I feel bad for wanting to win and achieve success

[Lynnel]

I've been recently thinking trough this issue a lot.

I noticed first that I tend to project a lot of criticism on what Leo is saying about success such as in "success won't make you happy", "success is so orange related" and keep having thought about how success should be outgrown and having money or being rich is somehow wrong. (I'll read and solve my money inner game issues separetely).

Like some part of me cannot ease into success and tolerate success : whenever I achieve something I don't give myself credit and feel like it's just nothing much and I seem to have quite some resistance to really succeeding and to having really things going my way to like really make it.

For instance, I've been reading Arnold Swarzenegger authobiographies and I've felt like this is so amazing, meeting all those interesting people, those actors, having an amazing interesting life full of success, but I also tend to minimize it and never truly seek it out. I also tend to imagine imaginary downsides to success, such as you're gonna be chased down by paparazi's and have no privacy, etc.

My parents often made me feel like I should be bad for being/feel special or wanting success or wanting to be great. Like some part of my wants to go out there and truly kill it in terms of money, girls, prestige and another part is afraid of the consequences it might bring and the disaproval I might get.

Any tips or books to handle this issue ?

[aurum]

@Lynnel

Trust me you’re not alone on this. 

As much as we can say we are a stage orange culture, the reality is that most people I see have a completely dysfunctional relationship with success.

You’re likely unconsciously holding yourself back because success is a very emotionally demanding thing. So we self sabotage without realizing it.

Don’t just buy into the stories your mind tells you about why you can’t or shouldn’t be successful. Look for the fear that’s underneth those beliefs.

Also, I would suggest going on a success-positive campagin. Surround yourself with people who view success in a positive way and see the way they view the world. Because there’s going to be slight changes in mindset that seperates you from them.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Lynnel This is a very important topic that we need to raise more awareness around. 

Thanks for sharing. 

[Himanshu]

You grew up in a blue environment and Autonomy / Financial Achievement / Individual success is THE next step to grow. If you resist it, it'll only make you miserable. You NEED a lot of money to transcend money. You NEED a lot of success to transcend success. 

If you find Leo while contemplating your life, kill him. You're the center of your existence, not him. If you're believing him without your own experience, you're dishonouring what he stands for  anyways. 

 

I suggest 

- Reading healthy manifestations of stage orange 

- Read 'The War of Art' - Resistance is the way 

- Take your life back from your parents. Read Osho's commentaries on guilt and shame. Growing up in India, he has some great insights to it. 

Edited January 4, 2019 by Himanshu

[Cepzeu]

Dan Arnautu recently posted a list of healthy role models for each stage if you are interested in diving deep into embodying the stages:

 

[Privet]

Look into definition of success:

Quote

the accomplishment of an aim or purpose

Anything can be success. Becoming enlightened - success, reaching an income goal - success, starting a fulfilling relationships - success, getting a job - success, finishing a project - success, getting good friends - success, quitting addiction - success, losing weight - success, getting a good therapist when you are depressed - success, cleaning your room - success.

I think you have two problems. First one is that you have vague definition of success. Second is that you suffer from learned helplessness. It's a belief that no effort of yours will produce any positive result ever or that no result will ever be good enough.

Do you have low self-esteem?

Do you feel unworthy?

Do you feel incapable?

Do you always strive for unreasonable perfection?

Are you never content with what results you get?

Could you be depressed?

Did your parents praise you enough?

Did they treat you like you deserve respect and your opinion matters?

Did they stand on your way of self-expression and always told you to behave?

Did you feel loved, cared and accepted?

Do you know how to identify and overcome limiting unconscious patterns?

I hope that by asking yourself those questions and honestly clearly answering them you will be able to come up with problems that stand on your way - success, and if you are able to identify problems you will be able to seek for solutions - success, and then solving them - success.

And by the way, you've just succeeded in reading this post. At least you are capable of something, now you can shoot for a little bigger goal - getting practical results from it. Wait what? Still believe that you are incapable and it's meaningless? Bullshit!

Edited January 4, 2019 by Privet

[Greatnestwithin]

@Lynnel are you willing to experience the guilt of getting what you want?

are you open to receiving from life with gratitude instead of pride?

[NonBeastboy]

@Lynnel

I have been in a similar position too (and still am in some measure).

What I've learned reading the book Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther Hicks is that we as human beings tend to cultivate a state of resistance to new both good&bad things in order to maintain homeostasis. This inner resistance prevents us from receiving things. Otherwise speaking our vibration when being in this negative state does not match the frequency of our desires (wealth, health, good relationships, etc).

One (of the many, I guess) solution to your issue is to naturally allow things coming to your life without trying to block things and events with a repulsive state of mind. If you don't (or haven't) read the above mentioned book just google "The art of Allowing" for more details.

 

Besides, there is no shame in having success, my friend.