Advice on My Intuition I'm Feeling & These Random Sober Altered States

[kieranperez]

I'll start with the altered states part as this is becoming the more freaky element of my daily life.

The attachment below is a good visual example of what I'm experiencing at some point everyday. I'll be sitting down and suddenly I look at the floor and suddenly the floor becomes this infinite thing. It just zooms in for infinity and I'm sitting there like "what the flying fuck is happening to me?" I'll sometimes look in the mirror and the same thing starts to happen sometimes. Or if I drop into this concentrative thing staring at the wall or something in the distance. I haven't even taken psychedelics before. I haven't even been meditating lately for a few weeks cause I haven't had a place to meditate. I'm not really frightened by this nor am I getting excited like "is this a sign that I'm going to get enlightened soon?!" Or some such silly idea or fantasy. I would love to get advice and someone whose maybe dealt with this.

Now the intuition I've been getting and the deep call I'm really feeling...

First I want to make this very clear that this isn't some fantasy I'm having of me daydreaming of some idealistic escapism from my own development and all that. I'm not begging to live in the woods "so I can be one with nature." I'm simply reporting this intuition and this call I'm feeling and what I literally feel as this call to adventure. Don't get hung up by the language I'm using like "call to adventure" and what not. I'm describing an intuition that is nonverbal. This is something I can literally feel as both a presence, pull, and something I can literally feel in my body (particularly where the 4th chakra is).

So I've really been contemplating my death more and more each passing day and this past week I've finally had the time a little bit each day to really connect back on old running/hiking trails I used to really be in touch with and finally had the break from my toxic moralistic household with my dad (and instead had to spend time with my mom who is now a hoarding and is pretty much clinically psychotic at this point). I really took Christmas yesterday to be on the trails and finally for the first time in awhile really got to muse and feel what I really want. I've been feeling this deep inner thing (I really don't know what to call it other than "a call") to really go beyond this society and pursue enlightenment. Now... What does that really mean? I mean, that can mean a lot of different things. That can mean going into a monastery, shaving my head and go full Zen or maybe do something else. I've said this in the past but it's really a call to be nothing. I don't feel like rejecting society but I just feel this pull to withdraw from the world and commit myself to a deep inner life in solitude. The hard part about this is that I know this is an authentic call but also I don't know what this means tangibly. I really feel this deep connection and call to going within finally being alone and at peace in nature but also a yearning to really brave the elements. It's hard to describe this because 1. I imagine this sounds like I just want to reject life and the world, 2. It's hard to describe an intuition, 3. I don't mean being some unabomber. 

The I just feel this call to really turn inwards and go to the end of what all of this is and connect and discover "everything" and honor this call to go inwards because it literally feels like this pull and this intuitive "noise" that isn't going away in my head of this abstract thing I feel like I need to do and what I know what I really want which is to become a mystic/sage. I don't know I feel like I'm kind of rambling but I could really use feedback on this and how I can really approach this. Please don't be like "just follow your heart" because that doesn't help with anything. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I don't know what I'm going to type next. Sometimes I go by realtime download.

I've admitted to be a chaotic and abstract thinker and I intuit you're at ease with that. Also meaning this may be a 2-3 day unfoldment or not.

I have had a wannabe psychotherapist compulsion my whole life. Even after I've made myself look ridiculous multiple times. It helped when I discovered the idea of Contemplative psychoanalysis which provided a relief valve so I wouldn't be torturing the world at large near as much. But only just, some.

 Recently I was pondering a phrase coined by Cynthia Bourgeault regarding Gurdjieffs law of three she referred to as  'Ternary metaphysics's.' 

I know pondering is an antique sounding word but when used as meant by Gurdjieff, it's a good specific term.

There is a position to be filled by someone becoming a Ternary Metaphysician. 

Between stage green and yellow or between first and second tier there appears to be a second gap aspect of the law of seven also called the law of Octaves.

meaning intuitively that this would be where the Ternary Metaphysician would first step on ground as someone who specialized in making bridges for others to cross this 'doldrums area'. Specifically intuited psychological bridges.

 

Does that make any sense? Spark a related idea?

 

 

[kieranperez]

19 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Does that make any sense? Spark a related idea?

No. That made absolutely no sense at all.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I was afraid of that.

 

1 hour ago, kieranperez said:

The I just feel this call to really turn inwards and go to the end of what all of this is and connect and discover "everything" and honor this call to go inwards because it literally feels like this pull and this intuitive "noise" that isn't going away in my head of this abstract thing I feel like I need to do and what I know what I really want which is to become a mystic/sage. I don't know I feel like I'm kind of rambling but I could really use feedback on this and how I can really approach this. Please don't be like "just follow your heart" because that doesn't help with anything. 

 

I guess I was saying the idea of a mystic/sage and the turning inward mesh with this concept of being a Ternary Metaphysician.

Maybe my inclusion of  psychotherapy needs tossed out the window.

The tone of your post and the animation prompted my response. I'll keep pondering,,,,

[Hellspeed]

@kieranperez

Welcome, do you like the shift of reallity?  

Guess who? and What? hahahaha, i used both swords, don't worry, you will want to find yourself in the process.

Now continue with Breath,

Best of luck

Edited December 27, 2018 by Hellspeed

[K VIL]

Im always tempted to respond to your threads. Never know how to respond though.