From Spiritual Awakening To Depression

[Aladdin]

hello everyone

Basically from childhood i was a quiet kid and  and from around high school up until college didn't really speak much was kind of lost and really shy . i did not really socialise and only had a few close friends and was isolated and probably seen as a wierd by most people. i started to realize as i was growing up that i was insecure about the way i looked, the reason why i felt insecure was that i was not getting much attention from the opposite sex and was seeing the cool kids picking up girls and talking to them and there was me chatting to a few friends and not being outgoing. i wasnt really into education most of my childhood like from 7th to 11th grade i used to always give up and never really put the effort, i would get good grades sometimes but hardly ever and was quite average on an academic level. i dont want to go really deep into my childhood but i had really bad childhood and horrible memories that i try to forget but sometimes it does creep up in to my mind but i always just attempt to brush them off. when i got  to university i thought of joining the gym to bulk up as i was a really skinny guy and needed to gain some weight as i felt like i needed to improve someway to strengthen my confident and appearance . then i have my family  who are really controlling as i was growing up , i did not feel like i was treated well and mentally i was not in the right place at times.As i was growing up and did not get the love i deserved as a child  and my parents would tell me to get good grades and i just wasn't putting in the effort as a kid and i wasnt a violent kid  however i was actually a really good kid , ive always believed in being well behaved and helping people and staying positive but i was never really getting the help that was needed mainly because ive never really opened up to anyone . 

So i was going through a on and off depressive state most of my life then one day my way of thinking changed i started to forget because i started to socialise in university more and was just distracted by the life of meeting new people then suddenly one day i felt a new me ( i think i was enlightened or awakened) and felt like a new born baby, this was mainly because i was getting the attention and love random people would show me, it was truly a magical experience and ive never felt so powerful in my life i would literally get approached and people would look at me and be like wow youve changed'' you look so different and happy'' etc. so then 8 to 9 months later i hit depression again and it really took a big chunk out me like this time the depression was 10 times worse then ever before, i felt like ive been deprived of true happiness. this really effected my education and had to drop out due to this depression and i just really need to find a solution. i hope someone can give me some advice on finding my self again. 

i do apologize for any spelling mistakes and etc 

Edited April 13, 2016 by Aladdin

[Dash Us Pain]

you will bounce back and be invincible again, then you will loose your invisibility and be back where you are now. it really is a vicious circle this life. you need to purge you suppressed pain, holding secrets back no matter how painful will continue this circle. I can relate to the newborn baby thing but I used to say it to my son. it is actually what you are but not every day, every moment. You are like a sponge, soaking up everything around you trying to forget your pain and hoping for a better tomorrow.  tomorrow NEVER comes.

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

I can see that you are having a bad time. I can relate with you with most of the things you mentioned. When I am in some kind of mental breakdown I always meditate much. Meditation has helped me a lot, it's FUCKING POWERFUL but it's not everything. Deep down you probably know what to do but maybe not...I'll give you a little list of what you might do!

-Work on your self esteem

-Meditation

-Terapy

-Honesty, watch Leos video called "How you lie!"

-Nature is just amazing of you have the oppurtunity

-Work out

-Eat Better

-Eliminate addictions

[SkyPanther]

1 hour ago, Aladdin said:

hello everyone

Basically from childhood i was a quiet kid and  and from around high school up until college didn't really speak much was kind of lost and really shy . i did not really socialise and only had a few close friends and was isolated and probably seen as a wierd by most people. i started to realize as i was growing up that i was insecure about the way i looked, the reason why i felt insecure was that i was not getting much attention from the opposite sex and was seeing the cool kids picking up girls and talking to them and there was me chatting to a few friends and not being outgoing. i wasnt really into education most of my childhood like from 7th to 11th grade i used to always give up and never really put the effort, i would get good grades sometimes but hardly ever and was quite average on an academic level. i dont want to go really deep into my childhood but i had really bad childhood and horrible memories that i try to forget but sometimes it does creep up in to my mind but i always just attempt to brush them off. when i got  to university i thought of joining the gym to bulk up as i was a really skinny guy and needed to gain some weight as i felt like i needed to improve someway to strengthen my confident and appearance . then i have my family  who are really controlling as i was growing up , i did not feel like i was treated well and mentally i was not in the right place at times.As i was growing up and did not get the love i deserved as a child  and my parents would tell me to get good grades and i just wasn't putting in the effort as a kid and i wasnt a violent kid  however i was actually a really good kid , ive always believed in being well behaved and helping people and staying positive but i was never really getting the help that was needed mainly because ive never really opened up to anyone . 

