im tired of life

[SOUL]

That's amazing!

You're almost at peace with just being... other than the 'at peace' part of it since there seems to still be some unrest going on in you about just being.

It's kind of paradoxical but getting to where we are simply at peace with just being is the 'non-activity' that empowers liberation. The yearning for something to attain or to do something has almost been quenched so a genuine peace in awareness of just being present will blossom in liberation.

That you are still a little bit restless in it isn't an indication that there is something amiss, it's just the body's natural inclination to desire something. Once you experience that genuine peace in just being that is when actual fulfillment from just being present will quench the accomplishment based satiation from desire as counter intuitive as it sounds.

The liberation from the existential yearning creates a sense of peace and fulfillment that surpasses any of the achievement or situational ones because it exists regardless of any conditions or circumstances. We are at peace with just being so fulfillment is being present and anything we add to it is just that, adding to already existing fulfillment and peace but not the indulgence in feeding the craving for self serving which will continue to be a cycle of desire for something.

Some may say then you won't want to do anything or will lose all motivation of purpose and meaning but contrary to this assumption everything we experience in liberation is fulfilled. Every experience is even more 'rewarding' because it is experienced through the lens of absolute peace and fulfillment of being present not based on meeting expectations or successes in achievement which may not be met or fail to happen so be left unfulfilled.

Then anything that is done is a genuine expression of joy in doing it not a self identity creating and sustaining justification activity. Through this liberating peace in being those disingenuous activities will lose the allure and the things that are a real expression of our joy will illuminate in our experience of them.

So you are on the cusp of this liberation from yearning to be at peace with just being present.....just a little bit of unrest to clear out.

Kudos.

[zambize]

I find sometimes when I dont feel motivated that I'm not resting correctly between too much screen time or thinking ideas,  do nothing meditation helps here

[Girzo]

You could use more going out and meeting with people. Just force yourself to it.

What you describe sounds like a typical thing that happens to people who lead hermit lifestyle.

[Prometheus Worley]

@Viking Have you considered, maybe what you're experiencing has a biochemical /physiological basis?

Some of the symptoms you've described sound like you may be experiencing some form of "Adrenal Exhaustion", or perhaps you simply have very low Dopamine levels, or a Serotonin /Dopamine imbalance. Either one of these conditions can be caused by numerous factors such as:

1) Age, Diet, Lifestyle, Hormonal Output or hormonal imbalance,

2) Career, Stress Levels, Medical History,

3) Genetic History /predisposition, etc.

Do you suffer with SAD? (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

Do you live in a region where it gets dark early /has limited hours of Sunlight?

When is the last time you've a basic overall health check up or annual physical?

Have you ever been treated for and /or taken medications for Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, Depression, etc..?

Are you currently taking any medications and/ or using nutritional /herbal supplements? (sometimes medications and supplements have side effects that severely effect Serotonin and Dopamine levels. (Remember- Dopamine levels strongly influence our levels of motivation)

Sometimes simply changing your diet and eating foods that boost brain levels of Dopamine, can quickly do the trick. And your levels of motivation begin to gradually increase. Or even using a sunlamp /light therapy to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder symptoms..if you have them.

I'm not a doctor, and by no means a psychologist /psychiatrist, but I do have years of medical & patient care training. Many many questions come to mind when reading your post. I'm pretty sure any Doctor, Physican's Assistant, or Nurse Practitioner, would ask you the same questions and many more, to try to vector in on your current issue, to see if perhaps your symptoms have a biological basis.

A certain amount of depression, lethargy, and general "do nothing" feeling is quite normal for everyone, at certain points during lives. So I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'd suggest first, seeing /seeking medical intervention to try to find out if your condition is medically oriented. if it's not, then I'd suggest proceeding with more of a psychological /consciousness awakening type approach. If you discover that professional therapy maybe need , by all means I'd say give it a try....

Also, I definitely agree with what Preetom and Genghis Khan mentioned earlier, about trying something new, different, active, and exciting. Remember what Lao-Tzu said..."The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step"....it maybe that you simply need to change your surroundings, and begin to incorporate a more active lifestyle as well as fun and exciting, inspiring /adventurous people within your circle of friends...

Which ever way you choose to go about it, i'd say don't worry too much. Sometimes bouts of this type of "do nothing" /"Not wanting to do anything" happens to all of us. The good thing to know is that it will eventually pass...:-)

A good book I'd recommend for you to read as your going through this is:

1) Peaks and Valleys: Making Good And Bad Times Work For You--At Work And In Life (by Spencer Johnson M.D.)

(Some of the information is dated, but it really has excellent insight in understanding the low times we all feel and experience during various times in our life).

Edited January 2, 2019 by Prometheus Worley
Needed to make corrections.

