How to respond to abusive words?

[Quantum_fluctuations]

I think, I'm asking about a very specific situation and I know there are people who are facing much worst. 

It's pretty obvious for most of the people to respond to abusive words. But for me its not and I just want your perspective on this guys.

First, what actually are abusive words?  I'd be writing abusive words, because I think if its a self actualization forum, we are not supposed to be disgusted by them (actually I am by some, that's why asking).

Explicit words ahead

They are mostly about 4 categories: 1st- Just stating existence of certain things which are supposed to be suppressed by conservative civilizations. Like shit, fuck, vagina, dick or mother's pussy, sister's pussy, etc. 2nd- Accusing person of incest, like motherfucker, sisterfucker, etc. 3rd - Accusing woman or female family member of being promiscuous, like son of a bitch, bitch, slut, whore,etc  4th- Threat of sexual violence on the person or most of the times on the female family member - Like, I will fuck your mom, I will fuck your sister, (and different variations of it with different emphasis), I will insert a rod inside you ass, I will put rod inside your mom vagina, etc ( By the way, why are those all about female family member not about male member?)

So, I can handle 1st and 2nd category, But I can't handle 3rd and 4th category. 

I know that person who is saying these words doesn't have free will and I just need to play my part and react suitably ( physically or verbally whatever situation demands) to him. 

So, how does one see it internally in mind so as not to feel bad, even though by definition these words are meant to create a reaction. How does one detach himself so much that he doesn't feel bad about thought coming about person sexually violating his/her mom? 

Question can be more general asking, how does one reaches the level of going beyond mental suffering of any kind upto the level of this monk,

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 25, 2018 by Quantum_fluctuations

[Aimblack]

Can't help you about how to deal with being on fire but investigating why you are offended is pretty helpful for me. Words are just words they can't do anything to you so if there is a strong emotional reaction there are concrete reasons behind them. If I find those I examine them and more often than not I realize that it's pretty ridiculous to let mere words have so much control over my emotional state.

[Chives99]

1. swearing is fine in a relaxed environment and not used to intimidate everyone.2 I'd roll my eyes at that insult, like its so lame 3. someones sex life is noone elses business. 4. just ignore it mate or have a witty comeback 

[Hellspeed]

Best way i've dealt with verbal agression is to ignore the agressor, literally, they will shoot their own foot so to speak, in time. 

[B_Naz]

Remind yourself that you are reacting to the words that have no meaning

[Joseph Maynor]

You are free to use any words you like and to object to any words you like.  At the end of the day it's best to realize the buffoon uttering the words and realizing that this person isn't gonna change.  I read somewhere that Nietzsche said that you have to account for stupidity in your worldview.  Stage Green could really learn from that -- you have to account for stupidity in your worldview.  Turquoise learns how to fix this by realizing that reality is a Network of Perspectives all at different stages of development.  If a buffoon uses a terrible word, are we still arguing about language or is the problem a lot deeper?  You can learn to give people the freedom to be stupid and to accept that.  That's basically what Turquoise is all about.  That doesn't mean that you take abuse from anybody though.  It just means that you understand and accept and account and allow for stupidity in your worldview.

Edited December 26, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[CreamCat]

5 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

That doesn't mean that you take abuse from anybody though.

Not taking abuse can mean personally blocking someone's forum account.

[CreamCat]

is that picture real? Suicide by fire? I don't think enlightenment can help you remain calm while being burned alive. You're going to feel the burn.

[zambize]

7 minutes ago, CreamCat said:

is that picture real? Suicide by fire? I don't think enlightenment can help you remain calm while being burned alive. You're going to feel the burn.

I'm not sure if its enlightenment work or other training they do but self emulation( I hope that autocorrected to the right word) has been a form of protest and I have watched those monks burn super non chalantly until they tip over 

[CreamCat]

2 minutes ago, zambize said:

I'm not sure if its enlightenment work or other training they do but self emulation( I hope that autocorrected to the right word) has been a form of protest and I have watched those monks burn super non chalantly until they tip over 

Do you mean you have watched some monks commit suicide?

[zambize]

2 hours ago, CreamCat said:

Do you mean you have watched some monks commit suicide?