So i was going through a on and off depressive state most of my life then one day my way of thinking changed i started to forget because i started to socialise in university more and was just distracted by the life of meeting new people then suddenly one day i felt a new me ( i think i was enlightened or awakened) and felt like a new born baby, this was mainly because i was getting the attention and love random people would show me, it was truly a magical experience and ive never felt so powerful in my life i would literally get approached and people would look at me and be like wow youve changed'' you look so different and happy'' etc. so then 8 to 9 months later i hit depression again and it really took a big chunk out me like this time the depression was 10 times worse then ever before, i felt like ive been deprived of true happiness. this really effected my education and had to drop out due to this depression and i just really need to find a solution. i hope someone can give me some advice on finding my self again. 

i do apologize for any spelling mistakes and etc 

This is going to sound contrived, but it worked for me when I used to get depressed when I was younger.

Go out into nature; a forest, mountains, ocean, desert, etc (as far away from other people as you can).  Turn off your smartphone, if you have one, and just listen to the sounds of your surroundings.

Quiet the mind, and just be in the present moment for a bit. As @Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj said, meditation and moderation, work wonders.

Staying away from the world of concepts for a bit, helped me a lot. 

 

[Henri]

@Aladdin  Thanks for your story.

Yes, hard times can be there to wake you up, to get back to the point; `Where`s life about`.

This is the human experience and during time many answers and solutions are given to this existential problem. And I`m telling you, good answers are given to that problem over time.

Can you tell a bit more about yourself?

What`s your age, do you have any experience with spiritual practise like meditation, yoga or whatever? What`s your look upon life nowadays, your orientation? 

Kind regards

[Isle of View]

Hello Aladdin, 

14 hours ago, Aladdin said:

So i was going through a on and off depressive state most of my life then one day my way of thinking changed i started to forget because i started to socialise in university more and was just distracted by the life of meeting new people then suddenly one day i felt a new me ( i think i was enlightened or awakened) and felt like a new born baby, this was mainly because i was getting the attention and love random people would show me, it was truly a magical experience and ive never felt so powerful in my life i would literally get approached and people would look at me and be like wow youve changed'' you look so different and happy'' etc.

so then 8 to 9 months later i hit depression again and it really took a big chunk out me like this time the depression was 10 times worse then ever before, i felt like ive been deprived of true happiness. this really effected my education and had to drop out due to this depression and i just really need to find a solution. i hope someone can give me some advice on finding my self again. 

It sounds to me, that something happened after 8-9 months that triggered the previous "way of thinking".

This can have an array of reasons, here are just from the top of my head:

• you met somone from the time before your "awakening" and this experience triggered the "old you" (for example because he/she wasn't convinced that you changed, or wasn't appreciating your new way of being)
• Somehow you came to the conclusion that you can't hold on to your "new you", for some reason or the other, something happened that you didn't expect could happen again.

There are many more possibilities what could have happened. If none of the above, please check yourself what it was that happened right before you lost your "new found state" or (if that sounds better to you) "new way of being".

The good news is, you can recover it.

Like @Henri said, it would be good if you tell a little bit about your practise. What you have done so far. Your age. 

Also: what happened before your "new you" emerged? Have you changed location? Or have you changed the environment (though still living in the same place)? Or have you used any practise what so ever? Read an enlightening or inspiring book that resonated with you?

~Chris

Edited April 14, 2016 by Isle of View

[Isle of View]

12 minutes ago, Dummy said:

15 hours ago, Dash Us Pain said:

you need to purge you suppressed pain

How?

This really depends on what level of realization you are in.

There are many different layers of suppressed pain.

There is no "one-size-fits-all" answer to it.

Edited April 14, 2016 by Isle of View

[Isle of View]

Just now, Dummy said:

What do you use?

Really depends on what is accessed. First thing is to really find out what the pain is.

So, what do you have there?

 

The general rule is: all pain will dissipate eventually through mindfulness. But it is stacked in layers, in most cases.

But depending on where you are at right now, there are different approaches to address it.

 

Sometimes moods are overlapped with energies.

Sometimes beliefs (limiting beliefs or misconceptions) will hold pain in place even though you dissipated it previously. Therefore they reappear.

Find the limiting belief.

Sometimes the pain comes from a shock (like someone you loved died in an accident or you find out that your partner was cheating on you, or you find out that someone you believed it is a total fraud).

Sometimes the pain is physical and rooted in an accident or a real disease, toothache you name it. (Here you will need medical treatment, depending on how severe the illness or pain is)

Sometimes the pain is just an misalignment of energies. Here some yoga practise could help, like Pranayama or Nadi Sodhana.

