Sometimes value and sometimes self-expression

[d0ornokey]

Value #1: 12/27/18

Struggle is part of the human condition 

Seeing the humanness in every human as helped me to be less intimidated people. It has helped me to connect with people better, because it makes me realize that nobody is perfect, that they're just a human being with their own struggles. 

My parents have their own struggles in their life

Every single one of my friends  

Every girl I've ever met has her own struggles in her life

My teachers have their own struggles  

My successful mentors have their own struggles 

My successful friends have their own struggles 

 

Nobody is perfect! Nobody has it all figured it!

We are all imperfect human beings dropped into this poor, but growing society 

Struggle is part of the human condition 

 

Realizing this really humanizes other people. It makes you realize that everyone is just like you. they're just doing their best. 

 

[d0ornokey]

Value #2: 

Exposure to low consciousness makes you low conscious 

Videos, books, people 

 

Be careful 

 

I've noticed that me listening to low consciousness videos on YouTube, sets me for a low consciousness day

Listening to high consciousness videos sets me to a more high consciousness day (in relation to whatever video it was, at least) 

 

Your level of consciousness is affected by your surroundings + enjoy a nice boost in your consciousness:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4mYqXs2fSk&t

 

---

I've noticed this following fear/insecurity arise within me: 

"So many people here are struggling with personal development. Does that mean it's really that challenging to do personal development? Such basic problems people are having trouble with, does that mean that those problems are extremely hard to conquer?"

The level of problem is correlated to the development of that person. A person who has solved that problem would not be asking that question.

There are different problems for different stages of development.

Basic questions versus higher-level questions

"how do I implement a habit?"

Versus 

"how do I manage 12 habits?" 

 

"how do i start a business?"

versus

"how do I hire people for my business?" 

 

There are many basic questions being asked on this forum.

Which indicates a level of development 

Many people here are students of Leo, probably not nearly on the same level of development as Leo 

Levels of personal development video by leo applies here 

 

"you will gravitate towards the level of consciousness of your surroundings" - Leo 

"people who are making and enjoying results will not be on a forum" - Leo 

Edited January 1, 2019 by d0ornokey

[d0ornokey]

Nathaniel Branden had moments even after writing many books on self-esteem where he really doubted himself

Perfection is impossible. Even for the father of self-esteem 

 

Which makes sense. I eat everyday but sometimes I still choke on my food. Sometimes I still trip and fall when walking. Sometimes I stub my toe in a hallway where I've walked a million times. Sometimes I make mistakes when driving. 

Edited January 2, 2019 by d0ornokey

[d0ornokey]

We are controlled by the messages we send to the universe. I asked the universe to have someone out of my life and she left it 

[Karla]

On 1/1/2019 at 3:03 PM, d0ornokey said:

Value #2: 

Exposure to low consciousness makes you low conscious 

Videos, books, people 

 

Be careful 

 

I've noticed that me listening to low consciousness videos on YouTube, sets me for a low consciousness day

Listening to high consciousness videos sets me to a more high consciousness day (in relation to whatever video it was, at least) 

 

Your level of consciousness is affected by your surroundings + enjoy a nice boost in your consciousness:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4mYqXs2fSk&t

 

---

I've noticed this following fear/insecurity arise within me: 

"So many people here are struggling with personal development. Does that mean it's really that challenging to do personal development? Such basic problems people are having trouble with, does that mean that those problems are extremely hard to conquer?"

The level of problem is correlated to the development of that person. A person who has solved that problem would not be asking that question.

There are different problems for different stages of development.

Basic questions versus higher-level questions

"how do I implement a habit?"

Versus 

"how do I manage 12 habits?" 

 

"how do i start a business?"

versus

"how do I hire people for my business?" 

 

There are many basic questions being asked on this forum.

Which indicates a level of development 

Many people here are students of Leo, probably not nearly on the same level of development as Leo 

Levels of personal development video by leo applies here 

 

"you will gravitate towards the level of consciousness of your surroundings" - Leo 

"people who are making and enjoying results will not be on a forum" - Leo 

Lol!! This is funny and interesting. 

I can notice someone's develolment based on the questions they ask, it's harder to see your own because you can only see from your level of development.

I think at this time in the world many people are low consciousness, which is one reason why you have to be okay with being alone or weird.

For me-- I never ask questions on here because if I have a question, I am just going to find the answer right away he he. Or check in to see if I deeply know the answer.

How come you don't post in your journal very often?

[d0ornokey]

@Karla I didn't really see much value in posting publicly anymore. Initially, I wanted to help people. But I wasn't sure anyone was reading or cared about my work because my insights weren't so advanced as Leo's. also sometimes my entries just feel so personal - it's hard to share it with everyone here 

But I think that will change now, thanks for bringing it to my attention. I'll use it as an opportunity to work on my writing and communication skills

 

Haha yeah, part of the point of that post was to try to quell people's fear to not use other's struggle as a sign of things not being possible. it just means they are early in a timeline. Glad it made you think though  

 

23 hours ago, Karla said:

For me-- I never ask questions on here because if I have a question, I am just going to find the answer right away he he. Or check in to see if I deeply know the answer.