Yes, exactly that 

[Matt8800]

On 12/25/2018 at 6:16 AM, Quantum_fluctuations said:

I think, I'm asking about a very specific situation and I know there are people who are facing much worst. 

It's pretty obvious for most of the people to respond to abusive words. But for me its not and I just want your perspective on this guys.

First, what actually are abusive words?  I'd be writing abusive words, because I think if its a self actualization forum, we are not supposed to be disgusted by them (actually I am by some, that's why asking).

Explicit words ahead

They are mostly about 4 categories: 1st- Just stating existence of certain things which are supposed to be suppressed by conservative civilizations. Like shit, fuck, vagina, dick or mother's pussy, sister's pussy, etc. 2nd- Accusing person of incest, like motherfucker, sisterfucker, etc. 3rd - Accusing woman or female family member of being promiscuous, like son of a bitch, bitch, slut, whore,etc  4th- Threat of sexual violence on the person or most of the times on the female family member - Like, I will fuck your mom, I will fuck your sister, (and different variations of it with different emphasis), I will insert a rod inside you ass, I will put rod inside your mom vagina, etc ( By the way, why are those all about female family member not about male member?)

So, I can handle 1st and 2nd category, But I can't handle 3rd and 4th category. 

I know that person who is saying these words doesn't have free will and I just need to play my part and react suitably ( physically or verbally whatever situation demands) to him. 

So, how does one see it internally in mind so as not to feel bad, even though by definition these words are meant to create a reaction. How does one detach himself so much that he doesn't feel bad about thought coming about person sexually violating his/her mom? 

Question can be more general asking, how does one reaches the level of going beyond mental suffering of any kind upto the level of this monk,

 

 

 

 

 

Discontinue the relationship.

[Shadowraix]

Where you get upset shows exactly where you need to heal.

You give people people the power over you you don't want them to have.

You see, you are in control of your actions, and thats what gives you the power to choose what has power over you.

They present you fantasies that aren't reality. 'I'm going to fuck your mom' Yeah he can say that but is he gonna? That would be rape and he would go to prison, so safe to say no.

The key here is when you get upset you gotta catch yourself before you respond, think it out. Don't just follow your emotions like a lost dog.

[CreamCat]

8 hours ago, zambize said:

Yes, exactly that 

Why would they commit suicide? Enlightenment doesn't equal suicide.

[zambize]

37 minutes ago, CreamCat said:

Why would they commit suicide? Enlightenment doesn't equal suicide.

Yeah you're right, but these suicides were often done in protest of policies at the time, government stuff etc and these monks just truly believed that their suicide would cause the most change and end the most suffering.  So despite being in a blissful state, they threw it all away for others.  It's kind of a beautiful tragedy, the person enjoying their life the most sacraficing it for people who arent enjoying it. Lmfao

[Privet]

The most important thing is to stop being afraid of insults and understand that they are inevitable and there's a risk to be insulted always.

Each time you get insulted notice how much you resist it and believe that you shouldn't be insulted, that this is unfair. When you accept that truth, that you can't eliminate it you are more capable of responding in an appropriate manner that benefits everyone.

If it's someone who you value you should tell them that they hurt you by these words and ask to stop. If it's an ignorant asshole that merely wants to put you down it depends, sometimes you cut them off and ignore, sometimes threaten with measures, sometimes apply measures. It's often difficult to understand when they are an asshole or you just overreact, takes practice.

Also it's helpful to not suppress emotions and play it cool, if you're angry - that's for a reason, that's a call that you need to either learn that you overrect or respond appropriately.

[pluto]

Silence is the best kept weapon in the universe in this case but if you wanna have a little fun respond genuinely with love and compassion, kill them with kindness, it stops them in their tracks. Everything that is happening is you testing you to see if you are ready to transcend

[purerogue]

Anything can work, silence will work sometimes,kindness will work sometimes, at the end of the day only thing that matters is if you really care about what person says and if your self confidence is high enough, especially if this person gets in your face, people are naturally afraid to go in conflict  with people who they see are not thrown out of balance at all by their actions, that is like self preservation instinct.

Edited December 27, 2018 by purerogue

[Zigzag Idiot]

Everyone sees things from differing perspectives.

I thought, Geez, man, I get disgusted about keeping my old car going too, but tomorrow is another day,,,

[Cepzeu]

Just say "I know you are, but what am I?"