1P-LSD 200mcg Trip Report

[Igor82]

The effects:

• Duration: 15-16 hours
• The substance made me not able to form a clear sentence in my head, all the stuff I did during the trip was from intuition, and pictures in my mind, like a strong sense of pressure in my belly and a picture in my mind to pee, or thoughts of being heated up and an urge to sweat (to cool myself down)
• I saw very intricate colorful patterns which melted into each other and morphed into each other in a very beautiful way.
• Because of all colors and all wired sensations, it was very easy for me to find a sense of unity within all my senses, much more like a sensory bubble.
• My monkey mind disappeared almost completely during the trip and it felt like the visuals that I experienced kept it silent. It felt like the constant visuals left me with a constant sense of being in the now.
• My emotions get distorted, at one point I knew I felt love for the world, but the love felt different, more like the kind of "love" you feel when you are horny, a more pleasurable kind of love.
• I could clearly see all the connections, interconnections and baggage of thoughts that came with an object I was looking at, it was represented as a synergy of the visuals, pictures in my mind and intuition. I could see much more possibilities.
• My digestive system got severely slowed down to the point of not filtering away water from my body fast enough and when I tried to crap, a heavily constipated ball of fiber came out.
• Music synergized with all my sensations thus sounded heavenly good, it got so synergized that at one point I could not tell the difference between my audible sensations and the visuals.
• Cravings (for masturbation) got so intensified to the point of enjoyment and satisfaction.
• Side effects:
• During the comedown it was very hard for me to find comfort, mainly because I could not trust the weird sensations in my body.
• The substance made "me" feel very fragile, I felt no security from all these sensations and visions in my mind and I felt like they could have killed me.
• The next day I had a loss middle-term memory of what I even did the last few days, and all of my daily tasks felt foreign.

 

Report:

• I took the substance at 9:25, 2018-12-27 on an empty stomach with all preparations made properly, I felt excited and good for the trip ahead of me. The weather was also in my favor.
• As I started to feel the effects an see some colors, I decided to lay down in my bed and observe, I laid with my eyes closed waiting for an ego death or something, observing the effects and getting lost in the CEV.
• After a while of doing that, I sat up and started to explore this high, I asked some questions which I didn't get an answer from in return, and I observed the visuals. After I sat up, I attempted several times to make sense of reality, but it didn't work.

12:46

• I saw the iPad and got the idea that I need to share this to my future self in fear that I will forget, so I picked it up, started recording, and then I put the Ipad away to further observe reality, but as long as the Ipad was recording, I assigned myself the mission to give a proper message to the future me, and I rushed to try to grasp what was happening to me using language.
• I made several attempts to make sense of certain concepts that I had in my mind which I also had the prior expectation that they would help me or point me to the right way, but that didn't work out due to lack of language in my mind, reality just made me laugh instead of answering my question.
• The visuals constantly entertained me.
• I had certain expectations of the trip I was trying to fulfill during the trip, I started to answer questions, but I worried that I would not be able to fulfill upon the expectation that I would ego death. I asked questions like "Is this god?" but based upon prior models of what god is, like that I believed that it was happening right in front of me.
• I basically constantly distracted myself from sitting down and observing.
• It was impossible for me to grasp what was happening, partially because what I used to grasp reality (language) has been crippled.
• I was constantly baffled from all these interconnections that were presented in my mind from any concept that I brought up, the visuals were interconnecting with the senses which were showing me concepts in a weird way, it made it very hard to explain.

13:15

• I picked up my phone and started listening to Leo's "What is love?", during my listening to it, I got intimate with the struggle that Leo went through to try to explain these concepts because how I experienced reality ascended concepts and conceptual pointers.
• I started forgetting how I got to this state in the first place. My memories of how I got there became irrelevant
• Many things that Leo mentioned in "What is love", like disease and evil got clear to me that these distinctions and self-made, evil is nothing more than a bunch of concepts, sensations, and colors.
• Every concept that came up into my mind didn't make sense to me, in this way I got fascinated by the concept, and I laughed like they were jokes. Rather than understanding the concepts, I got fascinated and entertained by thinking about them. Reality was very fascinating and beautiful at this point.
• I seemed to love watching my face in the camera of the iPad.