 

ooo i will try to emulate that. 

btw, love your youtube videos. keep it up, i want to do something similar 

[d0ornokey]

Okay let's see how this goes. I think this will really help me be more accountable in general 

I'm realizing that I need to get my work done earlier in the day. The longer I wait to get my stuff done and the more distractions that come along, it's harder to work. My energy and motivation gets a lot lower. If I finish earlier, I feel confident, competent and more alive. 

I had an awesome day yesterday, but today started off really late. It's okay, I'm just human. 

3/11:

Tasks to complete today: 

I have my coaching program tomorrow, so I need to finish all the work by tomorrow so that I'm fucking prepared for once. 

 

Cleaning up my sentence stems: 

+1 to sentence stems: Focusing on consciousness until Sunday, then will change it up

How will 6 pillars sentence stems help me? 

I've notice it helps direct consciousness towards certain areas, helps me be more confident, helps me bring more self-acceptance as well as contemplate self-esteem which in turn provides me more self-esteem because of the insight I get from it. Contemplation is so key here. 

Q: Randomly curious: How can I learn directly from consciousness? Consciousness being my teacher. What does that mean?

 

Living consciously to me means:

- Bringing awareness to situations

- Living your life with more awareness

- Living your life with awareness

- Being a lot more present with my work

- Bringing my best self to situations 

- Observing 

- Living from my higher-self 

- Operating from my higher-self and with deeper understanding 

 

Whenever I try to consciously contemplate, it ignites my OCD causing lots of fears to erupt  -> 

The hard thing about staying fully conscious here is:

- The discomfort is insane

- the fear is insane

- I get self-esteem thoughts saying "am i good enough", i'm unsure how to respond to 

- the feeling in my stomach is strong

- don't feel like i deserve it

- i really don't know if it's working, it's hard to tell if it's good for me. but i guess that is a distraction from being conscious of the feelings and thoughts 

The good thing about not being fully conscious here is:

- i don't have to feel and i can escape

- i don't have to change or confront my demons

- i can enjoy delusion and comfort 

- i don't have to face the fear that something might be wrong with me 

- i don't have to face the discomfort of being conscious 

- i can sit in my comfort zone 

 

If I were to stay more conscious here:

- i notice i will feel alive and at peace and much more conscious/aware

- i notice that i feel like i don't deserve growth 

- i notice that i have to get deeper and tackle root causes of self-esteem issues.

- i would feel completely until the very end 

- i would tackle it from start to end and just feel, regardless of how it feels 

- i would allow the discomfort fully and just be observant of the screaming thoughts of escape 

 

If I were to experiment with raising my consciousness 5% in this area:

- i would pay attention to the thoughts a bit more 

- i would pay attention to the connection between thinking and feeling 

- I would observe the feelings 

- I would be a bit closer to becoming fully conscious 

- I would be taking a step towards growth

- I would be observant of the resistance to feel and notice the desire to escape 

- Start to pay attention to all of the thoughts that occur 

 

 

[Karla]

@d0ornokey great!

I find it helpful to post sentence stems here sometimes too. I noticed you had one repeat in there.

Are you reading The Art of Living Consciously too? It's SO good!

[d0ornokey]

@Karla Yep, in my mind the second time I wrote it I wrote it with more depth and meaning 

Nope. Haha. It looks super juicy but my plate is so full right now D: So many books and projects but only so much energy and time 

 

[d0ornokey]

3/12 - Day 2 of 7 - Consciousness stems 

So, self-esteem exercises can be focused towards certain areas of my life. For example, increasing my consciousness in a certain area of my life, or assertiveness in a certain relationship, or increasing my responsibility in a relationship, area where I'm being victim in 

Hmm... so self-esteem increases by making a healthy decision in a certain area of your life 

These stems always take me 20+ minutes jesus. NB says should be less than 10. But I put in my sweet time to contemplate. Maybe I'll get fast later 

 

Living consciously to me means:

- bringing awareness to situations 

- being aware of my self-deceptions 

- being more aware of my trigger points

- in relationships, being aware of my blaming and anger

- being aware of my inner desires 

- being aware of my mechanical-ness 

- being more aware overall 

- living from my higher self 

- living more present-ly

- operating from a higher level of understanding? 

- operating from my higher self

- my higher-self is the self that my inner intuition more desires and guides me to

 

Fears of contemplating 

The hard thing about staying fully conscious here is:

- the strong feeling in my stomach 

- uncertain if I can do it 

- uncertainty causes strong feelings in my stomach

- uncertain if it's working or not. uncertainty = fear 

- fear that i might be fucking shit up

- getting lost and my fear spiking 

- pleasure and escape just feels so good 

- strong ass fucking resistance to the thought of feeling the fear, lots of body tension and stress

 

The good thing about not being fully conscious here is:

- I don't have to face the fear or uncertainty

- don't have to feel deserving

- don't have to feel fear 

- can remain certain 

- don't have the fact that somethign might be wrong with me. hmm there's resistance to somethign being wrong with me 

- not wanting to live my best life 

- can be distracted and don't have to face reality 

- distractions feel better than feeling and fear

 

If I were to stay more conscious here:

- i'd just feel completely 

- i notice that sticking until the end despite the fear will help me boldly

just realized that applying consciousness to an area of my life despite the massive discomfort gives me loads of gains 

- i would be able to think freely

- i speculate that a lot of my problems will be solved faster 

- i'd be a lot more confident, have higher-self esteem and efficacy in my life 

- i'd have to stick with the fear, feel the fear and be detached and observant of thoughts 

 

If I were to experiment with raising my consciousness 5% in this area:

- I would observe the fears and uncertainty

- I would notice and try to detach from my thoughts a little bit and observe them 

- I would slowly get better at contemplating and eventually develop 100% consciousness ? 

