 and change my days accordingly. My biggest lesson was that I spent my time not nearly as effective as I could. For instance
      • Economy: Not doing deep research about the system but neurotically look at stock prices 
      • Pickup: Not really facing my fears and approach in difficult situation but create a fake Instagram account, watch RSD the whole day and bullshit with my friends
      • The list goes on and on. I basically spent my time in originally "good" areas but focus on the shallow and unconscious parts of those areas (Not doing the emotionally difficult thing, doing the 80/20 rule in reverse)
      • Not applying the things I already know as rigorously as I could/ should (my nutrition plan, my meditation, my addiction war etc. etc.

 

So that will be my focus in January: Acing college, learning from my main lesson in 2018 (and hence bulding self-esteem).

Also there are some minor goals like:

• Taking excellent notes on those videos
  • How to escape wage slavery
  • Distraction - The egos favorite defense mechanism
  • Understanding Ego Backlash
• Finishing my book about central bank policy
• Taking one ice bath in a lake nearby
• Fixing a problem I have with my shoulder

 

So the purpose of this journal is to keep track of all the 31 days of January and keep myself accountable!!!!

[Ferdi Le]

1.1 and 2.1

Unfortunately, I had the idea of creating this journal today so I have to do the journaling for the first two days now!

The "new year day" was a pretty decent start into January. I slept until 10am (which were not more than 6 hours) because I made the strategic decision not the "party" the new years eve. I did my most important habits:

• Meditation
• Intermittent Fasting
• Yoga
• Gym
• NoPorn

I also worked for some time for an important presentation in college.

At the end of the day however, I had an annoying conversation with my dad that lasted for almost an hour and kinda threw me of my schedule and  took me in a bad energy state.

Yesterday was not at all optimal.

I got the "reward" from going to bed later the evening before and almost overslept. Hence I had to hurry to class, in which I did not focus but mostly talk shit with a class-mate. This is unacceptable! i cannot spend 3 hours in class without actually following the material. I tried to apply leos concept of "awareness alone is curative" and became pretty aware of what a waste of time this was!

After class, I worked an a project, then had a meeting with class mates and after that, watched "How to escape wage slavery" and took notes. 

The evening was again not optimal. I do intermittent fasting and only eat when I come home, mostyl at 7-9pm. But I often times waste a lot of time during eating my meal and also after my meal because I get fatigue. This is horrible because I sometimes spent time this was, doing nothing really, and even destroying my sleep cycle which then is already the beginning of a bad start for the next day!

 

 

[Ferdi Le]

3.1

Today was a mixed, but mostly good day! I slept 2 hours too much which put a little bit pressure in the morning but I still managed to meditate and do yoga and go to college comfortably. There I just spent to time with autodidactism. I learned for my accounting exam. I made good and important progress but in retrospect, I think I culd have been quicker!

After that I worked a little (I work online for a blog) and then started to take notes on Distraction - The egos favorite defense mechanism. I only watched 5 minutes until I couldnt help myself but research in depth about Freuds Theory of Defense Mechanisms in general. I think a solid understanding about that willl help me get even more out of Leos Video.

After about being there for 8 hours, I went home. Today, I managed my evening perfectly. I eat my first meal mindfully while just looking out the window and focusing on the sensations of the food (dark chocolate and blueberries) and also cooked and ate my second meal (eggs with cheese) mindfully without my smartphone or other input. 

During this mindful eating, I realised that I still eat way too much food and also that my modus operandi is to chew incredibly fast! I will definetly work on that!

After eating I started this journal and wrote for apporx 1 hours. Now I will drink my spinach smoothie, take a shower and go to sleep! 

 

Edited January 3, 2019 by Ferdi Le

[Ferdi Le]

4.1

Jesus it is already 1:30. Times flies when you waste it, haha!

The day started "ok". Woke up a Little later then I planned, but still did yoga and Meditation after waking up (Meditation only for 22 minutes unfortunately). 

Then I drank my apple cider vinegar and ate my cinnemon (both to lower resting Glucose Levels).

I then realized that I had to do a presentation at University today. It is just amazing how fast you can Change from being Pretty comfortable in you schedule to being completely stressed out. However, I was stressed because I got in stress but I tried to detach from the stress. So I still hurried and ran to the Train, but I did not take it seriously simulteaneously. This was good Progress because the real Problem of being in hurry or in stress is not the stress itself but bein attached to it and taking it too seriously. When you Need a Train, dont be a zen-devil and deliberately miss it but instead run but simultaneously make fun of yourself running to a Train just to be at a Meeting.

I then went to for for 5 Hours, got to college, prepeared my presentation and had another "fauxpax". I was actually at the false Building so I had to drive 20 minutes even though I had to present. Again, I hurried but stayed relaxed at the same time! The presentation was perfect even though I did not put too much work in it. Tried to be strategic and it worked!

Then it was already 9pm and I went home. I immediately started preparing my Food because I did not want to unnecessarily lose time in the evening. After I prepared my chocolate and blueberries, I was very hungry (after 22 Hours of fasting) but decided to meditate just for a couple of seconds in order to delay the gratification a bit and become less neurotic and more present during Eating (I also appreciate this practice in Christianity where People pray instead of just stuffing themselves with Food immediately).

After that I ate my main meal. This time Pasta instead of eggs (because I ran out of eggs unfortunately) and then, lastly, drank my spinach. So far so good! At at 23pm I started to talk with my sister and we actually talked for more than 1 hour. The conversation was very nice but this is still problemetic because know I will only Sleep at 2am and will have tourble getting up tomorrow. 