[Eric Tarpall]

3 hours ago, Viking said:

i did feel huge motivation to do things after my 10 day vipassana retreat where i did nothing, but it fades away. i think its something deeper

Maybe you just lack momentum. Doing less leads to doing less. Keep moving & stay busy helps in this situation.

[Viking]

21 hours ago, Charlotte said:

@Viking  Possibly lost connection to nature and to life. Are you maybe taking life for granted?

Listen to Preetom's questions ❤️

And maybe contemplate and visualise your death (on your death bed for example).

I know it sounds morbid but I can only speak from personal experience and it worked for me greatly. 

I contemplated death quite a bit, i dont particularly care. if id known id die in a few months id be a little relieved actually.

[Willie]

2 hours ago, Viking said:

I contemplated death quite a bit, i dont particularly care. if id known id die in a few months id be a little relieved actually.

This sounds like depression to me. Could be wrong, though. Do you feel as if you're just going through the motions in life out of some sense of obligation?

[Charlotte]

@Viking Sorry to hear your feeling this way ❤️ 

Have you done anything at all to challenge yourself over the past few months? Like really challenge yourself. 

Facing fears? Overcoming fears?

[Viking]

@Etherial Cat i feel like youre right about the apathy and the negative thinking. i dont know about the posotive thinking, because my mind starts to be very cynical. i am meditating daily, but the problem is that i identify with and give much value to my thoughts, so i cant just silence the mind, i believe there is value.

17 hours ago, Yousef said:

You sure don't know what you are talking about.  Only if that happens. .you will get the answer of how to live a happy life. But it will be too late.  Get busy living. .or get busy dying.

of course i dont know what im talking about, if that would actually happen i would be freaking out probably. but thats the way i feel.

17 hours ago, Willie said:

This sounds like depression to me. Could be wrong, though. Do you feel as if you're just going through the motions in life out of some sense of obligation?

i am definitely going through the motions, but with mindfulness ive managed to be ok with it, i dont suffer as much as i used to.

14 hours ago, Charlotte said:

@Viking Sorry to hear your feeling this way ❤️ 

Have you done anything at all to challenge yourself over the past few months? Like really challenge yourself. 

Facing fears? Overcoming fears?

the only think i can think of as a challenge is talking to strangers. for now when i try to do it im getting stuck in my mind, i start asking myself do i really want to now, what if he/she will need to go in a few seconds? and i freeze and cant start talking. im believing my mind very much.

[Viking]

34 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Do you listen to Eckhart Tolle?

I read his book "the power of now" and a few youtube videos, i didnt get much out of it. i dont understand him.

 

42 minutes ago, Yousef said:

@Viking do you have a GF. .friends to have fun with. .job to get lost in. .family members who cares about you. ?

i dont have a girlfriend, i have some acquaintances but no close friends. im a student, but studying is hard and frustrating often. i have a family who cares about me but im rarely with them and i dont like being with them very much, I do love them though.

i dont have close friends because i cant resonate with any of my acquaintances enough to do things outside study. getting a girlfriend is almost impossible because the only public places im at are the library to study and lectures, but in the lectures there are around 5% girls and in the library everyone is busy studying so i cant talk much.

but i dont want to rely on those external things to keep me going, i want to be able to live well by my own. i dont want to depend on others.

Edited January 3, 2019 by Viking

[Viking]

49 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Try this one

 

when i try to do what he says, fear arises (not the feeling, the worry), because i believe there is something wrong with me and i need to figure out what is wrong and fix it, so i have to continue thinking.

[Charlotte]

@Viking @Viking Go and do something that your shit scared of doing Viking and actually do it, follow it through consciously. Facing a few fears can be a great source of 'reboot'. It can get to a place where you literally have no idea what your capable of anymore. Just by bypassing and being conscious of fear itself. 

Also what is this fear you speak of? 

31 minutes ago, Viking said:

i believe there is something wrong with me and i need to figure out what is wrong and fix it

 

[ajasatya]

39 minutes ago, Viking said:

when i try to do what he says, fear arises (not the feeling, the worry), because i believe there is something wrong with me and i need to figure out what is wrong and fix it, so i have to continue thinking.

keep it up. come back and get in touch with that fear over and over. whenever you feel like you have to think, let go of that thought and get back to your fear. feel it until it doesn't bother you anymore. it may take 1 month, 1 year or 10 years.

[Viking]

11 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Go and do something that your shit scared of doing Viking and actually do it, follow it through consciously. Facing a few fears can be a great source of 'reboot'. It can get to a place where you literally have no idea what your capable of anymore. Just by bypassing and being conscious of fear itself. 

i am already trying to talk to people more, it scares the shit out of me and im always having this body rush of embarrassment, heat, especially in the face, i guess its called blushing, very unpleasant.

