I'm deeply addicted to suffering and mental stories

[who chit]

Whatever one thinks love is,is what it's not. A mind that imagines what love is,is exactly that. An imagination. Real love,when experienced, can be defined as divine love.It is a causeless,boundless love beyond the body,mind,person. It can't be kept, owned,or held on to. To experience the love of Self,God etc., is an act of pure grace..100%.
The only step,the only thing that can be done, is to sincerely,truly admit within oneself that "I do not know what real love is". It has to be an honest,true admission. Mind,personal self, cannot create,imagine or fathom what real divine love is. This honest admission opens one up to allow grace to show one what real love is. Do this honestly and only once, and forget about it. It's not in your hands.
Grace descends like "a thief in the night",of it's own accord and will.