My little brother and mom got bludgended - A real test...

[kieranperez]

So i just got home to find out by looking at my little brothers bludgened face that he and my mom (who I don’t really speak to anymore) just got back from the hospital as a result of having been beat up by a guy at Goodwill. My brother has gashes on his head, black eyes, cuts and all. My mom got hurt but I haven’t seen her. Apparently the guy who attacked them wasn’t on drugs or anything but just had a short fuse or something, was in his 30s and was a really big dude and sucker punched my little brother whose 17 and my mom whose 56. 

My first reaction finding out was a little anger but suddenly, and shockingly, I found the lack of truth behind it all... This caught me off guard. Granted, if I was there and saw that I still have enough anger inside to the point where if I was witnessing that I probably would’ve slit that guys throat or something. Then again, I’ve been attacked by a homeless person not even 2 months ago in the face and I couldn’t even judge him... as much as I tried which is the crazy part! So I don’t know.

I just don’t know what to feel. I can’t really judge the guy who did that to my brother and mom which is getting to me. I even try getting angry but there’s no truth to it. Why is my brother and mom somehow better than him? He’s ignorant and is just a chimp reacting to life like most of us are given his own “unique” delusions and lack of development. Why should it not have happened? I feel so bad for my little brother but unlike my dad whose judging that guy as a monster and a horrible piece of shit, I want to help my brother and be there for him (even though he doesn’t want a relationship with me) but I can’t hate the guy who did this. 

With that said... I seriously don’t get why this keeps happening to my family. “This” meaning just these weekly events of catastrophic news and bad events of some kind or another for the last 13 years. I don’t understand at all. I don’t see this happen to other people. Just endless shit. 

[kieranperez]

Update: turns out he probably has a broken jaw. He’s in tears eating his food. This is hard to watch. I feel so bad for him... he doesn’t deserve any of this but it’s what happened... I don’t know what to do. They don’t accept me but I want to help my little brother. He’s been so depressed already because of my parents secular moralism and my dads programming and I can see why he’s suffering but I can’t do anything. 

[Bluebird]

Quote

I seriously don’t get why this keeps happening to my family

Either they're not getting the lesson, or you're not.

Quote

I can see why he’s suffering but I can’t do anything. 

Nothing?

...Other than that, which may or may not spark something, it's a tough situation and we're here for you bro.  You said in another thread you like reading biographies, sounds like yours is a good one in the makings.

[kieranperez]

Just now, Bluebird said:

You said in another thread you like reading biographies, sounds like yours is a good one in the makings.

I don't mean this some bragging way at all but people have told me this for awhile. For years I've told people and shared my story with people and a lot of people (I don't mean you) seem to be really moved when I describe this stuff that goes on. Starting to kinda feel like this is a recurring sign that I need to take advantage of. 

3 minutes ago, Bluebird said:

Nothing?

It's hard because my brother basically internalizes everything. He doesn't like people opening up to him because that actually makes him vulnerable. He doesn't like talking about really anything. He projects onto me a lot because I'm seen as the fuck up in the family whose this coddled 23 year old whose still at home and is deluded and am cold, have no empathy, uncompassionate, selfish, blah blah blah and he doesn't want to respect me and just sees me as a 23 year old whose going to go nowhere in life (which I do feel is true... not say it is but I'm saying that's how I feel and operate in my life and how my daily actions - or lack thereof- is a reflection of that) so he works to not be like me. He doesn't let anyone in though and my parents tend to moralize to him for not opening up which of course makes the issue worse. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

@kieranperez In regards to your brother. I've known some type 5 enneagram personalities (the observer)  and it's very difficult to them to open up to family. Type 5's will often open up to complete strangers who they will never see again.

Dont know if it applies.,,,

[Joseph Maynor]

I’m so sorry to hear this happened to your family.  

Edited December 31, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Artaemis]

I'm here if you need anyone to talk to kieranperez.

[now is forever]

@kieranperez wow that sounds like a mess. it is an emotional one but also a physical one - and you are in the process of sorting that. it’s a good sign regardless of the situation. the thing is, there are moments in life where we realize we love our family but we can’t help because they won’t let us. and i tell you, it will never stop being painful - but respecting them sometimes means respecting their boarders.

do you understand the principle of synchronicity of coincidence? in this case i believe it might be frequenting wrong places. i know it’s difficult to live in a safe quarter and i know always taking a car is expensive - but somehow these things work out so well, that in criminal areas in south america and other countries they have separated areas to live in, if they can afford it and people who guard the house.

so the lesser you frequent places that are not safe the lesser coincidences to meet people like that you will produce, because there is no synchronicity with them anymore. that goes for your folks the same as for yourself.

regarding your family - it sounds like it is getting hard to leave them and you don’t have to do it forever but maybe if you would leave them for a while you would figure out that indeed they’ll maybe come along not better or worse than when you are around.

going away from home means to find your true self - you see you can selfinquire a lot and find out a lot about yourself but people you know well always tell you how you are and you will believe it as long as you are sticking around. they have mute expectations, too. and you will fulfill them subconsciously.

i had to move many times to finally find someone inside me who can say that stuff.

and finally i realized the little things i can do for them, i can do them because i left home.