~14:00

• I began listening to the song "Paradise" by Coldplay, this is one of my favorite songs and as I listened to it all of reality "resonated" with the music. It was the most beautiful thing which made me lay down and cry during all of it.
• After that song, another mellow song started to play, and this one was very slow but still very beautiful, and so I decided to try jerking off (with success).. This combined with the music and the LSD (without any negative thoughts involved) was as sugar-coated reality has ever been in my life, but it was not fulfilling, it was very very pleasurable and fun, but it was not fulfilling by any means.

15:08

• I started getting just a little soberer and so I started to film higher quality videos where I tried to explain a clear message to the camera with it now properly positioned to capture my face. I did a little Mukbang of eating dates.

15:44

• This was the time stamp of the last video I filmed, where I started giving up on the quest of mental masturbation. I got a little depressed as I realized I was coming down and didn't even have a single epiphany.
• I filmed several videos to "keep me from forgetting", but I had to delete several of them because I didn't have enough memory space on the Ipad.

16:25

• About 6 hours into the trip, I thought that the peak was over and I was supposed to integrate the experience, so I assigned this purpose to myself (unable to fulfill it due to not being able to form language in my mind) and walked around trying to do something while being very handicapped to do so.
• I started walking around in the home trying to be productive, like cleaning up the mess in my room, eating and writing down something to remember into my commonplace book. I also actually tried intentionally surrendering and letting go into reality, but nothing big came from that.
• I tried writing in my commonplace book, I essentially concluded that I didn't get the breakthrough I was seeking and that 5-MEO would be the most direct way to do it.
• I wrote that I should not be too tense when doing stuff, because at this point I was very exhausted from the trip, and I could relate that exhaustion to how I feel when going through the motions of my life, working hard.
• I saw very clearly how all I do in life was assigned to a certain purpose. I reacted against it because I could not resonate with why I did that.
• I wrote that im never open to the joy and beauty of reality because of im always in the motions.
• "What would be perfect is to have this awareness but still being able to be on track with my purpose!" The LSD crippled my ability to do stuff and fulfill what I wanted, and this made me feel blue.
• I was never able to let go in the trip because of a voice in my head telling me to do stuff like "eat", "drink water", "move your foot", "answer this question" etc.
• "What the trip boils down to It only matters how long im in the now just basking and surrendering into the beauty of the substance, the rest is just me trying to fulfill on that purpose... Sometimes you just get too caught up in the motions though, not able to just enjoy being for what it is."
• "Im trying to write a trip report while tripping, and by doing so, I distract myself from reality. I just distract myself. It's so sad... Im just constantly trying to draw a conclusion of what is happening and of the trip while im tripping! Distraction."

 

• After this, I accepted that I was coming down, and I tried to make the most of it. I was very exhausted and the trip really just didn't seem as beautiful as it was a few hours ago.
• I felt guilty that I masturbated, but that guilt also showed me how much im suppressing that part of me that wants to masturbate, it felt uncomfortable and not beneficial at that moment.
• I wanted to make something productive, I tried to fulfill upon the purpose I assigned myself of trying to have an ego death and recording my experience by doing mental masturbation. When that didn't work I tried seeking the fulfillment of being on track by cleaning up my mess, eating, drinking water, and making the most of what was left of the trip, watching myself in the mirror, actually sitting down and observing reality etc.
• When the evening started to settle in (past 18:30) I was very exhausted and was just enduring the trip, trying to feel comfortable while waiting for the trip to end.
• I watched comedy on the iPad, brushed my teeth and finally went to bed at around 19:00 but this was not the end, I would lay there awake for the next 6 hours.

