[Shroom Trip report] The spiritual library of mindfuck

[Lynnel]

"I am like a fucking library, but even better, I'm open during the Holiday's ! I am a spiritual library"

- Mushrooms

Dose : 3.5g dry

Method : lemon tea with ginger and mint.

Set & Setting : Alone at home

Previous experience : 2g (tea), 2.6g (lemon tea).

The trip

I had some doubts but I choose a reasonable dose and I felt quite grounded so I decided to explore a bit further, because well nothing ventured nothing gained - I mean you gotta take some reasonable risks from time to time and trying a higher dose is always a leap of faith.

Anyway, the come up was fast, after 30 minutes I was already tripping as if I was at 2g and then it peaked after an hour and the high lasted for 3-4 hours. I had normal casual insights during the come up due to the change of perspective, about the relationship with my father, the fear of getting punished, etc, then the first very notable thing happened.

META-inception

Usually the way you get insights on mushroom is that you will have a slight change in perspective and it will be counterintuitive : for instance, when you think about the relationship you're not gonna think about the content of what you said to the person but about the relationship in itself and realize something from that perspective.

You're gonna go meta. Like Macluhan said, the media is the message => you go meta by realizing the media is important.

This is getting hard to follow so bear with me because it get into the "language cannot explain this" : I went meta about going meta => I had a PERSPECTIVE about having my current perspective, then a perspective about the previous perspective and so on and so forth !!!

And so I got stuck in a loop because with every perspective I took I had another one looping over it going meta, in a endless infinite loop of perspective.

So I notice myself being stuck in this loop and notice that ANYTHING I'm thinking aka, going meta on the loop only creates more LOOP !

So everything I did to get out of that loop was actually creating more loop and as such I was under the illusion that I stuck there forever ! And I felt like I had broken my brain, because normally you would go only meta once and then stop, not go meta eternally and forever. And I understood why people do crazy things on shrooms and how that can impact you because you do believe you're getting crazy in the moment.

But I knew it was an illusion and I still knew I was tripping. Also I still had my sense of time and my "physical reality was pretty much unaffected". I was having thought about this wanting to stop and I thought that it was a way to a bad trip and yeah this mindfuck was challenging. It wasn't a bad trip at all : I felt no anxiety nor any stress but this loop thingy was discomforting to say the least.

So I tried to release resistance to it because I felt it was my ego struggling with itself since if this loop is created by thinking then if I stop thinking there will be no more loop and only being ? I kept my cool and took it as something that was part of the experience.

I had already some experience in my mind and I knew that it cannot physically harm me and also that I have infinite intelligence (thanks leo ahah) to handle anything that comes my way. It's very important to have experience for this reason.

But wait there is more...

New ordinary reality

The highest mindfuck after this one was the fact that reality felt completely ordinary. So me being stuck in some loops felt like my new ordinary reality AND at the same time I remembered  having my "normal" ordinary reality. So with the change of consciousness/states the concept of "ordinary" reality made no sense : was there anything ordinary anymore ?! There wasn't.

Ordinary doesn't compile anymore. There is no "baseline" somewhere, there is no anchor, there is no ground - or at least until I discover the groundless ground which doesn't exist in my experience yet.

I was always wondering about the feeling of "normal" reference about what is true, solid and known, and well there is nothing.

The whole duality of true/false is totaly inexistant.

I felt into an absolute relativity where everything is partially true and partially false. I can't even state a "truth" anymore because language cannot encompass the truth ! Everytime I want to say something "true" about reality or the world, I come at the same time with a paradox, with something opposite being true and then that also being contradicted ! Language is simply a loop of contradictions ! I hit the fucking limits of language !

Naturally, I'm confused as fuck as to how I will operate now to decide that something is "true". Everything is false and true at the same time ! Those fucking labels are almost useless !

Aaaand the biggest mindfuck of all : I had the distinction between myself and the experience blurred : the fact that I was having the experience determined the experience and the experience the experience I was having.