(but don’t go unprepared - work towards living with other people, find a shelter that already really exists. there is a lot to discover about yourself, things you were not aware of, because you never had the chance to see them yet - you only got a glimpse until now)

by the way the best thing you can do for your little brother is being someone he can look up to. someone who walks ahead.

Edited December 31, 2018 by now is forever
sorry this was as empathic as i could get - as i know this situation is crucial to making a real change

[ValiantSalvatore]

@kieranperez This sounds horrible...I don't understand why such crazy stuff happens either... I wanted to relate in some manner because I am bound to my family in a sense too, I don't know how long you've been into this journey, I've been very very open and too straightforward with my friends.......................... sometime and I can relate how it feels to open up and share one's story to friends or talking to family members and not feeling understood/heard any sort of empathic response. My best friend from high school either blocked me or does not text me back and moved into a different country, he had a lot of relationship troubles and he never told me much about it, it was like a closed deal, since nobody wanted to deal with "dat shit". I never told this online... but I believed I was a covert narcissist for at least one year, because of my grandma and because I had to work inside a hospital for one year.

 

Similar to what you described as the feeling inside your sternum/chest like a crying child of shame, frustration anger etc. All seemed to stem from a wound my grandma inflicted to me and the world at large..., this region felt so triggered. It got enormously better over time, solely through meditation and reading and especially journaling. I can understand cognitively that you want to help your brother, I am a single-child so I never even had the privilege technically to care about someone technically who would care. My mother always kept nagging until I moved to a position where she did not need to care that much about my future, I don't know your whole story, but if you care to share you can reach out and text me, in case this resonated somehow, we are one year apart by age maybe you can teach me some running skills and we could form an accountability of some sort would love to do that. In case I recall this was part of your LP. I am a lurker. 

 

I can still send the program which talked about this feeling inside the chest, anyway I am actually moving my lazy privileged black butt to go for a run. Don't know what you can financially do, because I feel I could do more for my fam, when I would finish everything and move away. The advice from now is forever sounded reasonable.

[Angelite]

10 hours ago, kieranperez said:

My first reaction finding out was a little anger but suddenly, and shockingly, I found the lack of truth behind it all... This caught me off guard. Granted, if I was there and saw that I still have enough anger inside to the point where if I was witnessing that I probably would’ve slit that guys throat or something. Then again, I’ve been attacked by a homeless person not even 2 months ago in the face and I couldn’t even judge him... as much as I tried which is the crazy part! So I don’t know.

I just don’t know what to feel. I can’t really judge the guy who did that to my brother and mom which is getting to me. I even try getting angry but there’s no truth to it. Why is my brother and mom somehow better than him? He’s ignorant and is just a chimp reacting to life like most of us are given his own “unique” delusions and lack of development. Why should it not have happened? I feel so bad for my little brother but unlike my dad whose judging that guy as a monster and a horrible piece of shit. 

First, you need to have good judgement. It is not about sympathizing or judging the guy. But, when it comes to safety and defense, you do have the rights to defend yourself. And to protect those around you. It's self defense. Had nothing to do with judging/being a bad person for beating someone to defend yourself. If someone inflicted physical danger you, you do have to defend yourself. That's just about the right thing to do. Especially when it comes to your mother & younger sibling. And of course yourself. 

This only applies when you are in that situation. And no one to defend you.

10 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I feel so bad for my little brother but unlike my dad whose judging that guy as a monster and a horrible piece of shit, I want to help my brother and be there for him (even though he doesn’t want a relationship with me) but I can’t hate the guy who did this. 

You don't have to hate him. But do beat him up if you get into that situation again. But be in moderation though.. 

 

I thought you have an older brother. But it's a younger brother~

So you're the older one. More reasons for you to take care of your mother and your younger bro. If anything, your younger brother suffers the most... 