 

• I laid in bed with my urine jar and water bottles beside it. I drank water to not get dehydrated, I had my urine jar beside me if I wanted to pee, I was ready to sleep at any moment, but I couldn't, the room was dark, window was slightly open for ventilation and this was all I needed, so I just laid in bed waiting for the substance to wear of and me laying in that bed was what I should have done from the very beginning of the trip! Not all that mental masturbation I did earlier.
• I realized that I had all I needed in that bed without all the distractions, I could fully focus on the trip! But in my exhaustion I had a hard time finding comfort, and I was in a survival mode, I felt like my survival hinged on me falling asleep, my exhaustion became a bit painful and the lingering physical effects of the LSD was uncomfortable, I didn't feel bored, as long as I survived, I just felt good.
• I was clinging to what kept me alive, the comfort, the water, the ventilation. I didn't know when the substance was gonna wear off and that made me a little afraid because I was experiencing this discomfort and all these disturbing thoughts, although I managed to always push through.
• I felt in control, I was wasn't bored, and as long as I survived, I felt good, and I got comfortable observing. When I needed to pee, I pissed in the jar, drank some water because of my dry mouth, and went to lie down feeling better. In the bed I was not sure If I was freezing or overheating, so one of the major components of me feeling comfortable was keeping the balance of temperature using my blanket. In bed I enjoyed being with the substance, I was in a constant meditative state (which didn't go deeper by any means). I repeated the process of going to pee, drinking water, occasionally emptying the jar in the toilet and going to back to bed at least 10 times (I went to the toilet 3 times). I drank 3 liters of water.
• I fulfilled my purpose at that moment, and as the hours passed I got more and more tired. I just felt very still and neutral, it was in fact very pleasant, I had not worried as long as my survival methods worked, and they did.
• At this point, I felt a strong sense of gratefulness of being alive, of being able to do all these stuff when in my sober life. I saw the importance of taking care of my body, and the importance of staying aware.
• I felt strong gratefulness for that my body will bring me back into everyday life, and I sense a strong appreciation for my daily life, always being on track with a purpose and always doing something on track with that while trying to improve myself day by day.
• I concluded the trip as very beneficial and not bad at all, but there were many things I would have done better.
• I finally fell asleep about 1 am, and I woke up 10 am feeling refreshed, a little blue and with no motivations.

Valuable insights:

• Proper set and setting are very important, at least during the comedown you have a hard time feeling secure and comfortable, so only the little things can spawn fear in you, and fear arose mostly when I had a certain picture in your mind associated with it. When I tried to lay down and go deeper, certain disturbing scenarios started playing in my mind, mainly being decapitated, and from that fear arose, I can see how bad trips are made, because on LSD we feel very insecure and very fragile, not much can put us into survival mode and spawn fearful thoughts and emotions.
• I asked myself what is the purpose of life, and I got the answer of what has always been there in my life: Action, rhythm, awareness and the substance of reality.
• My happiness comes from me being on track with my purpose rather than feeling distracted from it.

 

How will my behavior change?

• In the future, I will trip without distractions and expectations, with the purpose of observing reality rather than trying to get my answers through engagement.
• I will focus on doing the proper actions in life and being on track with my purpose and not suppressing any of my authentic desires, rather im gonna be fulfilling them through my purpose and actions.
• I will take care of my body because it is that has superior accountability in what and how I feel in life.
• Experiment with substances that has shorter durations than 16 hours.
• I will plan out to leave at least the first 4 hours the next day for integration the next time im planning to trip on acid.
• I will embrace with awareness the parts of me counterproductively suppressing (mainly my addictions).
• I will trust myself that I will remember a trip after the trip is over, so I don't feel the need to record it during the trip.

