Mentorship

[Alex bAlex]

Where can I find a mentor? I need one so badly to guide me. I feel like I have no sense of where I am going to or what I an supposed to do. 

Do i have to hire a mentor? How this mentor-student relationships works. Any site where I can find one? 

[Nahm]

@Alex bAlex There are some great people in this community getting into life coaching. Maybe consider starting there. Even one session could be very eye opening. 

@Emerald

@aurum

There is also The Life Purpose Course btw.

A change in perspective from “what I am supposed to do”, to “what I want to do” might help.  It can also be very eye opening, in terms of figuring out what you want to do, to write down a list of what you’ve learned you don’t want. Writing this down allows a ‘bird’s eye view’, a clarity arises which often doesn’t while it’s ‘all in your head’. 

[Emerald]

21 minutes ago, Alex bAlex said:

Where can I find a mentor? I need one so badly to guide me. I feel like I have no sense of where I am going to or what I an supposed to do. 

Do i have to hire a mentor? How this mentor-student relationships works. Any site where I can find one? 

I was summoned here by @Nahm.

I personally offer life-coaching which is different than mentorship a little bit. Mentors tend to give guidance and advice, where life coaches are more like facilitators of inner exploration and help you come to your own conclusions and get more clarity.

In my practice, I offer a mix of the two but lean more toward coaching. So, I often will facilitate by asking questions, but I will sometimes interject with personal insights to get them to consider different angles.

If you're interested, let me know. I just started five months ago without certification, so I charge only $32/hr at present.

[ivory]

4 minutes ago, Emerald said:

life coaches are more like facilitators of inner exploration and help you come to your own conclusions and get more clarity

Sounds a lot like what a therapist does.

[Emerald]

19 minutes ago, ivory said:

Sounds a lot like what a therapist does.

There are some cross-over traits. But life-coaching is more about helping people remove blocks toward realizing certain potential or goals that they have in life relative to relationships, spirituality, social life, living environment, work, personal growth, etc.

So, a psychologist is geared more toward helping facilitate psychological health in general and are equipped to handle major psychological and psychiatric issues, and a life coach is more about helping the person self-explore to remove certain blocks to achieving certain goals and aren't equipped to help with serious psychological/psychiatric conditions. 

[ivory]

32 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But life-coaching is more about helping people remove blocks toward realizing certain potential or goals that they have in life relative to relationships, spirituality, social life, living environment, work, personal growth, etc.

I have a therapist. That's exactly what we focus on. Therapists are not just for those in crisis or with mental health problems.

[Emerald]

34 minutes ago, ivory said:

I have a therapist. That's exactly what we focus on. Therapists are not just for those in crisis or with mental health problems.

Certainly that's true. But my point was that psychologists are equipped to handle more serious issues and life-coaches don't typically have that kind of training. 

[aurum]

@Nahm Thanks for the recommendation brotha, appreciate it.

@Alex bAlex

I feel ya man, we all need some sort of mentorship in lives. I currently have someone I see myself.

You can obviously pay to get a mentor like Nahm said. That’s usually the most direct way.

But you could also find someone you admire and offer to work for free. Tell them you have XYZ skill they might need and that you’ll do whatever they want. Don’t even mention mentoring.

Books and courses can also be a more impersonal sort of mentorship.

So yeah, mentorship comes in all forms. It doesn’t have to look a certain way.

Hope that helped.

By the way, if you decide to go with a coach and you pick @Emerald over me, we are going to have to have a very serious discussion via DMs  

[CreamCat]

I'm going to just directly give you everything I know about mentorship. My advice is somewhat machiavellian and heartless, but I really want you to embrace love.

• You can't get mentorship by directly asking your idols.
  • Because most people will start hating you as soon as you stop helping them.
• A good way to get mentors is to help your idols in ways that you can help them.
  • As soon as you stop helping them, they will stop helping you back, and they will start hating you.
• There is no guarantee that a single person is going to help you back. But, if you help multiple people, some of them will help you back. You can't afford to invest too much time or energy on people who are not going to help you back.
• When you radiate love(e.g. help people), people will want to help you back. When you try to sap love out of people, you become a love vampire, and they will avoid you.
• Don't ever call your mentors mentors. Don't even mention mentorship. Mentorship is not an official relationship. It is an informal relationship that grows organically over time.
• Ryan Holiday has good articles about mentorship. Just search google for "Ryan Holiday Mentor"
• There's a book named `Real artists don't starve`. This book contains a good section about mentorship.