10 hours ago, kieranperez said:

Update: turns out he probably has a broken jaw. He’s in tears eating his food. This is hard to watch. I feel so bad for him... he doesn’t deserve any of this but it’s what happened... I don’t know what to do. They don’t accept me but I want to help my little brother. He’s been so depressed already because of my parents secular moralism and my dads programming and I can see why he’s suffering but I can’t do anything. 

"I can't do anything"

That's your limiting belief. Really it's all up to you to be a good older brother. He couldn't even trust his older brother~ what have you done?....

 

7 hours ago, kieranperez said:

It's hard because my brother basically internalizes everything. He doesn't like people opening up to him because that actually makes him vulnerable. He doesn't like talking about really anything. He projects onto me a lot because I'm seen as the fuck up in the family whose this coddled 23 year old whose still at home and is deluded and am cold, have no empathy, uncompassionate, selfish, blah blah blah and he doesn't want to respect me and just sees me as a 23 year old whose going to go nowhere in life (which I do feel is true... not say it is but I'm saying that's how I feel and operate in my life and how my daily actions - or lack thereof- is a reflection of that) so he works to not be like me. He doesn't let anyone in though and my parents tend to moralize to him for not opening up which of course makes the issue worse. 

The least you could do is to be a good example. It's time now. Show him that you are responsible. And that he can trust you. But you need to get yourself together. Stop with all those limiting beliefs, it wasn't your fault btw(your father had done that to you) but you gotta overcome those limiting beliefs. Only then you can be a responsible older brother&son. Who else can they look up to if not you?....

I think it's hard for each to change. But you be the change then. Be good to your mother and your brother. And to yourself first. Don't add up to what's already broken. 

Make this a turning point for your family. This is your chance to be a responsible son/brother. Show by example. You don't have to talk to him. Maybe later...with your mother too...

 

You're acting cold btw, of course that's how he gonna perceive you?. Show him some love! 

 

 

I know you are matured enough by now to be responsible & you have a good vision. The only thing that's holding you back now is your limiting belief/self judgement. Only you can work on that & no one can convince you otherwise. 

I think you know your potentials better.

 

Be good to your brother  & your mom.....show them that they can trust you....

Maybe by getting yourself together. 

 

Wake up call for your father. And you too. Make it worth it. 

 

 

*sorry if you can't relate & if I got it wrong. It must be hard to see em injured... 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 31, 2018 by Angelite

[Joseph Maynor]

I think your brutal honesty is a good trait.  You never conceal things and you just put it all out there, which is a really good trait to have in this work.  A lot of people are afraid to be so open.  But when you’re open then people can come help you.  You’ve done a good job being open your issues on here.

Edited December 31, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[CreamCat]

Why did it happen?

[Mu_]

13 hours ago, kieranperez said:

So i just got home to find out by looking at my little brothers bludgened face that he and my mom (who I don’t really speak to anymore) just got back from the hospital as a result of having been beat up by a guy at Goodwill. My brother has gashes on his head, black eyes, cuts and all. My mom got hurt but I haven’t seen her. Apparently the guy who attacked them wasn’t on drugs or anything but just had a short fuse or something, was in his 30s and was a really big dude and sucker punched my little brother whose 17 and my mom whose 56. 

My first reaction finding out was a little anger but suddenly, and shockingly, I found the lack of truth behind it all... This caught me off guard. Granted, if I was there and saw that I still have enough anger inside to the point where if I was witnessing that I probably would’ve slit that guys throat or something. Then again, I’ve been attacked by a homeless person not even 2 months ago in the face and I couldn’t even judge him... as much as I tried which is the crazy part! So I don’t know.

I just don’t know what to feel. I can’t really judge the guy who did that to my brother and mom which is getting to me. I even try getting angry but there’s no truth to it. Why is my brother and mom somehow better than him? He’s ignorant and is just a chimp reacting to life like most of us are given his own “unique” delusions and lack of development. Why should it not have happened? I feel so bad for my little brother but unlike my dad whose judging that guy as a monster and a horrible piece of shit, I want to help my brother and be there for him (even though he doesn’t want a relationship with me) but I can’t hate the guy who did this. 

With that said... I seriously don’t get why this keeps happening to my family. “This” meaning just these weekly events of catastrophic news and bad events of some kind or another for the last 13 years. I don’t understand at all. I don’t see this happen to other people. Just endless shit. 

Sorry to hear this happened to your family.  Just be there the best way you can, what ever you feel in your heart.  Sounds like by your response in general though, your heart is seeing more to the picture of life and your feeling for both parties with understanding.  Sounds like spiritual growth from the efforts you've been putting into your life.