So you need really to be aware of what is there. There is, as said before, not a cookie cutter way to approach all things in the same manner.
When you know what it is that is there, you have better chances to find relief.

 

 

Kind regards, 
Chris

 

 

[Isle of View]

2 minutes ago, Dummy said:

What's the difference between moods and energies? And how to deal with either/both?

Moods are a combination of emotion and attitude. 

With energies I mean the energy that circulates trough your energy body and this energy (prana) can be blocked (for many reasons).

Sometimes moods can mass together with this energy and they seem to be present all of the time.

 

5 minutes ago, Dummy said:

I'm not sure. Several things mixed together probably, not concrete enough to put my finger on it. Sometimes nothing at all. Sometimes desperation about nonsense painful shit coming back again and again, even though I already know it's bullshit and I'm trying to see through it and let it go, etc. It generally doesn't make much sense, except perhaps as just old habits that die hard. I just don't know what it is, much less what to do about it. And that in itself is frustrating too.

Would you try a practise I recommend to you?

[Isle of View]

It is this little process here:

http://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/1222-my-problem-when-doing-contemplation/#comment-12454

 

It will help you on many levels. Will release some of residual energies. Will help you ground in the here and now. Will raise your power of awarness.

When you do this technique for some days, your mood level may raise.

Just do it as described in the post I linked.

If you have further questions, let me know. But it is a very simple process. Anyone can do it withough prior contact with any other technique.

Let me know how it worked. But one note: it's a process you need to do, not think about intelectually. Give it a try and see the results.

 

Kind regards, 
Chris

[Natasha]

@Dummy Eckhart Tolle teachings helped me understand my 'pain body'. Here's a few of his talks and exerpts from his book that I found powerful

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 14, 2016 by Natasha

[Dash Us Pain]

5 hours ago, Dummy said:

How?

the pain from the "past" is purely fictitious and is only happening at the moment you recall it. past and future do not exist. 

[Dash Us Pain]

realise it is only in the mind you are not your body or your mind. it is a story you tell yourself over and over and over stop torturing yourself. thats all it is, a story. thats all everything is. it never happened. nothing ever does. 

listen to the song nothing ever happens and know it.

[Natasha]

@Dummy Letting go of fear and going for what would get your needs met could be one way to release pain.

     

Edited April 14, 2016 by Natasha

[Isle of View]

47 minutes ago, Dash Us Pain said:

realise it is only in the mind you are not your body or your mind. it is a story you tell yourself over and over and over stop torturing yourself. thats all it is, a story. thats all everything is. it never happened. nothing ever does. 

listen to the song nothing ever happens and know it.

This higher "Truth" doesn't work here.

[Isle of View]

2 hours ago, Dummy said:

This is getting rather personal and embarrassing. But I've noticed a common theme in much of my "attention seeking" behaviour throughout my whole life. And that is the desire to have my pain acknowledged by others, to provoke their sympathy and to feel understood and loved.

Well, Dummy, congratulations of being aware of this.
Most people who are stucked in this condition are not aware of it.

One way to really approach this "beast" is to repetetivly ask yourself:

1. "How does it serve me?"
2. "What are it's consequences?"

over and over again. (It's best to take a sheet of paper and write the answers down.)

Face the answers :-) 
Be honest with yourself :-)

 

Many of us did it, when in school and we didn't want to go there, we could play sick for some days. Then it goes on automatic, we actually forget about it but it still runs as a "background programm" to serve us.

 

 

Kind regards,
Chris

[Isle of View]

4 minutes ago, Ant said:

Pain doesn't exist.  The content of your thoughts about it/anything are meaningless (stories).  The memories don't exist.  The only thing you can be sure exist is through 5 senses right now.  So do that and you will find your problems don't really exist, do they?  All you doing is making possible scenario out of something you think might or might not be there. What the problem buddy?  

Tell it to a kid who just broke his leg. 

 

[Isle of View]

7 minutes ago, Dummy said:

@Isle of View Thanks, I do appreciate it. I'll see what comes up.

What is very good, is the fact that you really already spotted it.

I know I have somewhere a process to handle it fully, but I can't promise it.

The short version should give you some insights on the fly though.

 

Kind regards,
Chris

[Isle of View]

Just now, Ant said:

Dali Lama can switch physical pain on and off (aledgedly)

Yeah, you know, but in this thread we are not looking at his case.
All people are on different stages.
I could even imagine that even the Dalai Lama has some "pains" at times. 

~Chris

[Isle of View]

@Ant Socrates, what part of this comment below did you not understand?

33 minutes ago, Dummy said:

Find yourself another thread to get locked, Socrates. Stay out of this one if you have nothing to say. I'm not interested.