11 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Also what is this fear you speak of? 

i have no idea, i have this intuitive sense that there's something wrong with me. like im living wrong, not doing everything as i should. people often say that im weird, and i also feel that im weird. i cant point to it, i just know its there. ive no idea what to do about it.

@ajasatya i cant allow myself to do it, because i identify with these thoughts and believe firmly they are mine and they have their place and i shouldnt ignore them.

@Etherial Cat of course i can stop my thinking for a few seconds, but where does it lead me?

Edited January 3, 2019 by Viking

[Charlotte]

5 minutes ago, Viking said:

i am already trying to talk to people more, it scares the shit out of me and im always having this body rush of embarrassment, heat, especially in the face, i guess its called blushing, very unpleasant.

Thanks for sharing. Doesn't it make you feel ALIVE afterwards? Like... "Oh my god I DID IT!! What else can I do?" Keep at these fears bro, they'll transform you but at the same time it would be really helpful to observe thought whilst doing so. You can literally observe how your mind manipulates you in everyway and with that observation you will be able to break through fears because you will then be aware of the illusory nature. 

10 minutes ago, Viking said:

i have no idea, i have this intuitive sense that there's something wrong with me. like im living wrong, not doing everything as i should. people often say that im weird, and i also feel that im weird. i cant point to it, i just know its there. ive no idea what to do about it.

Viking if you identify with mind as much as you say you do how can you be sure that this 'intuitive' feeling is really intuitive at all?

[Viking]

@Yousef I meditate daily, I tried g

ratitude practice, it became boring and i started to hate it, because its so hard to come up with more things to be greatful for, it ruined my morning.

9 minutes ago, Yousef said:

Take a vacation. .and go in nature. .all by yourself. .play with the animals. . The cats..try to catch the birds. .let people think you're crazy. .look stupid. .connect with life. .be a kid again. 

I had vacations, this state is not new. when im in nature im lost in thought.

9 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Doesn't it make you feel ALIVE afterwards?

i actually feel exhausted and anxious that i said something wrong.

10 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

because you will then be aware of the illusory nature. 

thats actually good advice, thanks, ill try to be even more mindful of my mind when im facing fears, maybe ill see that the mind is truly lying to me and ill stop believing in it

15 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

You are identifying with a narrative, an impostor created by the mind.  Stop thinking, and you get the chance to suddenly see the difference between the awareness in you and the voice in your head.  The voice, the chat you are telling yourself is responsible for your suffering. 

Turn off your computer, sit on a mat. Focus on that space. Do not think about where it leads you, it is a trap, the voice is coming back by the back door.

Cultivate the void

what do you mean? awareness is always here, i am aware of the voice in my head, theres no such thing as awareness, there are only things to be aware of. its like saying "suddenly you will see the difference between feeling and the sensation in your hand" you can only feel the sensation, you cant be aware of the process of the act of feeling.

[Gabriel Antonio]

On 1/1/2019 at 6:53 PM, Viking said:

i dont think im depressed

Yes, you are. Get help! 

[zambize]

21 minutes ago, Yousef said:

@Viking yeah sure. .you meditate daily. .that's why when you are in nature you get lost in your thoughts. .that's why you question yourself and feel awkward when you try to talk to people. .

And gratitude is boring ofcourse. ."it's hard to come up with things I'm grateful for. .poor me. ". Bro. .I told you to think about people who got  it ten times worse than you. ...you are asking for help here. .and we are replying to you. .we feel you. .and we devote our time trying to help you for free.. even though we don't know you personally. .aren't you grateful for that?

It can be very hard for apathetic people to feel stuff like gratefulness and forcing it may only make it worse.  My apathy only went away once I felt the grief and anxiety that I had been turning a blind eye to.  I really think he's just gotta feel what hes gotta feel, and I think the gratefulness will come.  But shaming yourself into being grateful could be very helpful.  He should maybe just sit down, listen to whatever hint of an emotion/sadness/boredom he can feel, and be as deeply aware of it as possible and let it be.  

[Joseph Maynor]

Hang in there.

[zambize]

11 minutes ago, Yousef said:

He refuses to listen to any advice.  When I told him try to meditate to calm your thoughts he said " thanks I mediate daily " . And when I told him go in nature and chill out he said " I can't chill cuz I'm lost in my thoughts ".!! Really? !  He is just contradicting himself. 

Dont take that personally, would you feel bad if he didnt take any of the advice and continued to be unhappy?  I dont think anger is necessarily the best emotion to have when someone is in a state like this, it turns them away from what you are saying.  I think on one hand, you have to teach a man to fish, and on the other, you have to have the intuition that when a bloodied up starving man comes to your door step, you dont immediately start lecturing him on how to fish.  You serve him dinner and patch him up, the lesson can wait.  Anger tends to turn people away from our teachings because you get perceived as a threat and they close up.  I know it can be frustrating at times, but maybe he deep down knows exactly what to do and just needs some compassion