Conclusion:

• The peak was a profoundly beautiful experience while the comedown was a harsh, exhausting and difficult experience.
• This was a very beneficial trip for me with a lot of valuable experiences, I didn't fulfill on my expectation and purpose that I assigned on this trip.
• To fulfill that purpose of having a breakthrough, I shall experiment with 5-MEO. Me attempting to have an ego death was the mistake I made, and I got too distracted with mental masturbation (which was nice) but left me disappointed.
• This experience has presented me the beauty of LSD and has left me with a lot of new valuable experiences that I had to go through, and a new found respect for the substance. Yes, the trip showed me what I needed to see, and I will keep that in mind till next time.

[Wisebaxter]

Wow, epic report dude. Well done for putting yourself out there and taking this substance, you should be proud of yourself for having the balls to do that as I know how scary it is. 

It sounds like your experience got a little hampered by the expectations/desires you had to experience ego death and the sheer amount of stuff you were trying to do, like write reports during the trip and make videos. All that will do is stress you out and distract you from going deeper into the experience. I think part of the problem is getting attached to the idea that insights and mystical experiences are the only worth while aspects of tripping, aside from the just being in the moment with the experience, so this can put a lot of pressure on things. Ironically it may make breakthroughs less likely to occur when we don't just roll with it. I know they say to set your intention, but attaching to that intention so that it becomes an expectation might not be a good thing. You were a little hard on yourself by the sounds of things. I feel you though as I had the same issue. I just gave up 'doing' in the end though and let it take me where it wanted to. Remember this was only your first trip so it's a learning process and it sounds to me like you learnt a huge amount of things. You really took this experience seriously, good on you. I'm glad you experienced some love and your reality got messed with a bit. 

You'll get your breakthrough, don't worry, 5-MeO is always there for that. I just love how many uses there are for these substances though. Even when a breakthrough has occurred you'll go to back ego land. Therefore I think the potential for psychedelics helping you to achieve a healthy ego are almost as exciting as having a non-dual breakthrough 

All this from someone who is pretty inexperienced with psychedelics of course

Edited December 28, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[TheAvatarState]

That sounds like an illuminating first experience! Yeah, the comedown can be pretty harsh sometimes... it's probably my least favorite aspect of LSD.

Now that you have a better understanding of what it can offer, I think your next trips will be that much better. I think you realize you've barely scratched the surface here for personal growth.

Ego death is not all it's cracked up to be, and you should not be trying to pursue it with this substance. If it happens, surrender to it, but if not do not be disappointed. It can be quite scary and confusing. Ego death is not necessary in the slightest for a profound LSD trip.

[Leo Gura]

@Igor82 Excellent first trip.

Don't worry, this is just the first step. You don't need to resolve all your answers and get breakthroughs in 1 or 2 trips. You should have the attitude that you will trip 20+ times and in that time you will figure a lot of stuff out and have many breakthroughs.

Try to avoid distracting yourself in future trips. Stay away from electronics and note-taking devices. Allow yourself to go fully into the trip. Stop anchoring yourself to your old reality.

Do not place a bunch of goals and expectations on a trip. Your #1 goal when tripping should be to go wherever the trip takes you. Drop all expectations or needing it to show you certain things. Deep insights will come organically. Just relax, surrender, and be ready to explore. Metaphysical curiosity is all you really need.

When you trip, try not to move around so much. Sit still with eyes open, upright, fully alert -- like a meditation retreat.

[Igor82]

Thank you my friends for the replies!

@Wisebaxter @TheAvatarState @Leo Gura

This all makes me excited for the next trips! Yes, I do want to experience a breakthrough but that goal crippled my trip because in my mind its associated with some form of action, like self inqury.. and when I realised that it didnt work I started feeling unproductive and guilty, and I wanted to do stuff to make up for that. What I shouldve done was just to observe and nothing elise, without expectations, knowing that engagement wont get me anywhere.

The potential of this stuff is frightening, e.g what if I sat there in SDS for the whole trip?? LSD can offer so much more than just a breakthrough, the beauty, the creative ideas, facing fears etc. It all comes through observing the substance..

Excellent reply Leo! It really resonates and I will try my best to integrate that into my future trips!

