365 days of meditation

[Spry]

My goal is to post here every day for 365 days, noting the meditation I did and any notable experiences.

The framework I'll be using is from The Mind Illuminated, which essentially breaks the process into 10 stages. I'll be starting over in Stage 1, which is establishing a daily practice.

My goal for the first month is simply to sit down and meditate at least 10 minutes a day. Often this will go much longer, but 10 minutes is the baseline. No specific goals or expectations.

As for now, I don't have a specific goal for the whole year yet, other meditating every day. Ultimately though I'd like to experience something along the lines of these posts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/67i0cp/one_year_of_practice_with_the_mind_illuminated/

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheMindIlluminated/comments/8sscab/my_summary_of_one_year_meditating_following_the/

Wish me luck

12/30/18 - Day 1

Today I meditated for 10 minutes using Sam Harris's app. Just using whatever I feel like right now with the emphasis being on actually doing it.

Also practiced mindful breathing in the car today for half an hour or so.

[Spry]

Day 2

About 20 minutes this morning. 10 using the App and 10 doing stage 1/stage 2 practices from TMI.

[Spry]

Day 3

About 15 minutes this morning. 10 on the app and 5 after. Planning on getting a little more in later today.

Another 40 minutes this afternoon.

Edited January 2, 2019 by Spry

[Spry]

Day 4

About 30 minutes this morning. 10 with the app and 20 or so counting my breaths.

Besides simply re-establishing a practice and not setting any expectations, I'm focusing on calmly noticing my mind's reaction to realizing I've been lost in thought and moving towards appreciating the "aha" moment. Periods of mind wandering haven't been super long (a minute or two usually, sometimes just a few seconds) but attention is still very unstable. This is all absolutely fine -- the process will unfold as quickly or slowly as it needs to.

[Spry]

Day 5

Almost an hour and a half today. Once I reach a certain level of focus and mind-settling, meditation becomes a lot more enjoyable and I'm less compelled to stop.

Today I focused on noticing the length and frequency of mind wandering. It started somewhat long, got shorter, then eventually went away. So for those familiar with The Mind Illuminated's framework, I started off working in Stage 2 and ended working in Stage 4. 

I'm tempted to analyze more but it's probably not that helpful. I just need to keep going, whether it's 10 minutes or 90 and things will become more and more clear.

[Spry]

Day 6

Missed it this morning and felt really restless later, but still got the 10 minutes in this evening.

Definitely felt more restless and frazzled today in general; I think skipping meditation in the morning had something to do with it.

[Spry]

Day 7 

Made it through the first week! 

I got about 35 minutes in this morning. Felt really tired and distracted though. The key for me on off days/off stretches is just to accept the current state of my mind and work with the distraction and not get frustrated. 

[Spry]

Day 8

10 minutes this evening. It seems I have a much better chance of getting a good, long meditation in if I do it first thing in the morning. Gotta make sure I get to bed early enough that I don't have to choose between sleeping enough and meditating.

[Spry]

Day 9

35 or 40 minutes this morning. It's been taking quite a while for my mind to settle but I'm doing a good job just letting the process take as long as it takes. It feels like I'm doing a better job noticing and accepting distraction rather than fighting it. In other words, it feels like I'm getting more out of the less focused states of mind than before.

In terms of the 10 stages, I'm currently spending most of the time in Stage 1-2 and ending solidly in Stage 3 (mind wandering becomes far shorter, attention more stable, feel calm and peaceful).

Again, at least for this first month, if I just sit down and do it every day that's a win. 

[Spry]

Day 10

A little more than an hour this morning. 

My focus is still taking a while to settle but I feel more open to the process than before, more patient, and more able to notice when expectations or doubt pop up for a second.

Dropping expectations has really been one of the biggest positive changes for me this time around. I used to spend more time thinking that my mind *should* do this or that, but really, my mind should do whatever it's doing because that's where I'm at.

[Spry]

Day 11

10 minutes this morning. 

Without a doubt, the biggest determinants of whether I meditate and how much I do are 1) if I do it first thing in the morning and 2) if I have time. 

If I'm going to get 365 days in, it'll be really important not to book appointments super early in the morning and to make sure I keep a decent sleep schedule.

