Profound cosmic-consciousness experience on MDMA (An unreported experience elsewhere)

[Maya_0]

Greetings and Happy New Year! It's nice to see this rotating sphere orbit a fireball once again.

There's something about this day that makes me want to write about an experience that happened maybe 3 years ago, back when I was regularly experimenting with psychedelics. 

I know MDMA is not typically considered a psychedelic because it doesn't induce an experience of  ego-death. However, in all my experiences with it (about a dozen), I do experience an "ego-dissolution", and during one specific high-dose, I did experience what seemed to me as ego-death for a brief period. That ego-death experience is what I want to talk about here because it was very profound at the time and in all the reading I've done on MDMA and trip reports I've read, I've never heard anyone report something like it. 

As I remember, the dose I took was 180 mg with a 90 mg booster 90 minutes in. I weigh about 140 lbs, so this was a pretty strong dose. I don't recommend people try this much, actually. The setting was just me alone. I remember feeling extremely good even before taking the booster dose, and then sometime after the 90 mg booster kicked in, I started feeling a very palpable sense of oneness. It was as though I could feel my normal sense of identity expand to become everything. I remember looking around at the room I was in and I felt identical to the objects I was looking at. I no longer felt identical to just my body.

I then got up to dance to some music and as I was dancing around feeling this absolutely sublime euphoria, my perception blacked-out for a split-second. I could not hear the music, I could not see, and I don't remember feeling the ground with my feet. This is where I will have a hard time describing my experience but in this moment of black, there was just this immensity of something...but it was also like a nothing. It was immense. And this immensity I could also describe as static, present, and immovable. It literally did not ever move -- it was just there with what seemed the mass of a black hole (even more). There was an intuition that whatever that  was, was what I was. I  was that immensity. A second later, I'm back in my ordinary reality moving my feet to the music, but once I processed what had just happened, I had to go lay down. I was totally awe-struck at what I had just experienced. "It's forever. The Universe goes on forever," I thought. I didn't really understand what I had just experienced, but at the same time, I knew it was something exceptionally profound. And the profundity of whatever the heck that was, caused tears of love and elation, and bliss, and wonderment to flow down my face like never before in my life.