Medication weirdness

[Aquarius]

Last time I got my 25mg risperidone injection I literally saw Charlie Chaplin in front of my room's window. I had to take my 1000mg valproic acid granules for it to disappear. Can you guys offer some advice about what to tell my psychiatrist? 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Tell him that ?‍♂️

[Aquarius]

@Gabriel Antonio But I'm afraid to open up. How do I know that I can trust her or not? I have trust issues. 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Well, then maybe you should try to find a new psychiatrist, whom you can feel comfortable telling what’s going on.

[brugluiz]

Find a trustworthy psychiatrist.

But that's funny because risperidone is supposed to help you with hallucinations.

[Aquarius]

@Gabriel Antonio I think I found a trustworthy one. I made an appointment and praying I will be ok.

@brugluiz I suffer from insomnia and doctors refuse to give me sleeping pills. It has been like this since like forever. No idea why I got the medication I am getting, they didn't tell me what I was diagnosed with. Something like acute delusional something, but whenever I was in hospital it was because I didn't sleep for 5-8 days straight, so the delusions did have a reason. 

[ajasatya]

18 hours ago, Aquarius said:

No idea why I got the medication I am getting, they didn't tell me what I was diagnosed with. Something like acute delusional something

plot twist: your only "sickness" is emotional wounds and even though drugs can make you go through the days as a functional human being, you're the only one who can actually help yourself heal.

nah, that's just a projection from me. forget what i just said.

[Aquarius]

@ajasatya I asked for advice about how to communicate my experience to my psychiatrist properly, not for a diagnosis. But thank you for trying to help, I appreciate that you tried to help, even though it did sound like a passive-aggressive attack towards me, the wording, that is. My medication doesn't let me sleep at night (valproid acid), and when I don't take it I easily fall into what I assume is kundalini psychosis. My neuroleptic is fine, but it gets absorbed way too fast and I'd rather take pills than injection because that way I know I can sleep. 

[brugluiz]

I hope you're in good hands @Aquarius because sometimes medicines are necessary. If they want to put you on antipsychotics, a good choice would be olanzapine (this medicine made me sleep for 13-14 hours a day). But, as you said, you're probably having hallucinations (or delusions, I don't know) due to your lack of sleep. Anyway, all of it may have spiritual meaning.

[Aquarius]

@brugluiz I did get enough sleep, but I cannot sleep at night. I'll ask my doctor about olanzapine, thank you.  

Edited January 5, 2019 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Update: Problem solved, got the right medication. I corrected my sleep schedule by myself and I am slowly healing step by step. I love my new psychiatrist, she's very nice and I am already healing every day. Been inactive on the forum for a few days because busy with studying. 

[Aquarius]

Update: I've been told by my new psychotherapist that I might have borderline and schizotypal traits. TRAITS!!  Not the disorders themselves. I might just have sleep deprivation. I did some "research". (Actually nah, I clicked the first links I saw on google. Lolol. )

Borderline:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201112/borderline-personality-disorder-big-changes-in-the-dsm-5

Schizotypal: 

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Persons with Schizotypal Personality Disorder* are characterized by a pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal limitations. They experience acute discomfort in social settings and have a reduced capacity for close relationships. For these reasons they tend to be socially isolated, reserved, and distant.

Unlike the Schizoid Personality Disorder, they also experience perceptual and cognitive distortions and/or eccentric behavior.

These perceptual abnormalities may include noticing flashes of light no one else can see, or seeing objects or shadows in the corner of their eyes and then realizing that nothing is there.

People with Schizotypal Personality Disorder have odd beliefs, for instance, they may believe they can read other people's thoughts, or that that their own thoughts have been stolen from their heads.

These odd or superstitious beliefs and fantasies are inconsistent with cultural norms.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder tends to be found more frequently in families where someone has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia; a severe mental disorder with the defining feature of psychosis (the loss of reality testing). There is some indication that these two distinct disorders share genetic commonalities (Coccaro & Siever, 2005).

[brugluiz]

That's a very Orange paradigm oriented by bad science.

[Zigzag Idiot]

It was a relief to me in reading that basically,,,we are all schizoid. Or rather the personality itself is constructed on it. Basically, the personality/ego is a barrier to the realization of ones being.

 

Sense of Separateness of Ego is Schizoid

The truth is that the sense of separateness of ego is a schizoid phenomenon, but it is usually experienced in a mild form. The ego boundaries are a manifestation of the schizoid sector of the personality, of which no ego is devoid. The schizoid experience becomes intense and more manifest, and therefore more visible, when this separateness is challenged. The separateness of ego individuality is the outward, usually acceptable, manifestation of ego’s schizoid characteristics. The markedly schizoid character is basically a personality crystallized around this sector of the ego. In the process of essential realization, the issue of ego boundaries is resolved by dealing with the schizoid sector in one's personality, among other things. It is one of the most painful to deal with, but not necessarily the most subtle. 

Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 398

 

The Deep Fear of Every Ego

We see, however, that not only for the schizoid character, but for every ego, there is a deep fear of being completely devoured and absorbed. This is not due only to difficult early object relations, as in the etiology of the schizoid character, but due to the vulnerability of primitive ego structures in the face of Being. This must be the case at the time in ego development when internalizations are just beginning to be set up. The identification with Being is still strong at this time, and these early and primitive ego structures are probably easily absorbed at times of complete letting go and relaxation. It is reasonable to assume that at such times the primitive infantile ego must experience repeated absorptions. This in turn assumes that the nondifferentiated aspect of Pure Being is part of the undifferentiated matrix of the neonate; but this seems like a most reasonable assumption in view of the universal experience of those who experience this realm of Being, that it was “always already there.” It is understandable that at such times the ego will first resort to schizoid defenses, especially those of withdrawal and isolation, not from object relations, but from the omnipresent sense of Being. This makes the schizoid sector of the personality the deepest core of ego structure.

Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 452

 

excerpt from good article

,,,,,,,,,,,There exists a group of psychotherapists, in some of the more liberal population centers around the country and the world, who see their orientation not as the treatment of mental disorder but as the helping with personal growth and development. This has largely developed from the late sixties and early seventies, when modalities like gestalt therapy, encounter, body works of various kinds, and various methods aimed at the development of the human personal potential became popular in certain areas, and amongst a certain group of therapists who were not contented with the traditional role of therapy as the treatment of mental disorder. This has become what is called now the growth movement or orientation, sometimes mixed with new age elements. This orientation has been going through a development in the last few years, mostly under the pressure of clients needing more focused psychotherapy, dealing with disruptions due to abuse, trauma, addictions, stress syndromes, and various kinds of ego weaknesses as they manifest in stressful life circumstances. The result is that most of the growth oriented therapists are focusing more on these needs, namely, on treating mental disorder, but with a growth orientation.

https://www.diamondapproach.org/public-page/spiritual-work-and-psychotherapy

very important,,,   smile    relax 

crack jokes when possible

 

[Aquarius]

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks, you're very kind for taking the time to write all of that, I love you a lot.

Look at this:

"Concluding and Integrating - a flowering of coral

"Conflicts will diminish as our global, universal, spiritual, and cosmic awareness increase. By far the greatest contribution to peace an individual can make is to become a global, universal, and cosmic being."

Robert Muller, A Planet of Hope, 1986

The only real problem our planet has is people. Luckily we are not all the same, despite being born equal in all meaningful respects. What we do after birth changes our not-so-blank slate into what we are today. If we are nasty then so will be our world, if we are nice then our world will be nice too. It is entirely up to us, so the optimistic focus in our quote is highly relevant and the sort of being Muller describes relates to our last 2nd tier vMeme, coral. Gaining this sort of enlightenment is of course not at all easy, there is no 'quick fix' to Godhood. But every little helps, and if we target our own improvement, then we can (as we say) "Free Our Wild Side" and become content with our lives. As we are all inter-connected, then this goodness in us will flow outwards and inspire goodness in others. Our world will thus become a better place.

We have looked in this essay at how the view from Spiral Dynamics helps us to understand better our behaviours as a species, and of course from a complexity science point of view understanding ourselves as a 'system' is an essential step in working towards that better optimum, whether considered personally, as a local group, or globally. Here we recognise the importance of self-stabilizing attractors, both in their correspondence with the various types of vMemes and in their relevance to the problem of 'freeloaders' - selfish (red) elements that try to disrupt society and turn it 'bad' (e.g. promoting lies, hate, theft and bullying). An integrated society is better able to resist such pressures (a valid contribution of the purple vMeme), but further research is still needed if our science is to assist us in better understanding and minimising this problem (so widespread today). All vMemes have their positive and negative effects, and whilst we should not neglect the latter, we can also embrace the former, and this is the ultimate coral message." 

(Source: http://www.calresco.org/wp/spiral.htm )

I am already healthy. My friends and family call me a miracle. 

@brugluiz But... but society needs orange! It grounds...  

Those were from the DSM-5 btw.  Nuff said. 