[Spry]

Day 12

About half an hour this morning. 

I'm trying to strike a balance between diligence and letting go of expectations. I think it's important not to force it, but I think it's possible to be to lax about the process as well.

For now though, big win just sitting down and doing it every day.

[Spry]

Day 13

10 minutes this evening. 

Like I've mentioned, I definitely get the most out of first thing in the morning meditations, especially when I don't have a specific time restraint. That way they can stretch out to 30, 60 or 90 minutes if I'm feeling up to it. 

It looks like I'll be getting up really early on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the next few months, so I'll have to find a way to make the meditation a priority.

All that said, patting myself on the back for 13 days in a row

[Spry]

Day 14

Got 10 minutes in later in the day + some intentional mindfulness throughout the day.

I still want to focus more on getting it in first thing in the morning.

[Spry]

Day 15

About 20 minutes this morning. I'll have more time the next 2 days

Edited January 14, 2019 by Spry

[Spry]

Day 16

45 minutes this morning. 

Within The Mind Illuminated terminology I started in stage 2 and ended in late stage 3 or early stage 4.

In English, this means I started out with frequent mind wandering, then the mind wandering got shorter and shorter until it virtually disappeared and I was able to stay on the breath, rarely if ever forgetting it. My mind would still jump to other things, but would come back in a few seconds at most.

One of the biggest helps for me has been expecting, noticing and accepting mind wandering for as long as it lasts. It's both encouraging and illuminating to watch the periods of mind wandering shorten and then eventually go away -- as opposed to wishing they wouldn't be there and getting frustrated when I'd get lost in thought.

[Spry]

Day 17

1 hour and 15 minutes today.

Started in Stage 2, let it unfold for a while while counting the breaths, reached Stage 3 and eventually Stage 4 (Mind no longer wanders or forgets the breath, but attention still jumps around).

One thing I noticed today, more than I have have before, was the narrating mind or "voice in the head" and how it pretends to be me, so to speak. 

It's really interesting watch it come up, get noticed, then come in the back door over and over again. 

For me, it's really just noticing that the part of the mind that says "okay now let's focus on that" or "that's beautiful" or "what's a car" isn't the part of the mind that really sees something or notices that it's beautiful. 

It was extra clear to me today how that part of the mind isn't really that important. It's kind of like having someone follow you around constantly saying "now he has opened his car door", "how he's doing well at work", "he's definitely a good person now that he's avoided that conflict". Viewing it like that makes it so clear how ridiculous it is that we do this constantly without noticing it.

================================

Anyway, really happy about today.

Again I really want to emphasize having no expectations and letting the process unfold in it's own time. It was really helpful today just to let my mind settle in it's own time and not wish it was more focused.

[Spry]

Day 18

Really similar to yesterday in a lot of ways. 1 hour and 15 minutes + moved through stages 2-4. 

I'm noticing thinking more and more, and the subtle way it creeps back in and tries to capture my attention over and over. It really is like this funny little dance where the thinking mind tricks you and then pretends to be you until you wake up and notice. Over the course of my meditation, this goes from lasting several minutes to several seconds and sometimes to no time at all.

One other thing I'm noticing is that while meditating I don't really want to engage with the stage 3 and 4 practices. Once my mind settles I kind of just want to explore it and relax. I think this is totally fine for now. If I keep it up and sit down every day, I'll progress.

[Spry]

Day 19

About an hour today.

Sunk in pretty deep around the 25 minute mark and mostly stayed there until the end.

Otherwise it was pretty similar to yesterday. I noticed a lot about my narrating mind, body sensations, etc. and felt really good at the end. I did spend a little time trying to focus more intently on the breath and identifying more and more subtle sensations, as well as moving towards exclusive attention (right now, even though I get to the point where I no longer forget the breath, my attention still likes to jump around a bit). 

Anyway, happy that I seem to be getting deeper more quickly. Especially for this month I want to refrain from having any goals or expectations besides just sitting down and doing it. I'm really happy to have done 19 days in a row and for it to not feel like a chore to do an hour or so. 

I'm just going to let it unfold in it's own time.

[Spry]

Day 20

About 20 minutes this morning. Felt tired and didn't have a lot of time.

I may take a nap and get more in later today.