Help your idols, not because you want to be helped back, but because you want to help them. There is no way you are going to keep helping them if you help them for purely selfish reasons. You have to become selfless to help and love your idols. If you satisfied your growth needs by reading books, you wouldn't strictly need mentors. If you grew compassion and didn't need mentors, you could focus on helping your mentors. Then, some of your idols will want to help you back. You can then focus your energy and time on those who help you back. Use books and various kinds of learning materials as your favorite mentors such that you won't strictly need human mentors. Your neediness will turn off your potential mentors.

A good way to help them is to become a fan or a patron. Becoming a patron doesn't necessarily mean financial support. You can help them with logistics, emotional support, and various other things. You can also help them sell their work by doing a good interview with them, give them some useful tips they didn't know about, and so on.

Serve your idols because you want to. That's going to maintain relationships over time.

In a sense, stop thinking about mentorship. You're not going to get the kind of mentorship you thought you were going to get. Start thinking about helping your idols. Just by being in their social circle, inspirations and gratuitous tips will fall upon you. Or, you can create a social circle. As you grow, mentorship turns into mastermind groups where peers help each other.

Edited December 30, 2018 by CreamCat

[Hellspeed]

Leo is a good mentor in the logical spectrum, ask him. 

 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Emerald Wowza you are the mystical Emerald herself 

 I am honored to witness this.

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@Emerald Wowza you are the mystical Emerald herself 

 I am honored to witness this.

Haha! I appreciate that.

Did you not realize I was me before? Or are you joking? It's hard to tell through text.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Emerald I had a slight feeling but then i was like, " NAAAAAH can't be" haha. Then i just saw the link in your signature and... 

It's true 

[CreamCat]

Also, Leo Gura's life purpose course can help you with lack of direction.

• Dabble with many things. Play video games, watch movies, create computer programs, draw a sketch, and so on.
  • If you don't have experiences with many things, you cannot know what your life purpose is.
• Do exercises from Leo Gura's life purpose course
• Do a one-day or multi-day solo retreat to flesh out your life purpose.

Edited December 30, 2018 by CreamCat

[Emerald]

17 minutes ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@Emerald I had a slight feeling but then i was like, " NAAAAAH can't be" haha. Then i just saw the link in your signature and... 

It's true 

Well, I'm glad that you know of my work and seem to enjoy it.

[Alex bAlex]

@CreamCat Thanks. 

I have done the life purpose course already 4 months ago. I am just trapped at the moment in my actual job and I am looking forward to make a shift. Its just that period when nothing happens and all I have to do is just to wait and this is driving me crazy. 

I feel like the time is running so fast and I accomplished nothing. 

I liste to over 120 audiobooks and read about 30, but when I want to call some information from those books I find out that I cannot remember much. Start to wander if I am getting dumb or Wtf is going on.

 

On the other hand since I start this journey, departed from my friends, moving alone, working as a lorry driver on a permanent night shift, had a huge impact in the way of communication and interaction. So now I try to break out from this vicious cercle to be able to implement a powerful morning routine and rest well overnight. 

Thank you @Emerald, @aurum and everyone for replying. ????

 

[CreamCat]

1 hour ago, Alex bAlex said:

I find out that I cannot remember much. Start to wander if I am getting dumb or Wtf is going on.

• You don't remember much
  • because you don't sleep well. Your job destroyed your sleep schedule. Sleep consolidates your memory. You should have a fixed sleep schedule. Without proper sleep, everything else breaks down. Sleep is the number one priority of personal development in my case. Don't allow your job to destroy your sleep schedule.
  • because you didn't spend enough time to summarize, review, and actively recall the contents. After you read a book, you should schedule a session to summarize, review, and actively recall. After that, you should schedule a session to find a way to implement relevant points from the learning material. But, not every learning material deserves this much effort. Most books can be summarized into one page summary that you put in proper computer folders.
  • because you didn't spend enough time on doing nothing. "do nothing" sessions clear your mind and allow insights to come up. While you do nothing, your mind automatically extracts essence from what you learned and your life experiences. I recommend doing a one-day solo retreat if you can't afford a 10-day solo retreat. I also recommend meditating 20 minutes ~ 1 hour a day.

Edited December 30, 2018 by CreamCat