Throwing in the towel

[Lorcan]

17 hours ago, kieranperez said:

I don't have a problem with TJ. I reached out to him one time on Instagram and he went out of his way to give a lot of advice which I appreciated a lot. I made a critique on his take on Spiral Dynamics on the forum here and how I don't agree that much with it then he went off on me on Instagram and I think he blocked me or something and after that he started doing all the trash talking he does of Ralston, Leo, so on and so on and how he's mastered all this stuff before the age of 25 which, no matter how you slice it, is boloney. I'm sure he's a cool guy and everything, but that whole 20 year old arrogance (and I'm 23 keep in mind) is something I don't buy. In fact, arrogance regardless of the age. I don't know if what he's doing is really legitimate or honest though (that's just my skepticism but hey, hopefully I'm wrong and maybe he does radically change the world for the better. If he does, glad I'm wrong). What you see on camera and all that talk doesn't mean that person is actually implementing in their own life or even has implemented in their own life. Don't talk a good game. Show me your game. I have yet to see his game (as an athlete, consciousness, etc.). 

As far as the solo retreat, I do want to do that. I honestly just want to camp somewhere in isolation for a week (and I work at REI so I could get stuff cheap) or so but the problem is that I no longer have a car. I certainly can't at home because I don't live on my own. I live with my dad and brother who never leave home. 

I think it's worth a shot.

I know it's hard, but I would not take him blocking you to personally. 

I think you would get a lot out of his Foundations course. If you want , I could try talk to him and get you unblocked and access to the course for free to help with your struggle and get your shit together. No promises though, I'll have to see what he says.

I would not get stuck in the skeptic mindset. Do I know his true intentions? No. But it's worth a shot, and it does not cost me much. Overanalysing will not. Investigation through experience WILL HELP, I highly recommend you do this with TJ's foundations course, which is basically about getting your shit together and it would suit you PERFECTLY. I believe it is free.

It can be difficult to fall into the trap of assuming something is to good to be true. Be careful. I'm not saying I know TJ is 100% legit, but what he has to say is worth investigating. Who cares that your theory of spiral dynamics clashed with his? It does not matter, it does not help. It's no ones fault.

You have to ground yourself in the practice,

Mind, Body, Relationships, Business.

Are you attending to any of these 4 pillars properly? If your not, of course your suffering.

If you want to voice chat we can talk on discord or snapchat.

You should be skeptical of your own skepticism. The best course of action is to investigate with direct experience thoroughly to find what true.

If you take TJ Reeves foundations course , and LITERALLY apply what he says, you will get your shit sorted, and your life will improve. I have not taken action on it yet, but it is CLEAR to me, to what I must do. AND if I do these things, my life will improve. 100% guaranteed

That being said. I'm 17. I am lazy, and I need to get my shit together. It saddens me to hear of the abuse you have had to endure. I have great hope for you. I'd give you a big hug if you were here right now. I hope you find peace on your journey. Feel free to contact me, if you ever fall into serious financial difficulties, I'll spare what I can. ( I don't have much)

I believe and you.

And please, if your angry at TJ , forgive him. I want you to succeed, he wants you to succeed. So what if he seems arrogant. He's offering a helping hand, like Leo, to ME , and to YOU. Take it. Please. I beg of you. 

? 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Lorcan

[CreamCat]

4 hours ago, Lorcan said:

his Foundations course.

Where is it?

Update: Never mind. TJ Reeves gave me a link to his foundations course because I purchased CODE evaluation.

Edited December 30, 2018 by CreamCat

[kieranperez]

3 hours ago, Lorcan said:

I think it's worth a shot.

I know it's hard, but I would not take him blocking you to personally. 

I think you would get a lot out of his Foundations course. If you want , I could try talk to him and get you unblocked and access to the course for free to help with your struggle and get your shit together. No promises though, I'll have to see what he says.

I would not get stuck in the skeptic mindset. Do I know his true intentions? No. But it's worth a shot, and it does not cost me much. Overanalysing will not. Investigation through experience WILL HELP, I highly recommend you do this with TJ's foundations course, which is basically about getting your shit together and it would suit you PERFECTLY. I believe it is free.

It can be difficult to fall into the trap of assuming something is to good to be true. Be careful. I'm not saying I know TJ is 100% legit, but what he has to say is worth investigating. Who cares that your theory of spiral dynamics clashed with his? It does not matter, it does not help. It's no ones fault.

