I found the Nothingness

[Antonius]

The moment I stopped using the mind to find it, I just became it. I was always it, but the mind distracted me with it's endless flow of thoughts and feelings that over time painted a vivid picture of a seperate person. 

Old memories are coming up of being that changeless self. It's so familiar and ordinary. The simplicity can trick you into thinking it's not it, but it is. You just need to be patient and it starts revealing it's peaceful qualities to you. 

The ego construct is still hardwired into the body-mind though and if I stop just being it forces it's way back to the forefront of experience. Leo's last self-inquiry video really hit the nail on the head here. You just need to spend time with the nothingness that you are and the construct will slowly dissolve.

I wouldn't be surprised if I just woke up one day realizing I was enlightened for days without noticing because I always am that, I'm just obscured by endless thoughts.

It's the self-reflective nature of thoughts that make it seem like someone is there. It's like looking in the mirror and saying "I see myself in the mirror so that must be myself". But seeing your body in the mirror is no different than seeing a dog. You're not a dog because you see a dog. You are the seeER without an instrument through which you see.

Thoughts manage to identify with thoughts because thoughts can think about thoughts. 

 

Advaita teachings ring very true now. After becoming awareness itself I "remembered" that I was always it. Try looking at a childhood memory that feels peaceful. That peace that feels like it's in the background is you, but you ignored it because there were more important things you had to think about and so you went on and forgot who you are completely over time.

But I never actually stopped pursuing until my mind went suddenly silent on it's own. Psychedelics helped here because they can really stomp your ego so hard it gets tired of thinking about itself. 

My best advice for people would be to just spend time in no-mind. The nothingness will reveal itself to you without effort of mind. It will seem insignificant at first, but as you stay with it and don't try to grasp it with your mind it will flourish. 

 

 

[purerogue]

Quote

Psychedelics helped here because they can really stomp your ego so hard it gets tired of thinking about itself. 

 

[Arthur]

What a great post!

Very inspiring to read that.

Thank you for sharing! 

[ground]

If you found Nothingness then Nothingness actually is Somethingness. Otherwise you couldn't have found it.

[SoonHei]

@ground i think he is talking beyond that. of course the words are the limitations. but yes, i agree with you...

 

"Antonius" cannot have found nothingness. Antonius/the ego/character can NEVER find nothingness. 

 

the real self currently identifying with Antonius would have come into contact with itself briefly

[Antonius]

@ground  You are right, awareness has no objective qualities. You can't find it with your senses. You can only become aware that you are aware.

Saying I found it sounds like it was lost like an object, like I lost my keys and I fond them on the floor. It's hard to name the event because nothing really happened. I was nothing before, but the nothing wrapped itself in thoughts and couldn't see itself outside of them properly. When the thoughts stopped I saw myself as I am and then I remembered I always was.

Saying that nothingness is somethingness is also not wrong though since nothing ultimately takes the form of absolutely everything, but I haven't had the direct experience of that yet. I'm currently at the stage of disentangling emptiness and form.

[SoonHei]

12 minutes ago, Antonius said:

but I haven't had the direct experience of that yet. I'm currently at the stage of disentangling emptiness and form.

@Antonius in the intellectual understanding that we are not the ego or the I... why do we then continue to make such statements

 

(I myself do this also)   <<<<< case in point! you see  

 

You must be on alert truly all the times! and pause to question each I / self referring thought...

From you quote above:

Who is the I that is currently going through the state of disentangling emptiness and form?  (a story/concept)

Who is the I who has yet to have the direct experience of that (another story/concept)

 

THE Stepping back and watching HAPPENS NOW and whenever "you" do have the direct experience it will be when "you" finally step back and observe it.

 

It's really like this...

Going thru 5 stages and then arriving here

or going thru 3 stages and then arriving here

or realizing that there are no stages and you're already here

 

wow. it's like I am talking to myself. Lock me up for this crime too! I do this all the time <<<< doing it again and yet aware of it... but not stepping back to watch this now. if i just allow right now to let myself write in the moment, I think what I (most of us also) tend to do is continue the story and track the progression. write down new ideas for ourselves and other and call it progress, when really the main teaching that there is nobody here learning or doing anything is one of the first things you hear in spirituality. YES YES! all the steps are inevitable often, but you can also try to outwit the process and see it for what it is NOW

wow, this pushing the enlightenment ahead into the future is a very clever tactic by this ego... by any ego. amazing.

[ground]

11 minutes ago, Antonius said:

I'm currently at the stage of disentangling emptiness and form.

That's an interesting statement. In Prajna Paramita Hridaya sutra which does not belong to Advaita it reads 'Form is emptiness; emptiness is form.' Do you or does Advaita consider emptiness to be different from form?

[Antonius]

@SoonHei I understand what you mean, but even though you can just BE at any moment the body-mind still has the structure of being separate wired deeply. It's not an on-off switch. We spent most of our lives being programmed into being separate and now although we can step into being emptiness whenever we decide to our body-mind has to sort of catch up with the truth. Body is a very important instrument in meditation because you can literally feel the structure of identity.

Of course we step down into thought that created the false identity in the first place when we try to talk about this, but I just wanted to share this and I feel myself not BEing when I do this. You have to mature into being able to stay detached and do whatever the hell you want.

[Antonius]

@ground Ultimately they are not different, but the problem is we as people ignore the emptiness and focus only on form. We have to remember that we are also emptiness by focusing exclusively on that and then we can return back into complete non-duality.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Antonius Mind boggling to consider that you've never NOT been "That" 

[ground]

30 minutes ago, Antonius said:

@ground Ultimately they are not different, but the problem is we as people ignore the emptiness and focus only on form. We have to remember that we are also emptiness by focusing exclusively on that and then we can return back into complete non-duality.

Hmh... it's always problematic to say 'Ultimately it is such and such but for the time being I am practicing something different' In that way there will alway remain a kind of 'gap' or a 'felt' duality.
Either form and emptiness are inseparable and then it is of no use to try to focus on emptiness exclusively because whatever one focuses on then isn't that emptiness that is form and inseparable from form OR form and emptiness are different.

 

[cetus]

@ground The guy is sharing something here. No need to critique it to death.

Just "marinate in it" as Mooji would say.

[Inliytened1]

Guys don't you see the problem?  It can't be put into words -

We can keep going round and round and round with talk and it won't grasp IT.  Even saying IT isn't grasping IT.

Once you are conscious of this you will become enlightened.  

He found it, I can tell - so he is on his way to becoming fully enlightened if not already there.

Once there, though, as Adyashanti said in his book "The End of Your World" once you become fully awakened you realize there is nothing else to do but go back into the dream.

That's where we must remain until we unzip and step out of our false selves for good.

 

 

[Antonius]

@Sahil Pandit  Mind boggling to the MIND yes lol. It's actually the most familiar thing there is, so familiar that everyone overlooks it.

@ground The ultimate is so ultimate it's both same and different at the same time. I don't see a reason to jump straight to the end nor would I want to because I would probably fall on my back and not get up for months.

[Antonius]

Just now, Inliytened1 said:

It can't be put into words

Yes, it can only... be

[Psychonaut]

Feels good? 

[Antonius]

@Psychonaut  Not at this moment, all sorts of "stuff" is bubbling up in the body. But I feel good about not having to search frantically for "something" anymore, I know where to look for now and I have a deep sense of everything's gonna be alright.

[Leo Gura]

@Antonius Great!

You might want to start Kriya yoga to strengthen that no-mind-ness and complete the spiritual purification process. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Now you know how to rest as Awareness.

 

Edited December 28, 2018 by Joseph Maynor