Lets see how it goes.

PS:

It is crazy how fast life goes on! New Year feels like yesterday but already 1/6 of January is over! I have to stay ontrack!

[Ferdi Le]

5.1

Today was though

Slept until 11:00 instead of 9:00. Only had 9 hours of sleep, which is just 1-2 more than normal but it still felt that half of the day was already over. Even worse, I had a meeting at 1:00 so I did not even have time to do my meditation in the morning which I hate.

So I basically went to the meeting, then immediately to work (where I worked 6 hours) and after that, it was already 9pm. I then went staright to the gym and was at home at 11:00pm. Now, another 3 hours went by where I ate my 3 meals and had a conversation with my dad. My stand mixer from kitchenaid also had a problem and it took 20 minutes to fix that. I also some minutes here and there on youtube which has got to stop because these minutes accumulate so quickly.

My habits are giong pretty well despite the stress. 

• No Fap
• Meditation
• Reading
• Reviewing Notes
• Spinach
• Dark Chocolate
• Yoga
• Cold Shower
• 3x Apple Cider Vinegar

are all in place! Still have to do my meditation now at 2am which is annoying because I dont want to do the most important habit in my life when I am tired. 

The next three days I have close to no obligations and will deep work the shit out of some projects. (maybe even pop some armodafinil)

I will:

• Finish a book I am reading and taking notes on
• Finish Leos Video "Distraction - The egos favorite defense mechanism"
• Improve some of my infrastructure
• Have a strategy call with a friend about an important project
• Learn math, and economics

[Ferdi Le]

I experience resistance writing today. But this is, I think, where the growth is! Not just going to Sleep when you are unsatisfied with the day but having to write it down. Again and again and again.

Today was not good! I had, like I said yesterday, the whole day free.

I woke up at 11:00 (8 Hours of Sleep). I actually wanted to get up at 9:00 but I more and more think that my Body just takes as much Sleep as it Needs. Kinda like a physiological mechanisms that "I" cannot Control. My partents think that I am just lazy and Maybe I am, but I usually have good willpower when it Comes to other Things.

I then worked a Little bit, and did Research for an 1 hour. After that I did yoga and Meditation for approx 1,5h. So far so good! 

After Meditation I called with a friend for 3 Hours. The conversation was very helpful and we talked About so many Things but 3 Hours is a lot of time nevertheless. After the call I had a Long conversation with my mother for over an hour which was also very helpful but the day felt like it was over and I dod not fell as though I achieved as much as I wanted. 

And this is were Things really went south. My mixer, which I had Trouble with yesterday, broke today completely. So I could not drink my spinach (which is a daily Habit of mine which is extremely important for me). I was also frustrated because now I Need to buy a new mixer for 250$.  tried to fix it, find another mixer because I had another one a year ago but wasnt sure if I still had it. I did not found one and was just frustrated. The Frustration grew stonger because it combined with my Frustration About the day and the whole Thing put me kinda in a paralysis. Now it is again 1:00 and I will probably again Sleep way to Long tomorrow. This shit is (going to bed too late, getting up too late) is spreading like a Virus. Instead of having 3 solid work days, I did not much today at all and now have way more pressure for tomorrow.

Lessons

• I will have to be more relaxed About Money. A mixer is one of the most important Party of my infrastructure and it helps me getting in Wonderful nutrients which will have various Benefits. Of Course 250$ is a lot but it is worth it without a doubt! 
• I have to manage my Sleep (even though I really dont know how because I have this Problem since like ever)
• I have to talk less! And this is not meant in a "motivational speech" Kind of way but much more simplistic. I talked today for Hours (with my friend and mother) and just come to believe that whenever I talk that much, I inevitably create stories and Play ego games. Talking is way to comfortable for the ego. I Need to do more contemplation, Meditation, inner work! But whenever I talk About Things, my ego Always finds some cool Things to say and share and this makes me skeptical. This insight is very Fresh but it just seems that Talking a Long time can easily produces self-deception.
•  

 

[Ferdi Le]

7.1

Today was a little better. Woke up at 11:00 (after 8 hours of sleep). However I was not waking up by myself but from the door bell so it is possible that I could have slept even more which would have been annoying.

After waking up, I spent some time talking with my sister. She was out of town for 3 months so there is a lot to talk about. I then got some university stuff done (a power point presentation and a little learning). This was, however, not real deep work because I got distracted a lot. 

In the late afternoon, we went to a resturant because my sister also had her birthday today. Between learning and going to the resturant I kinda wasted the time (dont exactly know what I did anymore but I mostyl ate some food in order to not eat at the resturant). I did, however eat something there nevertheless, which was the first unhealthy meal this year unfortunately. 

After the resturant I ordered a new mixer for my smoothies and made a great deal! I also talked some shit with my sisters boyfriend and read some stock market news. I also got distracted by a personal issue which created some jealousy. 

Just before writing this, I took notes on a book for about an hour and will now do my meditation&yoga. 

All in all, the day was slightly better, but still not good at all

 

 

[Ferdi Le]

8.1

Today was great!

Woke up at 11:00 (7 Hours of Sleep).

Immediately worked for 1 hour, did my Meditation&Yoga. 

I then studied for University and went to the gym. (only very small distractions between).

After gym, I went to University and had math. Broke my fast when I got home and ate. Then I worked for another 1,5 Hours and will now go to Sleep at 22:30.