You have to ground yourself in the practice,

Mind, Body, Relationships, Business.

Are you attending to any of these 4 pillars properly? If your not, of course your suffering.

If you want to voice chat we can talk on discord or snapchat.

You should be skeptical of your own skepticism. The best course of action is to investigate with direct experience thoroughly to find what true.

If you take TJ Reeves foundations course , and LITERALLY apply what he says, you will get your shit sorted, and your life will improve. I have not taken action on it yet, but it is CLEAR to me, to what I must do. AND if I do these things, my life will improve. 100% guaranteed

That being said. I'm 17. I am lazy, and I need to get my shit together. It saddens me to hear of the abuse you have had to endure. I have great hope for you. I'd give you a big hug if you were here right now. I hope you find peace on your journey. Feel free to contact me, if you ever fall into serious financial difficulties, I'll spare what I can. ( I don't have much)

I believe and you.

And please, if your angry at TJ , forgive him. I want you to succeed, he wants you to succeed. So what if he seems arrogant. He's offering a helping hand, like Leo, to ME , and to YOU. Take it. Please. I beg of you. 

? 

 

 

How many times do I need to address that I’m not angry at him? I have no interest in continuing this subject. I’ve addressed this. Don’t confuse criticism and an opinion and my own take with some emotional thing. I don’t care what he’s doing. He doesn’t anger nor do I care. 

I appreciate your concern nonetheless. Best of luck to you.

[Hellspeed]

At the end of the day, you are alone Pal. 

As soon as you embrace this truth the better. 

There is noone in existance to look up to in the first place. Only to look up as a whole, skip the details.

First is first, and that is your Heart and Breath.

Second is projecting on everything and everyone your Heart so in the process you discover your real YOU, wich is a process at looking at your own Heart while you give that Heart to Existance itself to transcend.

So, the journey is going alone, physically, on a connection level - Heart level you are not alone, you never where alone and never you will be alone in that spectrum of the vital interconnectivness.

Now to be in peace with yourself at first, drop everything and anyone and take a couple of weeks on just Breathe your Ass off, and i mean this literally. 

No amount of info will help you transcend, only dropping of who you are and discover without words, your inner voice, soul, breath, call it whatever you like.

Go into that night and discover true light.

 

[Pilgrim]

If you have ADHD it's very common to have low self-esteem. With AD(H)D it is very hard to sustain motivation and to be perseverant. The brain lacks dopamine and boring, repetitive tasks that are hard for everyone are almost impossible for the ADHD brain sometimes. Because of this it often happens that projects are started with enthusiasm but quickly forgotten again. You feel like a failure. I could go on and on, but the most important thing is that you have to understand how your brain works. Don't demand things from yourself that you (currently) cannot do. A minimalist lifestyle is easier for an ADHD brain (less decisions), good organisation is key, and you need an ongoing provision of dopamine in order to be able to sustain motivation. Don't take general advice, find out what works best for you. Usually it would be easier for someone with AD(H)D to start with the smallest tasks first and work your way up. This small achievement gives you again more dopamine to continue with the next task. 

Sadly people with ADHD are also often very self-critical and think very poorly of themselves. So you also have to work on your self image and be kind to yourself. Practice self-love and focus on your strengths. Work on your weaknesses, but don't beat yourself up for them. You did not chose to have them. 

I am not trying to put you in a box or pose a limiting belief on you "you have ADHD, that's why you can't..."  Every person is unique, you have to find out what works best for you. But I believe knowing yourself as precisely as possible with all your strengths and weaknesses gives you the best prerequisite to find your way. 

