My meditation journal

[Thittato]

Came home to northern-europe this evening. Have been too tired to do sitting meditation from all the flying, so I did 45 min of walking meditation. That was really nice.

Edited May 23 by Thittato

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. So nice. I was really nice to continue my "meditation streak" through-out my whole travel to Brazil for 12 days. And the way I have been prioritizing my meditation lately has helped tremendously in how I navigate my relationship with my girlfriend. It feels like there was so much more space inside of myself to not get caught up in insignificant tensions between us. This ongoing training of disidentification with insecurities and shame-stories about oneself really helps, because these things really get into the "energetic field" between two people who shares intimacy. And not only are there insecurities and shame-stories about oneself, but there are also all the projections about the other that one has to disidentify from. So in other words a lot of confusing signals going in all kind of directions that meditation is really great at soothing.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice and powerful experience.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. I'm in the middle of 4 pretty intense night-shifts in my job as transitioning back from my vacation in Brazil. I prioritized meeting a friend today, when, unfortunately I probably should have prioritized resting, but it was really nice to meet him. Tomorrow I finally have a full day off between the two last night shifts, so then I can rest fully, and after the last one I have two days off which will be really nice. Then I will celebrate having "fully transitioned" back home again to my regular life. And I also need to take care off my girlfriend since these transitioning points are pretty vulnerable when it comes to regain stability in either being in long-distance mode or "spending time together mode." So then we will start to have to look at whether we have ambitions to continue to meet, or if long-distance becomes too difficult for us. But main-priority is just to land back home again, and not make or force any decisions yet. Fortunately meditation has been a safe haven lately, so this helps a lot.

Edited May 25 by Thittato

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice ❤️

[Thittato]

No meditation yesterday. I've gotten a cold. But 45 min meditation today. Very sweet.

[Thittato]

Did an extra session of 45 min meditation session yesterday to compensate for the session I missed the day before that. Today: 45 min meditation. I still have a cold, but the good feelings in meditation are becoming powerful again.

[Thittato]

Yesterday: A second session of 45 min.

Today: 1 hour of meditation.

I still have a cold, and I have to go to work, so it is a bit rough, but I'm trying to increase the meditation to get extra powers. Today meditation was really smooth, so I'm getting some relief from this physically agitated state I'm in.

[Thittato]

Friday: No meditation

Saturday: 45 min meditation

Today (sunday): 45 min mediation

Finally this cold is starting to lift. Todays meditation was really awesome. Deep and peaceful concentration.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Super-nice. The concentration and momentum is fully back. Interesting how much a cold is effecting the meditation negatively. 

[Thittato]

Yesterday: 45 min meditation.

Today: 45 min meditation.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Gosh, the cold is still not completely gone, but fortunately todays meditation was really good.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Gosh. Busy days. I had to spend the night talking to my girlfriend about our long-distance relationship after a busy evening-shift, before a busy day-shift, so I was only getting 4 hours of sleep before the day-shift, but the conversation with my girlfriend was really inspiring, and somehow I woke up at the exact right spot in my sleep-cycle, so I was inspired for work and the day at my job was really awesome too, and I have said yes to working extra this weekend to cover up for my travel to Brazil a few weeks ago, so I went home after day-shift to sleep, and that was pretty perfect since I didn't sleep so much tonight, so now I'm working night-shift again, and after waking up from a very nice sleep in the evening I had a beautiful session of meditating for 45 min that felt very energizing. It seems like the cold is completely gone as well now. My energy is back and the depression and lack of energy from the cold is gone, so this has been some really interesting busy days with a sense of many great accomplishments. I think I'm starting to feel more and more fullfilled and accomplished in my career, and it is very obvious how meditation is supporting this career.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Restless and well-being combined. It was kind of strange. My meditation was going into concentration, and there was well-being and softness in my body, but still there was restlessness there coming and going. I guess I was processing stuff that was preventing my mind from fully settling down. It had to race through various issues, even though there was momentum in my body and mind for going into concentration. So these forces were pulling in opposite directions. I wonder to what extent, when there is momentum like this for going deeper into stillness, but something on the surface is pulling me back into mind-chatter, to what extent can I be more firm and still lead my mind into stillness?

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today. Really nice. Deep, soft, and sweet, concentration.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Ok concentration. Neither good nor bad. Some restlessness. Some pleasure.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Had to do it right now late at night, so I did walking mediation instead of sitting to stay awake. It was a pretty sweet way of rounding off the day.

Also:

1st session of kayaking this year

Not sure if I'm going to journal about here like I've done the previous years, but this is my 4th year kayaking, and it was really sweet. Me and a friend went for a 2 hour long trip around two islands nearby. It was so good to be out there again. Pretty nice that this is my 4th year doing this as well.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation this morning. Very sweet. Lots of joy and well-being, but my mind was still active in a very subtle way that prevented it from landing fully in concentration. I have to understand better the suffering in this type of well-being so that I can go deeper into peace.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. First 25 min walking meditation, and then 20 min sitting meditation. Very nice.

[Thittato]

45 min meditation today as well. Supernice!