I talked with my therapist on the phone, she seems to be very green/yellow. Did not see her yet. She also understands my ironic jokes which is wow. She said I'm schizotypal because I told her I'm a catholic mystic. Oops lol, my bad.  

 

[brugluiz]

@Aquarius, yeah, Orange is needed, but don't forget it's closed to new paradigms, especially spiritual ones. It's quite easy for Orange people to say you have a disorder that obliges you taking medicines for the rest of your life. There's a lot of crime inside of Orange too, especially those practiced by Big Pharma.

But yeah, you can find healthy Orange. I think there are Orange researches pointing that schizotypal personality gets better with time.

[Zigzag Idiot]

3 hours ago, Aquarius said:

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks, you're very kind for taking the time to write all of that, I love you a lot.

Look at this:

"Concluding and Integrating - a flowering of coral

"Conflicts will diminish as our global, universal, spiritual, and cosmic awareness increase. By far the greatest contribution to peace an individual can make is to become a global, universal, and cosmic being."

Robert Muller, A Planet of Hope, 1986

The only real problem our planet has is people. Luckily we are not all the same, despite being born equal in all meaningful respects. What we do after birth changes our not-so-blank slate into what we are today. If we are nasty then so will be our world, if we are nice then our world will be nice too. It is entirely up to us, so the optimistic focus in our quote is highly relevant and the sort of being Muller describes relates to our last 2nd tier vMeme, coral. Gaining this sort of enlightenment is of course not at all easy, there is no 'quick fix' to Godhood. But every little helps, and if we target our own improvement, then we can (as we say) "Free Our Wild Side" and become content with our lives. As we are all inter-connected, then this goodness in us will flow outwards and inspire goodness in others. Our world will thus become a better place.

We have looked in this essay at how the view from Spiral Dynamics helps us to understand better our behaviours as a species, and of course from a complexity science point of view understanding ourselves as a 'system' is an essential step in working towards that better optimum, whether considered personally, as a local group, or globally. Here we recognise the importance of self-stabilizing attractors, both in their correspondence with the various types of vMemes and in their relevance to the problem of 'freeloaders' - selfish (red) elements that try to disrupt society and turn it 'bad' (e.g. promoting lies, hate, theft and bullying). An integrated society is better able to resist such pressures (a valid contribution of the purple vMeme), but further research is still needed if our science is to assist us in better understanding and minimising this problem (so widespread today). All vMemes have their positive and negative effects, and whilst we should not neglect the latter, we can also embrace the former, and this is the ultimate coral message." 

(Source: http://www.calresco.org/wp/spiral.htm )

I am already healthy. My friends and family call me a miracle. 

@brugluiz But... but society needs orange! It grounds...  

Those were from the DSM-5 btw.  Nuff said. 

I talked with my therapist on the phone, she seems to be very green/yellow. Did not see her yet. She also understands my ironic jokes which is wow. She said I'm schizotypal because I told her I'm a catholic mystic. Oops lol, my bad.  

 

 

Great link and article containing other links! I'm enjoying. Thanks ? 

[Aquarius]

On 1/20/2019 at 2:52 PM, brugluiz said:

@Aquarius, yeah, Orange is needed, but don't forget it's closed to new paradigms, especially spiritual ones. It's quite easy for Orange people to say you have a disorder that obliges you taking medicines for the rest of your life. There's a lot of crime inside of Orange too, especially those practiced by Big Pharma.

But yeah, you can find healthy Orange. I think there are Orange researches pointing that schizotypal personality gets better with time.

I'm very aware of that. Buuuuuuuut.... My psychotherapist is a positive orange/green-ish. And my psychiatrist is a highly empathic, religious yellow (non-dogmatic).  My psychiatrist says if I continue to heal at this pace I might not need medication anymore. She claims that it's possible that I will heal in a few months!!!

On 1/20/2019 at 4:36 PM, Zigzag Idiot said:

 

Great link and article containing other links! I'm enjoying. Thanks ? 

Much love to you! 

[brugluiz]

That's nice @Aquarius

I hope you get the best treatment!

Hugs from Brazil!

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 1/4/2019 at 11:24 AM, ajasatya said:

plot twist: your only "sickness" is emotional wounds and even though drugs can make you go through the days as a functional human being, you're the only one who can actually help yourself heal.

nah, that's just a projection from me. forget what i just said.

Interesting input

 

On 1/13/2019 at 4:00 PM, Aquarius said:

Update: Problem solved, got the right medication. I corrected my sleep schedule by myself and I am slowly healing step by step. I love my new psychiatrist, she's very nice and I am already healing every day. Been inactive on the forum for a few days because busy with studying. 

Good to hear that!