In short I was the thing being measured and the measuring tool at the same time !

I was and wasn't the set and setting ! I The set and setting influenced me and in a way I influenced the set and setting because I had all the ego associations with this given set and setting => endless loop. This is a pure chicken and egg problem and it's completely mindblowing.

Also, at some point I was lost thinking about if what I am thinking is the mushrooms thinking trough me, or am I roleplaying the mushroom within myself and thus there is no mushroom entity talking to me but it's just me talking to myself ? I still do not know !

Also, there is no magic pill (and at the same time there is because langage!) . I got myself into the habit of asking questions and hoping for magical answers to come from out there but they are coming in terms of experience I need to interpret and integrate for myself to actually gain wisdom. And at the same time shrooms help with integration and disentegration (blurring of distinctions). Lord.

In short, this was a bit challenging but positive experience and I'll need some time to integrate it.

TLDR;

• Inception on loops and meta perspectives
• Reality > true/false dichotomy : ultimate relativism, every statement is true and false at the same time
• Not sure if there was a shroom "spirit" talking to me or me just roleplaying with myself
• Some blurring of identity and loosening of some distinctions

For future reference, how do you "escape" those loops, because being stuck in one with no sense of time/self can become quite dangerous ?

Any other tips appreciated.

 

[Vipassana]

More Leo!! There is always a way out of those loops. Laughter usually does it for me. Understand the concepts of self deceptions, full circle, and strange loops. You'll begin to have trips where you are grounded in actuality since the very beginning. Also, mushrooms are a tricky beast to navigate. In my experience, the mushrooms never show me the truth, I have to work with the mushrooms. Ive definitely had loopy trips but that was all a lack of epistemic understanding. I would recommend you take LSD as it seems easier to "derive" non duality, and once you glimpse it, all of your other trips will change forever. 

[Leo Gura]

@Lynnel You did good. Some important insights there.

Now you should be able to appreciate my Reality Is A Strange Loop video.

More trips are required to answer the questions this trip of yours raised.

Yes, mushroom trips can be quite twisted and difficult to make sense of. Other psychedelics like LSD or 5-MeO-DMT are clearer.

The best way to escape thought loops is to change your state or physical location. Just going into a different room can be enough to break out of a bad thought loop, or going outside, or eating a snack, or turning on some silly music and dancing around for a few minutes.

You gotta learn to shift your state. Meditation is also very helpful. If you're good at meditation you should be able to just silence the mind and its thoughts.

And when all else fails: just SURRENDER

[Rinne]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

And when all else fails: just SURRENDER

?

[TheAvatarState]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The best way to escape thought loops is to change your state or physical location. Just going into a different room can be enough to break out of a bad thought loop, or going outside, or eating a snack, or turning on some silly music and dancing around for a few minutes.

You gotta learn to shift your state. Meditation is also very helpful. If you're good at meditation you should be able to just silence the mind and its thoughts.

And when all else fails: just SURRENDER

This times 1000. SUCH an important tool for tripping. The trick is to remember to do it and trust that it works when you're in the trip. That's why having these practices in your everyday life is so helpful.

Also, Happy 9000! Your next post will literally take you super-Saiyan!

[Lynnel]

On 26/12/2018 at 6:07 PM, Vipassana said:

I would recommend you take LSD as it seems easier to "derive" non duality, and once you glimpse it, all of your other trips will change forever. 

What do you mean by "deriving" non duality ? What did you need to learn/understand to stop having "loopy" trips ?

On 26/12/2018 at 8:05 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Lynnel You did good. Some important insights there.

More trips are required to answer the questions this trip of yours raised.

 

Thanks a lot for the encouragement !

So not everything can be understood by intergrating - I have to trip even more for deeper understanding ? It has a ring of truth to it while being counter-intuitive at the same time.

Would you recommend doing some more work at the same dosage or increasing it ? I was thinking about trying 5g after I'm done integrating this one.