I actually have a batch of some more 1P-LSD and some 5-MeO on the way, I will keep you guys updated on that in the future!

[Wisebaxter]

On 29/12/2018 at 11:39 AM, Igor82 said:

I actually have a batch of some more 1P-LSD and some 5-MeO on the way, I will keep you guys updated on that in the future!

@Igor82 You have 5-MeO on the way!? You're one serious mo fo, I love it. When will you do it do you think? 

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter I also have syringes, a milligram scale and the microscoop that Leo advised. I will do a treshhold dose as soon as I can and I will report on that. Then I will step my dosage up by 3-4mg incraments until I have a breakthrough dose and see truth.

The batch is in salt form - Oxelate and I will plug it, it should come in within 2 weeks.

[Wisebaxter]

@Igor82 Just one word....badass. You have bigger stones than me my friend. I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. I want a few more LSD trips, some mushrooms, some AL-LAD, and maybe a few others, before I  start playing with the big boys. Can't wait to hear how it goes for you. We're on this road together  

Edited January 1, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter Im not ready for shit, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I try to prepare myself by surrendering into cold showers, and now as I have gotten a little mindfucked in my last trip I feel in shape to tackle the big beast. I mean, its simple really. I can get familiar with some lower dosages, then get used to them (4 trips or something) and then go move up the some higher doses, suffer through them, and then move up higher. If I ever get the calling for a breakthrough, ill just plug that.

I know its a beast and I will always be humble, I know nothing can really prepare me for this so why not just take action right away? I advise you to do some research, find a vendor and get that shit into your mailbox along with some syringes and keep the beast close, you might someday get the courage to die, and then some 5-MeO in the closet would be most valuable thing available. I mean, I have no experience yet, but cant you see im sensible?

Go, get on it, because if you dont you will sit there in the future, reading the breakthrough trip report and strongly wishing you had some magic salt within arm's reach. Sooner or later, why not sooner? There is no need to delay 5-MeO, nothing can prepare us for death and still we sit trying to prepare for it. Its the most practical ego death ever:

1 hour. Alone. Empty stomach, some salt squirted into butthole, death, somehow coming back... running back to the forum alive to tell the tale. 

Edit: I specifically meant that nothing can prepare you for the actual direct experience of the substance, but you can prepare yourself for what comes after, how you react to the dose and if you will be scared shitless and throw it into the trashcan or experiment deeper. Also you can prepare yourself (by development) to be able to properly integrate a breaktrough 

Edited January 1, 2019 by Igor82

[Wisebaxter]

Some very deep points you raised there. How does one know when one's ready? Is there such a thing as being ready? Perhaps it's a relative consideration decided by the individual. It will depend on your goals, your mindset, the size of your testicles, all those things. From my perspective, I watched a video on Leo's blog where a group of pro's talk about 5-MeO and they were asked how you can prepare. I remember them saying that it's such a beast that you might want to work your way up to it and experience other psychedelics first. But I think this was only to avoid potential anxiety during the experience. By the sounds of things you're feeling quite confident so this might not be an issue for you.
I have found a vendor and when I have the cash I will buy some and keep it in my drawer as a constant reminder of my destiny. It's only a matter of time dude but personally I'm in no rush. You plug that shit when it calls to you. I don't even have a solid self enquiry habit going yet. Maybe @Leo Gura can give offer his advice on this one as I'm interested to know what he'd suggest. 

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter I think genuine desire for the truth is nessecary. To finnaly know who you really are is very inspiring. If I cant kill myself for the sake of ultimate truth, then I will resist the substance and nothing goes well. 

I guess you can have the right expectations, being able to find surrender in strong discomfort and a genuine desire to die. I think thats as far as one can go to prepair oneself for the substance.

