Meditating 1hr/day for 6 months - should I stop?

[JediArron]

Hi everyone.

I have been meditating for 1 hour a day in the morning every day for 6 months. I have been doing mindfulness meditation, where I am focusing on my breathing. I breathe in from my nose and out through my mouth, out loud.

Most days of meditation, I am unable to focus on my breathing for longer than 5-10 seconds before getting distracted. On average, 85-90% or more of my meditation session is me getting distracted and 'going into' my thoughts.

I feel like I am forcing myself to meditate most of the time. I don't enjoy it, and also, most of the time I don't have any will power behind it. I just brute force it. It doesn't feel relaxing most of the time, or nice.

Occasionally, such as when I a) make a change in my life (e.g. start running), or b) when I have strong willpower (e.g. watch a video on a meditation technique), I notice that I am significantly more focused and relaxed during my sessions and actually enjoy them. It feels like I concentrate for 85-90% of my sessions (so the reverse of what happens when I do not have this strong will power/major change in my life. However, this only lasts for a few days or a week at most, and then even after continuing that good habit (e.g. running), my focus, willpower, enjoyment of meditating, and concentration on my breath completely drops off again.

Overall, I have not noticed any significant permanent effects from meditation, so I wanted to ask you guys:

a) Why do you think this is happening?
b) What would you recommend for me? (should I stop, should I continue but make modifications, etc).

Thank you for your help.

[ajasatya]

@JediArron you're failing because you're meditating for achievements. meditation is much more than a play of thoughts in and thoughts out. meditation is a movement towards humility and contentment RIGHT NOW.

[Forestluv]

This looks like a personality dynamic of control to me. 

I would drop the script and practice “Do Nothing” meditation for a while.

[Toby]

Are there any groups / teachers around where you live that could deepen your practice?

[lmfao]

What works for me is looking at my current state of happiness. I'm miserable and frustrated. A question that works for me is asking myself "Why aren't I happy right now?" or "What is wrong with now?". Why can't you be happy with a shitty meditation session? Why can't you be happy with shitty willpower? Why can't you be happy with these "negative" feelings inside you? 

Another random tip, don't overly force yourself to resist thoughts. Pay attention to the sounds on your head mindfully in the same way you would pay attention ally mindfully to the sounds in your external world. It's a quick way to see the non-existent separation between what is voluntary and involuntary. 

Your awareness in meditation should not originate from the intent to fix yourself, it should originate from the intent to just see what's there. 

I think permenant effects from meditation is a gradual process. Suppose an complete newbie does meditation for the first time and reaches a slightly higher level of consciousness. However, 15 mins after the session they are very quickly regressing to their old state. It might not be until a year a later that you're getting lasting short term effects, and then even longer to get lasting long term effects. I've been meditating for 11 months now (missing about 50-60 days) and have noticed subtle long term effects. 

Even though I don't know you personally my mind believes there's a high probability that continuing meditation is the right move for you. 

[Hellspeed]

Meditation should be a way of life, the most pleasant activity wihout being an empairment in any activity. 

For my point of view now, there is no sense in living without meditation and breath focus all the time, whatever i do  is so rewarding, the awarness of everything is just spectacular. 

But yeah, i had around 2 years of hardcore prctice every day to reach such a state, is no joke, but is worth more than any money you could think of. 

Edited December 26, 2018 by Hellspeed

[Rilles]

Keep meditating. Youll get better. 6 months is just a fart in the wind compared to what your meditation will be in 10 years. 

[JediArron]

2 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@JediArron you're failing because you're meditating for achievements. meditation is much more than a play of thoughts in and thoughts out. meditation is a movement towards humility and contentment RIGHT NOW.

I think I do see it as an achievement that I have meditated every day for 6 months for an hour, yes. But the thing is, if I ask you 'how do I meditate towards humility and contentment, right now', will you give me a practical answer?  

[JediArron]

2 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

This looks like a personality dynamic of control to me. 

I would drop the script and practice “Do Nothing” meditation for a while.

a) Could you elaborate on what a personality dynamic of control is?

b) Might sound silly, but what exactly is do nothing meditation? Just literally sit in my chair and not even focus on my breathing, and just close my eyes and watch my thoughts, or not even that?

[ajasatya]

@JediArron yes. read one chapter of zen mind, beginner's mind everyday after your meditation session. after you finish it, go for other zen books.

the zen literature is full of practical instructions that will cover lots of common mistakes.

[Roman25]

I would advise against quitting meditation if you have a lot of progress in it. It's been backed up quite strongly by science to show positive impacts on the subjects who meditate. But it's your decision really if you want to quit. 

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, JediArron said:

a) Could you elaborate on what a personality dynamic of control is?

b) Might sound silly, but what exactly is do nothing meditation? Just literally sit in my chair and not even focus on my breathing, and just close my eyes and watch my thoughts, or not even that?

The illusory self likes to keep “itself” relevant through a variety of dynamics. Trying to manipulate meditation practice is one form of it's expression. For example, setting up expectations of what meditation “should” look like and what the results of meditation “should look like”. In othet words, “what’s in it for me”.

It’s easy to get lulled into attachment/identification with self concepts. In this dynamic, I think it’s best to work on de-identifying with thoughts, self concepts and the “me” story. Over time, to become an objective witness to thoughts without judgment or criticism.

It also sounds like a self vs. self dynamic, which keeps the self relevant. “I must work hard and concentrate to make myself stop thinking”. That’s a contracted perspective within the illusory self.

To get a sense of the witness, let your mind go wherever it wants. Just observe. The key is not to try and control thoughts or the mind. Let the mind do whatever it wants, just keep observing as a neutral / unattached observer.

Further explained here:

 

[TheAvatarState]

@JediArron Why are you meditating? You lack vision, so work on cultivating that. Vision is the fuel of an exceptional person.