- I would notice the deeper link between "is somethign wrong with me" and thinking/contemplating 

- I would try to contemplate and notice the link better 

- I would feel the feelings and try to pay attention to my thoughts 

- I'd be making a step forward 

[d0ornokey]

3/13 Day 3/7 Consciousness Stems (Completed). 

I had a nice insightful session today with my coach

Who encouraged me to contemplate the ideas: 

When is someone worthy? What determines worth? -> I will be doing in this in my journal later 

And she gently reminded me that:

- Concepts are nice, but it's in the practice of the concept does the actual change occur. "Do the practices and you will see the results". No growth without training aye Leo? 

- Other people are your mirror. Judgements towards others are judgements you have on yourself. See your triggers as a gift to explore in your consciousness. 

- 

Tasks for today: 

Focus on being high leverage & working in an enjoyable relaxed manner (lower your tension!) 

Goal setting! 

Tasks/Finished tasks sheet 

Contemplate questions that you had with your coach 

Bonus: Finish BJ organization

 

Part of my 6 pillars: 

Living consciously to me means:

Bringing awareness to your current being

Being aware of your actions

Being aware of your triggers and self-deceptions

Having deeper understanding of reality

Being more aware in a situation

Operating from a deeper understanding

Being calm, stable, peaceful, detached

Having awareness, not mechanicalness

Following your heart

Living conscious to what is the most purposeful thing

Being aware of your distractions

Shining awareness and operating from a progressively higher level of understanding

Edited March 13, 2019 by d0ornokey

[Karla]

On 3/12/2019 at 9:03 PM, d0ornokey said:

@Karla Yep, in my mind the second time I wrote it I wrote it with more depth and meaning 

Nope. Haha. It looks super juicy but my plate is so full right now D: So many books and projects but only so much energy and time 

 

Lol... Ok fine. It IS your journal to do as you please he he.

Nice job starting bk. Cool to read your stems!

[d0ornokey]

@Karla

Haha thanks for the suggestion though. How I'm doing it is if I write it mechanically, I don't count it as a stem and I compensate by writing an extra one. Hence, occasional repeats

 Cool, glad you like it. Hope it's having a positive influence on you guys 

[d0ornokey]

Consciousness stems day 4/5

Did it while driving in my mind. Is that fine?? Probably not. But at least I kept it up

Consciousness stems day 5/5

Probably my best session yet. Clarity, competence 

Combination of feeling loved + lion's mane + good sleep + listening and reading some inspiring PD + eating normally 

Excited to see my potential !!! 

???

 

Ken Wilber's 
Stages vs States

P.S. 

I went to a consciousness meeting today where they are going to discuss wilber's No Boundary (next time) 

It's a synthesis of PD, seems like a great book to read 

Edited March 15, 2019 by d0ornokey

[d0ornokey]

Sooo the spiral actually shows up differently per individual. An empath would display green qualities more powerfully and more commonly than a sociopath, who probably can't even display many green qualities 

 

Thank you Leo ?

For teaching me how to contemplate for myself and not trusting science blindly forging my ability to understand things through insight and direct experience <3 

[d0ornokey]

Living consciously to me means...

 

Observation!!!!

 

mind boggle boggle boggle 

 

all problems that occur in your life seem to be something that i manifested

Edited March 22, 2019 by d0ornokey

[d0ornokey]

"Surround yourself with the dreamers, the thinkers, and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself"

- Edmund Lee

?

Edited March 22, 2019 by d0ornokey

[d0ornokey]

Some thoughts

Seems like 

Being a philosopher isnt natural to me

Seems like ambition is not natural to me 

Seems like productivity is not natural to me 

Seems like being a visionary isnt natural to me

 

[d0ornokey]

fuck i'm sad i lost $100 of modafinil 

i had to throw it down the drain because i was too scared to take it onto the plane 

btw if anyone travels to india cop modafinil. it's $2 for 10 pills. If i wanted to get it shipped overseas to the usa it's $100 for 30

Edited April 26, 2019 by d0ornokey

[d0ornokey]

Change is uncomfortable and scary 

But worth it beyond any means of doubt 

 

What do I want to create?

A vision for my life

What do I want?

 

 

---

What is my Ikigai?

What I love:

What the world needs: 

What I'm good at: 

What can I be paid for?: 

---

Musings: 

Do what is right for you. Not what someone else told you is good for you

Life purpose is a manifestation of your desires. Not something you should do to be happy 

Focus on creating. Why are we wasting time on being negative and crying? Lol