Huge "backlash"/triggering?!. What the hell has happened to me?

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

You can also look into the works of various spiritual teachers working under the Jungian framework that deal with the feminine principle and the unconscious like Jean Raffa, Merlin Stone, Marian Woodman, John Sanford, Jean Shinoda Bolen, June Singer, Robert A. Johnson, Maureen Murdoch, and a bunch of others in the same genre. 

Wonderful! I'm going to explore this topic to the core, and the teachers you mentioned too. Being at ease with the feminine is so important to me and to my peace of mind, since relationships are a core value of mine.

Ah ok, you meant disintegrated in that sense. I thought you meant "shattered in a thousand pieces"  

The content you personally created I've already seen (including yin - yang), but I wanted to explore some hardcore material to really find the solution to this problem. 

I want to be honest though: since that emotional crisis, now I have this constant ghost haunting me behind my back that I don't know when it will go away. It's a fear of feminine sexuality that I've NEVER ever felt before... not even in my first sex session with my first gf. It feels like I've opened the Pandora's box, and now girls are some kind of unknown and feral creature (no offense to you!) with a mysterious and dark sexuality. If I had to have sex now with a new girl... I think I would feel unease.

I guess in the past it was always there but deep inside my darkest abyss.

[Emerald]

32 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Wonderful! I'm going to explore this topic to the core, and the teachers you mentioned too. Being at ease with the feminine is so important to me and to my peace of mind, since relationships are a core value of mine.

Ah ok, you meant disintegrated in that sense. I thought you meant "shattered in a thousand pieces"  

The content you personally created I've already seen (including yin - yang), but I wanted to explore some hardcore material to really find the solution to this problem. 

I want to be honest though: since that emotional crisis, now I have this constant ghost haunting me behind my back that I don't know when it will go away. It's a fear of feminine sexuality that I've NEVER ever felt before... not even in my first sex session with my first gf. It feels like I've opened the Pandora's box, and now girls are some kind of unknown and feral creature (no offense to you!) with a mysterious and dark sexuality. If I had to have sex now with a new girl... I think I would feel unease.

I guess in the past it was always there but deep inside my darkest abyss.

One thing that I want to give you as a caveat... Having the motivation to have harmony in your relationships with women can get in the way of progress, as you're still externalizing the Anima.

So, it's very important that you don't just have the motivation to use the Anima for some other external purpose. You have to desire wholeness in yourself for the sake of wholeness itself.

And if you succeed with Anima integration, it won't only create more harmony with your relationships with women... it will create a relationship internally between the conscious mind and the unconscious. And from this, you'll get clarity and a well-spring of wisdom and insights. 

So, it's a matter of creating a dynamic relationship between the masculine and feminine within yourself where the two are in constant intercourse, which produces a lot of energy and gives birth to ever exalted versions of yourself. And that energy as it accrues exalts the sexual/libidinal energy upward and reaching toward higher consciousness outlets. So, instead of having sex, you are being sex.

Now, of course, you could always choose to have relationships and sex. There is not conflict there. It's just that this won't be seen as the only outlet for your libidinal energy to take shape and will no longer be a requirement for communion with the feminine.

 

[billiesimon]

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

One thing that I want to give you as a caveat... Having the motivation to have harmony in your relationships with women can get in the way of progress, as you're still externalizing the Anima.

So, it's very important that you don't just have the motivation to use the Anima for some other external purpose. You have to desire wholeness in yourself for the sake of wholeness itself.

And if you succeed with Anima integration, it won't only create more harmony with your relationships with women... it will create a relationship internally between the conscious mind and the unconscious. And from this, you'll get clarity and a well-spring of wisdom and insights. 

So, it's a matter of creating a dynamic relationship between the masculine and feminine within yourself where the two are in constant intercourse, which produces a lot of energy and gives birth to ever exalted versions of yourself. And that energy as it accrues exalts the sexual/libidinal energy upward and reaching toward higher consciousness outlets. So, instead of having sex, you are being sex.

Now, of course, you could always choose to have relationships and sex. There is not conflict there. It's just that this won't be seen as the only outlet for your libidinal energy to take shape and will no longer be a requirement for communion with the feminine.

 

Yeah, I'm definitely motivated by internal harmony too. I want to be at peace within myself. I want to stop this anxiety and the fragnentation of my unconscious. 

Harmony in relationships are just a result of finding the peace that I desire for my own sake. 

What bothers me is that this is a huge byproduct of my religious upbringing and not the result of my personal choices. And I didn't choose to hear years and years of bigotry as a child, even though as a teenager I escaped from this religious indoctrination. 

[aurum]

On 12/30/2018 at 1:46 PM, billiesimon said:

I agree, it's definitely a journey of healing. I'm going out to find a new social circle and meet new girls, but I realize that there's a big component of self help in this discipline. I guess I'll have to shed a lot of skin in this process... my ego is very resistant to game/socializing.

I fear that I have some issues with validation from women... certainly related to the anima possession too.
I hope that the purifying fire of going out will set me free of this pain.

Yup you got it, keep going out.

[Spiral]

I would try to reframe as something positive. Both the girls and the guys spread good vibes through their interaction. Making other people happier around them, excluding jealousy etc.

Girls/women are not rare, there  are billions of them. So your not really missing out either.

Tried scream therapy?

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

Tried scream therapy?

What is it?