[Widdle Puppy]

I'm having a similar experience. One thing that I can't seem to do is keep my daily meditation habit and stay grounded in my spirituality. I just can't keep to it. There are just so many fucking distractions. I think it's really important to do some of that focus breathing daily (anapanasati). Even just trying to do meditation it doesn't really do much with all these distractions, hangovers, lusting over parties later, etc. Sometimes I wonder if I made all sorts of counter intuitive choices to change my life if I would just lose all ambition and I would become a hermit that just sits around and meditates all day but Leo said this is wrong and a number of other shared wisdom has said so as well. I think we have to sometimes take some action based on faith and if it doesn't work out just try again. It's scary but I'll keep trying to get my daily meditation habit going again. I feel just better when I do it and like the choices I make are better for me but I just fall out of it constantly for a few days on end and it is really demoralizing. I'm thinking of finding a therapist to talk to also as it can be helpful to work through limiting beliefs. 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Widdle Puppy

[Richard Alpert]

On 29.12.2018 at 4:06 AM, kieranperez said:

I honestly feel like I’m about to throw in the towel. I’m tired of my mind, I’m tired of not knowing what I fucking want out of my damn life even after going through life purpose course multiple times, I’m tired of waking up every single morning not knowing what the fuck I’m doing any of this for and why I should even get up, I’m tired of waking up not having a reason to get up anymore because I have nothing I feel pulled to anymore, I’m tired of not having any direction because I don’t know what I want or know what to do, I’m tired of being the lazy pathetic person I am. I hate my self and I don’t see this getting better. I feel like this whole thing is hopeless. I’m trying SO HARD to be kinder to myself because I don’t know what the fuck to do. I try visualizing what I want, nothing. I try writing, contemplating, asking myself questions, reading biographies and watching videos of people I look up to (Leo, Om Swami, a bunch of other names people on here might not know, blah blah blah) and then I come back to my life, this pathetic stupid thing that I am with poor concentration that complains, is lazy with no work ethic, a ton of psychological trauma and baggage from having a mother who the majority of my teenage years I had to make sure didn’t kill herself, a father whose this secular moralist who debates me and lectures me because to him “debating is (his) UFC sport” and I thought had it all figured out and is just as stupid as everyone else, and a family doesn’t love ME they just love the fantasy they have of me and their identification with me because I’m just their attachment. 

I have absolutely no direction in my life, I have no tangible idea about what I want to do as a life purpose. I may be 23 but I fucking feel like this over. The rubber meets the road now and I feel like I’m SO underprepared for all the variety of both valid and at the same time irrelevant reasons. I’m tired of making excuses and giving reasons as to why my life sucks. I see my life in 20 years working some dead end retail job waking up in tears, not able to look myself in the mirror for how much I’ve wasted my life. 

The people I look up to, I can’t replicate that. I can’t replicate what people like Om Swami did, or Leo, or even lesser known people like Ryōkan or any of the list of people I sometimes talk about on here. I can’t turn inwards like that. Hell, I can’t even figure out the logistics to something like that. I don’t even want to lead people at this point. I don’t want to manage people. I don’t want to preach to people. I don’t want to just start a YouTube channel and be another one of those guys who copy @Leo Gura and ride on the backs of other people. I can’t even sit and meditate anymore (even on my days off from work) because after 5 minutes I feel this sensation of myself crying inside my chest and my mind is just going crazy of all these projections, frustrations, and knowing that this all for nothing and how I’m just wasting my time. I’m terrified to move out from home because once I move out, though I can’t stand who I live with, I live in such an expensive area (San Francisco) with no friends to room with, that’s it. No more help from mom and dad and I gotta pay for everything including the psychological help I desperately need help with which I probably won’t be able to afford, will probably have to work 2 low end jobs to get enough hours which will drain the shit out of me and that’ll be my life and if that’s going to be my life I don’t want be here to go through having to watch my life be pissed away. I’d rather be gone than feel the pain looking myself in the mirror and knowing I pissed this shit away. 

Im sorry for another depressing rant. I’m quite tired of writing these I just have no one to talk to anymore these days and I’m tired of holding this in. Everyday I look at the sky in the distance and at the moon at night and cry because I see much mystery here that I want to discover where all of this came from and I cry because I feel like I’m so polluted psychologically from all the trauma in my life and all the impurities such as judgements, every belief I have, victim mindset, self deception, addictions, ADHD, etc that I’ll never know God. I’ll never know who I am and what my role is in this life. I’ll never know my highest possibilities physically, spiritually, psychologically, intellectually, etc. 

Trust me, most of us have been there at some point of our life. You have no idea how common it is what you feel.

And if you come from abusive household maybe you are allowed to feel what you feel? You have not fucked up in anyway.

Can you lower your expectations? You seem to project into the people you look up to. Guess what? You dont need to be like them.

Maybe you need to take time off? sleep, relax etc. the body is not stupid, it will go to exhaustion for a reason.