How does one deal with rejection?

[d0ornokey]

In my past relationship, I would constantly always worry about whether not she liked me. It was extremely obsessive, and consistent. I would worry if she liked me, if she wanted to hang out with me, if I was good enough etc. It became extremely obsessive where I became extremely controlling and obsessive and needed her attention all the time. If I didn't have it, I started to fear that she didn't like me and I would be alone forever. 

However I find I am doing this with my friends too now. Girls, guys, it doesn't matter. With girls however, it's increased.

Basically what happens is that I get nervous being around them, I equate this to not being able to give them a good time, because I notice a lack of excitement, authenticity, fun etc. I then get scared that they will no longer want to hang with me as soon as this happens because I was boring and couldn't really give them a good time.

However, this fear is very strong on me and has a massive grip on me. I constantly am getting insecure and it is actually inhibiting myself to function because I'm constantly worried if others like me. the only way for it to be cured is through words of affirmation, attention or some kind of affection. It will affect me and I just can't let it go until I am reassured in someway, and when I'm reassured, I'm fine again 
 

I am pretty determined to get over this though. Words of advice, practices, things I can do? 

 

Edited December 25, 2018 by d0ornokey

[bejapuskas]

@d0ornokey I feel you totally. If you stop caring, expect the best from them, be warm, funny, compassionate, sometimes serious if needed... People will like you more, you need to provide value and not worry so much  If you stop worrying, you won't have to worry basically.

[daniel695]

start contemplating and get your mindset right.

its your belief and how you see things that holding you back

ask yourself questions like....

what is love

my definition of love is.....

i will receive love...... 

i will be rejected if......

i will accepted when....

my experience have told me love is....

my experience have told me i receive love when?

i want people to like because? 

i'm insecure because....

 

so ask yourself various questions and you will be surprised at your beliefs and how you really see the world. 

[d0ornokey]

@daniel695 thank you i tried this, it helped a bunch actually

@bejapuskas very true it's counterintuitive. when you stop caring, that's when they counter-intuitively care lol 

[zambize]

I would recommend next time this flares up hard, you close the door, sit back and get comfortable, and dive into whatever anxiety/depression you have.  Be aware of it, all of it, and let it be there, surrender completely to whatever emotions you have.  Now you have to listen,  questions like "am I hiding something from myself" "what thoughts are making me feel this way"  etc can be helpful because the idea is you want to really feel the emotion, let it be there, find the associated thoughts/limiting beliefs to that emotion, listen to those beliefs/thoughts, do you agree with them?  Maybe you just have to feel out the emotion and let it dissolve, maybe you have some limiting beliefs that are just nonsense.  Some things that MIGHT pop up in this case just by reading your one paragraph so don't take them too seriously could be along the lines of "I need someone else in my life to be happy", "I don't love myself","she won't stay if I don't show her just how much I love her".  You might also come to realize that you just feel really empty and lonely, and need to embrace that, feel it, love it if you can.  You aren't alone though, I hope you find some peace

[Jeff Zhang]

@zambize @daniel695

I cried on bed today.But I couldn't cried out, I had no tears because I am a man, which made me felt worse.
The memories, the rejection,the hurt,are painful, I was overwhelmed.
How could I be so broken inside?

[zambize]

Just now, Jeff Zhang said:

@zambize @daniel695

I cried on bed today.But I couldn't cried out, I had no tears because I am a man, which made me felt worse.
The memories, the rejection,the hurt,are painful, I was overwhelmed.
How could I be so broken inside?

No keep crying, so much "manlier" to be able to cry and let it out.  Crying is like puking to me, I always feel better after I've cried. If you are crying, you got some stuff to work through, and that's totally okay, everyone else has shit to work through.  Maybe what made you feel worse was feeling bad about crying, and you didn't let the process complete or didn't let your emotions just be enough for them to resolve.  Next time you cry, cry with the mentality that crying is okay, and that it's not your fault that you feel like crying.  Feeling like you want to cry is just some emotion that pops into your awareness, it's not like you pressed some button that said "I want to feel like crying", it just is, it's not your fault, it's nothing to be ashamed about, it's just the hand you were dealt, and you've come across as rather intelligent and developed in a lot of your posts, I'd say you got a decent hand even if it doesn't feel like it right now.  I'm really sorry that you feel rejected and hurt, but the only way forward is through it sadly, and I really hope you can let go as best as you can and really give it a shot.

On the note of why you are broken, I don't see you as broken haha

If you have any any issues I would highly recommend the post "Sincere seekers, I am enlightened ask me anything", he has really good knowledge of how to work through your emotions if you have any issues executing this.  I'm also happy to help and would like to hear your thoughts or how it goes next time you cry, but I'm not the most qualified imo

[Jeff Zhang]

@zambize @zambize @zambize @daniel695

.

[Jeff Zhang]

@zambize thank you for your comfort, it's so soothing and comforting.I feel much better now.  

And thanks for the recommendation, that's inspiring.

Best regards.

[NoSelfSelf]

Because you put your value/worth happiness if you are good enough worthy etc. On other people well its easy to say dont seek approval from others...basically what i found (in my case and could say in your case)you are weak you are conditioned by someone to be a weak good boy...

[ajasatya]

@d0ornokey i cured this with lonely walks everyday. learn to be happy all by yourself first, so you won't need any kind of external validation.