[Wisebaxter]

Perhaps then the difference between you and I is that you have a deep yearning and urge to discover the truth, which is great. I think I need to work on this more. Maybe I'm scared of the truth, or maybe my efforts with spirituality come from a more egotistical place at this stage. Adyashanti urges people to really question why they want to be spiritual. I need to spend time doing this. I have a feeling that I'm actually trying to add 'stuff, theories etc' to my ego in order to feel more important, more advanced, or more complete. Worse still, I may even believe that I can use all this knowledge to monetise it in some way or gain power. Fucked up I know. There's a bit of Anakin Skywalker in me. I'm just really admitting this to myself now, which I think is an important first step. A quote from Adyashanti that I read earlier is:

People will say to me, “I don’t think I want the truth, I want to do this or have that.” And I say, “Go for it, do it.” And it’s amazing what happens as soon as you tell somebody, “You can do what you want, you can want what you want, go ahead, I don’t care, God doesn’t care, nothing thinks you’re wrong, nothing in all of the universe except a thought thinks you’re wrong for wanting what you want. Now go ahead.” It’s amazing how sometimes when you give someone total permission, how something deeper comes out. All of a sudden they drop into, “Now that I actually feel that I can want anything I want, I guess I don’t really want what I thought I wanted.

So this could be the way forward for me. Admitting and giving into my ego desires, so I don't feed them with energy by suppressing them. Failing that I'll just plug some 5-MeO and let it work it's magic. 

 

Edited January 1, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter I do have some egoistic motivations, all desires are from the ego. I want conscoiusness to fuel my life purpose, to make memmore efficemt, I want to help people, I want to love poeple, I want unconditional love, I want to brag.. I want this I want that.

I want consciousness to fuel my life, its a big part of my life purpose, for my work to be based on consciousness both practically and abstractly, and If I really think about what I really want, I cant exclude conscousness. 

The I also have this desire to know what I really am, partially because I have realized I have no Idea who or what I am, and the real me is supposed to be reality itself! How fuckin cool isnt that? 5-MeO is then so practical! If I can plug this substance, push through a big barrier of fear and get to know myself and come back..! Then im ready to tackle the beast and may my motivations lead me to proper action. 

If I really dont want it, then it can stay in my closet until I will try again. If this thing can lead me to myself, then I should always have it within arm’s reach. 

If you know that you want to know who you are (despite of fear and distractions) then I advise you to buy the substance and just let it be there (in a safe spot) just in case you get the calling for it, because if you want to discover your true self, the calling will come.

Well, im done trying to promote this due to lack of time.. im just trying to say how practical this is, and writing this also makes me realise some things myself.

Ill keep answering questions

[Wisebaxter]

On 01/01/2019 at 5:16 PM, Igor82 said:

I want to help people, I want to love poeple, I want unconditional love, I want to brag.. I want this I want that.

Yeah these drives are strong in me too. I want to progress spiritually so I can elevate others too, like the whole bodhisattva thing. So it's complicated. Some ego drives, others come from a higher state of consciousness. 

On 01/01/2019 at 5:16 PM, Igor82 said:

I have realized I have no Idea who or what I am, and the real me is supposed to be reality itself! How fuckin cool

Yeah I'm with you on this one. It's very exciting isn't it. That's definitely part of my drive too, the sheer excitement of discovering that life is a lot more magical and awe inspiring then we're led to believe. To really consider that we may actually be God....and to awaken to this....this is something that we have to experience, as it sounds like it's actually the case.

5-MeO needs no promoting for me, trust me on that  I'm sold on it 100% and I'll plugging at some point this year. I just have a bit more preparation to do I feel. But maybe the inspiration will just grab. I'll certainly buy some like you suggest

So when do you think you'll actually be doing it? 

Edited January 2, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Igor82]

23 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

So when do you think you'll actually be doing it? 

 

The vendor usually ships within 1 month and now it has been 2 weeks since me purchasing it. When the substance will arrive, I will plug a threshold dose as soon as I have space and time to do so (probably 2 hours of loneliness). If all goes well, I will probably write my first report in about 2-3 weeks.

.